For Cal, the ride in the ambulance was the longest ride he had ever taken. With sirens and blue lights flashing, time had just seemed to slow down. Every jolt, every bump, he did not feel. Everything was just numb. How could you feel anything, how could you feel pain when your brother is just laying inches from you, almost died, and all because of you.

'This is Ethan Hardy, was trapped under fallen scaffolding for a number of hours, impaled…'

Standing at the doorway Cal watched Ethan be rushed into the ED. Everyone crowding around him. The urgency looming around him. But himself? Well, no one had time for him. There was nothing wrong with him, apart from the fact that HE caused this. That HE almost killed his brother. What sort of brother is he then? It's always Ethan, always Ethan picking up the pieces, his pieces, his mess.

Somehow Cal found himself at the entrance to resus. He had no memory of walking there. He looked in, and there he is, Ethan. Blood soaked shirt off him, tubes and wires coming out of him, and the pole, still there.

An alarm goes off

'We've lost output, start Chest compressions!' Connie commands

Cal watches as they start CPR on Ethan. Cal watches the doctors and nurses so everything in their power to save Ethan. Scared, frightened, Cal runs from resus and hides in the toilets. He staggers in, feeling sick to the stomach. Feeling his inside come up he rushes to a toilets and throws up.

The scream, the scream of pain, exstrucating! Cal cannot shake it from his head. The sight of Ethan laying there covered in blood, it tears him apart inside. The sights, the sounds. This is not the first time. 20 years ago. All the memories flood Cal's head. His heart pounds like a drum in his head, every breath doesn't feel like enough. Cal collapses on the cold wet room floor. Crawling into a ball Call grips himself tight, not wanting to be seen by the word around him, scared of what may come, ashamed of what he has done.

Charlie enter the toilets, not expecting Cal to be on the floor crying. Gently he walks over to Cal and gentle sits down on the floor beside him. Cal only seems to acknowledge Charlie after a couple of minutes when he has calmed down a bit. He looks at Charlie with a scared, fearful look.

'It's all my fault!' Cal cries

'Your brother is in safe hands' Charlie comforts

'He doesn't deserve a brother like me, all I have ever done is cause him pain!'

'Yes he does, He has a brother who loves him and cares about him.'

'You don't understand, this is not the first time something like this has happened'

Charlie looks at Cal confused

'When we were kids, you know Ethan had a stutter. Well, I, I didn't treat him nicely about it. I would tease him, boss him around.'

'Just like any older brother would do'

'But this went on for it wasn't just me, it was all of my mates, and apparently some of Ethan's classmates as well. I didn't think much of it, it never seemed to bother him.'

'You were kids, that what kids do'

'But, but we weren't just kids anymore, I was 17 and still I treated him like crap! I just never noticed the signs. Now looking back they are obvious, but, back then, I was blind.'

'Blind to what?'

Cal looks down to his feet, ashamed of what he is about to say.

'Depression. We didn't know. He hide them. All he did was spent all day in his room, and barely spoke. He always kept to himself. But, one day, It was just Ethan and I. I went out with my mates, then, when I came home, he, he.'

Cal burst into tears, sobbing his eyes out. Charlie rubbed his hand on Cal's back, as a sign of comfort. He knew what happened next.

'Attempted suicide?' Charlie says

Cal nods, looking at Charlie tearfully.

'It was my fault!'

'Actually no.' Charlie says

'Cal, confused doesn't know what to say.

'To tell you the truth, Ethan has told me this story. There was a patient, and their story was very similar to Ethan's. Ethan coped well, but had a minor breakdown, and he told me everything. And yes you teased him at all, but it was really the people at school who were the cause. The one who physically bullied him'

Cal digests all this, all this new information. He hadn't told him that he told Charie, or anything. Not even the school part.

'Why didn't he say anything?' Cal asks

'I can't answer that, but what I can say is that Ethan is now in theater.'

'He's ok, he's going to live?'

'I think so, come and wait for him in the relatives room, it's warmer there.'

As Cal and Charlie made there way to the relatives room, they were greeted by two Police officers dressed in black.

'Caleb Knight, we need to talk'