"Brother! To what do I owe this sudden visit?" Stefan asked hugging his brother. Damon had left straight from Andy's to the airport and called his brother on the way to let him know when to pick him up at the airport.

"You remember that I had you check to see if I could get out of my contract? Well let's just say it was for a reason. Elena's back"

"What? When did that happen? And why does that have you on my doorstep? That's usually Bonnie's domain." "Well Andy broke up with me when she found out, so that went great. So, I'm just not ready to bring Bonnie into the middle of this. Especially since Elena is coming back to the show too. I don't want any extra drama on set. So that leaves you."
"Wow. So I need to process and you look like you could use a drink. So let's head to the bar down the street from my place." "Sounds good. I could use a bourbon."

When they were finally seated at a bar top in a local tavern with bourbon in hand Stefan finally spoke up with the one question Damon knew was coming.

"So when did Elena show back up?" "Well I don't know how long it's been in the works to get her back on the show but Ric gave me the heads up on Friday and I met up with her this afternoon" "Let me guess to try and talk her out of rejoining the show?"

"Of course why else would I meet with her Stefan?""oh I don't know because you missed her?"

The look on Damon's face was pure shock. What the hell was his brother talking about? Missed her. No he didn't miss her, not the person she is now. The girl who he loved? Yes that girl he missed but the girl who turned down his proposal, wait no the girl who refused to let him propose and the woman who was in Atlanta now. No he didn't miss her, he hated her. She disgusted him.

He wanted nothing to do with that girl.

"Of course I didn't miss her Stefan. Why would I miss her? She tore my heart out and skipped town the next day. No I didn't miss her. I just want her out of my city and away from my set."

"Okay brother. Then what are you doing in Virginia with me? Why aren't you doing everything in your power to make her leave?"

"Because I'm an idiot and I met with her in public and now there are photographs of us together and I can't let that happen again. I refuse to see her by myself again and add fire to whatever media storm is about to hit."

"Wait what? How could you be that stupid Damon? You've been dealing with the press for years and you know better than that shit! What's wrong with you? Does she have your head twisted up that bad after less than 24 hours?"

"Yes! Damnit yes she does! I didn't think I would ever have to see her or speak to her again and then she just shows up demanding to see me and talk about things. About our fucking relationship and accusing me of being the one who left! Fucking with my life all over again!" Damon shouted slamming his now empty glass on the bar top. He feels a slight pressure on his shoulder and looks up into his baby brothers green eyes and slumps a little lower at seeing the look his brother is giving him. Stefan's eyes are full of sympathy and understanding, after all he is the only one Damon has ever shared the full story with. He's the only one that knows about the failed proposal and the fact that it was Damon who left first.

"Damon don't worry, you'll get through it. I know it's been awhile since you've thought about everything that happened that weekend. But don't let her bring you back to that place. Don't let her make you hate yourself again. You left to get space for a few hours, you didn't bail on the relationship. That was her. She's the one who skipped town and never looked back. Don't take on her guilt. You loved her and wanted to work it out, she's the one who left Damon."

Damon got the attention of the bar tender and requested another bourbon as he let Stefan's words sink in. He knew that most of what his brother said was true, but there was something his brother never knew. He had never told anyone. And it was time to change that, he needed his help to deal with this.

"She sent me a letter you know?" "What? What letter Damon?" "She sent me a letter about 6 months after she left, I guess the unanswered calls and deleted text weren't enough. I've never opened it. I've never been able to get ride of it though." "Wow. Well why are you bringing it up now Damon?" "I think I need to read it. I think I need to know what she had to say all those years ago. If I'm going to be around her I want the full story." He pauses to down the fresh glass of bourbon "I brought it with me to read here away from everything."

"That's a lot man. But you know you are always welcome here and I'll give you your space. You don't have to worry about any intruders while your here. You can have your time away and I'll be here if you need me to help process anything."

"Thank you brother. You mind if we just got home and call it a night right now?"

"Of course not. Let's go."

Damon knew what he needed to do and he could feel the letters presence even from the duffle bag he had packed in the back seat but tonight he just wanted to sleep and hide from the memories that were always there lurking in the back ground.

Hiding from the memories with sleep seemed to be the perfect answered. Until he actually fell asleep and the memories seeped into his dreams.

The good memories almost seemed to mock him all night long. The memories of her laugh that could take over her whole body and infect anyone who was near by. And the way her nose crinkled when she was deep in thought going through a new script. The way she always had to have at least 4 different colored pens next to her for notes at a table read.

The specific memory that haunted his dreams was from their first official date. It took him almost a year to get her to agree to go out with him. She insisted that she was a professional and she wouldn't date anyone that she worked with so they could be friends. And they did. They became the best of friends, spent every day together off set doing anything from hiking to spending the day just drinking coffee and reading. Those were his favorite days. Sitting with her in the quiet being able to observe the emotions that her current reading was making her feel. She never had been able to hide her emotions from him, the small twitch of her eyes and the way the corners of mouth curved up or down depending on if she was happy or sad. He had gotten to know everything about her through those moments and at the time he loved it, but now he hated it. Now it was a reminder of everything he lost when she left and of everything he just wanted to forget.

That's what brought him to where he was at, sitting on Stefan's back porch with his third cup of black coffee and the letter he swore he would never read. He'd already been out there for an hour just staring at the letter on the table in front of him. He knew he had to read it but he couldn't help but to be terrified of what she wanted to tell him.

He took a deep breath and picked up the letter knowing that he couldn't avoid her words any longer and started to read...

Damon,

I don't even know how to start this. I have so much to say to you and so much to explain to you and I don't even know where to begin.
I don't even know if you'll read this, I pray you do and that it brings you the closure you need and helps you understand why I did what I did.

Why I left.

I know you are angry with me and you have every right to be angry with me. Hell I'm angry at myself for what I've done to you. I made a promise to you years ago that if you let me in and you let me know you, the real you and not the mask you wear for everyone else I wouldn't break you. I wouldn't hurt you and I wouldn't let you down. And I did. I did all of those things within 24 hours. Please don't think that I don't know that, that I don't acknowledge how big of a mistake I made. I know I let you down and I have no way to express to you how sorry I am for that. My biggest regret in this life will always be that I let you down. Nothing else will ever eclipse that and nothing else in this life will be able to hurt me the way that I hurt myself when I did that to you.

Okay enough about the way that I feel because this letter is not about my feelings but about my actions towards you. I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry. I know nothing makes this okay and I'm not trying to make it better I just want you to know why.

I loved you more than anything in this life and I'm not sure if that will ever change. I wanted to marry you, of course I did but I wasn't ready for that part of our lives yet. I was terrified I would fail you. I wasn't ready to settle down and stay in one place forever. I wasn't sure that I could make you happy the way that you deserved to be happy. I was young and dumb and you were older and more sure of yourself than I was. You were confident in our love and I was beyond insecure. I know you probably didn't know that at the time but I was. I never thought I was worthy of your love and now I know that was the truth. But I didn't want to leave you, that was never even a thought that crossed my mind I was too selfish to let you go.

Even when I woke up in that cabin alone I knew that I still wanted to be with you. I wanted to take back everything I had said and to tell you yes. To tell you that even though I would be afraid of what the next step was going to be and where it would take us I wanted to go through it with you.
I had every intention of going straight to you to tell you exactly that, but life had a different plan for us.

This part of the story is going to hurt you and I'm so sorry for that. I don't know how else to tell you this. I have tried calling you, emailing you, hell I even showed up in Atlanta to tell you. Don't worry about why I didn't make it to you, let's just say you have some loyal friends who just want to protect you. I respect them for that.
I got up that day and called Caroline to come get me since I didn't have a car to get back, thanks for that by the way. Luckily she was home in mystic falls so she wasn't far away. I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been.

I'll save you the gory details of that day because you don't need a play by play to be hurt by them anymore than you already will be.
I will tell you this much though I collapsed in the shower. Caroline found me in a pool of water and blood, but I don't know anymore than that. She still refuses to tell me any details other than that even though it's been 6 months. I woke up 5 hours later in the hospital in mystic falls to find out that even though she had tried from her phone and my phone you didn't know where I was because you refused to answer your calls. I was devastated and confused and I didn't know I could hurt anymore than I already was.
And then the doctor came in. He told me that he was so sorry and I was confused. I couldn't figure out what he was apologizing for and then he told me. I had had a miscarriage. I had lost our baby. Your baby. I hadn't even know I was pregnant. Please believe that above all things. I would never have kept something like that from you, if I had even suspected it I would have told you.

I had been 6 weeks along at least he told me and they didn't have a reason for why it had happened. It could have been from anything he said. He wouldn't say it, but I know it was from stress. I had done this. I had been the reason why this beautiful baby would never be born. It was my fault that you would never hold your child in your arms. The reason why we would never know if we would have had a boy or a girl. We wouldn't know if they would have your ocean blue eyes or my muddy brown ones. It was entirely my fault. If I hadn't have been so upset I would have never lost the baby. I know it all falls on me. I was the reason why you were hurting and I was the reason why our baby was gone.

I have no words to express how completely sorry I am. I tried a million ways to get in touch with you to tell you over the past 6 months but I never could get to you. I'm so sorry that you have to find out through a letter with no one there to comfort you but please know it was all my fault and I am completely okay with you blaming me for everything. I deserve to be blamed. I accept all the blame as long as you don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing wrong.

I hope one day we will be able to talk face to face and I will be able to express my regrets and my apologies but I understand if that's not something you ever want to do.
Please know I love you and I always will. Damon Salvatore you took my heart with you when you left that cabin and I know I'll never get it back because as far as I'm concerned it's where it should be. With you forever.
I hope one day you will be able to forgive me.

Yours always,
Elena

***
A baby. A fucking baby! She was pregnant with his child. They would have had a baby. He was trying to let that sink in but he didn't know how to wrap his head around it. He had pictured Elena pregnant with their child so many times when they were together. He knew that he wanted that with her. She would make an amazing mom, she was so compassionate and so maternal that it would come to her naturally. He didn't know what to do with his thoughts at the moment.

In her letter she blamed herself and told him not to blame himself, but it was his fault. Of course it was his fault. He was the one who got upset that night and caused her to defend herself and her reasons for saying no instead of trying to understand what she was saying. He still didn't truly get it but had he ever tried from the beginning?

It had felt like rejection and the moment he recognized that he had shut down on her. He knows that she knew that and she probably understood it but that didn't help anything. He was still pissed at her but now he didn't know how to feel.

He wondered if she had gone through it alone or if she had someone supporting her. Had Caroline stayed and helped her? Comforted her? Or had she been all alone? To grieve their child. He wondered just how bad it was, did she have to be hospitalized more than just for the day? She said she tried to get in touch with him, he knew about the calls and the emails he had been the one to ignore those and delete them without a second glance but she had tried to come to him in Atlanta. Where had she gone to? Who had made her leave? Would he have even seen her if she had gotten past that person? He didn't know the answer to those questions and that bothered him.

He knew what he had to do and he couldn't ignore it anymore. He had to go see her and he had to have the conversation he had avoided for years.

He left Stefan a message telling him how sorry he was for leaving so soon and thanked him for letting him escape for a few days but that he need to go back to Atlanta and he would call him later.

Damon didn't know what he was going to say to her or even how to get in contact with her. He had tried calling but apparently she had changed her number in the few days that he had been gone. He knew he had to be careful though Andy had called and warned him about the press nightmare that their last meeting had caused, so he knew to be on the lookout for any cameras.

So far he hadn't had any problems in the airport in Virginia or on the flight itself but he was going through security and he knew better than to let his guard down in the Atlanta airport. There were always reporters there looking for a celebrity getting off a plane.

And he hadn't been wrong, Marcel Gerald stood in front of him blocking his exit with a camera pointed directly at him.

"Well look who's back in Atlanta?" "What do you want Marcel? You know I'm not going to tell you anything." "Oh yeah? You sure about that? I mean you coming back here is already speaking for itself" "how is me coming back to my home, where I work telling you anything?" "I mean we all know that Damon Salvatore goes on vacation the week before shooting starts for his show. And here you are coming back to the city where your long lost love is instead of being on that vacation you are so known for" "really Marcel? You're grasping at crumbs here. Shooting may not start till next week but you know we start meetings before then." "Say what you want but we both know there's only one reason why you are here right now." "Whatever Marcel, I think no comment is just what you are looking for. I don't have time for this right now." "Why's that Damon? You off to beg for Elena's attention again?"

Damon shot him a dirty look and continued to the street where he hailed a cab so he could get back to his place and figure out what his next move was going to be.

****
This week had been hell for Elena. First was the fall out with her meeting with Damon, she was smack dab in the middle of the public eye. She was not used to this life anymore, it may have only been a few years but she had maintained her status outside of the media circus on purpose. She couldn't go anywhere without being followed by at least three reporters now. It was a nightmare and she was extremely uncomfortable because of it.

She had gone to the gym and had dropped her phone and shattered the screen. And of course it couldn't be an easy switch to a new phone. Caroline had recommended getting a new number and everything since she was getting a new phone. She thought that with everything going on it was best to have a new number in case her old one was somehow leaked through the contacts she had made over the years. A good idea but not an easy one.

This lead to even more problems. She now had to make sure that all of the important people had her new contact information so that she could be kept up to date about the new script that was supposed to be delivered tomorrow and any press dates that she needed to prepare for since they were going public about her return to Holland's Secrets.

All she wanted was to go back to her and Caroline's new condo and soak in a hot bubble bath in the amazing claw foot tub she had in her master suite.

But she could tell as soon as she walked through the door that it wasn't going to happen. Caroline stood at the kitchen counter facing her with a very troubled look on her face.

"What is it Care? What's wrong now?"

"Damon contacted me.""What for? To try to get me to leave again? When is he going to learn that I'm an adult and i do what I want to and what's best for my career!? I don't need him telling me what to do!" "Elena I don't think..." "No Care!" "Elena he said he wants to see you to talk.""I don't care what he wants to talk about from now on it's strictly business. He can see me at the table read the day after tomorrow and he can tell me in person what he thinks of my career choices. Which I'm sure is what he wants to talk about, once again."

With that Elena rushed to her room to get to the bath tub she had been fantasying about all afternoon. She walked straight into the bathroom and turned on the hot water and poured her favorite lavender scented bubble bath into the tub to get it ready. She stripped her clothes off and poured a glass of wine from her bathroom mini bar, she didn't let herself indulge in much but she let herself indulge in this one thing. She had made sure that she had a mini bar in everyone of her bathrooms since she had left Atlanta, Damon had taught her the perks it could have.

She climbed into the water being careful not to let her glass slip and loose any of her wine. It was her favorite, Cabernet Sauvignon. Yet another thing that Damon had taught her over their years together.

Yes he had taught her that there was nothing wrong with a nice glass of red wine with a hot bubble bath, while she had taught him to let loose with vodka, lemons and sugar..resulting in her favorite shot. She still didn't know what it was but something about the acid in the Lemmon and the chemicals in the sugar made the vodka taste like the best milk chocolate that you could ever have. Some of her favorite memories of the two of them involved those things. She had been able to see the young care free side of him when vodka was involved and she loved it.

But the most tender memories of him that she had often included a glass of Cabernet and a hot bubble bath. He would often join her in the bath and they would sit together and talk until their fingers became prunes. And afterwards he would carry her to his bed and make love to her passionately without even stopping to dry off. This often resulted in wet sheets but they didn't care.

If she let herself get caught up in the memories, as she often did, she could still feel the way his lips felt when he would slowly kiss up the curve of her neck and then gently bite down on her ear lobe. She could feel the way his hands felt when they were running up and down her legs. The way he would slowly move from her foot all the way up to roughly grasp her hip, often resulting in faint bruises the next day. She could feel the calluses that had formed from lifting weights on the palms of his hands. The man looked like sex walking and he never disappointed her when it came time to deliver. He was the most amazing lover she had ever had. He was gentle and loving but could also be rough and passionate when it was necessary.

She had never tried to date anyone after Damon, she had meant what she said in her letter. Her heart would be with him forever, she couldn't give away something she didn't have therefore it had never felt right to even try. Of course Caroline had tried to get her to go on dates but she had never given in to her. There was no point in dating when she knew she wouldn't love another man. To say that the past three years had been lonely would be an understatement. To love a man who hated her and refused to speak to her was devastating but she understood why he felt the way he did.

Of course she hoped by being here she would be able to slowly regain his trust and possibly his friendship. She didn't have any hope for ever being in a relationship with him again but she hoped for friendship at least. She didn't miss the look in his eyes when they had met up, it was the same look he had when she had refused his proposal. That look had caused her years of pain and guilt. That look made her question every reason she had for coming back here.

Tears streamed down Elena's face mixing in with the water from the bath. Her wine was long gone and her skin was wrinkling, she had lost track of time. The memories of Damon had taken over again and made her lose track of time.

She was brought out of her trance by a pounding on the door.

"Elena get your ass dressed and get out here. You better be presentable because you have a visitor."

What the hell? Who could be here? No one knew where their condo was but her and Caroline.

She got dressed in a hurry making sure she didn't have makeup running down her face due to her crying. But when she opened the door she saw the one person she never would have expected to see.