PART 4

(Fade into Mr. Peabody, Sherman, and Qin Shihuangdi having a tea talk.)

Narrator Peabody: Sherman and I tried to convince Qin Shihuangdi to build the Great Wall of China, but he was too dumb-headed to hear any of it, and he was fixated on the performance of his favorite pop star, Jia-tsing Biya. I came up with a brilliant plan: Wait for Jia-tsing Biya's concert to end, hope my brain didn't implode from the terrible music, and then suggest the Great Wall to Qin Shihuangdi.

Jia-tsing Biya: (singing) La la laaa, da doodly da! I don't know what this, doot doodly doot, what this means, but an apple popper hatty thingy doodly pop!

(Everyone throws rotten tomatoes at him.)

Jia-tsing Biya: Okay, okay! I never practiced, okay, okay! (He runs away.)

Qin Shihuangdi: Jia-tsing Biya really does have a flair for the dramatic! That's one reason I love him so much!

Sherman: Yeah! (singing) La la laaa, da doodly da! I don't know what this, doot doodly doot, what this means, but an apple popper hatty thingy doodly pop!

(Mr. Peabody cringes.)

(Qin Shihuangdi and Sherman give each other a high-5 due to their similar [and awful!] taste in music.)

Mr. Peabody: Now if you'll excuse me, Your Majesty…

Qin Shihuangdi: Yes? Do you share my taste in music? Jia-tsing Biya's so cool! (singing) La la laaa, da doodly da! I don't know what this, doot doodly doot, what this means, but an apple popper hatty thingy doodly pop!

(Mr. Peabody is sweating and cringing.)

Qin Shihuangdi: HIS MUSIC IS SO EPIC! You wanna know what's even cooler? BOK CHOY!

(Qin Shihuangdi eats and swallows an entire can of bok choy. The stink foghorn plays as the smell of bok choy makes Sherman faint.)

Qin Shihuangdi: Wanna know what's the best food in the world? Deep-fried tarantula! (He eats a deep-fried tarantula, much to Mr. Peabody's disgust.) C'mon, it tastes like crab! Even better with a side of eggs preserved and left to spoil in black tea, lime, ash, and salt for months! (He eats another tarantula, this time, with a century egg, as it is called.)

Sherman: Eww! He's like the poor taste of Marco Polo combined with the dumbness of Lady Go-

Mr. Peabody: Shhh. It may smell bad, but you don't want to offend this guy.

Qin Shihuangdi: For my guests, a dish of bok choy salad with 100-years aged blue cheese dressing with a complementary side of deep-fried tarantulas on a skewer with a century egg omelet!

(Mr. Peabody and Sherman eat the dish reluctantly. They gag on it.)

Qin Shihuangdi: How's it going?

Mr. Peabody and Sherman: (simultaneously, trying to fake a smile) GOOD…!

Qin Shihuangdi: Good! Someone with a refined taste like me, at last!

Mr. Peabody: Now that we have time, well, I think a Great Wall would be better than a Great Chain Link Fence. First, people are going to be able to climb to the top of the fence.

Qin Shihuangdi: Which is why I'll station land sharks on top?

Mr. Peabody: Second, land sharks don't ex-

(A land shark, basically a great white on 4 dinosaur legs, comes in and attacks them.)

Mr. Peabody: THEY DO! THEY DO!

Qin Shihuangdi: Wuneng! Get in now! We have a land shark emergency!

Wuneng: Yes, coming! (He smashes his head into the land shark's head, which does knock the land shark out, but also causes Wuneng to faint.)

Mr. Peabody: Oh boy. Well, second, if land sharks can be knocked out so easily, it might just be better to use people instead, but people can't stand on fence posts.

Qin Shihuangdi: Simple! Give the land sharks armor!

Mr. Peabody: They're too aggressive! That one almost killed you!

Qin Shihuangdi: Humans tamed wolves! Why not land sharks?

Mr. Peabody: Okay, but I think they're better off in watchtowers with archers riding them than on fence posts.

Qin Shihuangdi: Oh, and lastly?

Mr. Peabody: Well, a great wall is going to aid your tourism department.

Qin Shihuangdi: Hmm… Sounds good, but foreigners are dirty scum!

Mr. Peabody: Not all of them are. For example, I am from a continent across the Pacific, but I am very friendly, rest assured.

Qin Shihuangdi: Okay, but the Mongols are attacking from the north!

Sherman: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TOURISTS?!

Qin Shihuangdi: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE INVADERS?!

Mr. Peabody: Okay, maybe set up a passport system for trusted allies?

Qin Shihuangdi: Alright, but first, I really have to make an offering to the porcelain throne! I like you guys, but no visitors are allowed in the palace building when I do a number 2! Bye!

(He runs off to the bathroom. Mr. Peabody and Sherman walk out.)

Sherman: Why does he have that rule?

(A fart cloud spreads to the hallway they are in.)

Mr. Peabody: Based on my deductions, this is the reason why. KOFF KOFF! GASP!

Sherman: Eww! (He faints.)

Narrator Peabody: Qin Shihuangdi didn't allow any guests or visitors into the palace when he was in dispose due to his, ahem, terrible bung blasts. Unfortunately, this was also the reason we had to wait so long, due to his terrible habit of stalling on the toilet. We couldn't wait for 2 hours for him to do a number 2. So for the future of China's tourism department, we had to come up with a plan, and come up with a plan fast.

(Fade out of the scene.)

TO BE CONTINUED

(A/N: Qin Shihuangdi has really gone off the deep end in terms of IQ, bad taste, and toilet humor! How will Mr. Peabody and Sherman ever convince him to build the Great Wall? What wild plan is going to be hatched by their wild brains? And how deeply insane will things get? Find out in the last part of the time travel adventure!)