Monika hit the ground. Hard. Yuri, still unconscious, landed on top of her. Sayori landed on top of Yuri. Natsuki landed on top of Sayori. Chito landed on top of Natsuki, bouncing off the pile and landing nearby on her own. Vezon, Ford, the raptor, and another man landed around them. The resulting cloud of dust filling the air from all of this was enormous.

The other man jumped up and pointed a strange wand-like item of his at Vezon. "Return the Eye of Harmony! Now!"

Vezon wasn't sure if he was really in danger, but just in case, he held up his hands. "Okay, okay, I get why you're mad, Doc. But I don't have it anymore. I sold it. I can point you to the guy who bought it, or…" He reached into his cape.

The man waved the stick threateningly. "Keep your hands where I can see them!"

"Okay, that's fine too. But, uh…" Vezon slowly moved his hands back into plain sight. "Well, I could give you the beans he gave me as part of the trade, but they turned into a giant beanstalk and I promptly fucked off."

"Enough of this! Who did you sell it to?"

D-OOF!

A large blue brick of a man came out of nowhere and slammed into him, knocking him down to the ground and, apparently, unconscious. Standing up, the man in blue dusted himself off and shouldered his weapon, a large assault rifle. He pointed down at the unconscious Doctor and cautioned him unnecessarily with a stern voice.

"Don't. Ever. Threaten. My. Friends."

Vezon, Chito, the raptor, and Ford stared on in disbelief, while the girls untangled themselves. Vezon's mind raced through as many possibilities as it could, got sidetracked in fifteen different ways, forgot what it was doing, shut down, restarted, noticed the man in blue all over again, and finally thought of something to say.

"Well met, my good man! What bringeth thee to cross thine path with mine own?"

The raptor, for its part, was utterly bewildered by all of this, but had stopped trying to keep track of where they were immediately after they all disappeared from London.

The man in blue armor turned to them and… "Hello."

Ford coughed, clearing his throat before addressing him. "Do you… know us? You called us your friends."

Monika finally got up, wiping down her school uniform. She looked up to see the man. "Who are you?"

"Oh! Ah, how rude of me! You all knew my name last time, so I didn't introduce myself."

…

"And?"

"Oh! Right, I forgot to introduce myself! How rude of me!"

Natsuki pulled herself up just in time to hear his inane rambling. "The hell is going on?"

Monika shook her head. "He says he knows us, apparently."

Ford stepped forward cautiously. "You know who I am, right?"

"You're Ford."

"I'll be damned. He does know us."

Vezon was skeptical at best. "What about the rest of us?"

"Oh, right. Yes, I remember all of you." He started going around the circle, nodding to them in turn. "You're Squid Girl, Cheese Puffs, Nazi-Zika, Justin Trudeau, Blue, Yaoi, and a vegan."

Natsuki crossed her arms, making an X shape. "Very wrong."

Monika let out a defeated sigh. "Well, he's seen us before, that's for sure. He's just really stupid and has gotten our names so confused I don't even know who half of them are supposed to be."

He nodded. "Thank you."

Sayori looked to Monika. "Which ones did you get?"

"Well, I mean, I'm obviously Squid Girl, though I'm loath to admit it. You know… 'Ika'? And I'm sure at least Natsuki gets the leap from Yuri to Yaoi."

Natsuki grumbled unhappily. "Chito is Cheese Puffs."

Vezon shrugged. "The Nazi-Zika one is obviously Natsuki."

Natsuki fixed him with a furious glare. "I. AM. NOT."

Ford glanced back at Vezon. "I bet you're the vegan."

"I'm not a vegan, but I'll take it. It's marginally better than being called Justin Trudeau." Vezon looked at Sayori. "And, I guess that means you're Justin Trudeau."

Monika turned to address the blue man, only to find him talking to the raptor. "What?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean. My friends never take me where I want to go either. Like the other day? Grif said we were going to go get pizza, and then I had to go pee in a glowing lake, and now we're traveling through time to try and get back to the pizza place."

The raptor snapped at him, biting his shoulder.

He just sighed. "Yeah, me too, Blue."

Monika just stared on in disbelief. "Now I'm disturbed on a number of levels." She reached out, ignoring the raptor, and tapped the man's shoulder. "So, um, what's your name? So we know next time we meet." Which she realized would be in his past, but their future.

Virtually ignoring the raptor gnawing on his arm, he… probably smiled. This whole time, he had been wearing a large, heavy-looking suit of blue armor. The helmet was complete with a bulbous golden visor, so they couldn't see any of his features. They didn't even really know for sure he was human, they just sort of assumed. Maybe that was jumping to conclusions, but until they knew otherwise… Regardless, he answered, finally, telling them his name.

"My name is Michael J. Caboose." He nodded his head, and his tone made them wonder if he was proud to have remembered his full name.

Although, Monika suspected that he had no idea what the 'J' stood for. She wasn't going to pry, though. "Okay, Michael?"

"Caboose."

"What?"

"All my friends call me Caboose."

"Oh. So, Michael, we're going to go now. Can you keep that guy and the raptor here while we leave?"

"What guy?"

"The guy you knocked out."

"What guy?"

"The guy on the ground?"

"What guy?"

"You know… The Doctor."

"…What Doctor?"

"Come on, I set that up perfectly, work with me here."

"…Doctor what?"

"Goddamnit, Caboose!"

Vezon grabbed Monika's collar. "We're going now. Leave the blue-tard and let's go."

*pop*

Caboose was now standing alone in the middle of a box canyon. Well, almost alone. "Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow."

Yuri woke up. "…Where the fuck am I?"

This time, upon landing, our heroes managed to luck upon a smooth curve that slid them down to the safety of ground level. Bolting upright and looking around, Sayori immediately identified the object they were on.

"A half-pipe? What are the odds?"

Vezon got up and looked around, though admittedly only in one direction. Ahead of him was a deep, dark forest. It was clearly nighttime, and all manner of unwanted noises were coming from the dark. He could already hear someone sneaking through the shroud of the night towards them. He couldn't imagine it being anything bad, if recent experience had taught him anything. And lo and behold, it was a mere platypus. He reached down and picked it up by the tail.

It quacked at him.

"We're in Australia."

Glancing around, Monika performed a quick head count. "Oh… oh no. Oh no! We forgot Yuri! She's still back with that dinosaur!"

Sayori casually opened a swirling red portal and disappeared through it. The portal vanished behind her, and only a couple seconds later, another one appeared and Sayori returned through it, dragging a dazed and confused Yuri behind her. The raptor followed after them.

Sayori saluted. "All team members present and accounted for!"

Monika didn't seem all that impressed though. "Why did you bring the raptor?!"

"I couldn't just leave her there!"

The raptor nodded. "Master Caboose bestowed upon me the ability to communicate with Humans. As such, I have decided to travel with you as your companion."

Sayori squealed in delight. "It's exactly what our team needed! Another girl!"

"It's not a girl!" Monika shouted, flailing her arms in the air. "It's a terror monster of death!"

Vezon produced a large gun from his cape. "I'll trade you."

Sayori put her hands on her hips in defiance. "You can't trade a gun for a person! Even if that person is a dinosaur!"

"Yeah, but I want it." He held out the weapon to Sayori. "And you want this."

"No I don't want it, Vezon! And she has a name!"

"So does this. I call her Vera."

Ford cut in. "You stole that from Firefly."

Vezon shrugged. "Yeah, but I didn't kill any of them when I stole it."

"That's not what I meant. What did you… oh no…"

"That does it!" Natsuki grabbed the gun from Vezon, wrapping her suddenly gigantic hand around it, and threw it far into the woods.

Vezon fell to his knees, stretched his arms out to the sky, and shouted at the top of his lungs. "Veeeerrrraaaaa!"

Natsuki flicked him, sending him tumbling head over heels. "Quiet down. It's just a gun."

He jumped up, cracking his knuckles as he circled around her, ready for a fight. "It wasn't just a gun. It was a big gun! Huge! Frankly, the biggest!"

Natsuki flexed.

"Okay, you win, those guns are bigger." Vezon, kind of surprisingly, kind of not, gave up instantly.

The lull in the conflict allowed Monika to return to her own conflict with Sayori, the raptor-lover. "Sayori, put that thing back where it came from or so help me-"

"Who is shouting my name at midnight hour in woods behind camp?"

They all froze. Someone had found them.

Vezon turned to face the newcomer. "Uh, hi, yeah, we're just passing through. Nothing to see here. We're not intruding at all or…" He looked down at the small frame of the person before him. "Um, hi, uh, let's start over. I'm Vezon. I like long walks and Adam Sandler movies. Everyone, introduce yourself."

Everyone did.

"Oh, right, um, I'm Monika. I play the piano and I like coding."

"Lieutenant Ford, United States Marines."

"I'm Yuri… I have abandonment issues right now."

"My name is Chito. I have abandonment issues too."

The platypus quacked.

Natsuki shrunk back to normal size. "I, uh… I'm Natsuki. Manga is literature."

"I am called Blue. My interests are geopolitical negotiations and neuroscience."

There was an uncomfortable silence. And then "Hi, I'm Sayori, and uh… hmm… I don't think I've ever eaten a fish."

The girl before them didn't seem fazed or even impressed by any of that. She nodded thoughtfully. "I see." She looked to Ford. "You say you are United States Marine, no?"

He nodded, unsure why he was the one she'd singled out. "You sound Russian."

Vezon held up a finger. "Yeah, about that. What are the Russians doing in Australia?"

"What makes you think we're in Australia?" Ford felt like everything was going too fast for him to keep up. If he'd missed a critical thing like that, he was hopeless in this situation. Vezon simply pointed to the platypus on the ground next to him. It quacked. "Oh." Now he was very unsure about everything.

Monika watched as a crafty grin crept across this strange Russian girl's face. "What are you smiling about?"

The smile disappeared. "Nothing. I just remember joke, is all. Please, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Vera, and yes you are in Australia, as you were able to tell from famous Australia wildlife before you. I am merely Russian exchange camper at this camp in Australia, which is not in America. At all."

Sayori leaned in close to the girl, squinting hard at her. "Something's fishy about you."

"Why do you keep talking about fish?"

Sayori jumped back, pointing an accusing finger at Vera. "She's a Russian spy! You can tell by the accent!"

Vera frowned, but a little bead of sweat was starting to form on the side of her head. "No, I am not… I am not Russian spy. I am happy child exchange camper. In Australia."

"I bet you cut to the front of the breadline, you commie fuck!"

"That is grave insult in my country."

"Rambo shoulda finished you all off!"

"I feel you are being racist."

"You probably trade a Pidgey for Legendaries! Never trust the red menace! Better dead than communist!"

"That is last straw. I only traded Pidgey for pseudo-legendary."

Monika tried to calm Sayori down. "I think you're going off a bit much. I think something's off about her too, but you don't have to cause such a fuss."

Sayori continued unabated. "We should feed her to the fishes! Tie her up and torture information out of her! Find out who she's working for! There's always a bigger fish!"

Vera shook her head. "I have been trained to resist all forms of torture."

Blue tapped Vezon on the shoulder casually. "This clock on the back of your head? It says ten seconds."

"Oh, thanks." A few seconds passed. "Oh yeah."

Yuri took Monika's and Chito's hands. Chito grabbed Ford's hand. Ford grabbed Natsuki's hand. Monika grabbed Sayori's hand. Natsuki grabbed Blue's hand. Blue grabbed Vezon's hand. Vezon scooped up the platypus. Sayori grabbed Vera's hand.

"Argh! Release me! I do not consent!"

Sayori's eyes met Vera's, the look on her face dead serious. "Caught like a fish on a hook."

"Why are you obsessed with-"

*pop*

"FIIIIIIIISH!"

"-fish?"

The whole lot of them had appeared in the center of a room, apparently disrupting whatever the occupants of the room had been doing. Six highly startled men stared at them, and similarly surprised, they just stared back. Four of the men immediately booked it for the door, all shouting "Oh shit!" in their own way. Then there were two.

Ford looked behind him at one of the two men remaining. "…Why aren't you running?"

He just shrugged. "I dunno. Yolo, I guess." It didn't seem like he was especially concerned.

The last man, who was sitting on the couch next to the door, let out a defeated sigh and stood up. "Well, that was spectacular. What are we doing, then?"

Vezon cocked his head to the side curiously. "We just randomly appeared right in front of you and you're not even shocked? Not even a little scared of me? Look at me, you really aren't scared."

He shook his head. "Look, I've got kids. Nothing scares me anymore." He looked over them all for a moment, taking in their appearances. "Interesting… You can travel through space and time. I'd really like that power."

"Yeah." Vezon stared at him coldly. "No. I get this power from the mask stuck to my head, and it's fused on there."

"Fine then. I'll just have to pry it from your cold dead head."

Monika jumped in between them, holding her hands out to try and keep them apart. "Hold on! We don't want to fight! We can take you with us if you-" The man grabbed Monika's outstretched arm and threw her away. She crashed through a desk, then the wall, and continued on out of sight.

The other man piped up. "Holy shit, you destroyed Gavin's desk!"

"Monika!" Sayori ran after her friend.

Yuri grabbed Chito's hand and pulled her after Sayori, climbing through the hole in the wall. Vera followed, slipping through the hole to escape what she sensed was going to be a harrowing battle. Blue prepared to pounce, toe claws clicking anxiously. Ford aimed his P90, centering on the man's chest. Natsuki pounded her fists together, her body transforming into it's muscle-bound form.

Vezon cracked his neck, then his knuckles. "I think you'll find that, unlike Sonic, I don't chuckle."

The man raised one eyebrow and snarked, "I prefer cackling, myself."

Outside, in the parking lot, Sayori reached where Monika had landed, embedded in the side of a car. "Monika, are you alright?" She doubted Monika was alright.

Monika groaned. She could feel the warmth of fresh blood running down her face, as well as everywhere else. She was a real mess at the moment. She could hear Sayori's voice. "What happened?" She tried to get up, but a blazing pain shocked her entire body. She cried out and fell back.

Sayori took her hand, giving it a light squeeze. "You'll be okay. We'll get you some medical attention and heal you up next stop. Promise."

Yuri ran over with Chito and Vera following her. "Holy shit! That guy threw Monika through a wall! What the fuck is going on? How did he do that?"

The wall of the building, sporting a Monika-sized hole, suddenly exploded outward, gaining a new Vezon-sized hole where the Monika-sized hole had been. He crashed to the ground next to them. Blue and Ford flew out after him and hit the ground, though with less force. It seemed they hadn't been thrown with as much effort. The raptor scrambled up onto her feet, and the soldier slowly pulled himself up as well. Vezon let out a groan that sounded like giant metal gears grinding against each other. Without a word, he rolled over and pushed himself up.

With a mighty shout, Natsuki came rocketing out of the building with the madman in hand. She landed in front of them and smashed his head into the ground. "Don't hurt my friends!" She raised her fists up over her head and shouted at him. "NO BULLY!" She brought her fists down, and they both vanished inside the resulting cloud of dust and dirt flying through the air.

Blue clicked her claws against the ground and mused. "She has such power inside her. How did this come to be?"

"It's, uh… it's a long story." Yuri coughed, half turning away. "That has absolutely nothing to do with me in any way."

As the dust settled, Natsuki felt her muscles relaxing and shrinking back to normal size. She let out the breath she'd been holding. "I don't think I can take any more blood on my hands." She held up her hands and turned them over. There was no blood. "What?"

"My turn."

"Shit!"

He grinned madly at her, his face utterly unscathed. Exactly what she'd been aiming to turn to pulp, totally unmarred. He rammed his fist into her stomach, and she felt the impact ripple through her body for a split second before she was launched into the sky. The others watched helplessly as she disappeared from view entirely.

Blue looked back down to the man. "He's got more power."

Ford backed away, keeping his P90 trained on their foe. "You don't say."

Yuri fainted.

He stood up. Cackling, as he had indicated he had a tendency for, the man raised his hands up over his head. "Behold! And tremble before the might of the Dark God Ryan!"

"Metal man. Why are you having clock inside of head?"

Vezon looked over his shoulder to see Vera. "Oh, uh, you're still here?" She shrugged. "Hmm, well, that's the countdown until the next time we jump."

"Then clock is saying there is fifteen seconds remaining."

Ford overheard and quickly turned to Sayori. "Can you get Natsuki back?"

"On it!" She vanished into a portal. She appeared in the air high in the atmosphere, right above Natsuki, who was just about at the arc of her flight. "Perfect! Hold on, Natsuki!" She formed another portal, and the two of them fell through together, landing on the ground next to Yuri.

They started reaching out and connecting with everyone else so that none of them would be left behind. Sayori pulled Natsuki and Yuri close to her and reached out to Chito, who took her hand and Monika's. Ford and Blue connected on either side of Vezon, with Ford grabbing Vera's hand, who then grabbed Monika's other hand. Monika had no part in this, as she'd slipped out of consciousness, laying in the crushed car. The platypus jumped up onto Vezon's leg, climbing as it snarled and hissed at him.

It was time to go.

The Dark God Ryan rushed them. "You will not escape me!"

*squeak*
*pop*
*boop*

Approximately eleven rubber balls of varying size bounced along the deck on the bridge of the Heart of Gold.