**Remember when I said I would finish Ch.3 early? Yeah I disappoint me too.**
Hinata walked back and forth in front of the Hokage office contemplating how to talk to Naruto about this whole situation. She wasn't sure why she was so worried - of course Naruto-kun simply over-reacted and everything will go back to normal. Yet this was so out of character.
A couple of young kids were inside trying to sell Naruto their mixtape. "This tape is so fire the 2nd Hokage couldn't douse it with his water style. This tape could literally kill Madara again. This tape - "
Naruto had to cut them off. He couldn't listen to this any longer. He understood that the world had become safer and kid ninjas didn't get as many missions anymore, but mixtapes?!
"I'm sorry guys. I have no interest in Hip Hop. It's just not my thing." This was a total lie though, as for the last 2 years he's assigned the entire Anbu to locate the whereabouts of Biggie and Tupac. Still, he felt bad for the kids and made Shikamaru buy their tape.
Finally Hinata stepped into his office.
"Hey there's my girl! How did everyone take the news? I heard your whole clan partied quite hard."
"Yes we all had fun. But this morning Konohamaru-kun came to my house and said you...you've hired him to be my bodyguard for the next 9 months?"
This was the first time Shikamaru was hearing this. "Bodyguard? You serious? You think anyone's gonna have the balls to go after the Hokage's baby mama? Especially considering you're friends with pretty much EVERYONE."
"Yes Naruto-kun, I agree with Shikamaru-kun. I understand you're a little nervous but I think you're going overboard."
Naruto considered her words for a moment but decided his decision was for the best. "I'm sorry babe, I know it's not ideal. But I don't think extra precautions are a bad thing. Besides, summer is coming and the village is gonna be swarming with tourists.
"Why the hell are you worried about terrorists?!"
"No Shikamaru you idiot! Tourists! Summer brings in a lot of strange characters and I don't want any of them to touch Hinata."
Hinata wasn't sure how to react. On the one hand she loved that Naruto-kun worried so much about her. Seeing the most admired man in the world be so concerned for a single person felt really comforting. On the other hand it still felt very unnecessary and intrusive.
"Naruto-kun, I really do appreciate what you're doing but I promise you have nothing to fear. We have more friends then we can count."
She looked over at Shikamaru who nodded back with a smile.
"She's right Naruto. All of us can protect her...But you know if you give me a bonus I can protect her a little better."
"Shikamaru-kun! What're you saying?"
"Hahaha calm down Hinata. I'm just playin'. We all know your beloved husband is cheaper than a hooker from Amegakure. Hell, the only thing he got me for Christmas last year WAS a hooker from Amegakure!"
"Well forgive me for trying to calm a friend stuck in an abusive relationship!"
"It's not an abusive relationship moron! Those were bite marks! Haven't you heard of BDSM?"
"Bacon and duck sandwich with mayonnaise?"
"Naruto-kun please stay on topic! You know everyone in the village are our friends! We will always be protected just like how we protect them. Please don't waste Konohamaru-kun's talents on me. That's not...that's not how I want this next 9 months to go!"
It was rare for his wife to get so serious. But he was just doing what was best for her... No, he decided that Hinata knows what's best for her more than anyone else.
"Okay babe. You win. But the moment something bad hap -"
"Nothing bad's gonna happen man! God you're acting like an evil organization is just gonna show up and murder a bunch of our villagers."
"Oh crap Mr. Shikamaru! How'd you find out?" They all looked over at the door and saw a young chunin with a message in his hand.
********10 minutes later*********
"I WILL FUCKING KILL EM!" Shikamaru was beyond pissed. It was true that most of his relatives annoyed him but that doesn't give anyone permission to slaughter them.
Before him laid a pile of dead bodies, all of them from his clan. Blood smeared the trees and several of their prized deer were slaughtered in the chaos. A scene like this deserved a cloudy day maybe with some rain. But no, the day was the brightest it had been all year.
"My entire clan...gone..."
"Shikamaru your entire clan wasn't murdered." Naruto tried calming his friend. "Only about half...only about three quarters were murdered."
"I'm gonna find the bastard who did this, resurrect the ten tails and have him eaten! But only after I have Orochimaru rape him!"
"What if it was a chick? I don't think Orochimaru would go for that."
Shikamaru glared at his boss.
"Hey man I'm only kidding. You know I will personally see to it that this piece of shit gets caught."
Many medical ninjas and a forensics team examined the entire area. The lead member of forensics approached the Hokage.
"Hokage-sama, it seems that much of the blood does not belong to the Nara clan. They've come from many individuals. It will take a couple days to determine their identities. We've also located no bodies aside from the Nara."
"So then the ones that survived must have taken their bodies." considered the Hokage. "But removing blood isn't as easy. Still, you say it's come from many different people? Then we're dealing with some sort of group. But why attack the Nara? Sure they're on the outskirts of the village but they're all talented fighters..."
"I know why they attacked my clan." Shikamara stood staring at a hole in the ground. "Tell me Naruto, do you know what was buried in this hole?"
"It's pretty small. Some kind of young tree?"
"No. Ask yourself: are all the members of the Akatsuki really dead?"
"The Akatsuki? Of course! The walking talking cannabis plant, the one with hand vaginas, the religious extre - " His jaw dropped as he suddenly remembered.
"But wait he can't possibly be alive! I mean it's been what? A decade?"
"Last time my clan checked in on him was a year ago. He was still alive and psychotic as ever."
"But why the hell would they steal Hidan's head? What good would that do without the rest of his - "
"Hokage-sama! The rest of Hidan's body is missing."
"Oh. Well never mind then."
"Naruto, I have a strange suspicion about how this relates to another incident. But I need to go do some research. Can you assign some shinobi here for added security?"
"No need to ask. Take as much time as you need."
************Meanwhile*************
It was a little past noon. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. The grass was green, flowers flourished and the streams flowed a beautiful light-blue color. Summer was fast approaching and the crowds were growing. Normally Hidan would have killed all these nonbelievers on site but he felt a little different today.
He stood behind a clothing store located at the edge of the village. He stole the clothes off one of the slain Nara but knew he couldn't be spotted in that. Plus the blood in it was starting to smell.
He waited until there was nobody in the store before going in. Upon entering he immediately put the owner under a genjutsu and started searching for appropriate clothing. He didn't care for fashion. Hell, he only had the one outfit. Kakuzu would always tease him for having shit hygiene, even though he always washed it after every mission.
What did men wear anymore? Shit this was confusing. All these clothes were so small and too brightly colored. It wasn't until he saw the bras that he realized he was on the wrong side. Heh. Kakuzu would have liked those.
He found the men's section and looked for clothing that wasn't too bright or too dark. Something right in the middle should raise no suspicion. Eventually he found something that was to his liking. A Hawaiian shirt, a straw hat and a pair of shorts. Okay, maybe "like" is a strong word. In fact he very much hated it. I look like I belong in a 90's soda commercial. Can't even tell my own damn sexual preference anymore! Still the outfit made the most sense. It was hot outside and it would blend in well.
The next stop was food. Hidan's entire days used to consist of nothing but pleasing his lord and telling Kakuzu to fuck himself. Anything else seemed like a complete waste of time. Food however was one of life's few pleasures that he simply couldn't ignore. Despite not needing it to survive, the sensations that different foods gave him were simply too...what was that word? Orgasmic? Yeah that was it.
He spotted a deserted shop called "Ichiraku Ramen" and thought it sounded good. He went in and ordered a large bowl of pork ramen and paid with the money he stole from the clothing store. In a few minutes his bowl was ready. He didn't know if it was just cause he hadn't smelt anything but dirt and worm shit for the past 6 years, but the aroma of this dish filled him with so much happiness a tear flowed down his eye.
He dug in at an unbelievable pace. In mere moments he was halfway done when a cute young girl sat next to him. "The usual please." she said in a soft but demanding voice. Now Hidan never cared for girls but he couldn't help but notice the short brown hair and chocolate-sweet aroma resonating from her. Damn Kakuzu, if you brought around more girls like her then maybe I would've had more respect for you. At least that's what he thought until he noticed her eyes. Oh for fuck's sake! She was a Hyuga. Which meant she had the Byakugan. Which meant that in one look she would know that he wasn't an ordinary person. He had to play it cool, making absolutely no questionable moves.
"Hey Hanabi! It's been a long time since I've seen your youthful face!" A man with a bowl cut and serious bushy eyebrows sat next to the Hyuga. "Tell me all the wonderful adventures you've experienced! I want all the juicy details."
Hanabi smiled at the jounin. "Hello Guy-sensei. I didn't expect to see you here. I heard that you ate while you trained?"
Guy laughed. "Rumors my young Hyuga. Eating while exercising is a giant no-no. Believe me, it doesn't end well."
Oh isn't this just dandy. This guy seemed like a complete goofball and throughout Hidan's time as a mercenary he's learned it's always the weird ones that give the most trouble.
He decided he had enough food and was ready to leave when the jounin excitedly yelled at him. "You! You're not from around here are you?"
Oh give me a fuckin' break. "Uhh no. Just passing through."
"Yes I figured as much. But I'm afraid I can't let you leave."
Hidan locked eyes with the man and prepared all his senses to deal with whatever was thrown his way.
"I can't let you leave. Not until you've tried the world famous pork ramen! It's one of Konoha's greatest attractions!" Guy shouted ecstatically and got ready to order some ramen for this traveler.
"Oh." Hidan felt relieved but at the same time confused. "Actually I just had their pork ramen. Really tasty. I should get going. Thanks anyways."
"Is that right? Well you chose right! Enjoy your stay traveler!"
Now it was Hanabi's turn to stop him. "Hey wait. You look familiar."
Oh God here comes the Byakugan.
"Yes! Weren't you in a television commercial selling...what was it? Viagra?"
"Hanabi!" Guy yelled. "How does a girl in her youth know about the evils of Viagra?!"
"I'm 16 Guy-sensei. And how is it evil? I heard Jiraiya-sama took it on the daily."
"Really? Huh. That's interesting considering he got laid less than me..."
Hidan wondered if it would just be easier to kill them both. But then yet another thing happened! There was screaming from around the corner. It sounded like some villagers were being attacked. Hanabi and Guy quickly ran to the scene. Hidan trailed slowly behind them.
What they saw when they turned the corner was of the most bizarre. There were about a dozen villagers in panic because they were being attacked. Not by people but by giant bats. There must have been half a dozen of these bats ranging from under half a foot to a whole 2 feet in length. They soared above the villagers heads and were taking chunks out of their hair, ear and clothing. There was one fella lying on a collapsed table screaming "get em off!." One bat was biting his bald head while another was taking jabs at his eyes.
Hanabi rushed towards the man but was intercepted by a bat. She dodged it just in time and caught it with a gentle fist, completely paralyzing it. Another flew towards her from behind but began plummeting to the ground thanks to Guy's Axe kick. However, the bat's fall was stopped by a crying child. This wouldn't have been so bad if the bat wasn't still conscious. Guy was still in mid fall when he witnessed the gruesome site. The bat started biting off the kid's ear. Holy fuck this is hardcore! Hidan thought, slightly aroused.
By the time Guy landed on the ground and kicked the bat away, half the kid's ear was gone. It looked like a half eaten potato chip with salsa for blood. No number of push-ups and sit-ups are gonna erase this moment from my memory. Guy had witnessed some really horrendous things in his time but this was just so absurd! How the hell did a bat of all things survive one of his world famous kicks? Maybe he was gonna have to take Tsunade's advice after all and become an alcoholic.
Hanabi had killed off the rest of the bats and tied up the one she paralyzed. The horror was finally over. Not! Another scream could be heard from a block over. "Guy-sensei! Let's -" Hanabi saw a very foreign look on Guy's face. She stared at him for a few seconds before realizing she had to do this alone. She ran off towards the scream. Hidan followed but not before walking up to Guy.
"Hey dude are you okay?"
The man was petrified, a look of pure horror and confusion engulfed his face. "My kick didn't work. His ear is gone. My kick didn't work. His ear is gone. My ki..." Guy mumbled on like a broken record.
"Didn't know leaf ninjas were such pussies." Hidan headed towards the scream.
When Hanabi arrived there were no bats in the area. There was just an elderly man by his lonesome with a look of agonizing pain. "Hel...Help me..." He fell over face first to reveal a scene more gruesome than any Hanabi had ever seen. The man's neck was being chewed by a giant rat. It must have been the size of a cat with eyes as red as blood. It had already finished chewing through half the neck.
Hanabi stood completely frozen with fear. She had a strong fear of rats ever since she got lost in the sewers as a kid and got ambushed by a swarm of rats and mice. They didn't bite or anything but they did crawl over her feet as they attempted to run away. She understood now that they must have been more scared of her than she was of them, but the trauma was dealt and it wasn't going anywhere. Brother Neji always joked that one day she would come to terms with her nightmares and become a vigilante known as "Ratman." Hanabi didn't care much for that. Besides, she would be called "Ratwoman."
She did snap out of it when she felt a rush of wind breeze past her. A kunai pierced the rat in between the eyes. She turned around and saw the tourist from the ramen shop. "I uhh used to be a part of the neighborhood watch." Yeah that sounded like a good lie.
Hidan didn't fear rats like Hanabi. Instead he hated them with a passion. One of the first sacrifices he made to Jashin was interrupted by rats rushing out of a nearby alley and biting him. Those little bastards had razors for teeth. His sacrifice used the opportunity to ignite an explosive tag. But instead of slapping it on her enemy like a normal person she decided to blow herself up! Normally Hidan loved it when people exploded into dust but not when he was using them as offerings! Since that day he has gone out of his way to execute every rodent that crossed his path.
Guy eventually gathered himself and appeared at the scene. "Good news! I found some tape and patched that kid's ear right up! He's gonna be fine. We - " Guy noticed a giant dead rat lying on top of some man's half-eaten neck. "You know, all the sudden I really miss that shark guy. What was his name? Kissanime?"
Soon several jounin appeared and evacuated the area. Guy sat on the sidewalk contemplating whether he should buy a bottle of Jack or a gram of weed. Hanabi handed over the paralyzed bat and told the jounin everything that transpired. "But it wasn't me who killed the rat. It was this per -" He was gone. How could he have left the scene without her noticing? Something about that man definitely didn't add up.