Lily Evans was about to crack her head open on her desk, right in the middle of Basic Econ. The basketball coach had spent the last hour talking about the ingenuity of crock pots, and she didn't know how much longer she could bear it.
"Corn...will it crock pot?" Mr. Wood asked the class, holding up a giant index card with a picture of corn and a question mark. There was a pause, then the several students who thought so raised their hands. The teacher flipped it over and yelled, "The answer is YES, it WILL crock pot!"
"How is this a quiz?" Lily muttered to her best friend, Mary McDonald.
The merry blonde girl shrugged as she clapped. "I dunno, but it beats doing actual work!"
"What about...fried chicken? Will it crock pot?" The class seemed equally divided on that one. "The answer is actually YES! It will crock pot! Aren't crock pots amazing?"
"Sure are, Mr. Wood!" James Potter called from the back of the room.
"All right, now here's a tricky one..." Mr. Wood paced back and forth at the front of his classroom. "Now...cupcakes. Will they crock pot?"
"NO!" Lily yelled, standing up.
Mr. Wood stopped in his tracks, looking curiously at her. "Miss Evans, this is a quiz, we went over the expectations at the beginning-"
"Cupcakes...do not...crock pot! This is ridiculous! How is this basic economy in any sense of the term? I actually want to pass the midterm!"
"Evans, Evans." James hurried to the front of the room and put his arm around her. "Hey...I know you're upset, but Mr. Wood is actually sharing some very important information with us."
"How would you know? We all know that you and Sirius are just watching game film in the back of the room!" Lily snapped, thrusting an arm to James' comrade. Sirius's head was down, his dark, shiny hair falling in front of his face as his eyes were glued to the screen of his cell phone. When the room went quiet, his head snapped up.
"Uh," was all he had to say for himself.
"You know, while we're talking about ingenuity...I think we should talk about mine and Sirius' ingenuity." Lily shoved James' arm off from around her shoulders. "I mean, we're not only watching game film and talking about how we could be better basketball players...but we are also listening to Mr. Wood, who is telling us how we can be better consumers."
Lily blinked.
"I mean, I don't know about you, Lily, but I see myself married someday," James began, smiling grandly at her, despite the disgusted look on her face. "I want to know how best to cook and provide for my family. I want to be intentional with my time, so maybe while my crock pot dinner is cooking, I can do other things, like...like..."
"Like braiding your daughter's hair!" Sirius suggested.
James clapped his hands and pointed at his friend. "YES. Like braiding my daughter's hair. Also, I can do things like playing catch with my son in the backyard. Throwing the Frisbee with the dog." He glanced in what he thought was a subtle way in Lily's direction. "Helping my smart, beautiful wife with her homework when she goes back to school to get her master's degree-"
"James, I am sure you will make a wonderful father and husband someday, but is there a point to this?" Mr. Wood wondered, his next quiz photo depicting an ice cream cone hanging by the tips of his fingers.
"The POINT is, that I just want Lily to know that this is a great lesson, that will help me...and ALL of us...become better adults one day." James winked at her, turned on his heel, and walked back to his seat.
Lily's face was as red as her hair.
"DOES THE SCHOOL BOARD KNOW THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE TEACHING US?"
A few seconds later, they heard a knock at the door, and a lanky, elderly man poked his head inside. "Good morning. I thought I heard someone shouting?"
Mr. Wood blushed. "Yes, Mr. Dumbledore, Lily is just not very appreciative of my crock pot lesson."
"Ohhhh, the crock pot lesson? Carry on, carry on!" Mr. Dumbledore encouraged, tiptoeing in front of him and taking the seat behind Lily. Mr. Wood sighed and asked his next quiz question. Dumbledore tapped Lily on the shoulder, and when she turned to face him, she saw his blue eyes dancing behind their grandpa glasses.
"You don't appreciate this lesson, Lily?" Lily took a deep breath, and Dumbledore could tell if he didn't stop her right away, she would be going on for hours. "I know this seems ridiculous, but it's something he does every year. He's very passionate, as you can tell."
"But we aren't learning anything," Lily protested.
"Of course you aren't!" Dumbledore agreed, making her even more confused. "This class is about the economic system in America! We are an incredibly ridiculous country, my dear, and it's very frustrating, especially if your job is to teach the nonsense to high school students. Let your teacher have a little fun with it once and a while." Lily tapped her thumb against her temple. "And he's not wrong, you know. Crock pots are very useful, and the sooner you learn that, the better."
For some time, Lily's green eyes tried to once again meet her principal's, hoping to continue the conversation, but the blue eyes behind tired, wrinkled lids were now focused on the question at hand: "Pizza...will it crock pot?"