Chapter 3-Holding Back Emotions

After a few more hours of tossing and turning in his sleep, Egon gave up. He went into the lab to see if he could take his mind off of the guilt tugging on his heartstrings. Looking at the clock, he saw that it was 4:30 am. Egon began going over some notes he and Ray were working on. After a few hours, there was a knock on the door.

"Hey man." Winston said as he poked his head in.

"Hey. I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd go over some notes Ray was working on." Egon replied.

"It's ok. I know you're worried about Ray too, but he'll wake up. We'll just let him rest for a while." Winston said, "Anyway, I'm going out for a run. I'll be back in an hour or two."

"Ok. Be safe." Egon said.

"Don't worry, I will." Winston said with a smirk.

About an hour or two later, Winston returned to the firehall and Peter woke up. Egon was still in the lab, looking over some notes he and Ray had been working on. It was actually helping him take his mind off of Ray. Peter and Winston sat down for breakfast.

"Hey Egon, want to eat a little something?" Peter asked as Egon walked in.

"No thanks." Egon said as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"You sure?" Winston asked.

"Yes, I'm sure." Egon said a little curtly.

"Ok, just asking." Winston said.

"I'm gonna go get some more work done." Egon said.

"Ok, but don't get too focused on work." Peter said, "We're gonna head to the hospital to visit Ray soon."

Egon began to feel a tightness in his stomach. "I...I have to go." he said as he walked out of the kitchen.

Peter and Winston both took accounts of Egon's behavior. He could be a little snippy from time to time, but he never usually replied curtly unless he was annoyed. Just then, Janine, Jenny, and Kylie came upstairs.

"Morning guys." Janine said.

"Anything?" Jenny asked.

"No, no calls, or messages from the hospital." Winston replied.

"Ok." Kylie said.

"Y'all eaten yet?" Peter asked.

"Yeah, but thanks for asking." Janine said.

Just then, Egon walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Egon, how are you feeling?" Janine asked.

"Fine, I guess." Egon replied. But the truth was he wasn't. He was angry, but at himself, and was guilt-ridden. But he didn't say anything to the guys cause he didn't want them to get into it. As much as Egon loved Peter, Ray, and Winston, they sometimes weren't very mature. And they could be a little nosy, especially Peter.

"We're about to head to the hospital." Peter said as he stood up, "You wanna come?"

"No, I want to get some stuff done for Ray so he doesn't have much to do when he comes home." Egon replied.

"Are you-?" Winston started.

"Yes, I'm sure." Egon replied a little coldly, "You don't need to ask that every time Winston."

"I'm just-" Winston said, but Egon gave him a look like "Don't even say it. I know".

Egon then exited the kitchen.

Peter, Winston, and the women all got into Ecto-1 and drove to the hospital. There, they learned that there had been no changes in Ray's condition. They each took turns going in and sitting with Ray. They talked to him, hoping that he would wake up, but nothing. Jenny was a little harder to convince to leave, as Ray was her boyfriend.

After visiting hours were over, the 5 headed back to the firehall.

Meanwhile, Egon had been working in the lab all day. Soon, the lack of sleep caught up to him. He closed his eyes for a few minutes. However, as soon as he closed his eyes, the memory of Ray getting trapped and the building exploding played out in his mind. Egon then woke up with a start. He then heard a car door shutting. He knew it was the guys.

"Hey guys." Egon said as he walked downstairs.

"Hey Spengs." Peter said, "Unfortunately, no changes in Ray's condition. We sat with him all day hoping he would wake up, but no."

"Oh." Egon said.

"But he'll get better." Winston said.

"Y'all want some of the leftover Chinese takeout?" Peter asked.

"Sure." Janine replied.

"I guess I could use a little food." Jenny said.

"Why not?" Kylie replied.

They then went upstairs and heated up the leftovers. Winston then helped spoon out the food onto some plates.

"Hey Egon, want any of this?" Janine asked as Egon walked in.

"No thanks. I'm not very hungry." Egon replied.

"Egon, are you feeling ok?" Peter asked, "You haven't eaten anything since yesterday and-"

"I'm fine Peter." Egon snapped, "And no means no." he added a little coldly. He then exited the kitchen and went into the lab.

"That was weird." Jenny said.

"Yeah, Egon doesn't normally talk like that." Kylie added.

"Peter, what do you think?" asked Winston.

"Guys, I may be a psychologist, but Egon is a complicated being to understand." Peter said. "Most of the time, I don't even know what emotion he's expressing. Or feeling. Sometimes, I don't even know if he has feelings."

Egon had secretly over heard, and the remark hurt him a little bit. "I do have feelings." Egon said in his mind, "I'm just not good at expressing them. And I shouldn't be judged by that. And I can't help it that I'm complicated."

Egon went back into the lab. It was getting harder and harder to hold back the guilt and emotions he was holding back. Guilt was tugging on his heart. He did want to see Ray badly, but he didn't have the courage to. Plus, Ray probably wouldn't want to see him after what he did.

Egon felt like crying. He didn't even remember the last time he cried. It was getting harder and harder to ignore the guilt that weighed heavily on his conscious and heart.

To be continued...