**Author's note: Hello everyone! I won't lie, I forgot I had this story for a while. I was actually surprised to see more and more people giving me a chance. Well, here's chapter 2. I'll try to make chapter 3 within a month. Again, thanks to all.**
"Arrrggghhh my head! When will these headaches go away?"
Choji and Kiba sat outside their favorite Korean BBQ restaurant, dining on their 2nd serving of beef. It was a little after 10 in the morning. Kiba was out for a jog when he spotted his friend eating alone. Thought he might as well join.
"Still can't sleep well Choji?"
"No, but I would like to know what drugs you're taking to fall asleep every night."
Kiba gave Choji a serious stare before giving him a devious grin. "Half a bottle of NyQuil. Every night."
Choji looked up from his plate and stared at Kiba in shock. "Wh-Ho-…Are you freaking serious?! Do you know how much you're damaging your health?!"
Kiba laughed loudly. "Oh man, what a great response! I didn't know you cared about my well-being that much. I was just playing you man. You really think I have enough money to buy all that NyQuil?"
Choji let out a sigh of relief, but then started wondering why he should be concerned about Kiba in the first place. No, he should be angry!
"What the heck is wrong with you? I'm going insane over here and you're making jokes? I should have stepped on you instead!"
"Relax man! I'm just trying to liven things up. Look, I had a tough time with that too. But I got over it with sheer willpower. That's all it takes."
"Yeah, I call bull. In fact, I think you shouldn't even be allowed a pet. Poor Akamaru. Probably wishes he could die and go to hell so he could repent for his sin. All because you told him to chase Neji."
"Hey! Not cool man! Neji provoked us remember. 'Damn Kiba, were you always this slow? I could understand Choji being slow cause he's fat, but you? I feel bad for Akamaru, having a slow ass owner dragging him down.'God was he asking for it."
"He was high! You're the one that obliged him."
"I was high too you idiot!"
Thankfully, Sakura and Ino arrived before things got too intense.
Ino was carrying a handful of flowers and Sakura was carrying medical equipment.
Choji was relieved to see Ino. She was one of the few people who really understood him, and was far better company than this asshole Kiba. "Hey Ino, what's with the flowers? Your shop delivering now?"
"They're actually from Sai. He came by my shop this morning and gave 'em to me."
Kiba looked at her in confusion. "Does your boyfriend not realize that his girlfriend owns a flower shop?"
Ino sighed. She really loves her pale knight, but he still hasn't quite learned how to perform romantic gestures.
Sakura decided to change the subject. "So, you guys heard the news right? Exciting huh?"
"What news is that?" Choji asked, wondering how many more plates of meat he should order.
"Did Naruto reauthorize use of the reanimation jutsu?! Can we bring Neji back to life?!" Kiba's eyes were gleaming with hope and a new will to live.
His friends all stared at him, first in confusion, then in pity. Shit! Did I just say that out loud? For the past few weeks he worked on convincing everyone he was over it. But alas, the truth always finds a way out. He was miserable, just like Choji. It was all a ruse. He really did drink NyQuil every night.
Eventually, Ino spoke to break the uncomfortable silence. She even decided to be nice for once and pretend the poor boy hadn't said anything. "The news is quite good, and it's regarding our very own Hokage and his wife."
Choji thought for a while. Was she pregnant? No, he was sure they didn't want a kid this early. Maybe they were going to open a restaurant together...and he was going to be the official food taster!
Before he could take his guess, Sakura blurted out the good news. "Hinata's pregnant! Can you believe it? They're the first one of us to have a kid!"
The news shocked Kiba out of his current stage of depression. And it filled him with a new stage of depression. Naruto's having a kid? First he beats me in strength, then gets the pretty girl, then becomes the Hokage, and is now having a kid? Why? Why can't it be me?!
Choji on the other hand was quite happy hearing this. He had a lot of respect for his Hokage friend and was looking forward to a new face.
"We just got the news from Hanabi this morning. Now, I think they might still be too young but what the hell. Things might get interesting around here. And plus, I get to be an aunt! I'm gonna be the best aunt there is." Ino stared at the clouds and smiled. This child would treat her like a goddess.
Sakura on the other hand didn't agree. "Uh, sorry Ino. I've known Naruto the longest. I know what he's like, therefore I know what this kid will be like. Which means I'll get along with him better."
There goes Sakura again. Ino thought. When will she admit I'm better than her in every way? "Listen Sakura, I'm sure this kid doesn't want to be freaked out by your huge forehead. Plus, you're a medic. What if he starts playing with your medical equipment and stabs himself with a syringe?"
Why the hell is the bitch's sole purpose in life to piss me off?"You're funny Ino-pig. As if I would let a baby around medical equipment. But you on the other hand would be too occupied worrying about your boyfriend's terrible attempts at romance to even notice the baby swallowing insecticide!"
Choji and Kiba knew they had to stop this before things went to hell. Their bickering was nothing compared to that of these two girls.
****************Meanwhile*********************
Hinata finally opened her eyes after being asleep for what felt like forever. She knew she missed breakfast. Hell, she probably missed lunch. But she didn't care. She spent all night celebrating the wonderful news with her father, sister, and the rest of the Hyuga clan.
She would've stayed with Naruto longer, but he had to finish approving some papers. Something about deporting all self-righteous vegans? Luckily her clan was more than happy with the news. She was a bit worried about how her dad would take it, but after seeing how well Naruto reacted, she had no fear. And he actually reacted quite well. He admired how grown up and confident her daughter had become over the years, and knew she always made the right decisions. So what if this was one unplanned decision? Surely this pregnancy can only be for the best.
For a while her younger sister Hanabi was jealous that Hinata got such a hero for a boyfriend. She eventually decided it was better if Naruto was with her older sister than with some hooker (a lot of hookers moved to Konoha once they got news of the free healthcare).
Hinata stayed up until 3 a.m. singing, dancing, and just having a blast.
It was 11 a.m. and she was surprised nobody woke her. Heck, the rest of her clan might also be asleep for all she knew. But before she could get out of bed, her door opened. There stood Konohamaru, dressed in his usual ninja outfit. Hinata froze for a second before letting out a shriek and covering herself with her blanket, completely forgetting that she had pajamas on. Konohamaru was also startled to find Hinata still in bed, but also a little disappointed that she slept with clothes on.
"I'm so sorry sis! I didn't know you were still in bed."
"Ko-Konohamaru-kun?! What are you doing here?"
"What? Didn't brother Naruto tell you?"
Hinata forgot about her embarrassing situation for a bit. "Naruto-kun? Tell me what?"
"Well, he asked me to be your bodyguard for the next 9 months."
Hinata threw her blanket on the floor and looked at her husband's apprentice in confusion. "What? What do you mean bodyguard?"
"Well, he told me the news; congratulations by the way. Then told me that I should be the one who watches over you until your baby arrives."
She didn't know how to react to this. Would Naruto-kun really be this protective? Sure this is a big, life changing event. But to hire Konohamaru to watch over her...wasn't this too much?
"I'm going to head to the Hokage's office. I'm sorry Konohamaru-kun, but I won't be needing protection. I can protect myself for the first few months, then my clan can watch over me after that. Now please, I would like some privacy so I can change."
"That's what I said. But bro said you could use some extra protection. Believe me, I'd rather be doing other things myself. But he's my bro and my boss. I can't just say no to him."
Hinata started at him. "He's paying you isn't he?"
Konohamaru shifted his gaze to the floor, trying his best to stay dignified. "Ye-yeah. 30 bucks a week."
"30 bucks a week?! That's hardly anything!"
"You don't think I know that?! But now that everything is so damn peaceful, you can't exactly make much of a living being a ninja. That's why most of you got other jobs, and pretty decent ones too. But the only thing people pay me for is capturing runaway cats and unclogging the toilets of old people."
Hinata felt sorry for the kid. Seeing the grandson of a Hokage reduced to cleaning toilets...though the thought of Konohamaru having a mustache and a red hat did make her giggle.
"Listen Konohamaru, I'm going to see Naruto-kun and figure all this out. You can stay here if you want. But please let me change."
"Okay sis, whatever you say." He closed the door and thought about what he should now. "Hmmm, I wonder if they need their plumbing repaired."
**********************Meanwhile**************************
"So, this is where he's supposed to be? Are you positive?"
"Surely the Nara clan wouldn't just be protecting a bunch of magical deer. He must be here."
"Well then, I guess you grunts better start digging."
A few dozen men dug up the ground over a quarter mile radius. It took longer than expected though, what with members of the Nara clan refusing to die. Eventually they did find his burial spot (of his head anyways). They lifted him up and were a little concerned when his eyes didn't open. Could he actually have died?
"Hey, knock on his forehead. See if anyone's home."
"What? I'm not gonna knock on master's forehead you moron! That's disrespectful!"
"Look genius, it doesn't matter how we wake him up, as long as we DO wake him up? Maybe we should use the "One Thousand Years of Death" technique.
"Look, we have to wake him in an elegant way! Think of his impression of us if the first thing he feels in years are some fingers up his - "
"Ass! I found his ass, and the rest of his body." Exclaimed a fellow grunt from a few yards away.
It was at this point that Hidan finally opened his eyes. It took a while to re-adjust to the brightness of the sun and the colors of the trees, but he finally opened his mouth to express his appreciation.
"Who the hell are you bitches? And why the hell are you so fuckin' tall? And-and why is my ass-end all the way over there?!"
They weren't sure how to handle his questions, but they were warned about his personality.
"Master, we were sent to bring you back to the surface. We are underlings of the Great One, and from now on we shall obey your commands as well."
After Hidan got reacquainted with the rest of his flesh, he started interrogating his saviors.
"So, just who is this "Great One" and what the hell does he want with me?"
"We're not exactly sure of his identity but he took us misfits in and taught us ninjutsu. He promises to make the world a more ideal place, and we promised to help him achieve his dream. As for you master, we believe he desires your help because of your strength."
"Strength? Pshhh, I wasn't strong enough to stay above the fuckin' dirt now was I? By the way, why is this place still so damn green? Shouldn't the Akatsuki have wiped out this place along with the rest of the Leaf Village?"
"Akatsuki? Master, the Akatsuki haven't been around for years. They're all dead. You're the only one alive."
"D...DEAD?! How? How were they defeated? Someone actually defeated Pain-sama?"
"Yes. Over 6 years ago, the current Hokage Naruto Uzumaki defeated Pain. However, it turned out that the one you knew as Tobi was the one pulling the strings. He revived Madara Uchiha and nearly put the entire world under a genjutsu. Naruto, with the help of Sasuke Uchiha and the tailed beasts, put an end to Madara. Or should I say Kaguya, who was behind everything all along."
"Who the fuck is Kaguya?!"
"Just a lady who can travel through dimensions and seems to possess no weakness. Just a bunch of nonsense really."
"Wait...6 years? Did you say I've been under the ground for 6 years?! And...and that brat Naruto defeated Pain-sama...and is now the Hokage? Lemme guess, all five nations formed an alliance and Sakura can punch through a mountain?"
"The five nations have been allied since the Fourth Great Shinobi War. And Haruno Sakura does exceed most in terms of physical ability, though she probably can't punch through a meteor like Saitama can."
"Sait...do I even wanna know?"
"Perhaps master, it's a pretty good show. Anyways, shall we head back to our base?"
"One final question. This "Great One", how does he plan to create an ideal place? Does he plan to blow shit up and spread more bloodshed like the Akatsuki?"
"Well, he believes that violence is the only path to a better world, but he plans to take a smarter approach than the Akatsuki."
Hidan stared at them for a while, then at the tress and the sky. He finally came to his decision.
Quickly and efficiently, he decapitated all the men in front of him, except for one. "The Akatsuki were one of the strongest organizations in history. Yet it fell, and the forces of good only grew stronger because of it. You really think violence will do shit for your cause? Fuck that, and fuck your idiot leader."
With that, Hidan turned the other way and proceeded to leave.