2. Confusion

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An unrecognizable noise burst through my lips as I tore myself away from her and flung myself into the far corner of her room, sitting with my back to the wall, my arms wrapped tightly around my legs, my fingertips digging into my thighs. Afraid that if I relaxed even a miniscule amount I would kill her anyway.

"What… are you okay?" She sounded completely bewildered.

I squeezed my eyes shut, but it was too late—the image of her sitting up with her hair tumbling around her bare shoulders was burned on my retinas.

Perhaps I should be glad to have that image for eternity, but right now it was making it very difficult to refrain from leaping back in her bed. I didn't think I could stop myself from drinking her a second time. I had to stay away from her.

"Edward, what's wrong?" To my horror, I heard her get up and slowly move towards me. Did she want to die?

"Stop! Stay back." My voice was still rough with lust, both for her blood and her body.

She stilled and asked quietly, "Are you okay?"

"Oh, I'm just fabulous," I muttered.

My sarcasm must have made her think I was more in control of myself than I was, because she started gradually coming towards me again. "Will you please stay away from me?" I ground out.

"Why?" she asked mulishly. Her stubbornness was not so endearing when it was sending her straight into danger. Would she do nothing to help me keep her alive?

I could hear her, smell her getting closer. My fingernails began to rip into the flesh of my legs. The pain helped me stay focused enough to keep from grabbing her and draining her.

"I almost killed you," I snapped. "Isn't that reason enough to stay away?"

"But you didn't," she said soothingly. "It's okay."

The impossible girl was still slowly moving towards me. I had to stop her. I would do anything, say anything, to stop her.

"You don't understand," I said harshly. "I wanted to kill you. I planned it."

Finally, finally, I heard her take a step back.

"You planned it," she repeated faintly.

"Yes."

I flinched when I heard a hitch in her breathing. She took a deep, apparently steadying, breath. I could hear her moving back towards the bed, fabric sliding over her skin as she got dressed, her bedside lamp clicking on, then her tiny grunt as she threw my clothing at me. Distracted by a sudden, horrifying realization, I didn't even attempt to catch them, and heard more than felt the crack of my belt buckle against my head.

As my clothes whistled through the air it had occurred to me that she was going to want me to leave her.

That should have been fine with me. It would have been fine with me, except that I realized I didn't want to leave her. The thought of it was literally painful, an actual tearing sensation in my chest.

I couldn't comprehend it. What was wrong with me? She was just a human. Could vampires go insane?

"I'm truly sorry," I said, confused and a little embarrassed by the small, pained sound of my voice. "Once I dress I'll be on my way."

"Oh, no, you won't." Her voice had a flinty edge that I had never heard before. "You aren't going anywhere until you talk to me."

I couldn't help but smile at her fierceness, backed as it was by absolutely no physical force. She was like a tiny, hissing kitten, soft and warm and fragile.

"Are you…are you smirking at me?" She sounded outraged.

"I… sorry." I met her eyes for the first time since leaving her bed and mentally winced at the tears in them. "It's just, do you really think you could stop me, if I chose to leave?"

She stared at me for a long moment, until I felt more naked than I had ever been, stripped open and weighed in the balance and found wanting. She finally spoke, in a low, hard voice."I am well aware of what you can do. I haven't forgotten your touching little performance of strength and speed in the meadow. But if you have a shred of decency in you, you will stay here and tell me what the hell is going on."

"I don't know if I can explain it to you," I replied honestly, hearing the confusion in my voice. "I really don't understand what is happening."

Her expression showed plainly that she was unsure whether or not to believe me. "Get dressed. I can't talk to you when you're… like this." She waved a hand at my nakedness, then straightened her bedclothes and sat against the headboard, her pillows behind her. And waited.

I stood and dressed, doing it so quickly that I would be a blur to her eyes, but even after I was fully clothed I felt too exposed before her. I was overwhelmed, unsettled by the jumble of thoughts and unfamiliar emotions in my brain. I slowly sat back down and scrubbed my hands roughly over my face and through my hair. "What do you want to know?"

She huffed angrily. "Your name, for starters."

I frowned at her. "My name is Edward Mas—"

She interrupted, "Your real name."

"That is my real name. I'm Edward Masen of Chicago. I was seventeen and dying of the Spanish Influenza when I was changed into a vampire. It was the fall of 1918. I remember very little of my human life."

"But… that's what you told me before. You told me the truth?"

"About that, yes." I decided I may as well be candid, and continued, "You are the only human I have ever told the truth about that."

"Why?" she asked skeptically. "I mean, why didn't you lie to me about it the way you do everyone else?"

"I don't know. It wasn't something I planned, to be honest. I had a whole different persona prepared. It just… came out unbidden." I took a deep breath. "I will tell you the truth about everything, if you like. Whatever you would like to know."

"Anything I ask?" she said slowly. "You won't lie to me?"

"I will never lie to you again," I promised, feeling as surprised as she looked by my vehemence. "I swear it. I warn you though, you will not like what I have to say. I truly am a deplorable creature."

She stared at me in silence for a moment, a tiny furrow between her brows. "So fifteen minutes ago you were planning to kill me, and now you're willing to tell me your innermost secrets? This is really confusing."

I chuckled darkly. "Trust me, you are no more confused than I."

She frowned at me and said flatly, "I don't know why I should trust you. How do I know this isn't all part of your plan, to amuse yourself by seeing how far I'm willing to believe you? Some stupid vampire game that you play?"

"This isn't a game. I do have a plan, but if I had been following it you would have been dead shortly after you invited me into your bed."

"You mean before I…" She blushed so violently that I could feel the heat from it all the way over where I was. And her scent…

I forced myself to stay on topic. "Yes," I said stonily. "I care for no one's pleasure but my own. I am a beast."

"I don't understand. Then why didn't you—"

"I don't know!" The words exploded out of me. "I don't know! All I know is that I couldn't allow myself to do it. I wanted you to live so badly that I sat here and tore open my own flesh to keep myself focused enough not to kill you! I told you the last thing I ever wanted you to know so that you would stay away from me, stay safe—as safe as you ever can be in the same room with me!" I clenched my fists in my hair and continued in a lower voice, but no less desperately, "I don't know. I don't understand what is happening to me."

"You tore… are you okay?" she asked in a concerned voice. "Do you need help? Stitches or, or something? I mean, how do you fix that?"

I stared at her, stunned. "After what I did to you, how can you care about that?"

"I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't." She frowned down at her hands for a moment, then looked at me and added a little defiantly, "But I do."

I was trapped by her eyes, and she stared back, our gazes softening and melding and I felt… I couldn't put a name to it. But it was too much, too huge. My body couldn't contain it. I blinked and looked away, focusing on my hands in my lap, and resisted the urge to get up and touch her. I said quietly, "It's fine. I smoothed the skin back when I got dressed and it's already almost healed. Soon even I won't be able to see where the damage was."

"But, didn't it hurt?" she asked, in a small, pained voice.

"Yes. Very much." I met her eyes and told her seriously, "But it was worth it, Bella. I would do it again."

Her eyes filled with tears and she buried her face in her hands, nearly wailing, "I don't understand any of this! You come here and you're a vampire and I care about you and you say you're trying to do good, but it's really a lie and you do bad, but then you actually do something good and now I don't know what I'm feeling but it's more and I don't… I just… I'm so confused!"

"I know, Bella. I'm so sorry." Her breath caught on a sob and I winced. "Please, love, don't—"

"Don't call me that!" She swiped at the tears on her face and glared at me. "Don't call me what you call all your other women—all your other victims! You sweet talk them and seduce them and make them trust you and then you kill them." Her voice edged toward hysteria, "Oh God, when you said you had a plan… that's your plan… that's… you… how can you—"

"Yes," I cut in evenly. "Yes, that's my plan. That's what I do. But I have never called anyone 'love' except for you."

She stared at me for a long, frozen moment before her face crumpled and she began sobbing.

A/N: So do you think this Edward is salvageable? Review, and let me know what you think of him. See you tomorrow for chapter 3. :)