It had been a trying day thus far but I had soldiered through it with single-minded purpose, intent on rebuilding our lives and honour Hektor by surviving- not succumbing to the whirlpool of grief that threatened to pull us under. Nevertheless, by the time a herald summoned me to an audience with King Priam, I was ready to kill something or collapse...or both, in that order. I may still get the chance I thought morbidly as I practically marched towards the king's study, having just bathed and changed into more suitable attire for dinner. It was nearly time for the evening meal and I was hungry and sore. The fact that the meeting was in the king's study failed to improve my mood in the slightest because it usually meant some kind of reprimand was in order and I could not think of anything I had done recently to deserve one.
After attending the first round of funerary games; Briseis, Cassandra, and I had helped my cousin tackle the arduous task of removing Hektor's things from what had been their marital chambers and would now be my cousin's private rooms. The afternoon had been filled with tears, memories, and making the baby giggle as much as possible without also making him throw up, because it was impossible not to smile at the sound of his laughter. He was far too young to understand why his father was no longer there and it tore my heart to shreds to think that he might not remember Hektor at all in a couple of years. If we all lived that long.
"The king requested my presence" I explained to the guard who barred the entrance to the study and he knocked on the door then, having heard Priam's call, stepped aside to allow me through. In contrast to the neatly appointed quarters of his advisers, the king's study was a perpetual mess. Priam had a love of history and unshakeable faith in the gods, both of which I respected, and so his desk and the tables nearby were nearly covered in old maps, scrolls, and dusty tomes as well as his diplomatic correspondence and writing instruments. Figurines of the Olympian gods lined the shelves on the wall to the left and a small shrine to Apollo took up part of the wall to the right. Among all of this paraphernalia, the king himself seemed completely comfortable so it was only to be expected that he would seek refuge there at such a time.
Unlike our last audience, he was completely alone and the faint smile he gave me was reassuring as I delicately picked my way through the mess to stand in front of his desk then curtsied. "You wished to see me, your highness" I said and he nodded then motioned to a chair "I did. I wish to speak with you on an important matter. Please sit". Somewhat relieved, I obeyed and he set aside his quill then clasped his hands in front of him and we regarded each other for a moment in complete silence as he collected his thoughts.
He then rose and went over to the figures of the gods, selected one, then returned to his seat while I watched him, perplexed but also curious as to what he was doing. Then he leaned forward and placed the figurine on the edge of the desk, in front of me, and my stomach lurched into my chest, my palms started to sweat, and my entire body tensed so quickly I swore I heard my spine crack.
"Do you know who this figure is, Ismena?"
Oh gods, what do I do now? I thought and swallowed reflexively "of course, your highness. It is a depiction of Ares"
He eyed me shrewdly "indeed. Is it an accurate one?"
"I would not know, your highness. It is said that mortals die instantly if they look upon the gods in their natural forms so any idol carved by a human would be only a guess at best" I answered and was only half lying, for the latter sentence was completely true. Zeus' reaction to my seeing his normal form in the gardens had confirmed it.
He nodded "so it is said. However, this morning, I was told that you were visited by this particular god not once, but twice in the past week and that he has asked for you in exchange for our victory in this war" he said and I wanted to die right then and there.
I raised one eyebrow in what I hoped was a dubious expression "with all due respect, your highness, who told you this?" I asked quietly. "Someone close to me whom I shall not name because I do not wish that person to come to harm at your hands" he said and my blood began to boil when Paris' face flashed in front of my mind's eye. I had little doubt that he had told his father, simply because no one else would have. Cassandra and Briseis would never have betrayed me, my cousin and Polyxena did not know at all, and Helenus knew only that Ares had visited and bruised me.
So that left Paris.
"King Priam, ever since I moved here, I have walked the line between royalty and the common people and I know how both sides think" I drew a deep breath and pressed forward "I believe that this informant may be seeking to create hope where it does not exist. Our people would be very pleased to hear that Ares has taken our side in the war because he wishes for one of our women. I happen to be a convenient target because of my temperament but I highly doubt that a god would find me beautiful enough to favour me thus. Cassandra or Helen, perhaps, but not me"
I hated myself for lying to him but telling him the truth might well have gotten me into a worse situation than Cassandra. As a child, I had once seen the king in the grip of religious fervour and it had terrified me so much that I refused to even go near the palace again for several weeks. Seven years later, it was still one of my most disturbing memories and I never allowed myself to relive it.
He gave me a stern look "Now, Ismena, that is not true. Surely you know that you are considered one of the fairest women in Troy" he said and I am not sure whether he believed I was fishing for compliments on my appearance but the thought had honestly never crossed my mind. I did not think I was ugly but I did not have the pale statuesque appearance of Helen nor the dark beauty of Cassandra and my figure more resembled that of an Amazon than the curvy women idolized in statues and friezes around Troy. Not that Ares cared.
Or so I thought. Perhaps I should ask him that if I ever see him again I mused.
"To be honest, I never gave much thought to the aesthetics of my face and form, your highness. However, even so, the tastes of mortal men surely differ from those of the gods when it comes to women. Besides, though I consider myself brave, were I ever approached by someone wearing the skins of a thousand dead men, I would die of fright" I added and shuddered for effect. Priam seemed to believe me because he leaned back in his chair, stroking his beard, for a moment then nodded "as would I, I suspect" he agreed. With those words, it appeared that our meeting was over because a knock came at the door and the king sighed "You are dismissed, Ismena, as it is apparently time for the evening meal. Is Andromache feeling well enough to eat in the hall or shall I have a meal sent to her rooms?"
"She will be at dinner, sire. We made much progress on the rooms and she understands that Hektor would want her to carry on and not surrender to grief, if only for the sake of their son" I replied, rising from my seat to leave. "Indeed, he would have wanted that for us all" he murmured, more to himself than to me, and I curtsied then left him to his thoughts.
No sooner had I reached the main hallway than I saw Paris descend the stairs and our eyes met. My hands immediately tightened into fists at my sides and fury spread through me like fire through a dry forest, consuming everything in its path.
"Paris, you...you idiot!" I was so angry that the words came out in a dangerous hiss, not unlike that of a wildcat getting ready to pounce on its prey "you just had to tell your father, didn't you?! I trusted you with one thing - ONE! - and you couldn't even keep that to yourself!"
He stared at me, clearly taken aback by my anger, and a small corner of my mind found it to be out of character for him "I am not sure what thing you are referring to..." he said carefully "my father and I have not spoken in private for some time".
"Is that so? Then how would he find out what a certain war god said to me, when you were the only one who heard?" I spat and his eyes narrowed before he realized exactly what I was talking about. Then he turned very pale "Ismena, I would never..." he began but I couldn't take any more denials from him. Or anyone else, for that matter.
"Oh for the love of the gods, Paris, save your lies for someone who believes them and do not ever visit me again" I ordered then turned on my heel and walked away as quickly as I could, before I lost it completely and tore his face off. Half-way through the door I stopped mid-step, however, when I heard Helenus speak to him and warning bells sounded in my mind.
"You appear to be in trouble with Ismena again, little brother"
As angry with Paris as I was, his brother sounded far too smug for my liking and I flattened myself against the wall on the other side of the doorway so that I could listen without being seen. Something told me that Paris was in a dangerous situation and the part of me that was loyal to the family did not want him to face it alone.
"I am always in trouble with her so it is hardly news" the younger prince pointed out, quite rightly.
"Perhaps you should let someone with a heavier hand deal with her, rather than trying to reason with her yourself" the elder prince suggested and I stiffened at the underlying meaning of his words. But I soon discovered that I wasn't the only one offended by his suggestion.
"What do you mean by that, Helenus?" Paris' voice was tense and, when I peered around the doorjamb, I saw that his entire expression had darkened and he was standing with his arms crossed over his chest.
Helenus merely gave him a smile that made my skin crawl and I recalled the warning I had received during Hektor's funeral. I must speak with the servants and ensure that his movements are reported to me from this day forth as I clearly have been mistaken in who I can and cannot trust I thought resolutely then, when no further words were forthcoming from the two princes, I hurried away before either of them could catch me spying on them.
At dinner, I informed Cassandra of what I had heard and, in the years I had known her, I had never before seen such a cold expression on her face. "There is always room for an assassin's dagger or poison, should the need arise" she murmured darkly "his behaviour has been odd of late but I never suspected he would turn on you, of all people".
"Neither did I but he already knows too much for my liking" I told her "he is aware that you, my cousin, Astyanax, and Briseis are my only weaknesses and he knows about the visits from Ares, which your father somehow found out about and not from me".
The hand holding her cup paused halfway to her mouth and panic was clearly visible in her dark eyes "what motive would he possibly have for telling father? There is nothing you can do to ensure the war goes one way or the other from this point, regardless of how much Ares favours you" she pointed out shakily, setting her cup down without drinking from it.
"I know and I could not find a reason myself. I thought it was Paris who had told the king because he heard the conversation between myself and Ares and, during my audience with him earlier, your father referred to something that Ares said to me – which Helenus would not have known"
"It was not Paris" she said suddenly and I raised an eyebrow at her, prompting her to explain "Paris has done many foolish things but, despite what I said yesterday, he may be the only man in the palace that you can trust right now. He would never lay a hand on you in harm, even if he could, and he would never betray your confidence. Trust me on this".
"How do you know this? He knows that I am a danger to his wife, whom he loves, so why would he not try to convince his father that I am mad?"
Cassandra gave me a mysterious smile then leaned in close to me so that others would not hear "he does not love her as much as he would have us believe. As cruel as it sounds, she is a substitute. There is another, who stole his heart on the very day he returned to the city from the shepherd's house at the age of nine, who will not have him. So, since then, he has spent his life trying to find another woman who can fill that void but they always fall short. Helen was a reward from Aphrodite so he took her and the rest, you know"
I mulled over her words as we finished our meals and, more than once, my gaze wandered over to Paris. True to what Cassandra had overheard, the prince was not very affectionate towards his wife and only talked to her when she asked him something. But then, he wasn't speaking much to anyone and seemed intent on finishing his meal as quickly as he could without attracting attention from anyone else at the table.
As I was rising to leave, however, he looked up at the same time as I glanced down and I felt my expression soften. I would later find out that I owed Paris of Troy a sincere apology but at that moment, I pitied him for what had befallen him. Because of rejection, from both his father and a childhood sweetheart, he had become a pawn in a game that none of us wanted to play and I, a mortal instrument myself, understood exactly how that felt.