The next morning, I was completely silent as I bathed and dressed myself, contemplating the events of the previous day. Apollo was just peering over the horizon so it was highly likely that only the servants and myself were awake, at least for now. The soldiers and priests would be the next to rise, I knew, with Hektor among the former and my cousin and Priam would be next after them. For now, however, I was glad of the chance to enjoy the relative peace and quiet of the early morning.
Because, once the last vestiges of the night were swept away and Phoebe had fled the skies, Paris would go to battle for the first and last time.
He had stayed for an hour after revealing his intent to fight and, in that time, we had spoken of many things. Then, after giving him a sisterly embrace, I had sent him back to his room and wife and had gone to bed myself. To my absolute relief, my dreams were calm and consisted mostly of scenes from my childhood interspersed with those of my lessons in the temple so I woke filled with a strange sort of serenity. There was little I could do to change my lot in life now and the bruises that marred my neck and shoulders were valid proof of that fact. My destiny now hinged on the whims of the fates in deciding who lived and died in the war- which would, to a degree, decided whether Troy won or lost- and that was a sorry state in which to find oneself.
Thanks to my mother, I knew that the Egyptians considered blue to be the colour of mourning so I donned an indigo blue dress and jewellery made of lapis lazuli set in gold and brushed my hair then left my rooms. The mood in the dining hall was sombre and, as I broke my fast, I glanced around at the others, wondering if anyone else - save Hektor, Helen, Priam, and I - knew what Paris was about to do. My cousin's tense expression told me that she was indeed aware but if Helenus and Polyxena knew, they did not show it outwardly and Cassandra was not present. The absence of Briseis was like an open sore and I tried not to think of what she was enduring. A pretty virgin priestess taken prisoner in a camp of ten thousand men with no wives, mistresses, or prostitutes to attend them...my entire body shuddered in revulsion and I put my utensils down, my appetite gone.
Suddenly, Priam rose and addressed the room "This morning, my son Paris goes to fight Melenaus in the name of love and marriage. Virtues that every good Trojan holds dear. May Apollo guide him to victory!"
I turned to look at the generals and councillors and many of the older ones were shaking their heads quietly. Those were the men who had actually seen Menelaus, I reasoned, while others looked on in blatant disbelief, their eyebrows hitched high on their foreheads and Hektor was stone-faced but Helen was paler than usual and looked close to tears. Typical. With a tired sigh, I rose to retrieve the baby from my cousin "why the long face, lady Ismena? Angry that the prince is finally proving you wrong and going to battle?"
Irritated that someone would even think such a thing, I turned to look at the priest who had spoken "no" I replied solemnly "I am thinking of Briseis and the other virgin priestesses abducted from the temple who have paid for this folly with their purity and likely their lives". I then turned my attention to the king "if I may be excused, your highness, I have a duty to perform".
Priam nodded his permission and I took Astayanax from Andromache, noting that the quiet conversation has lapsed into an almost oppressive silence. As I passed the king, however, he took my free hand between both of his and said "have faith, Ismena. The gods work in mysterious ways". It was very like him to say such things and, normally, I would have smiled but the grim circumstances made such an expression impossible today.
"I know, your highness, and it is because of my faith that I hope those women are dead. The alternative would be far worse" I said softly then withdrew my hand and exited the hall. On our walk through the gardens, we passed not a single other person and that made me uneasy, for it was when I was alone with the baby that I was vulnerable because my hands were full and I would not risk harming the little one by drawing a blade.
Because Astyanax was so young and likely wouldn't remember these days when he was older, I also didn't put it past Ares to materialize out of nowhere while I walked with the baby. I did not have much time to worry about it, however, because, only ten or so minutes into our walk, a maid came out of the palace and approached me "my lady, the princes are leaving for battle and the crown princess requests that her son be returned"
Without a second thought, I followed the young woman back inside then went to the side doors where I knew the princes and my cousin would be. After handing Astyanax to his father, I touched Hektor's cheek and instructed him to return to us alive and in one piece, at which he gave me a grave smile and promised to try.
I then turned to Paris and immediately noticed that Helen was nowhere in sight. Now there is a surprise I thought sarcastically but did not mention it, as he was likely aware of her absence already. His eyes were dark and he was obviously scared but, nevertheless, he wore full battle armour and Priam's sword was in his hand. Fury sparked anew within my breast and, at that moment, I hated Helen of Sparta more than ever. It was one thing to see a man's weakness for a lovely woman but to take advantage of it, make him love her, then abandon him when he goes against his very nature to fight for her...that was another and very worthy of condemnation.
"Force him to strike first and stay on the defensive until you wear him down. Then you may have a chance" I advised quietly "I wish you well, Paris of Troy. May the gods be with you"
The latter was a blessing given by the members of any temple and so I was free to use it without sounding like his father. He nodded and, to the surprise of everyone present – including myself, I took his face in my hands and kissed his forehead soundly. "Thank you" he whispered, so low that no one but myself could possibly hear it, and I could only nod because it was not only for the kiss that he thanked me.
After the men had left for the battlefield, I told my cousin that I would meet her at the viewing area in a few moments. "I am going to light some incense on my shrine. It is needed" I said when she asked where I was going and she let me leave.
The entire way to my room, I felt anxious and briefly considered not going upstairs but then rejected that idea out of loyalty to my cousin. For her to be up there with Helen as her only companion, aside from the king, was a torture I would not wish on anyone – much less my only remaining family member of note. As I opened my door, I was less than willing to admit that I also wished to witness the battle to see if Paris followed my instructions, which were surely the same as those that Hektor had given him.
"You are worried about him. How touching"
I closed my eyes and rubbed my brow. I knew who it was, that sarcastic voice was all-too-familiar, but I had already had enough emotional upheaval for one day to possibly be civil. In response, I fixed him with a cold glare and walked into my room towards him, kicking the door shut behind me but not locking it. I no longer cared who walked in and saw us.
"I suppose you are pleased about this"
"Not exactly" he retorted "why should I be pleased that my bride worries about a mortal man?"
"I needn't worry for you...you are a god and could turn the enemy men to pulp with your bare hands" I pointed out "to you, there is no danger on that battlefield. Paris is a coward and often foolish but he knows his faults and, unlike you, admits them willingly. However, he is mortal. He also would never lay a hand on a woman in harm, throttle her in her own bed, or take her by force - all of which you are guilty of, perhaps not in my case but I am not the first woman to attract your attention. He goes now to fight the rightful husband of the woman he stole, though he knows he cannot possibly win. Have you done the same with Hephaestus?"
His eyes were almost black now and I took a sort of perverse pleasure in knowing that I was fast pushing him to the end of his tether. Which was no great feat given his reputation. However, a voice in the back of my mind was screaming at me that my cousin would be inconsolable if I died so I heeded it to an extent but I did not think he would kill me yet. After all, the war was yet in its infancy and the fate of Troy unknown to all save Cassandra.
Cassandra. With the thought of my unfortunate friend, a small amount of reasoning permeated my madness and I was suddenly conscious that, if I died, she would be alone. I owed it to her, and to my cousin, to live as long as possible which would definitely not be long if my speech continued on its current path so I fell silent and, instead, considered the god in front of me. Something that, looking back, I should have done before opening my mouth in the first place.
He was wearing an orange and gold cloak with a fastening composed of diamond-shaped gold pieces, the same kilt as before, gauntlets, and gold sandals but no armour or shirt of any kind. There was also no hair on his body aside from his head, that I could see anyway, and my irrational mind found that odd but not unattractive. Perhaps it was the lack of hair or the depth of anger in his eyes, but something clicked as I recalled the histories of the gods that I had learned in school and compassion stole into my heart.
More softly, I began to speak again "I know of your parents. I have read of their treatment of you and that they bear your presence only because you are their child. You were ridiculed and maligned by the other gods, save Artemis who is wild and definitely not considered a 'suitable' female, and your parents did not defend you. For that, they should be ashamed because you are the product of their union and should have been treasured. But, instead, to add injury to insult, they took the only goddess you ever loved and married her to another against her will. That must have been painful. All that you have known in your life thus far are humiliation, betrayal, and pain. So you kill and maim, ruin cities and peoples, and take mortal women against their will while your kin watch. But despite your long lives you gods fail to recognize that some mortals are able to see what many do not"
Equal amounts of relief and dread flared up in me when his characteristic smirk reappeared "So tell me, mere mortal, what do you see?" he was mocking me but I refused to let myself be riled by it and just gave him a sad smile "I see a god who is capable of love but refuses to feel or bestow it out of the fear of being hurt again, whether by the recipient or by death. It cannot be easy to watch everything and everyone die around you while you stay young and untouched. Not at first anyway"
The smirk faded and my stomach clenched but I moved towards him anyway, forcing myself forward despite the knowledge that he might strike me and/or throw me across the room again at any second. "Since you are humouring me, tell me, Lord Ares, do you impose the faces of those who mock you on your mortal victims? Is that why it is so easy to kill? Or is it because there are so many of us that you no longer see faces but merely figures, like a child stepping on ants in the courtyard?"
He stared at me and a muscle in his jaw twitched "do you really wish to know?" his voice was low and quiet, which should have been a cause for concern but, in my youth, my father had often remarked to my mother that I was uncommonly stubborn for a girl and, apparently, little had changed since then. So I was not dissuaded "yes. I assume Lady Artemis informed you that I was her best student as well as a devoted priestess and, if we are to be wed as you say, I wish to learn more about my future husband".
My sudden curiosity was something that he had obviously not expected and, with a serious expression, he took a step towards me so that we were nearly standing face-to face "you are correct in both. Gods do not feel emotions with the same intensity as mortals because we have become immune to them gradually over time. We see faces and hear voices praying to us and then we blink and they are simply gone, replaced with new faces and voices. There are a few, whose deeds and words come to our attention, and large-scale battles are followed very closely by me and my kin but mainly for entertainment. Some of us get bored more easily than others and so we feel the need to interfere and make things more interesting. Mistreating and/or killing certain people is one of the easiest ways for us to do that and also to rile each other" he explained and I exhaled slowly as he confirmed what I, and surely more than a few other humans, had suspected all along. That mortals existed mainly for the entertainment of higher beings.
It was depressing but at least now I knew the truth. However, I had a few more questions for him and I hoped he would answer them before getting too irritated with me. "I have often thought that might be the case and thank you for the confirmation. If you will tell me, I wish to know what your plans are for me, should we be wed. If you are going to kill me or just torture me until I ask you to" thankfully, my voice was steady and betrayed none of my trepidation at the thought.
His brow furrowed "neither"
My face must have betrayed my shock because his expression changed to one of mild amusement "why so surprised?"
"You did say that you were going to see how long my spirit lasted. I assumed that meant you were going to torture me until I broke" I reminded him.
"And you said that you see a god who is capable of love, but refuses to show it. So perhaps you assume too much. It is hardly amusing to kill someone who is not afraid to die nor would I wish to extinguish the life of someone whose defiance continually disturbs the boring flow of court life. For a woman, you are brave and mostly fearless, otherwise you would not be standing so close to me"
That was one way of putting it. "You have more questions" he stated matter-of-factly.
"Just one" the answer sprung from my mouth before it could consult my brain to find out that, actually, I didn't have any other questions and just wanted to leave before my cousin sent someone down to find out what was taking me so long. If I had lit incense, it would have been burnt to ash by now.
He raised an eyebrow, at which I added "for now" and, for the life of me I could not restrain the smile that came to my face. This was beyond ridiculous. Any other woman would have been screaming, crying, and wetting herself were she in my position so perhaps I was indeed, as he had said, brave. The corners of his mouth quirked upwards and, for a moment, I thought he was actually going to smile at me without malice "well?"
"May I kiss you?"
Where in the steaming pits of Hades had THAT come from?!
He was obviously wondering the same because his expression became unreadable for several moments then turned into that of faint curiosity "Why?"
"The only physical contact I've had with you thus far was when you were practically strangling me on my bed. I would like something different to remember you by" was my response and I would swear until my dying day that he almost laughed. Almost. He did smile a little, though, and tipped his head to the side pensively "you are a strange woman"
"So I am told"
I expected him to grab me, to do something that would make me regret my insane request, but the fates had more surprises in store for this strange mortal woman because he did nothing of the sort.
His hands moved to grip my shoulders and he pulled me forward so that my body made contact with his and I could feel the heat of him through my gown. "I may be a god, young Ismena, but even we kiss our women before going into battle" he said then inclined his head and kissed me.
I had been kissed before, by Paris, but to kiss a god was entirely different. In essence, it was both enjoyable and profoundly disturbing because the firm press of his lips against mine made my body burn and freeze simultaneously, as though I were being set on fire then submerged in ice water, and a cloud of butterflies took flight in my stomach. When he finally pulled back, I wondered what the experience had been like for him because his face was tense and those piercing eyes were filled with what looked suspiciously like...fear.
My fingers rose to touch my lips, which still tingled, and I found myself unable to form words at all. He disappeared in a flash of light only a moment later, leaving me standing in the middle of my room, a little confused and very conflicted.
My head felt like it was full of clouds when I emerged onto the viewing area reserved for the royal family and my first thought was that the battle had not yet begun. I could hear the wind and the voices of men far below but, other than that, it was quiet. After I bowed respectfully to the king and to my cousin, my feet carried me to the stone rail and I took my first look at what would soon become the battlefield.
Both armies were massive, that much I could tell, but, at first glance, ours appeared to be better equipped which bolstered my pride in my countrymen and in the crown prince who rode ahead, with his brother at his side for the first time, to meet two large armour clad men in the middle of the yet empty plain. The latter, I presumed, were the Greek kings Menelaus and his brother Agamemnon.
I watched the slender form of Paris walk towards the Greek king and my stomach lurched at just how small the prince appeared next to his opponent. I had seen Hektor engage in one to one combat during training exercises but, almost always, he and his opponent were at least close in size. The two I was observing now were not even close to evenly matched, in size or in skill. This would not be so much a battle as a brutal execution and, because of that, I knew that my presence was not required. I turned around and saw Helen standing nervously next to my cousin, who was trying to calm the fussing baby, and my upper lip curled in disgust.
In five strides, I was beside her and grabbed her pale soft arm then practically dragged her up to the railing "it is your fault he is out there and if he dies, it will be because of your weakness. Had you refused to come back to Troy with him, he would not have forced you and this could have been avoided. The least you can do now is have the courage to watch him fall" I muttered, shoving her forward as the first clank of metal on metal sounded from the field below.
With that done, I turned to one of the guards nearby and stated "she is to see the entire fight". The man nodded, a ghost of a smirk visible beneath his helmet, then moved minutely closer to Helen, ready to stop her should she attempt to abandon her position. I walked back and explained my reasoning to the king then took the wailing baby from his mother and cradled him against me, cooing softly until he quieted.
"Perhaps you should take him to the gardens where there is decent shade, Ismena" she suggested quietly and swiped at the beads of sweat forming on her brow "it is far too hot for him and he has already been fed and changed"
She was right in that the gods were being quite pitiless where the weather was concerned. There was not a cloud in the sky to veil Apollo's merciless rays and the air was heavy and still, which would not bode well for the men fighting whilst weighed down by several pounds of metal armour. It will be akin to fighting in a potter's kiln I thought distastefully then nodded and smiled at the child "we will go back to the gardens and listen to the birds, yes?"
He smiled in response and I examined his mouth for a second then raised an eyebrow at my cousin "no wonder he is fussing so much. Our little prince has another tooth coming in". Andromache grinned "believe me, I know. It will soon be time to test soft food on him so that I will not feel as though I am nursing a crocodile"
We both laughed then I bid her farewell until the midday meal and descended the stairs into the palace.