I do not own the Hobbit
Sorry for the delay in this update
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Bilbo could tolerate a lot of weird things okay? He could handle fauntlings, disapproving elders, Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, and even his sister when she would roll in the mud and leaves to "feel closer to nature", but he didn't know how much more he could take of these overly-rambunctious dwarrow.
There were so many surrounding his table that he barely fit in a corner whilst in the same room. They were yelling, throwing food, ruining his mothers things, and one of the –ili's had pulled out his sisters old dresses asking him if he was a woman!
He was beyond frustrated to the point he may actually stab someone.
"Excuse me? What should I do with my plate?" The thin dwarf with soft brown hair and eyes, and a sparse beard asked in a soft voice.
"Oi, toss it here Ori." The blond dwarf.. Fili? Called out.
Toss…? Bilbo felt himself pale, if Asp found out someone had tossed mother's china let alone if something broke… He needed to stop this now.
"No you'll blunt them!" He called when he saw two dwarrow rhythmically scraping the silverware together.
"Di ye hear tha' lads? 'E says we'll blunt the knives." The sly remark came from the dwarf in the ridiculous furred hat and twin braids sticking out from the side of his head.
Blunt the knives, bend the forks
Smash the bottles and burn the corks
Chip the glasses and crack the plates
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!
Cut the cloth, tread on the fat
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat
Pour the milk on the pantry floor
Splash the wine on every door!
Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl
Pound them up with a thumping pole
When you're finished if they are whole
Send them down the hall to roll!
That's what Bilbo Baggins Hates!
Bilbo could feel his patience fray even more. Dwarrow were SINGING in HIS KITCHEN. SINGING IN HIS KITCHEN!
He opened his mouth, getting ready to ream the still joyful Dwarrow when there was a heavy knock at the door.
"He is Here" Gee Gandalf you sure do state the obvious, Bilbo snorted in his head at the sarcastic thought even as the old wizard opened his door for the newest arrival.
"Gandalf." Sweet Yvannah that voice…
"I thought you said this place would be easy to find, I lost my way… twice."
It was deep and completely sexy, Bilbo was already trying to peek at the newcomer from behind the wizard. Although he didn't seem too smart; there were at least 6 signs pointing to his smial all throughout the Shire.
"So this is the Hobbit." Rude; Bilbo thought.
"Tell me, what is your weapon of choice? Blade, axe, arrows?" The Dwarf was circling him as he purred out questions too fast for him to answer.
"First of all, rude. Secondly, if you must know I am quite capable with a sword and not too bad with my frying pan when people annoy me." His head ached in phantom pains of remembrance of his mother and sister hitting him with the cast iron when he was being especially stubborn.
The dwarf's blue eyes were accessing even as he had a frown on his face.
"He looks more like a grocer than a burglar." Oh what a mild comeback, maybe he was right about him being beauty without brains? It could also be that Bilbo was feeling particularly waspish at the moment and his frayed nerves were on the last thread already, but he wasn't feeling particularly in the mood for niceties at the moment.
"Well you smell more like a troll than a dwarf but I didn't bring that up did I?" Not his best but it certainly made the dark haired dwarf scowl fiercely.
Watching the handsome face darken in rage Bilbo couldn't help but feel that Asp was somehow at fault for this. He got his snap back reactions from her after all, they often engaged in these catty little wordplays that even after all these years he still back talked to people automatically.
Wild black hair flipped around as glacial blue eyes stared the wizard down. "This is where you have lead us wizard!" The male practically spit. "I would not be surprised if this soft creature was slain within the first night of leaving this valley."
Okay. Ouch. Bilbo frowned to himself.
"Now why don't we all calm down and introduce ourselves hmm? Bilbo Baggins, may I introduce Thorin Oakenshield, King under the Mountain. Thorin son of Thrain, this is Bilbo Baggins, a hobbit of the Shire and your burglar." Gandalf's voice was placating and calm. He had completely ignored their entire exchange hadn't he?
A common thought flit across all of the beings present. "Delusional old man."