15. Relief

.

Emilie survived.

She survived.

The relief weakened me to the point that I was thankful I was already sitting down. Bella's body vibrated against mine and I knew she was still speaking, but I couldn't focus on her words.

"Edward?"

I clutched her more tightly and buried my face in her hair. She ran her fingers up my spine and scratched lightly at my scalp, making me sag against her. It was so relaxing when she did that.

"What's wrong, Edward?" she murmured.

"I..." My voice cracked and I cleared my throat. "I really thought I'd killed her."

"You thought you injured her on the way to the hospital?"

"No. At least, I didn't think I did. I took care not to." I repressed an unmanly whimper as she pulled her hand from my hair and leaned back to see my face.

"I don't understand what you mean then. Why did you think you killed her?"

Surely the reason was obvious? "If not for me, she wouldn't have been injured in the first place. She would have slept the night through, peacefully in her bed." I met Bella's eyes and flinched back in surprise at the irritation on her face.

"How, exactly, is it your fault? Did you pull Emilie from her bed?"

"No, but—"

"Did you tell him where to find her? Lead him to her house? Point out her bedroom?"

"No! Of course not."

"Then why is it your fault? He did it to Emilie. He searched for someone you knew. He hurt her, not you. He was a sick, terrible, evil, disgusting monster and I hate him! I'm glad you killed him. I hope he suffered."

She was flushed and shaking, her eyes glinting with tears, and I was torn between kissing her senseless and worshiping at her feet. I settled for pulling her back into my arms and cradling her against me. "Shh, my Bella. He's gone. He's been gone a long time."

"Not long enough," she muttered, then took a deep breath and continued more calmly. "Listen, Edward. Remember how we talked about Carlisle? You don't think it's his fault that you were stolen from him."

"Of course not."

"Carlisle's not responsible for what that monster chose to do, or for the choices you made later."

I nodded, not sure what she was getting at.

"Okay. So why are you responsible for Tredan's choices then? You didn't want him to take Emilie. Just because he hoped to hurt you by finding someone you knew doesn't make it your fault." She leaned back and put her warm hand on my cheek. "It's not your fault that he hurt her. You saved her from him, Edward."

I scoffed, and she sighed in exasperation.

"He was hurting her and planned to kill her. You stopped him. How is that not saving her?"

"I doubt she thought so highly of me." I clenched my jaw, remembering how she'd whimpered in terror and cowered from me.

To my surprise, Bella laughed. She pulled away from me and got up, avoiding my surprised grasp. "I know she did. Hold on a sec." She rummaged through her backpack, then sank back into my lap with a folded piece of paper in her hand. "The rest of our notes are back at the Cullens' house, but I copied this to bring home. Emilie got married when she was twenty. She and her husband had six kids… Anyway, here. Look at the names."

I took the paper and shook it open, easily deciphering her rapidly scrawled writing.

Emilie Grace Haddon married to Henry Thomas Browning May 10, 1930

Thomas Haddon born April 4, 1931

Margaret Grace born November 27, 1932

Edward Masen

My eyes stopped moving and I stared in disbelief.

Bella pressed a kiss to the corner of my frozen mouth. "See?" she demanded triumphantly.

Edward Masen born August 2, 1934

Emilie had named her son after me.

.

.

Before I'd recovered from the shock of seeing my name on the list of Emilie's children, Alice called Bella insisting that she go to school. Bella had argued at first, but when Alice said darkly, "If you skip, Charlie won't let you go on that trip we talked about," she had leapt up and run to her closet without a backward glance.

I know Bella needs to live her life and fulfill her responsibilities. I want her to do that, truly. My presence in her life should never keep her from anything she wants or needs to do. But I would be lying if I said the way she eagerly jumped up to ready herself for school to ensure she wouldn't miss out on a trip away from me didn't sting a little.

Fine. More than a little.

Eagerness aside, school is where she rightfully belonged today. And so Bella's at school and I am here, standing in the trees not far from the Cullens' house, trying to muster the courage to go nearer.

It's preposterous that I would feel braver with a small human girl by my side.

I forced myself to move closer, only to freeze in my tracks when Carlisle ran out the door and straight towards me. It wasn't until he abruptly stopped some twenty feet away that I realized I was in a defensive crouch, and snarling.

He raised his hands in the air as sign of his peaceable intent. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." Please don't leave. Please.

I resisted my instincts and forced myself upright. "It's okay." I cleared my throat, trying to get the residual growl out of it. "I overreacted."

He slowly lowered his hands, his mind a strange mixture of caution and joy. "Alice called and said you were here, and I didn't think. I just…" I was so happy. I've been afraid you would never come back.

While it wasn't a surprise that he'd had no intention of injuring me, it was a bit of a shock to realize exactly why he had run to me. He had been so eager to see me that he hadn't been willing to wait for me to finish my approach to the house. I hadn't thought there was anyone in the world who would truly be that happy at my presence. Aside from Bella, of course—I had no difficulty envisioning her launching herself from the house that way. But Carlisle, or anyone else? It was a completely foreign concept.

We stared at each other awkwardly for a moment, then started speaking at the same time. He gestured for me to continue.

"I'm sorry I left the way I did," I blurted out. "I overreacted then as well."

"No, Edward, there's no need to apologize. I can appreciate how overwhelming this must be for you."

I huffed a laugh. After the life I'd led, to discover I had a good creator, a family, the option of animal blood… he was a master of understatement. "Overwhelming. Yes."

"What I said…" He sighed and ran a hand through his fair hair, disordering it. "I don't want to upset you, Edward, but I need to say it. I know I had no way of knowing you were still there, but I am truly sorry I didn't stay longer in Chicago."

I sighed heavily, feeling sad rather than angry. "Carlisle, it's not your fault. That I was taken from you, that you thought I'd left Chicago, the horrific choices I made later… none of it is your fault."

He smiled faintly. "So I've been told. I'm sure I'll come to believe it eventually."

I hoped so. "Bella says that Emilie isn't my fault—do you think that's true?"

"Your fault? In what way?"

"In.. in any way, I guess. That Tredan took her, and hurt her, and… she was so afraid of me, after I destroyed him. I terrorized her."

His hand twitched towards me, then fell to his side as he remembered what happened the last time he tried to touch me. "I doubt if you were the only thing she found frightening. The whole situation must have been terrifying to the poor girl. And of course none of it was your fault, Edward. You were in no position to control anything that Tredan decided to do. You were his victim as much as Emilie was." His face lightened and he chuckled. "And I suppose I was his victim as well. I should take my own advice, eh?"

"That's not always so easy to do," I stated, even as I realized that for him, it apparently was. His mind was considerably eased, and he was focusing on simply being grateful that I was well, that I was here, that Tredan was no longer a threat to anyone, that Emilie had survived…

"They told you about Emilie? That she lived?"

He looked startled. "I keep forgetting you can read minds. That will take some getting used to." I started to apologize and he waved it away. "It's not as though I didn't know you could do it; I just forgot. But yes, they told me. Bella said you hadn't been sure if Emilie would recover from her injuries. And you were right to worry; they were extensive. It's a good thing you stopped him when you did. I can show you what they uncovered, if you like." His phone began to buzz. He glanced at it and smirked. "Or perhaps we should wait for Alice and Bella to be here. They have been very excited about their discoveries and I wouldn't like to steal their thunder." There was another short buzz from his phone, a text this time. "Alice says she'll bring Bella home from school with her."

I smiled, more at the thought of being with Bella again than at seeing what they'd found. I already knew Emilie hadn't been killed by Tredan. That was more than enough.

Oh, will they ever come in? I wish Carlisle hadn't said to stay here.

My eyes flicked towards the house. "Esme is wishing we would come inside."

"Of course; shall we go in? I apologize, but after how upset you became when you were here last I asked her to stay the house."

"Perfectly understandable," I assured him. And it was.

As he turned to walk towards the house, he asked uncomfortably, "I know the circumstances weren't ideal, but while you were gone, did you try the animal diet?"

He kept to a human pace and I fell into step beside him. "Yes, I fed on the way back here. Two deer and a mountain lion."

He brightened. "I'm sorry you had to go alone for the first time, but what did you think of it?"

"The mountain lion was better than the deer, but they still were the foulest, most repugnant things I ever drank," I told him honestly. He eyed me uncertainly and I realized I was grinning. "And the most wonderful. Because never again, Carlisle. I never have to kill a human again."

He reached out and gingerly put his hand on my shoulder. When I didn't flinch away he squeezed it in affirmation, both of our minds jubilant. "No, Edward. You never have to live that life again."

A/N: I've given up making predictions on the exact number of chapters left since I doubt I'll be correct, but this isn't the last one. The Emilie subplot will be taking over a bit before this gets wrapped up. I'm putting Emilie's wedding picture and another one from her childhood on my Tumblr if you'd like to see them- I'm whilewewereyetsinners on there, too. All the pictures from my stories are tagged with the title. Thanks for reading- please review!