**Hello people. I wanted to thank you again for the support. My summer class will be starting soon so I might not be able to upload as often. Nevertheless, I plan to continue this story to the best of my abilities.**

It was almost 4 o'clock. Naruto stood in the medical research facility with his stomach yelling for ramen and his mind racing for answers. There were a dozen or so scientists running experiments on the unwelcome creatures in the form of blood tests and dissection.

Naruto couldn't help but laugh at this absurd predicament. Somebody dug up Hidan. The Nara clan nearly went the way of the Uchiha. And now Batman's descendants are eating the townspeople. Fuck, did he need a drink.

"Hokage-sama, it will take a while for our lab results to return." said the lead scientist. "Perhaps you should get food? Maybe some rest?"

Get some food? Who the hell does he think I am? I'm the goddamn Hokage! I can go days without such things!

Suddenly a very loud, deep sound penetrated the walls, shaking the entire room to it's core. It sounded like Choji used his expansion jutsu and started moaning. That or a whale appeared. Oh fuck what if it is a whale? Oh my god first bats now whales? Nobody warned me about this shit! That's it man, we're fucked. FUCKED!

"Alright, nobody panic! I'm sure there are protocols for whale attacks. We - " Naruto realized that everybody was staring at him. A few of them blushed and a couple of them giggled.

"Umm, Hokage-sama. That's just your stomach."

Naruto froze. That couldn't possibly be his stomach. Then he heard it again and traced it to...his stomach. He just stood there completely embarrassed. Eventually the scientists resumed their work and Naruto used the opportunity to jolt outta there.

He closed the door behind him and pondered his next move. Well, his next move after getting some ramen. The attacked villagers were being treated by Sakura and her team. So far they were in stable condition. He wasn't sure where Shikamaru was. And then there was the matter of Hidan...Wait! His baby-mama! He almost forgot about the most important thing of all. Damn, please tell me she knows about everything and is safe inside somewhere...Fuck! I can't take that chance. And he bolted off to find his wife.

*************Meanwhile*****************

Hidan lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. He checked into one of Konoha's newest luxury hotels, staying in a 3 bedroom suite on the 5th floor. He would've just broken in like usual but it seemed like the entire village was on high alert. Shinobi were scattered everywhere no doubt searching for any more pests. Strangely enough the villagers went about their normal day. Perhaps the Hokage didn't want to cause mass panic. After all, it was a small incident. Then again, it was also a weird incident.

He was waiting for his food to come up. Lobster, salmon and shrimp. True, he did eat just a while ago but being underground for 6 years works up an appetite. He couldn't help but remember the many hotels Kakuzu and him would stay at. Kakuzu had a good way with money so they'd always dine fine and stay in luxury. Funny how much stuff he took for granted.

He decided he would stay in Konoha until tomorrow. He wanted to see how things would escalate. No doubt those goons would come back harder than before. Not that he cared about this village or anything. He simply wanted to learn more about those bats; no doubt those guys were behind it. The idea was simple but could prove to be very effective: genetically enhancing animals and turning them bloodthirsty. Very intriguing indeed.

The doorbell rang. Hidan could smell the deliciousness leaking into the room. He opened the door to find a short young server with a tray of food in his hand. Hidan took the food and was closing the door when the server stopped it with his foot. Hidan reopened it to find the server had his palm out.

"What? You wanna give me a handjob?"

"Uhh what?" The server was confused. "No sir. A tip?"

"A tip? Sure. All foods regardless of type must be accompanied by the lamb sauce." He looked at his tray and saw no lamb sauce. "See. You already messed up."

"No sir. I meant like, a reward for my hard work?"

Hidan gave a fatherly like smile. "Knowledge is the ultimate reward my son." Then he shut the door.

***********Hyuga residence************

Naruto walked up to the main entrance of the Hyuga clan completely out of breath. He spent half an hour shoving ramen down his throat then decided the first place Hinata would be at was at a pastry shop. Why the hell did he think that? Something about pregnant woman loving sweet foods. When he got there though, he realized it was his own stomach that was aching for sweets. Well shit. Can't have a meal without some desert.

He then ran straight for her house which was a terrible idea. One should not perform strenuous activities immediately after eating. He had to stop halfway to throw up. Unfortunately there wasn't a bush or toilet in site so he reached for a woman's purse and just splurged inside. Villagers stared at him but he didn't care. His stomach felt better. Then he felt terrible when he realized he just puked in a lady's purse. He offered to pay for the contents of the purse but the lady said she'd much rather have the puke. Naruto had met quite a few crazed fans but damn. Hopefully she doesn't try to clone him or something.

He walked through the gate and spotted Hinata and Hanabi chatting in the main square.

"Naruto-kun! Where have you been?" Hinata ran up and gave him a warm hug. It was a little unexpected though. He was only gone for a few hours. Then again, it wasn't like he wasn't concerned either.

"Sorry Hinata. A bunch of crap just happened outta nowhere. Did you come straight here after I left the office?"

She nodded. "I stayed a while longer thinking you'd come back. Then I decided to head back home. What happened? Are the Nara okay?"

"No, and that's just the start. A lot of them were killed and the killers took Hidan's body. Soon after, a bunch of over-sized bats and rats started mauling the villagers."

Hinata stared in horror. Hanabi told her about the creatures but the rest was all new. All that happened in a few hours?

Hanabi overheard the conversation. "Brother Naruto, there was a strange man in colorful clothing who killed that rat. But he suddenly disappeared after. Something about him didn't feel right.

Naruto looked at her confused, momentarily forgetting that it was her and Guy that dealt with that situation. "A strange man? What was strange about him? Was he trying to sell his kid's mixtape?"

"What? No, he had a Hawaiian shirt and a straw hat and looked like any other tourist. But the way he threw that kunai...the speed and precision were unlike anything I've ever seen."

"Most likely a shinobi from another village just passing thru. Listen Hinata," he lessened the intensity of his voice, "Until we know what's going on I want you to stay here. There's far too much we don't know."

Hinata wanted to reject but nodded in agreement. She was quite capable and could aid in the investigation, but her husband was already on edge and she didn't want to further contribute to that.

Hanabi though was a little annoyed that Naruto brushed her off like that. Just a shinobi passing thru? Why not assist us in killing the bats then? And why just run off afterwards?

Hinata realized just how out of breath her husband was. Since the defeat of Madara nothing too unexpected ever happened. There were always a few troublemakers and occasionally enemy shinobi from distant lands attacked. But that was to be expected. This...This was completely new. And it was obvious Naruto didn't know how to react.

"Listen Naruto-kun, perhaps you should get some rest? You don't look like yourself." Hinata hoped her words wouldn't be in vain but ultimately knew they would. Her husband's vocabulary wasn't too expansive and relaxation was a word foreign to him.

To her surprise Naruto agreed. "Yeah that sounds like a good idea. You know, I wonder if this kind of crap happened when lord 3rd was around. He'd know what to do." Naruto stared at the ground, disappointed with his inability to take action.

Hinata threw her arm over his shoulder and kissed his cheek. "Come on. I'll make you a nice bath."

************Back at the hotel**************

It was approaching 8 o'clock. Hidan had just finished watching Titanic for the first time. Itachi always spoke so highly of it. He found it a bit cliche and long but admired the production value and ambition. And that last scene where Rose allowed Jack to drown was comedic gold.

There was knocking on his door. "Finally! I ordered dinner half an hour ago."

When he opened the door though he didn't see his dinner. He saw the same server from before surrounded by 3 other male servers. They were all young like him and had angry, determined looks on their faces.

"I think you guys are confused," Hidan pointed to his left. "Orochimaru's room is over there."

"The name's Sheg, from earlier. And these are my coworkers. I'm sorry to do this sir, but your behavior caused me to take some drastic action."

Hidan was baffled. What behavior? I was a fucking gentleman to this twat. "I'm sorry you gotta be more specific." He then started chuckling. "Wait, did you say your name was Sheg? What kind of dumbass name is that?"

"Normally we look the other way when people don't tip." said the tallest boy standing near the back, trying to sound intimidating. "But not only did you not tip, you insulted us. And we can't let that go."

"Hey!" Now Hidan was pissed off. "How the hell did I insult you? He asked for a tip and I gave him one. Kids your age should be proud to get a tip from a member of the - " He caught himself before he said too much. Then again, would these kids even know of his once feared group? He didn't have his hat on and they didn't say anything, so he guessed the answer was no.

"Shinobi our age don't get assigned to well paying missions," said Sheg. "We live off jobs like these. And tips keep us alive. Mocking our profession is one we don't tolerate."

"Shinobi? You kids are shinobi? Tell me, does a white substance come out of your wang when you pleasure yourself? Or are you too young to even be aroused by girls?"

The boys heard enough. They all charged at once. Hidan allowed himself to get knocked down. Two of them dog-piled on him while the other two pulled out rope and scissors.

Hidan chuckled, clearly amused. "What? You gonna tie me down and trim my pubes?"

Then one of them pulled out a giant pink dildo. What the fuck? Oh hell no! Hidan pushed the boys off him, sending them flying into the others. He got himself up and saw Sheg charging at him with a kunai.

"Children shouldn't be playing with sharp objects." Hidan swiftly dodged the young shinobi, grabbed his hand and twisted it behind his back. He then turned around to face the rest of his attackers and pointed the kunai at the Sheg's throat.

They all froze stiff, unable to comprehend what just happened. They saw the fear of their captured comrade as he eyed the kunai inching toward his neck.

It was a standoff in the living room with television and sofa to the left, kitchen and bedroom to the right, and a calm enemy straight ahead. To the young shinobi, it felt like an eternity. To Hidan, it was just another annoying moment in his first day back.

Unknowingly to everyone including Hidan, the shortest boy in the far back was performing hand signs. Hidan noticed a white light shining in the back and then, in a split second, it shot towards his face. He barely dodged the lightning. It collided with a tall lamp standing behind him, destroying the expensive piece of furniture.

Sheg was freed from Hidan's grasp and roundhouse kicked him square in the face. Hidan flew into the 40 inch flat screen television, completely shattering it. Two other kids rushed towards him from the left. Hidan quickly placed both feet under the coffee table and flung it at them. It shattered when it hit them, causing one of them to stumble into the coat rack and another to stumble out the open door. The remaining boy rushed to their aid. Sheg grabbed a piece of broken glass and attempted to stab the fallen Hidan.

What happened next was straight from a horror movie. The glass shard penetrated through Hidan's left hand. However, Hidan didn't flinch. Nor did he scream or react in any other way. He slowly got to his feet, grabbed the shard with his other hand and pulled it right through. Sheg's legs started quivering. Blood dripped violently from the hole in Hidan's hand, staining the fancy carpet underneath. Hidan examined the shard and a wicked smile spread across his face. He missed this feeling. In minutes the hole would patch itself up. In the meantime he got to witness a person filled with terror. Was there any better pleasure in life? Maybe getting viciously attacked by kittens. Those furry bastards were literally antidepressants.

One of the fallen kids picked up the coat rack and charged at him from behind. Hidan saw his reflection in the shard and dodged by doing the splits. This was a terrible idea though. Not because it didn't work, but because Hidan had never done the splits before. He felt something rip and prayed it was his shorts. The coat rack slammed into Sheg's chest, knocking him on his back. Hidan then accidentally elbowed the other boy in the balls. I say accidentally because that's not a move he liked to do. The only time it was appropriate to hit a guy's sack is if he hits yours first. That or if he's Kakuzu.

Hidan lifted himself up and looked at the fallen Sheg. What a pathetic bitch. He figured they made enough noise and was ready to finish the job. But his day wasn't getting better just yet. The kid he sent flying out the door sneaked up from behind and put him in a full nelson. "Seriously if you kids need money just go steal some like normal people!" The kid forced Hidan to turn around and face the door where the 4th and last standing boy ran straight at him, somehow wearing shoulder pads and a football helmet.

"Well that's a new one." Hidan said. "Sorry that I can't stick around though." He slammed the back of his head into his captor and escaped his grasp. Football boy had too much momentum and couldn't stop from spearing his friend in the gut. Hidan smiled at the brilliance of it all. Then he heard the sound of glass breaking. He turned around and witnessed a scene that temporarily made his immortal heart stop beating. If this was a horror movie he would've laughed. If this happened back in his early days he would've laughed. But this was the last thing he needed right now. Both the boys had smashed straight through the window.

He froze momentarily before running after them. Please let me make it in time Lord Jashin! Nope. He reached the window just in time to see both kids plummeting through the ramen shop he visited earlier.

What luck. What fucking luck. His first day above the ground and he was already wishing he could go back down. He watched for a while, hoping to see any movement. None. He did see some flames though, no doubt from the stoves. Oh good. Now they'll burn. Fantastic. He collapsed on his ass and stared at the wall. He heard screams from below as people tried to put out the fire. He glanced at Sheg and his fallen buddy. They both saw firsthand what just transpired. The boy with the broken ball-sack started crying. Hidan didn't know if it was from the pain or from fear. Sheg just stared wide-eyed at the window. Hidan closed his eyes and lay his head against the wall. Would everyday be as terrible as this?