PART 2
(The screen shows Mr. Peabody and Sherman in the WABAC, heading to their destination in space and time.)
Narrator Peabody: Sherman and I set the WABAC to the year 220 BC in ancient China.
Sherman: Are you sure we should see Qin Shihuangdi? I learned in history that he was a bit mean.
Mr. Peabody: Don't you worry, I know how to stay on everyone's good side and make friends with anyone who's even slightly affable.
Narrator Peabody: But unfortunately and spontaneously, we unexplainably crash-landed.
(Mr. Peabody and Sherman arrive in China, and they fly in the WABAC, but crash land in front of the entrance to the Emperor's building, inside the palace walls. Cue the stereotypical Chinese riff, followed by a gong and some stereotypical Chinese music.)
Sherman: Ow, my head! That crash landing hurt! Geez, I can even hear the Asian-ness of this place!
(Meanwhile, in the imperial palace, a panicked bodyguard decked in Qin Dynasty armor comes in to talk about something to Emperor Qin Shihuangdi, a tall, bearded man with a permanent scowl, a slight Fu Manchu mustache, and a confident stance.)
Qin Shihuangdi: My most trusted bodyguard, Wúnéng, what bothers you?
Wúnéng: A star fell out of the sky! It's got to be an omen that China will, too! Emperor, emperor! Mayday! The barbarians shall destroy us!
Qin Shihuangdi: Simple: build a large chain link fence! That'll keep those invaders out!
(Mr. Peabody and Sherman are listening in.)
Mr. Peabody: Uh oh, this doesn't sound good.
Sherman: What? Is it the nomadic tribes around China bringing it down?
Mr. Peabody: No. Without the Great Wall, tourists, including us when you were six, will never flock to see the Great Wall by the millions each year!
(They knock on the door.)
Sherman: May we come in?
Wúnéng: No! You can never come in, awful barbarians!
Narrator Peabody: So, we had to find a way to sneak in. Just then, I saw an open window to a room with nobody in it. (Mr. Peabody and Sherman sneak in. Cut to them in the throne room.)
Qin Shihuangdi: WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOU GRINGOES?!
(Sherman silently gestures Mr. Peabody to make a break for it by pointing his thumb behind him.)
Mr. Peabody: Don't worry; I know how to stay on his good side. (He turns toward Qin Shihuangdi.) Oh, hello there! We are just here for a tea talk.
Qin Shihuangdi: How do I know you aren't trying to get something from- A TALKING DOG?! THIS IS MADNESS! THIS IS MADNESS! THIS IS ABSOLUTE MADNESS, YOU DOG!
Sherman: (aside) He called Mr. Peabody a dog! (beat) What he said was absolutely accurate.
Mr. Peabody: Oh, yes. I may be strange, but reassured, I am no danger to China or the emperor, your majesty. To prove it, here's a cute fluffy kitten. (He gives the kitten, a young Dragon Li cat, to the emperor.)
Qin Shihuangdi: (He hugs the kitten in adoration, hearts in his eyes.) Aww, so fluffy! What a cute widdle fluffy fluffball! I'll name you Wang-Wang!
(Sherman giggles a bit.)
Mr. Peabody: Get your head out of the gutter, Sherman!
Qin Shihuangdi: Alright, onto the tea talk.
Narrator Peabody: So, we headed over to a large room to talk about matters.
(They walk over to a large room with a table, and then start drinking some tea.)
Qin Shihuangdi: So anyways, talking dog…
Mr. Peabody: I'm Hector. Hector Peabody.
Sherman: And I'm his adopted son, Sherman!
Qin Shihuangdi: Huh, strange.
Mr. Peabody: (He whispers in Sherman's ear.) See? Told you, I was able to stay on this guy's good side.
Qin Shihuangdi: You know, once, I had a very hard time finishing a puzzle with 10 pieces. I finally finished in 10 months. Oh, and by the way, the box said it would take 2-5 years! Woo hoo, Qin Shihuangdi! Anyways, I have a plan for the greatest, coolest fence in history: The Great Chain Link Fence of China! It will run along the northern border of China, and it's a chain link fence! Look… or is it hear, or smell, or touch, or taste, or… whatever, smell, it's even in the name! It'll be made of iron, because iron is dank and nice and cool, bro! The barbarians can't climb over it, and neither can their dumb horses! Oh, and put land sharks on top on the fence posts. Land sharks are darn scary. It'll be historic… and historically AWESOME!
Mr. Peabody: Uhh, nice…?
Qin Shihuangdi: Yeah, totally! And the first to sign it will be my favorite celebrity, Jia-tsing Biya! (He holds up a poster of the Justin Bieber ersatz.) Second will be cute little Wang-Wang! Third will be you and Zhe Ming-
Sherman: It's Sherman, not Zhe Ming.
(Mr. Peabody looks out the window to see and hear Jia-tsing Biya, who looks like if Justin Bieber was Chinese, singing to a crowd.)
Jia-tsing Biya: (to the tune of the chorus of "Baby Baby" by Justin Bieber) Oh, yodel, yodel, yodel lay / Oh, in my hair's a bit of hay / Oh, I don't know what this all means / But who gives a farting farty fart?
(Everyone throws rotten tomatoes at Jia-tsing Biya.)
Jia-tsing Biya: Hey! Stop it! I sang well!
Qin Shihuangdi: Oh, I think it's going very well out there at the concert!
Sherman: (sings along) Oh, yodel, yodel, yodel lay / Oh, in my hair's a bit of hay / Oh, I don't know what this all means / But who gives a farting farty fart?
(Mr. Peabody facepalms in disappointment. Sherman dabs in celebration of his "good" singing.)
Narrator Peabody: But the emperor seemed too dumb to change his mind about the Great Chain Link Fence of China, and I did not even get a chance to speak up. With China's future tourism department in jeopardy and the nation under the mercy of a dumb emperor whose only good field was military strategy and whose most trusted bodyguard's name indicated his low IQ, things might not be so great.
TO BE CONTINUED
(A/N: Huh, so Qin Shihuangdi is acting very OOC, and this version of him is so insanely dumb that he's fanboying over some terrible singer! Will the Great Wall ever be built? Can Mr. Peabody and Sherman do it for the tourists? And just what could go wrong?)