PART 6

(Fade in to Mr. Peabody and Sherman outside the palace building.)

Narrator Peabody: Because of Qin Shihuangdi's really terrible farts, we were now trapped outside the palace. I knew that only visitors were banned when he was doing a number 2, but how would we get in?

Sherman: Good question!

Mr. Peabody: Can you let me think for just one second?

(He looks around for a bit. He has a confused look on his face, complicated math problems appearing in front of him.)

Narrator Peabody: Just then, I saw two imperial architects, who had about the same heights and body types as me and Sherman.

Mr. Peabody: See those two guys?

Sherman: Who are they? Hmm… they're wearing black silk turtlenecks, they have glasses on, and they are carrying blue sheets of paper. Hmm… maybe those two are Sheldon and his cousin.

Mr. Peabody: No, they're the imperial architects! Let's sneak in!

(They sneak in. The two architects standing there, Chun [who has Mr. Peabody's body type, but human] and Huo [who has Sherman's body type], stare confused.)

Chun: Did you just see something?

Huo: Must have just been a bug. Those appear all the time.

(Look from outside. Mr. Peabody and Sherman fight Chun and Huo; the fight scene covered in dust.)

Chun and Huo: Ow! Ow! Ayee! Gah!

(Cut to inside the palace. Mr. Peabody and Sherman are disguised as Chun and Huo.)

Mr. Peabody: (faking Chun's voice) Your Majesty, we have something urgent for you to see!

Qin Shihuangdi: (from inside bathroom) Yes?

(These sounds are only audible from outside, but the emperor flushes the toilet, sits for 10 more seconds, farts, flushes again, pulls up the pants under his robes, washes his hands, and gets out of the imperial restroom. He does not recognize Mr. Peabody or Sherman, so he doesn't act nice to them because he thinks they are Chun and Huo, and Chun and Huo never gave their emperor a kitten.)

Qin Shihuangdi: Chun? Huo? What brings you two dimwits here?!

Mr. Peabody: Actually, this He Tuo guy and his son, Zhe Ming, told us about their idea. We could improve upon that idea a little bit. First, where will you find enough iron for a giant fence, let alone a giant wall?

Qin Shihuangdi: Hmm… I don't know.

Mr. Peabody: Which is why we should make it out of stone. Stone is more plentiful than iron.

Qin Shihuangdi: Okay, next reason?

Mr. Peabody: Second, land sharks are just too aggressive to be tamed and too easy to be knocked out. How about you try a combination of foot archers and horse archers?

Qin Shihuangdi: Good idea for some nitwits!

Mr. Peabody: Third, have you thought about how your soldiers will get on?

Qin Shihuangdi: Uhh… no?

Mr. Peabody: Then, try putting stairs on the Chinese side of the wall, so that only Chinese soldiers can get on the-

(Suddenly, his disguise gets stolen by a mysterious figure.)

Qin Shihuangdi: (angered) You! It's the nerd dog and his gringo son! You disturbed my number 2! YOU COULDN'T WAIT ANOTHER 4 HOURS?! The cat you gave me was cute… (His eyes turn into heart shapes upon mention of Wang-Wang.) …and he's a widdle floofballie! (He is focused again on his anger.) But this is ENRAGING! I SHALL HAVE YOU BEHEADED! AND BEBUTTED!

Narrator Peabody: My disguise was busted.

Mr. Peabody: Uh, sorry… This... uh…

(The army of the Xiongnu, a nomadic tribe that launched attacks on China during around the time period that Mr. Peabody and Sherman are currently in and until the Han Dynasty, storms the palace.)

Narrator Peabody: Sadly, so was the palace. If we did not do something about it now, that fateful minute would have also been China's last.

Generic Xiongnu Soldier: Haha! I stole your disguise, you dog!

Sherman: HE CALLED DADDY A DOG! (beat) That was totally true…

Qin Shihuangdi: AAHHH! I WAS WRONG WHEN I SAID THAT THESE BARBARIANS COULD NEVER TAKE MY EMPIRE DOWN!

Wuneng: (from the other room) AAHHH! I WAS RIGHT!

Mr. Peabody: Think… think… think…

Sherman: They're everywhere! I think I'm gonna blow bricks outta my bottom!

Mr. Peabody: (A paper lantern lights up above his head.) Aha! (He turns Sherman around so that his butt faces the Xiongnu army.)

Sherman: (He freezes up in fear.) Please! Somebody rush me to the restroom! I'm too scared to move!

(Mr. Peabody gently lowers Sherman's back and knees so that his knees are slightly bent and his butt is pointed towards the barbarians. He poops bricks out of his backside, and they shoot at the barbarians; the pooping is making a shooting sound.)

Mr. Peabody: Fire in the hole! (He picks up Sherman by the torso and swings him back and forth. The Xiongnu army is being decimated.)

Sherman: AAHHHH! SOMEBODY HELP ME! TOO MUCH ADRENALINE! What are you doing, Dad?!

Mr. Peabody: Look behind you. (Sherman looks behind him and sees the barbarians getting knocked out one-by-one by the bricks he's pooping out.)

Wuneng: You can do it, guys!

Mr. Peabody: FOR HISTORY! (Sherman continues pooping out bricks. In 10 seconds, the last soldier is struck down.)

Mr. Peabody: (taunting the Xiongnu army with a James Bond one-liner because he's so bada**) You're just another brick in the wall.

Sherman: Woot woot!

Qin Shihuangdi: (humbled) I was about to bebutt you, but now that you have saved me, I will let you live. (crying tears of joy) How could I ever repay you?

Mr. Peabody: You don't have to.

Qin Shihuangdi: Aww, thanks! You can have Wang-Wang ba- Oh, you're a dog. (Beat. He realizes what he said and blushes.) Sorry! That came out wrong.

Qin Shihuangdi: You can have this: a porcelain vase! Plus, a porcelain figurine of me!

(He hands the vase to Mr. Peabody. It has an ornate dragon design on it. He then hands the porcelain sculpture of himself to Mr. Peabody.)

Mr. Peabody: Thanks! Oh, and by the way, I am a time traveler from the far future. I have traveled to many time periods, from the beginning of the universe to the very late 20th century A.D. I shall now give you a gift from the future of your country. (He hauls a mannequin wearing Ming Dynasty armor out of the WABAC.) This is a set of genuine Ming Dynasty armor.

Qin Shihuangdi: Ooh! Nice! Thanks!

Sherman: (crying) So… moving…

(Cut to Mr. Peabody and Sherman walking out of the imperial palace.)

Sherman: Wow! That was so exciting! Armies, and emperors, and the Great Wall…

(Chun and Huo walk past.)

Chun: Umm, why am I in my undies?

Huo: What happened?

Mr. Peabody: The emperor found out the bare-

(Sherman trips over his shoelace and lands lower-jaw first.)

Sherman: OW! MY CHIN!

(The end-of-story black screen crawls up on Sherman.)

Mr. Peabody: NO! NO! THE PUN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE "The emperor found out the bare naked truth!"

Sherman: Sorry!

(The black screen closes in on Sherman.)

TO BE CONTINUED

(A/N: And that is how Mr. Peabody and Sherman helped Qin Shihuangdi with the Great Wall. Anyways, how bad will things go in the penthouse? What will the result of the Wild West disaster be? And exactly what silly shenanigans are Marco Polo and Kublai Khan up to inside the pleasure dome? Find out in the next and final chapter of this fanfiction!)

(A/N: To be clear, Qin Shihuangdi wasn't insulting Mr. Peabody when he said it wouldn't be wise to give him back Wang-Wang because Mr. Peabody is a dog, and there was no Freudian slip there.)