It wasn't all that difficult for Shikamaru and the gang to beat the remaining two shinobi. After that, they began pulling the other three shinobi out of the rubble. Konohamaru knew the rasenshuriken would most likely kill their enemies, which they didn't want. If Ibiki didn't have at least one interrogation session a week he would resort to heroin.
He wasn't exactly sure if they had survived the collapse of the cave roof, but it was the only thing he could think of at the time. Shikamaru applauded him. Hanabi didn't say anything.
"Hey hey look at that!" Shikamaru noticed they still had a heartbeat. "It's faint, but they're alive. Okay, now what to do…" He began pondering a suitable plan.
Konohamaru sat down under a tree, quite exhausted from the first real exercise he's had in months. Plus, he put in quite a bit of power into that last attack. I can't believe that actually worked! Shit, maybe now I can dye my hair orange, buy a prison outfit and pass off as brother Naruto. And then Hinata will be all mine. Hanabi watched as a dumb smile spread across Konohamaru's face. She hoped he wasn't becoming obsessed with his new-found power.
"Alright, here's what we do children." Shikamaru motioned towards the two shinobi they knocked out just recently. "You two take those guys back to the village and help resolve whatever Walking Dead spinoff shit is happening. These other three will be out much longer than those two, so I'll hide them somewhere."
This did not sit well with Hanabi. "You want us to carry these idiots back all the way to the village? Do you know how far that is? We'll get blood all over our clothes!"
"You guys are barely hurt. Stop complaining and just do it."
"Yeah but…my clothes."
Konohamaru was confused. "You must have never heard the tale of the legendary second Hokage, who invented an element called "water" which; when coupled with soap; helped villagers remove stains from their clothing."
Hanabi gave him a distasteful look. "Of course you would say that, with your second-hand blue sweater. Besides," she looked at the ground, a sudden sadness in her eyes. "It's not like I can afford any more clothing..."
Shikamaru didn't understand what she meant, but he felt a bit concerned.
"Oh! Is it because you have to pay for your dad's rehab sessions?" Konohamaru blurted out. "You know, because he's a furry and all?"
Hanabi slowly raised her head and stared at the young shinobi with murder in her eyes.
Konohamaru felt a little scared, but thought it was his turn to get the best of her.
"Hey don't blame me! I overheard brother Naruto say it. Besides, it ain't that big of a deal. Maybe now he can start pulling off animal-style ninjutsu like Akamaru."
Hanabi had heard enough and bolted straight at him. Konohamaru jumped to his feet and ran into the forest. Shikamaru wondered if he was just having a really bad trip.
It took about 10 minutes for the two to return out of the forest, both completely out of breath. Hanabi managed to get one clean hit on Konohamaru's face. It didn't stop him from having a grin though.
"Okay, now listen up. You two will take those two back to the village. I'll hide these other three somewhere, then take a stroll around the neighborhood and see if I can find our dearest Hokage."
Konohamaru had completely forgotten about his mentor amidst all this nonsense. "Wait! Let me join you. We have a better chance of finding him together."
"I understand your concern Kono," responded Shikamaru, "but it's better if you just do as I say. Besides, if he ran completely straight, he probably ended up in the sand village. Now, enough talk. Get moving!" Shikamaru was done talking and began walking down the path Naruto went. Konohamaru wanted to go after him, but Hanabi stopped him.
"Let's go. We have to make sure the village is okay." She forced a smile. "Plus, I doubt anyone or anything can hurt brother Naruto."
Konohamaru sighed and decided she was right. The two of them picked up their passengers and began their return to the village.
It was nearing mid-day when the two made it to the village entrance. They had remained pretty silent the entire way, minds too occupied with whatever was happening in the village.
Upon entering, they noticed that everything was eerily quiet. None of the guard shinobi were around. It was a ghost town.
"Well, haha, this is interesting right?" Konohamaru laughed nervously.
Hanabi tried to remain cool, but the eeriness was starting to get to her too. "I think we should start heading towards the prison and hand over these guys to Ibiki."
Before they could take more than ten steps, they were greeted by a villager walking towards them.
"Oh, look! A person." Konohamaru was relieved that there were still people alive. "Excuse me sir! I was wonder –" he lost his voice when he noticed the man was missing half his jaw. He approached Konohamaru slowly, eyes lacking any sense of humanity. He was a zombie.
Konohamaru froze stiff. This was a sight he had never seen before. Not to mention, he knew this villager. His name was Queg, father of Sheg and older brother of Meg. Him and Konohamaru were business partners for a while. Queg, being a locksmith, had keys to many villager's houses. He would sneak in late at night and destroy their plumbing, and Konohamaru would happen to pass by in the morning and would offer to fix it.
It was a good business model, until Sasuke somehow heard about it. He then lit Konohamaru's clothes on fire with Amaterasu and watched the poor kid run naked through the streets.
Hanabi grabbed Konohamaru's sleeve, snapping him back to reality. "Let's get the hell out of here!"
The two began running towards the center of the village. Slowly, the stamina of our heroes began to decline, and more and more zombie villagers began to appear. In only a couple minutes they were surrounded.
"Shit! Now what?" Hanabi looked around desperately for a way out. At this point, both of them were too tired to jump on top of a building. Plus, they didn't want to kill any of the villagers, if that was even possible.
"Well, time to do some gangster shit." Konohamaru grabbed the legs of the shinobi on his shoulder and began using him as a baseball bat.
"Kono! What the hell?" Hanabi was shocked at the bizarre scene taking place. Konohamaru was swinging with so much force, zombies were flying all over the place.
"Stop it you idiot! We're supposed to hand them over to Ibiki ALIVE!" Hanabi's words reached him, and he stopped. But in truth he only stopped because he was officially out of stamina.
"Shit, almost got a m-m-m-monster kill." He dropped the body of the shinobi, who at this point was probably dead from all the head wounds. He then slumped to the ground himself.
Hanabi rushed over and attempted to get him up but slipped on some zombie flesh and fell to the ground. To make matters worse, all the zombies Konohamaru believed he knocked out were back on their feet.
"Well, looks like this is it." Konohamaru managed a weak laugh. "To think, my dream of being suffocated to death by lady Tsunade's breasts won't come true. Damn."
Hanabi would normally smack him for such a comment but she too felt defeated. She wanted a more noble death, like her brother Neji. Well, maybe not his actual death at the hand of Choji, but his presumed death at the hands of Madara.
With eyes closed, they took each other's hands. This was it. A strange and painful way for a shinobi's end, but at least they didn't die cowards.
Suddenly, there was an explosion right in front of them. Limbs flew everywhere. At least a third of the zombies had been blown to smithereens.
Our heroes opened their eyes and saw a man with white hair emerge from the smoke. He was dressed in white cargo shorts, a blue-collared shirt and had some fashionable aviator glasses. He looked so cool yet so out of place.
He walked up to Hanabi and offered a hand. "Need some help?"
It took her a second, but she recognized the man. It was the same man that helped her before. Who he was and why he was here, she didn't know and didn't care. He was their salvation. And he was hot.
Before she could reach him however she was pulled away by Konohamaru.
"Kono! What the hell?"
"Shh! Keep your voice down. I think I recognize that guy. If my hunch is right, that's Hidan from the Akatsuki."
Hanabi was dumbfounded. "Seriously? Of all the dumb shit that's happened today, your idiocy still manages to top everything. Why the hell would Hidan be here? And why would he be helping us?"
Konohamaru eyed the man suspiciously. The man responded by staring back nervously.
Konohamaru stood up and pointed right past the man. "Is that Kakuzu of the Akatsuki ripping up the book of lord Jashin?"
Hidan turned around widly. "Kakuzu you fucking atheist I will end -"
He stopped. He fell for his trick. His hatred of having been partners with a nonbeliever for so many years has finally come back to haunt him.
Hanabi stood up and pulled out a kunai. "And just when I thought I found my white knight."
Hidan turned back around. "Alright you bastards you got me! But do you really think you can fight me? You can barely stand up and there's literally a zombie two feet behind you."
They had completely forgotten about their face-eating nightmares from a minute ago. They both slowly turned their heads and were greeted to a dozen zombies all around.
Hanabi grabbed Konohamaru's arm. "Come on. We have no choice."
She started running towards Hidan.
"Hanabi are you serious? That dude is psychotic!" Despite his verbal objection he found himself unable to stop running."
Hanabi stopped a foot away from Hidan. "If you try anything with us, I will have Choji shrink down, go inside you and expand from the inside."
Good lord that's brilliantly fucked up. "Don't you worry. I have no evil intentions."
"Hey wait a second Hanabi! We forgot the shinobi we were carrying." He turned back around and saw the two shinobi being eating by a swarm of undead. "Yeah, never mind. We'll just say we lost them somewhere."
They both grabbed onto Hidan and took off. They prayed they didn't make the wrong choice.