I punted the tennis ball towards the wall as hard as I could.
I hate this!
It bounced off and I dashed after it, clipping it just before it reached out of bounds. With a yell, I knocked it back to the wall just as angrily the second time.
I hate being left behind!
Selphie was still sitting at the sidelines, watching me, spraying at the air with a mister every now and again to make herself feel useful.
Stupid boys!
I struck the ball again swiftly.
And their stupid, stupid stubborn-
I managed to catch it again, but stretched too far to reach it. My knees finally buckled and I tumbled to the ground in an ungraceful heap. Selphie rushed over to help.
"Hey, don't burn yourself out! You've been at this for hours. Everyone else has already left."
Oh...
I glanced around the court and only just realized that we were alone. All the other girls must have packed it in a while ago since there was no sign of anyone else or their belongings either. I had been so focused on everything in my head I hadn't realized.
I jumped up to my feet and gripped my racket tighter. "There's no way I'll burn myself out! I have way too much anxiety right now it's like this never ending fire. I've never felt so energized in my life!" I started another volley, smacking it even harder into the wall.
Stupid-
The ball didn't have a chance.
Boys!
Selphie sighed, watching me fight against the inanimate objects.
I growled. "Once he comes back here I am going to absolutely knock some sense into that thick skull of his for ever believing that I would pick Riku over him."
Selphie tutted. "Uhh...it's not that crazy of a notion, really. I mean, Riku is totally hot."
I spit fire at her with my eyes and smacked the ball again. "Not everything is about looks."
"Uh-huuuh." Why was she looking like she didn't believe me? "Come on, you totally check him out when he takes his shirt off for sailing club."
I ripped my towel off the chair and wiped it across my brow with a frustrated sigh. "Okay, sure, Riku has better abs but if that was all I wanted in a boyfriend I doubt it would be a very long and fulfilling relationship between us."
"Oh-ho-ho! So you are looking, then?"
"Not as much as you do." I curtly snapped back, draining the last of my water bottle. Teasing wasn't going to get to me today! Nope!
She gleefully tipped her head back and forth. "And who was the one with her eyes glued to a special someone's shirtless body that day I dragged him down here, huh? You think I didn't see that, either?"
I spluttered and tried squirting some of the remaining drops of water at her but there wasn't enough left. "Is that why you forced him down here in his swimsuit? To parade him in front of me like he's eye-candy or something?"
"You're welcome?"
I scuffed my shoe against the ground. Arguing against her really wouldn't get anywhere. Besides, she was partially right at least. I...had been looking. A little.
She shrugged. "Maybe you could just date them both. They're such good friends they'd probably have no issue trading sp-"
"That is not funny." I reached for my racket again but Selphie yanked it out of my way.
"I think practice should be over for today. You'll exhaust yourself if you keep going at this rate."
I wanted to argue back again, but I suppose if I use up all my energy here I might not have any for when they finally get back. "I guess so..."
I really didn't think I was in any danger of exhausting myself right now, but I worried my legs were going to hate me tomorrow. I let her keep my racket and I walked over to retrieve my gym bag instead. She lazily wandered across the court, scooping up some of the rogue tennis balls.
"You know, I'm still a little surprised you picked Sora at first. But...the more I thought about it the more I realized it just fits you way better."
"Why is that?"
"I remember the look on your face. That time you sent off the message in the bottle to him? You would stare out at the ocean with this dreamy look on your face afterwards. You've never had that look with Riku. Not ever."
I did remember all those times. I would stare out at the waves, feeling hopeless and unable to help at all. But I treasured all the thoughts I could of them. Of him. I wanted to bring him back, more than anything. Just like now...
It seems even learning how to fight properly doesn't stop me from feeling helpless sometimes.
Selphie giggled at me, pointing to my face. "Yeah, kinda like that look right there. I'm not sure I've ever felt about any boy that way."
"I don't know how to explain the feeling. It's...warm. I've always felt warm when I think about him. I suppose because he's so full of genuine kindness and joy it just seeps out. The way he can accept anything about anyone without question." I felt my heart flutter and I clutched my hand to my chest. "Some say he's too naive but I think it just proves his heart is always open to seeing the best in people. I think I trust him more than myself sometimes. And...something about that smile of his, it's so contagious and genuine."
Selphie was just giving me a really frustrating sly grin. "You're so into him, it's adorable."
I focused on my shoes, completely self conscious now about how my face must look now.
"I can't believe it took you this long to figure it out! Usually you are so on point with that stuff. I guess it really goes to show that hearts are super complicated." She dumped her collection of tennis balls into the bin and brushed her hands off.
She seemed so peppy, but I still had such worry gripping me inside. "I wish I had discovered it sooner as well. I was far too late, and now..."
Selphie gave me a tight squeeze around the middle. "Don't worry! The minute Riku clears things up he's going to come rushing back here for you. Guaranteed problem solved."
"I don't know..."
"Kairi, he's nuts about you! Seriously, I can't even count the number of times I've caught him just staring at you like a lovesick puppy."
I tried not to blush and hurried over to the locker room to grab my other things. "I-I'm just going to get changed really fast."
She giggled and playfully flapped her fingers at me. "Don't take too loooong. I have a lot to talk to you about!"
The shower felt amazing, but it didn't really do anything to sooth the redness in my face. At least it had washed away some of my bubbling anger at this whole situation. I had been flipping between so many different emotions so quickly: anger, frustration, sadness, loneliness, regret…
Now it felt like all that was left was this burning desire to just collapse completely in his arms and never let him go away again. But more than that, I...
I pushed against my lips with a single shaking finger. My skin felt like it was tingling all over, begging me for his sensitive touch. This feeling was...it was coursing through me, propelled by every rapid thump of my heart.
I wanted to kiss him. Badly. But I don't know if he would even want that from me.
My mind briefly recalled the feeling of him, pressed up against me, breath warm, sweet, as I begged him for the favor of feeling his lips on mine. And how quickly he had agreed. If only we hadn't been interrupted. If only I could have been more sure at the time.
How I wish I could have him here right now to ask again. I needed to know how he really felt.
Please come back soon, Sora. Please…
I heard the door to the locker room open and Selphie called my name, urging me to hurry up. I quickly jammed the temperature lever all the way to the left for a moment and shrieked as the chill of ice cold water poured over me. Once I felt like I had cleared away the burning feeling inside, at least temporarily, I switched off the water and rushed to grab my towel.
Selphie slipped into the chair next to me while I was just finishing up drying my hair. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror and started adjusting her bangs. "I'm still a little miffed that all the effort I've put in to get you two together hasn't paid off already. But I know it will soon!"
I'm not sure what efforts she's talking about, but knowing her she's bound to brag about them at some point. I also admired her optimism, and I was trying to think as positively as I could myself, but I was still too worried about everything.
She sighed at our reflections. "I bet you're looking forward to him coming home. I'll make sure you two get pa-lenty of alone time. Maybe I can set up another date for you two sometime."
I ran a brush through my hair, trying to not let her teasing get to me. "We've never been on a date."
"Nuh-uhh...I beg to differ! Why do you think I forced you two to go pick up flowers together before the festival?"
I fumbled my brush, catching it in my lap. "But that was...that wasn't..."
She grinned at me, bouncing in her seat. "So it wasn't exactly an official date, but you both definitely liked each other at that point and got to spend a really nice afternoon together. I'd consider that close enough."
I turned to collect my things as fast as possible so she couldn't see me turning red again. "I didn't...I already told you I didn't know I liked him until yesterday..."
I heard her tut and stomp her foot. "You still liked him though. You just didn't want to admit it to yourself. You practically confessed how you felt about him to me at the first music rehearsal."
"But that was..." I thought back at that time. That was when Ophelia had first approached me about him, and I fell into a full panic about it. "I thought I was worried about losing him, not that I-"
"Yeah, that's the denial I'm talking about. You didn't want that other girl to ask him out because you wanted him and it was freaking you out. It was pretty obvious just looking at you. "Stress," you said. Yeah, sure. I can spot lovesick eyes every time."
I couldn't argue with her, again.
"That's exactly why I went out of my way to set up that little excursion for you two. It was worth it, right?"
I thought back to that night. Sure, I had a lot of worries on my mind, but it was so...wonderful. That was the first time the idea of kissing him really crossed my mind. I had tried so hard to shake that thought away, but now I wanted to linger on it, daydream of it. I know if I told her what had almost happened by that fountain she would probably have a fit I hadn't mentioned it before.
It was just so sudden. I had felt myself moving towards him, wanting to be closer. I didn't know why. Some urge inside of me like an invisible leash had yanked me there. I thought it was because I was so happy to see him, so happy he wasn't going to leave me, so happy he was different from that shadowy stalker of mine. Who...I just realized I hadn't seen for a week or so now, which gave me some comfort at least.
"I was happy when he kissed me on the cheek at the end of the day. It took me by complete surprise because he's never done anything like that before."
Selphie gave a polite little clap. "What a sweetheart. Too bad he couldn't muster up the courage for the real thing."
"I suppose..." I still don't know if he was only doing it to try and make me happy.
She tutted at me again. "What? You don't want him to? Or maybe you want to kiss him first?"
I couldn't answer. I wanted both. Everything. Anything from him was always so genuine.
Selphie stood up to let me pass as I started for the door. She trailed me, giggling. "I think a first kiss between two people is such a wonderful thing. Especially when it's your first ever! I bet Sora tastes like marshmallows. You'll have to let me know."
I blushed again at the thought of it but shook it out of my head as quickly as I could. "Selphie, stop. He turned me down, remember? Even if Riku clarifies with him about yesterday that doesn't mean he will then simply accept what I said. I really think I hurt his feelings..."
"Ugh, that Riku..." She had a brief sour look pass across her face, but she shook it away. "But it was a misunderstanding! He'll definitely come back fighting for you just like a romance novel!" Selphie was spinning in enviable carefree circles next to me.
I'm honestly not so sure. Everyone seems to think it's a guaranteed thing, but...I really don't know how he could like me so strongly without me ever knowing. After all, maybe he didn't hear the conversation between me and Riku at all. That was just an assumption. Maybe there wasn't any misunderstanding and he really was just telling me how he felt. There's no way to know until he gets back and I can-
"Life isn't always a romance you ignorant airhead." His cold voice made me shiver.
Not him again. I must have jinxed myself thinking his name in my head earlier. I spun around and glared at his figure, leaning up against a tree, tossing a shikuwasa up and down in the air.
Selphie stamped her foot on the ground and puffed her face out angrily. "Excuse me!? No one asked you, weirdo!" She whipped around to address him but the minute her eyes laid on his face she froze, stunned. "Uh...K-Kairi, is that...?"
I nodded stiffly. Vanitas has only ever waited for me to be alone to speak. He's definitely never shown himself to Selphie before. I stepped forward to make sure she was behind me. He wouldn't touch her if he could get to me first.
He caught his fruit one last time and squeezed it roughly in his hands, threatening to squish the juice right out of it. "Maybe this is the time where the sweet princess decides to let the darkness in, instead of waiting around for her knight to come rushing back to save her."
"Never." I dropped my gym bag roughly to the ground, just in case I needed to fight him off. My tennis ball canister tumbled out of the side and bumped against my foot. The lid cracked open slightly, and one of the balls went rolling away down the hill. It wasn't worth chasing right now.
"Oh, but you were so close yesterday. For just a moment you were so close to giving in. I could feel it."
How could he know what my heart was going through? He wasn't even supposed to be there yesterday! Unless he was somehow finding a way to sneak out again. Always watching me. Watching what happened between...
But where could he have been?
The tunnel. I knew I felt that creeping touch of darkness in that empty, lonely place. He had no regard for my privacy, for my feelings at all! Just incessant following! Pushing his way into the spaces I was most vulnerable.
"My pain isn't for your amusement!"
"Life isn't as rosy as we want it to be, is it? Maybe it's better to just give in."
I held my gaze steadily on him. I wasn't afraid of this. Not at all. "It's not over yet."
He glared, crushing the fruit even more, juice dripping down his thumb. He hurled the frayed rind and pulp down to the ground and stomped it with his shoe. It sickeningly squelched under him, but he never took his eyes off me. "You sound so confident, but can you really be sure? Have you ever considered that maybe it is your light that is blinding you? Causing you this pain?"
"My...light?"
He laughed, mockingly. "You really never thought it was a possibility? Your heart is so high up on that figurative pedestal of goodness, how could you ever relate to the feelings of base people like me, like Riku, or even him? You can't! That's why you never even considered they could love you, desire you!" His usual cold cynicism was shifting menacingly to anger. "Your light will only ever get in the way!"
I remained still as he slowly started to approach, his hand reaching out towards me. "If you let me, I could give you just the tiniest touch of darkness. If you let me, I could l-"
WHUMP.
My tennis ball bounced off his cheek and he staggered a little, shocked. His face was a mix of bewilderment and frustration and he rubbed the slight red mark indignantly.
"Did you just...throw that at me? At my face!?"
"Yep."
He tried taking another step. "Why are you being so-"
CLACK-WHUMP.
The second tennis ball I hurled in his direction he dodged away from, but it clacked against the fence behind him, ricocheting off and got him right in the shoulder. He scowled at me.
"Don't you want to understand? Don't you want to be closer? I can help you..."
I lifted my last tennis ball up to him threateningly and Selphie cheered, finally building up courage to move after standing frozen this entire encounter.
"Like that's going to work, you creep!" She shouted, and a tennis ball whizzed towards him from behind me. I guess Selphie had found the one that rolled away earlier.
He ducked away from it and growled, clearly irritated at our almost juvenile response. "Stop it!"
I shook my head at him defiantly, still ready to throw the last tennis ball if I needed to. I didn't care how stupid it looked, launching tennis balls at him. But it was all I could do to show him exactly how seriously I took his requests right now.
"Fine, if that's how you want to be! There are other ways for me to get what I want. There are always others with heartbreak out there." He finally turned to leave, casting me one last look over his shoulder. "Oh, and you might as well give up on Sora now. It'll save you the pain of having to do it later when he's g-"
I wordlessly launched my last tennis ball at him and watched it bounce satisfyingly off the side of his head. Take that, you jerk. I hope that hurt.
"Tsh..." He stormed off without another word, leaving me and Selphie behind.
"A-and stay away!" She yelled after him, clutching at my shirt and I could tell she was shaking a little. She lowered her voice once he disappeared over the hill. "...I don't like that guy."
I have no idea why he wanted to tempt me with darkness. It seemed like such a pointless thing to try. But what was he was saying about Sora...? I suppose it doesn't matter, I really don't trust him as a reliable source anyway.
"Let's just head home, okay?"
She helped me gather the tennis balls back up and made it to the gate of her house first. She slung her bag over her fence through her open window and ran back out to meet me on the path.
"Hey, let's go grab some ice cream from the corner store. I'm all jittery still and could use something."
"Sure..." I guess any distraction for now is a good one.
As we made our way towards the store, I noticed the boat docks nearby looking rather...sparse. My feet slowed as I stared down at the moorings. Their boats. It was their boats. They were missing…
My heart started to pound as I raced up to the dock and threw the rope off of my own, untying it faster than I ever have before. As I jumped in I nearly capsized myself.
Selphie was still standing on the shore, baffled. "Hey! Where are you going?!"
I pushed off the dock with my oar and barely stopped to shout out to her. "Their boats are gone!"
"Whaaaat?" I don't think she understood me, but I didn't have time to stop right now.
I paddled as fast as I could. I knew someone could have easily just taken their boats by accident but...maybe they were back. Maybe he was back.
I crashed into the sand, forgoing any sense of a neat landing in favor of speed, ripping off my shoes and socks and jumping straight into the shallows to loosely tie my boat to one leg of the pier. I didn't even bother putting my shoes back on, just hurled them further up onto the sand and searched frantically.
No sign of either of them on the main shore.
I raced towards the door that lead to the secret cove in the back. They had to be here. Something was just screaming inside of me that they were. Maybe it was just an errant hope but I was desperate.
Just as I laid my hand upon the wood of the door, it burst open, throwing me backwards. I stumbled and yelped, more at the sudden shock than anything else. Something fast zipped around my side and behind me as I teetered, unable to catch my balance. Just as I felt myself falling, I was stopped by a sturdy bump against my back. What was...?
I realized that whoever had just come flying out of that door was now somewhat awkwardly crouched underneath me, using their own back to hold me up.
"...Sora?"
My heart fluttered again at the suddenness of it all. But I was also incredibly confused. Why didn't he just catch me with his hands?
"Hey..." He hesitantly smiled back up at me, laughing like he was also surprised to see me and not quite sure how to react. "Sorry about that, Kairi! Are you okay?"
"Um...yeah."
I lifted myself up off of him, twisting around to face him as he stood up. I saw him fumble with something and clench his hands together tightly, like he was trying to keep something from squirming out. Before I could say anything he just lifted them up into the air, his face alight with excitement, and charged off.
"Gotta run! Gecko Rescue Task Force is Go!"
...gecko…what?
Riku stepped out from the other side of the door, smiling a little. My confusion making it a bit difficult to form any of the questions I wanted to ask. Likely anticipating this, Riku tried to at least explain the lizard part for me.
"He just rescued a gecko from some birds and is going to go put it in the shack."
All sense of urgency dissipated and I couldn't help but break into laughter. It felt so unbelievably wonderful to laugh again. And I realized that even though he had slipped past me for only just a moment, the heart that I had felt beating underneath me then was unequivocally Sora. Just as he should be.
He really is back.
Riku was looking okay as well, no obvious bruises. Hopefully that means they didn't clobber each other like usual when they have a disagreement.
"When did you..."
"Only a little bit ago. Picked up something easy to eat and had a chat, but we were only around for maybe fifteen minutes or so before getting mobbed by some flying rats and Sora spotted that little lizard problem of his and had to do something about it."
"Did you, um..." I wasn't quite sure how to phrase it.
"We had an interesting talk. I suggest you two have the same." He glanced over at the docks where I could hear Selphie ranting up a storm. "I see you brought a guest along with you. I'll keep her busy." He briefly checked my feet, covered in sand and seemed unsure if he should comment on it. "...did you need me to find you some sandals?"
I shook my head, knowing it was probably easier to go barefoot than trying to walk on the sand in my clunky school shoes anyway. He started heading over in Selphie's direction but I fidgeted nervously. Was he really just going to throw me out there without giving me any information at all? Was there a misunderstanding or not?
"Riku, um..."
He just winked at me and tipped his head over to the shack. "You know where to find him."
Thanks oh so much for the help. Why does he have to be like this sometimes?
All the stress I had this entire day had been wiped away in an instant, but was now replaced with such dread at having to do this whole confessing thing all over again. I swallowed and took a deep breath. I did it once, so it shouldn't be that much harder to just do it again, right?
I nodded to myself with a determined huff. Right! Just like tennis practice! I'm not going to let that thick headed boy get away from me until I'm sure he understands this time. No matter how many tries it takes!
I paused, my hand resting against the wood of the shack door. I don't even know how to read this whole situation. Was everything okay? Was it really just a misunderstanding? It's just like Riku to be extra annoying today of all days. But still...despite my apprehension, I wanted to see him more badly than I didn't.
I pushed open the door lightly only to bump into a sturdy object of some sort blocking it from opening any further. There was a metallic clatter and a loud thud.
"Ow!"
Sora's brief cry made me wince in worry. I peeked in through the crack of the opened door to see what had fallen. I saw Sora sprawled out on his back, rubbing his head with several empty buckets strewn near him. Seeing it was now clear, I burst in, stumbling over a few of the buckets myself.
"Sora, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"
He laughed nervously and glanced up at something over my head on the wall. "Ah, yeah. It's all good. You're good too, right little buddy?"
I checked the space over the door. A small baby gecko was clinging to the wood in the corner, happily prodding at a few mango flowers that were growing through the edge of the roof. I guess he had been using those buckets to get high enough to put him up there. Of course he decided to do something precarious like that right behind the door. I laughed a little and gave him a hand to help him up.
"I don't know if a shack is a good place for a gecko to live."
"It's fine, he can slip out through those cracks whenever he wants. I figured it would be safer in here until those birds leave. Oh! Before I forget!" He slipped a bag off his shoulder and dug through it, grabbing out a smaller one of paper.
Leaving his larger bag behind, he reached for my hand and pulled me up the stairs out towards the exit by the bridge. I felt my pulse immediately quicken as I soaked in the warmth of his touch. I didn't even care where he wanted to take me, I was going.
The minute we exited out the back I was met by a blast of sunlight and a crowd of several angry seabirds. Sora dug into the paper bag and pulled out some half eaten, sashimi from a portable lunch box, ripped up into jagged, smaller than normal portions. He then proceeded to fling piece after piece over to the jostling crowd. They squawked, huddling closer to us.
"Isn't that your dinner?" I ducked under the furious batting wings of a naughty one who was trying to cut in line. Sora hurled the next piece further away and the crowd shuffled back from us slightly.
"Well, yeah. I'd feel bad stealing their meal away and forcing them to go hungry."
I smiled at how considerate he was. Most people probably wouldn't have even bothered, but I doubt these chubby little guys were going to starve any time soon. "And what about you?"
"Eh, I was mostly done anyway. Not too hungry." He tutted at one of the larger gulls that was snatching up more than his share. "Hey, hey, play nice!"
"Could I have some?"
He offered me the box and his chopsticks so I could take a turn. I launched a few pieces over to some of the smaller ones who looked like they needed it a bit more. For a while the two of us traded the lunchbox back and forth, laughing and dodging around some of the feistier ones. While I had this higher vantage point, I checked up on where Riku and Selphie were. At the moment he was trying his best to usher her back onto her boat but she was resisting it every step of the way.
It felt nice to temporarily forget all of this drama and enjoy doing something so silly together. But our fish supply wasn't endless. Once we ran out, the gulls immediately and thanklessly lost interest and shuffled off elsewhere.
"Just a minute..." Sora turned and raced back into the shack, I assume to put the bag away.
He came up with a small hand towel for me to wipe my fingers off with and I gave him a quick thank you before handing it back. He stuffed it into his pocket in a crumpled lump and then paused, almost like he now wasn't sure what to do. I can't blame him. I'm not sure myself.
"Sora, about yesterday..."
I had so many things swimming around in my head only moments before but now that he was actually here I couldn't even seem to remember a fragment of what I wanted to ask him. My eyes drifted down back towards the docks, but Selphie and Riku were no longer there. I still felt strangely self conscious standing up so high, now that we had drifted over onto the roof of the shack. Did I really want to be proclaiming my feelings from up here? It felt a little weirdly cliche in a "shout it from the rooftops" kind of way.
He seemed quiet as well, like he was trying to piece something together in his head. I saw him look down at my feet and he frowned.
"Where are your shoes?"
"A-ah, um..." I scanned the beach down below us and pointed over to where they were lying strewn across it.
He laughed and nodded his head over to the sandy area just to our right by the large waterfall that we could use as a step down. "Did you want to go get them? I can't imagine it's comfortable up here in just your bare feet. I don't want you getting a sliver or something!"
Now that he pointed it out, the wood was a little rough and gritty. "I-I suppose we could get down and go sit by the waterfall..."
I had no idea if he was struggling to think of topics to talk about because he was trying to avoid the obvious one, or if he was trying to lighten the mood for me. He made his way over to the corner of the roof and jumped off onto the closer ledge, offering out his hands to help me down. I reached for them gratefully, expecting him to just let me use his hands as a counter weight, but instead he reached past my arms and lifted me up by my hips to carry me down. I gasped and slipped forward, forcing him to catch me completely. He did this almost effortlessly and I clung to him. I keep forgetting that he's a lot stronger than he looks sometimes.
He set me down on the sand quickly, trying to apologize. "I'm sorry, I...I shouldn't have..."
I shook my head against his chest, still clinging tightly, feeling my face burn. To feel his heart so close to me made me never want to let go again. I could also feel a bit of spray coming down from the waterfall just behind us, the wind carrying the mist across the tiny pool. It was refreshing, and against his beating heart I began to feel a peaceful calm. I opened my eyes and looked out over the shore of the beach and beyond it, where the sun was sinking steadily below the horizon.
Now that my anxiety was lessened, I felt all my unsaid words screaming inside of me so strongly I couldn't hold it in. I finally released my embrace and turned my eyes towards his.
"Sora, I'm the one who needs to apologize. I'm so sorry about, about e-everything. Y-yesterday I, the things I was saying, I feel so terrible that I made you so sad, and that you cried and you..."
I stumbled all over my words and away from him, tears welling up in my eyes at the frustration of it all. "You try so hard to keep me happy all the time and then I just go and do that to you, and...and..."
I clenched my fist at my side so tightly it shook. "I should have just c-come out and said everything that was on m-my m-mind but I was too scared. Because of me, you thought I was talking about something I wasn't and if I could only have been more e-eloquaint—quet-" The words tumbled out in all the wrong order.
"Kai-"
"I've just been so ridiculously naive! There are so many things I should have noticed sooner, or done differently. I'm probably bothering you again. And I have no idea what you and Riku talked about or if there was ever really a misunderstanding between us!" I gulped for some fresh air, and I couldn't hear anything but the sound of my own heart.
"For all I know you might want me to drop all of this already so we can go back to normal like before and just go feed birds or splash in the water or watch the sunset and now I'm standing here dredging it all back up again and..."
"Kair-"
"I'm so sorry! Especially if the whole time you thought everything I said was about Riku. But it really wasn't! Every word I said was...it was..." I inhaled deeply, the emotion of it all burning through me. But the more I went on, the easier it was to let everything free. Because once I started I couldn't hold it back.
"Every word was meant for you, Sora! Every single one! I like you! I like you more than I can even say right now! But I'll say it a thousand different ways over and over again if that's what it takes to let you know the truth. I want you to have my heart, no one else. I just think about you and I get dizzy. When I see your smile I feel warm and comfortable and I never want you to stop feeling so happy all the time. I love the way your hair does that silly bouncy thing when I touch it, and when you get so enthusiastic you almost can't control your arms and how the way you see the world is always so lighthearted and wonderful, and..." I trembled, terrified that I would look up to see him staring back at me with that sad broken expression again, so I glued my eyes to that necklace of his.
"I don't know if that even changes anything but I needed to make sure you knew. And...and if your answer is still the same I u-understand but I...I needed you to know how I really feel, so..."
"Kairi!" He had to shout to finally break through my constant stream of babbling.
I finally shut my mouth, letting my words trail off into silence. I finally braved a chance to check his expression. But I couldn't quite read it. He was standing there, speechless, the last rays of the sun setting over his shoulder that cast his face in a slight shadow, hiding it. From between the light mist of tears in my eyes and the reflection of light on the water, it was like he was shrouded in some sort of hazy, shimmering glow.
I hastily wiped the tears from my eyes before they fell, hoping to get a better look. But the light cast off of him was still there. I guess it always is, in a way. That tenacious glowing spark of his that never really ever faded away. No matter what tried to dim it, he would always come back, shining all the brighter. And sure enough, like it was only waking from a nap, I finally saw that pure, wonderful sun of a smile rising up across his face, making his eyes shine. His spirit had such a light to it. It was just like...
Just like the sun...sparkling on the surface of the ocean… I could remember my own words, echoing through my mind. If I can see a light like that in his eyes when he tries to confess to me...
And it all made so much sense. Time had never felt so, so slow, then at that moment.
He said nothing.
But he didn't have to.
He wrapped his hand gently around my upper arm and pulled me forward across that small space between us: that small, previously impassible, previously insurmountable gap.
And he kissed me.
Warmth flooded into every part of my body. For that first never ending moment, I was filled to the brim with the purest sweet happiness I could have ever imagined. And he really did almost taste like marshmallow.
Just as I felt his grip on my arm loosen a little, I flung myself against him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He stumbled backwards, and I giggled, refusing to let our lips part. I could feel him smiling too, and nothing had ever felt more right than this.
I still don't know the answer: if the magic is in the kiss itself or the love between two people, but there is definitely something magical about it. Powerfully magical.
When we finally separated, slowly, for that first time, I barely managed to breathe out a sigh before he wrapped his hands around my waist and drew me back in.
I was more than willing to go, because I never wanted to leave.
I have no idea how long we had been out here on our unofficial sunset viewing tree, especially since the sunset was long since gone. But I didn't care. I snuggled my head closer against his chest, listening to his heart beat with my eyes closed. I smiled and clung as close as I could. No trace of any sorrow whatsoever.
"Everything okay?" He tipped his head down to check on me.
"Mm...your heart sounds happy."
He laughed. "Well, yeah! I'm not sure if I've ever been happier."
I pulled a bit away from him just so I could bop him on the nose. "Really…? I'm not sure about that. There was that one year at Christmas..." I could tell from his face he knew exactly what I was talking about.
"Aw, c'mon I was seven..." He sighed and cleared his throat. Still embarrassed about that one, hmm?
I snuggled back against him. "I'm glad you're happy. Your smiles are one of my favorite things."
Okay, now he was really embarrassed. Unfortunately no matter how much he wanted to hide that red face of his, I wasn't letting him go. As he wrestled playfully with me in an attempt to hide, I noticed something wrapped up in cloth lying on the sand near the tree and tried directing his attention over to it.
"Sora, what's that?" I'm pretty sure I recognized it as one of Sora's old hand towels he used to use in elementary school. Or at least, it was a very similar one. But I'm not sure who else would have a "Fat Chocobo: The Musical TV Special" branded cloth just lying around.
"Uhh, it's..."
I finally released him and hopped down off the tree to go inspect it. It was quite suspiciously tucked away too, rather than like it had been accidentally forgotten.
"Is this yours?" I grabbed it up off the ground, but noticed the weight of it was more than just fabric. Something was inside. He stuttered out something as I folded the edges away to reveal the hidden object inside.
It was a small boat on a key chain, carved out of several pieces of wood with a little sail stitched onto the rafters. Actually, now that I looked at it more closely it sort of resembled that old raft of ours but with a cute little paopu fruit drawn on the sail. I turned to him, holding the charm cupped in my hands. He jumped off the tree and was shifting back and forth uneasily.
"I..."
"This is yours, right?" I asked again, and I held it out to him but he shook his head quickly, pushing it back towards me to keep.
"No, I..." Urgh, he's so irresistibly cute when he's nervous like this. "I m-made it for you. I was going to give it to you today, and I had a whole speech planned and everything but, um...y-you sort of beat me to that stuff, and..."
I realized that this was probably that mystery object his mother had accidentally told me about. The one she was expecting him to give to me at Kono Fes. I bet the speech he wanted to give with it would have been a stumbling, hopelessly sappy, romantic mess, and now he wouldn't get a chance to tell it. And that wouldn't do at all! Sometimes that's just what I want to hear.
"If you don't mind, Sora, I'd really like to know what you wanted to say."
He itched the side of his face and smiled. "I-it's a little awkward to do it now, isn't it?"
"Please…?" I gave his hand a little squeeze. "As my first official girlfriend request?"
"G-girlfr..." His whole face flushed and I giggled. So cute!
He cleared his throat and shuffled again. "U-um, so...I made this for you. I've never been really good at crafts, especially small little charm things but I wanted to make something that you could always keep with you. I like cooking, but you can't exactly keep that lying around."
"No, that probably wouldn't be a good idea."
"And, I know I steal your good luck charm a lot..."
"Mm-hmm..."
"But it always helps me out. Every time I see it I think of you, and know that you're with me somehow. I thought, maybe...I could make you something like that. So even when I borrow your charm you could still have one."
I glanced back down at the small little boat he made. It wasn't perfect, but I didn't want it to be. It definitely looked like something he had made himself.
He pointed to it. "I decided to make it look like that raft we made because that was originally how we wanted to explore the worlds together. So...anywhere you go, it can keep you company in my place."
"It's wonderful. It really is."
He beamed. I'm going to have to be careful now that I don't bolster his ego too much for his own good.
"And you were originally going to give this to me at the festival?"
"Yeah..."
"Why didn't you?"
He sighed. "Well I...after I thought I saw you and Riku together, I didn't want to get in the way..."
I regretted asking completely. "O-oh. I...b-but just to be clear we didn't-"
"Y-yeah, I know now, don't worry! I already squared that whole thing up with him. At the time, though, I just figured it would be a bit inappropriate. I...actually debated putting it on the pyre for a while."
I gasped in horror at the thought. "Why!?" Is that why he didn't want to tell me about the offerings on the boats?
"Because I made it, thinking of you. Those fires were for burning things we wanted to move on from. I thought, if you were going to get into a relationship with Riku, I would need to move on from my feelings so I could support you both properly. I made it all the way to the boat, but...it felt like the wrong thing to do. Just because I wouldn't be able to be with you or share those feelings with you didn't mean I wanted to just erase them and forget they ever happ-"
I kissed him again, relishing the feeling of warmth it brought me. I made this one quick, but he still seemed completely dazed and it took him a few seconds to re-gather his thoughts.
I stayed up on my toes so I could be closer to his face. "You are far too sweet, you know that? But maybe that's why I like you so much."
He smiled, brushing his hand across my cheek. "I'm sorry I couldn't give it to you properly."
"You still can."
I took his hand away from my face and slipped the charm inside, pushing it towards him. I took a few steps back and breathed in. Here we go. Time to bust out my best acting skills.
"Oh! Sora! You're back! Shall we go have a seat over there and watch the festival?" I gestured a bit exaggeratedly over towards the tree.
It took him a second or two to understand what I was playing at, but then he smiled broadly, taking my arm in his.
"Sorry I took so long, oh volcano spirit."
I cleared my throat. "And it looks like you forgot the food you specifically went to get for me." I jostled him with my elbow and he frowned.
"I didn't forget! I...misplaced it." He winced. "Please don't roast me with your fiery vengeance."
"I suppose I can let it slide, this time." I laughed at the sheer absurdity of it all and let him walk me over to the tree.
I was about ready to jump backwards up onto it but he knelt down, letting me use him as a step up. I thanked him and waited for him to climb up next to me. I cuddled close to his side, glad to have him as a source of heat in the cooler evening air.
"I...uh.." Sora seemed like he was having trouble getting started. I rested my head on his shoulder, hoping that my presence would be a support, but it seemed to only be distracting him more than anything.
I giggled and clapped my hands together suddenly, as loudly as I could. "Bang!"
He jumped, startled. "What was that?"
"A firework, silly! And you only have...what was it, two more? Better get started!"
"R-right. Uh...you are...well..."
I rolled my eyes at him. "Come on, Sora! This is probably the least pressure confession you could possibly have asked for, no?"
"I know, but what you said earlier was so wonderful, and this is weird because some of what I wanted to say doesn't make sense any more..."
"Just relax and be yourself, that's what I always tell you, isn't it?" I wanted to give him a motivational kiss on the cheek, but I figured to save it until he actually got the words out, as a sort of reward.
He took a deep breath, nodded to himself and started. "Lately it seemed like you were really worried about the future and us being able to stay together, so I thought I would make you something special to help with that. Because I never want to be away from you, either. Thinking about a future without you makes me...really, really sad. You've always inspired me. Since you first showed up, falling from the stars like some kind of angel. There was always something so wonderful and bright around you, it made me want to always be the best person I could be, to always do what felt right. And, well...I'm not the greatest guy out there. I'm pretty average at a lot, and...downright awful with other stuff. I definitely can't make crafts, that's for sure. But I still want to try every day to be true to myself."
"Sora, you're..."
He held up his hand and I fell quiet, letting him finish.
"That's why I...to be totally true to myself I need to finally let you know: I like you, Kairi. I care about you more strongly than I've ever cared about anything. I know with absolute certainty that if you weren't in my life I wouldn't be here right now. From the very first moment you smiled at me as a kid I knew you were someone special. And as the years went by, the more time we spent together, I only ever felt myself so captivated by the gentle compassionate light inside you. The same light that guides me through the dark, the same one I want to follow anywhere."
He reached out and grabbed my hands, clamping them tightly inside of his own. "You're so wonderfully beautiful to me. Even when you're glaring at me because I did something stupid again, or when you're having a really bad day and you're face is all puffy from crying. Every part of you is still beautiful to me."
I knew he was sincere. I'd had boys come up to me all the time before proclaiming my beauty, but I've never had a boy be so...convincing about it, before.
"Kono Fes is supposed to be about new beginnings. I was...I was hoping we could maybe start a new beginning, too. Maybe we could be m-more..." I could feel his hands shaking. If he's this nervous now, how would he possibly have gotten this far yesterday?
"Y-you're like one of the most super best teammates! A-and...I want to be a person you can rely on, too. For more than just friendship stuff. For, you know...being y-your..."
His grammar absolutely flies out the window when he gets nervous. I withdrew my hands from his and wrapped my arms around him, giving him a tight squeeze. "You're one of the most reliable people I know."
His trembling lessened and he squeezed back. "Someone like you deserves someone amazing. And...I can't imagine I'm the most desirable candidate out there so, I wouldn't be confused by you turning me down. But even if you do, I always want to keep making you smile, and keep you safe. So...I made this silly little thing to help with that, in some way. To always be there with you on your life journey."
He pulled out of our hug and he offered me the small handmade ship. I cradled it lovingly between my fingers and tipped my head back and forth. "And...after saying all that, how do you think I would have answered?"
He blinked. "Uh...you'd have said you liked me too, I guess?"
"Hmm…you think so?" I teased him.
"Y...yes?" The confusion and sudden insecurity on his face was both sad and adorable at the same time.
I giggled. "Maybe more like...'what took you so long, silly'!"
He relaxed, relieved, and I bopped his nose again. "After all, as soon as I figured it out I confessed to you a mere hour later, give or take. Seems like you kept your feelings hidden for years."
"Sorry..."
I wasn't upset about his confession, though. Not in the slightest. It was so, absolutely him. Sappy, earnest and every bit as wonderful as I could have ever imagined.
I nuzzled closer into his side. "It just means we have a lot of catching up to do."
He fidgeted with the zipper on his jacket. "D-does that mean...can I kiss you again?"
"Mm-hmm..."
His eyes lit up and he wrapped me up in a hug, his voice bubbling with excitement. "...can I kiss you tomorrow, too?"
"And the day after. Maybe even next week."
He cheered and immediately pressed his lips to my forehead. I wondered if this enthusiasm of his would ever run out. I certainly hope not.
"Sora, thank you for what you said earlier. It was...really nice to hear you say those things. And I know you meant them."
"Of course I did!"
I gave him the reward of my previously considered kiss on the cheek. Maybe it was more for me than him, though. I couldn't get enough. The feeling of him against my lips was just so fulfilling, and the moment I separated from him the desire to continue was even stronger than before. Every inch of me begged for the feel of his touch that much more.
I wondered if he could feel how fast my heart was racing. How much I wanted to just melt into him.
I pulled back, trying to control myself and noticed he had a rather strange look on his face.
"Hey, Kairi? Can I ask you a really weird question?"
Oh, no. What could this be? "Okay..."
He stalled a bit before finally mustering up the courage to ask this bizarre thing of his. "Would you be upset, if I... smelled your hair every now and again?"
"...if you smelled my...what? Why?"
Well, it certainly was a weird question, but I'm actually glad it wasn't actually anything too troublesome. I was worried it was going to be something embarrassing.
He sheepishly looked the other way. "I just...I really like it..."
I couldn't help but laugh at both the absurdity of the request, but also the fact that I shockingly found his simple desire pretty cute. "I don't mind. If it makes you happy, smell it whenever you like."
"Whenever?"
I gave him a playful tap on the head. "Within reason, obviously."
I didn't want him just running around during school with his nose pressed into me. Though, considering the idea of him doing something as silly as that made me worry if maybe we should establish a few basic things with each other before any of this progresses further. I found it a little frightening how addictive his touch was to me. It was Sora, so I trusted him not to be a creep or anything, but I felt like I didn't have too much willpower to resist him right now. I'd probably give in to anything he asked of me.
We were both treading into unknown ground with all of this, now. I wasn't sure what it was going to be like moving forward, now that the nature of our relationship with each other has shifted into this new direction.
He snuggled me close, burying his face into the top of my head. I could hear him lightly sigh and I felt such unexpectedly bright joy knowing that such a simple thing could make him sound like he was the happiest he's ever been. If I'd known earlier that was all it took to make his day I would have done it much sooner.
It really was a new beginning, but I certainly didn't feel like any part of our friendship had been lost in the process. Only strengthened, blooming into a different type of flower than before.
"Would it be alright if we set up a basic boundary system?"
He pulled his face away from me so he could talk easier. "Boundary system? You mean like rules?"
I nodded.
"Sure, that sounds fair!"
I'm wondering if he has any idea what he's just so quickly agreed to this time. I'm sure he's not going to be too happy with what I'm about to request.
"First: as much as I like you, Sora, I'm not sure how ready I am to make this a big public...thing. So for now at least when we are out in town or at school let's try to act normally with one another."
He tipped his head to the side with a frown and I could already tell he was regretting his quick decision making again. "So...wait, I can't touch you at all if we aren't alone?"
Ew, a rule like that would certainly be horribly unpleasant for the both of us. That's definitely not what I wanted. "No, I didn't mean that. Holding hands, hugs, all that is okay. Kisses on the cheek are okay, too."
He breathed out a huge sigh of relief. "So what isn't allowed then?"
"Nothing here." I tapped my lips and he nodded. "Especially not at school."
"Until we're alone, right?"
"Yep. Then it's fine. Is that okay? For just a little bit at least. This is...still really new for me and I don't know how comfortable I'll be with everything."
"Yeah, that's okay. It's new for me too." He laughed and pressed his forehead against mine. "I'll do my best."
"Is there any rule you want to put down?" I decided to ask him, since it wouldn't be fair for only me to make demands.
He thought for a moment. "I can always change my mind, right?"
I raised my voice dramatically, like I was reciting the words to some ancient curse. "No, Sora, once you commit we will be bound to it for all eternity. It is unbreakable."
He did his best to copy my tone, moaning like a ghost. "Curses! And if one of us breaks a rule we'll be...uh...turned into a snaaail."
"Ew, what?" I smacked him on the arm. "A frog would've been a much better choice."
He crossed his arms, apparently fairly ready to argue this with me. "No way! Snails have super cool built in battle armor!"
I'm not sure what a snail battle would really look like, but I'm sure he's got one playing through his head right now. "But if one of us turns into a frog we could just reverse it with a kiss, right? Isn't that the way the spell usually works?"
"Oh...oh yeah, good point."
I coughed a bit. "Okay, but on a more serious note: yes, you can change your mind any time. Just let me know, obviously."
"Well the only thing I can think of now is about Riku...I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be with him seeing any...stuff between us."
I nodded. It was a perfectly valid thing to be worried about. We certainly didn't want Riku to feel alienated or uncomfortable by us canoodling with each other and almost forcing him to either watch or leave.
"No, it's alright, I agree. I think we should keep things normal around him unless he specifically says he is alright with it."
And, now that I considered Riku… "So, my next rule...I know that you talk with him about practically everything, and for the most part I think that's fine. But if something in the future ever comes up that I really don't want you to share with him I need you to do your best to keep it a secret between us, okay?"
He was looking a bit hesitant about this and I don't blame him. "Um, I don't want to say I can't but...I've never been able to keep a secret from him. Like, ever."
"Oh, I know. But it doesn't hurt to try." I'm pretty sure even if there was some secret like that Riku would weasel it out of him eventually anyway. I just didn't want him going running to him with everything if it can be helped.
He clenched his fists. "I'll do my best!"
"Perfect. Is there anything else?"
I saw him contemplating things again. "Could you not tell your parents about this right away?"
"I can't lie to them if they ask." Not to mention they are definitely doing to suspect something is up, I wasn't exactly hiding the fact that I was having boy troubles lately. And now I'm probably not going to be able to hide how happy I am, so...
"I know, but..." He bounced his heels off the tree lightly looked a bit put out.
"Besides, if they think we're sneaking around their backs they are going to be even less likely to trust you, don't you think?"
He groaned and rubbed his neck. "I guess so...I just sort of thought I should be the one to say something."
"It's not like we are getting married or something! But if it makes you feel better we can tell them together. My mom is pretty sharp so it might have to be sooner rather than later." I giggled at the look on his face the minute I mentioned my mom.
"Oh geez, your mom..." He shivered. "Do you think she's going to change the house rules on me again?"
"You mean like how you aren't allowed up in my room any more? Most likely. She'll probably also check up constantly when I'm over at your house or get your mom to spy on us."
"Can we...not tell her? Ever? Can that be a rule?"
"Sora..."
"Yeah, yeah, I know...okay, the rule is we'll try to tell them together as soon as we can!" He declared this so proudly, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to be the one to push him into doing it. He hates confronting my mom.
"Maybe we can tell your parents after mine. Otherwise your mom is going to spill it to everyone."
He chuckled a bit to himself. "Yeah...she's not a very good gatekeeper for secrets, is she?"
"As far as rules go, can you think of anything else?"
He frowned and shook his head, so I decided now was probably the time to bring up the last...awkward one.
"So, the last one for me is a little...sudden, I suppose. But unless we are going swimming or something contextual like that, you wouldn't mind a general rule to keep our clothes on, would you?"
I think he actually squeaked in shock. He stuttered for a while before nodding at me. "That's f-fine and, uh...K-Kairi, I'll leave you in charge of deciding all the rules on that stuff, okay?"
I clapped, ready to move off that topic as fast as possible. "Great! Then maybe we'll call it a day for now. It's probably getting super late and I can't have my parents getting too suspicious, can I? Especially since I can't tell them."
He sagged, looking a bit sad around the edges. "So...that means I have to wait at least..." He counted on his fingers "At least twelve hours, maybe even thirteen before I can kiss you again?"
He really was an adorable goof sometimes.
"Sorry, but they do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder!" I jumped off the tree and started making my way back to the boat dock.
"Wait! Maybe I can squeeze in one or two more really fast before we go?"
"I dunnooo...I'm already half-way to the booooats." I picked up the pace, giggling a little as he scrambled to get down off the tree and chase after me.
Just as his feet touched the ground I broke into a run. I raced down the stairs and out through the small shack. Rather than follow me, he opted to jump down off the roof and I felt his fingers just miss my back, brushing against my hair. I spun around and pointed behind me.
"You need to get your bag, remember?"
I could see him actually torn between going back for it or just abandoning it altogether in favor of pouncing on me. I slowed, gathering up my shoes, giving him time to slip through the door and retrieve it. He charged back out of the shack, shouting a hasty goodbye to the little gecko before finally tackling me halfway across the beach to the dock.
He laughed triumphantly, clutching me tight, his fingers tickling my stomach sending a whole mixture of good feelings through me. I giggled and tried one last time to escape, but he swung me around to face him and I relented happily.
He nuzzled his nose against mine, brushing my chin with his thumb and finger. "Just one more for tonight?"
I gazed into those smiling, sparkling eyes and nodded. "Make it count."
And he did.