Chapter XI - A Matter of Trust
The moments in which people start trusting each other always fascinated Mara. It was a strange feeling, realising just how much trust was shared between two people. It wasn't necessarily a strong feeling; more like floating in a river and knowing that the current wasn't going to wash you away, or feeling the dawning sun heat your skin and knowing that you won't burn. She often wondered when people began to trust each other explicitly and without question. Was trust brought on by some heroic act of courage, or was it through something simple?
Realising you don't trust someone is a whole other matter entirely.
The moment Mara realised that she no longer trusted Bellamy – had she truly trusted him in the first place? – was so violent and sudden that Mara didn't know how to react.
It happened like this: a chill had settled over the camp in the wake of Bellamy's booming voice declaring: "Octavia's gone missing". Sweet Octavia, who had fire in her veins and iron in her lungs, had vanished unnoticed in the rush to contact the Ark. She had been missing for hours.
The desperation to contact the Ark had quietened as the desperation to find Octavia took over. Or rather, the desperation to end Bellamy's glares and harsh words took over instead. A quickly organised search party had stumbled out of camp in the darkness of night, bleary eyed and full of yawns, but immediately halted when they noticed strange shooting stars in the sky. Frantic whispers spread amongst the group as they watched the streaks of blinding white light coursing through the inky sky. There were hundreds of them, all dancing and falling towards Earth.
"Maybe the Ark got our signal," one girl, a little over the age of thirteen, had whispered with hope searing the edges of her voice.
"Maybe it's a meteor shower," another pleaded.
Everyone silently knew that they were wrong, but did not dare to speak the awful truth. They stood transfixed by the lights, beautiful in their morbidity.
Raven had confronted Bellamy, whose face was twisted into an expression of agony, but there was nothing to be done. They were too late. The Ark had missed their signal and had completed the culling.
A strange feeling overcame Mara as her eyes reflected the funeral in the sky. She felt like a knife was embedded into her heart, but at the same time, she felt like her body was being pumped full of morphine. She could acknowledge the pain she should have been feeling but couldn't truly feel its sting. She knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that one of those streaks of perfect twinkling light was her father's body being expelled from the Ark.
I guess that's what the soul looks like; a single thought entered her head as she felt any semblance of her trust in Bellamy turn to ash. She knew that it would be difficult to forgive him.
Mara thought that she had always trusted Nathan, truly believed that she would put her life in his hands and trust that he would do everything in his power to keep her safe. She thought that Nathan felt the same way for her. For the better part of a year, Mara thought that she trusted Nathan without question.
She was wrong.
The moment she truly began to trust him – when she knew that the currents weren't going to sweep her away – happened so subtly that she would have missed the faltering beat of her heart if she hadn't been paying attention. It wasn't through an act of heroism that brought forth this new understanding, but one of the softer, quieter, moments of their relationship. It nearly took her breath away.
It was in that moment – when her eyes met his – that she knew she would trust him to lead her to the ends of the earth and back again if he had to. Their eyes had met over a sea of terrified faces, and he nodded his head so slightly that she wondered if she had imagined it. She returned his nod nonetheless, and the corners of his lips twitched with the hint of a smile.
Nathan Miller had felt the same way towards this strange, emotional girl he had grown so fond of. He would never admit it, but for the first two weeks of their growing friendship, he had found her annoying. However, in his desperation to actually talk to someone, to form a genuine human connection with someone other than a guard, he had been willing to overlook his feelings. He knew that she had felt an immediate connection to him – something that now made his heart glow – but he could never bring himself to tell her that the feeling wasn't initially mutual. Mara loved to tell people that they had been best friends from their first conversation and every time his heart would swell with quiet love for her.
For Nathan, the moment he began to grow fond of Mara was during her sixth week of imprisonment as he was entering into his fourth month. He had heard a soft whimpering coming from her cell and had rolled his eyes. He had heard her cry six times already. He wanted to tell her to suck it up, that she was stuck, and there was nothing she could do about it. However, he just happened to be experiencing extreme boredom that particular day. Out of nothing more than sheer nosiness, he had wrapped his knuckles sharply off of the wall separating their cells and asked her what her problem was. He had been expecting her to ramble on about how none of her friends had visited her, or how her bed was too hard and she was too cold, but when she responded that she didn't want to bother him he had been mightily surprised. He had had nothing better to do than to pester her for more information, but the more she refused to answer the more frustrated he became. Insufferable. He remembered thinking that she was absolutely insufferable. Two days later she told him that she had been crying because her mom had visited her and had looked far too frail to be out of bed. She then told him about how the one and only time she had broken the law was to steal medicine for her mother. He began to respect the lengths she was willing to go to look after her family, though he did roll his eyes at her insistence that she had never broken any laws before. She was just a little bit less annoying after that.
The moment he realised he truly trusted her happened unexpectedly during their first night on Earth when he allowed her to continue calling him 'Nathan'. The idea of her calling him by his second name like everyone else just didn't feel right.
Mara wished that the story of how she began to trust Nathan was a nicer one. A group of hanging skeletons dangling from dying trees, and a group of terrified teenagers isn't exactly the most pleasant setting for the beginning of any story.
It was in the aftermath of discovering that Octavia had gone missing from camp, and Bellamy's insistence that everyone in the camp form a search party, that led the hundred to the gruesome sight before them. Finn's tracking skills had led them to the discovery that Octavia had been kidnapped. It made sense for the trail to lead straight to Grounder territory. Mara just wished that it was a little more inviting.
The tops of two trees were tied together, forming an arch, stripped bare of any foliage, save for a few dying leaves. The bare branches twisted like skeletal fingers reaching towards the heavens; fallen angels cursing God for their damnation. They presented a clear warning sign to intruders: stay out. An appalling mixture of skeletons, half decomposed rotting bodies and cracked skulls hung from the arch. Even in her worst nightmares, Mara never thought she would see a sight so horrifying; just looking at the arch made her believe that all of the oxygen had suddenly been sucked from the air. She wouldn't have been surprised to find an 'Abandon all hope, ye who enter here' sign secreted amongst the disturbing display.
She could hear gasps of horror from the group behind her as they stared at the hanging skeletons, marking the entrance into Grounder territory; the bones had faded to a garish black and mottled grey, only small patches of white were visible on their ribs. Mara could feel waves of terror rolling off of the people behind her but, as she looked at the splotches of white on the skeleton closest to her, she was overcome with an unusual sadness. She tried to imagine what had led the Grounders to this, to the point where stringing up corpses as a warning became a necessity. She wondered how long this practice had been going on for.
She could imagine what the first few years after the nuclear fallout had been like, everyone scattered across a ruined world, families ripped apart with the odds of seeing loved ones again almost zero. She could picture the survivors scrambling to use the technology they relied upon, and wondered how long people had waited before realising their phones would never work again. She wondered how long they had searched for loved ones on the other side of vast countries before they gave up. How long had it taken for them to form new societies, new laws, and new traditions? Had some people spent the rest of their lives alone, never encountering another human being, and believing they were the last souls on earth?
She couldn't wrap her head around someone deciding to hang skeletons above an entrance to their territory. What had forced people to reach that point? Then she remembered that within their first week on earth, The Hundred had tried to hang an innocent boy. Maybe the skeletons were necessary after all.
'How long will it be before we do the same? Five years? Less, if we even survive that long?' She thought bitterly.
She found that she could no longer look at the skeletons; the ache of sadness in her heart was too painful.
"Hell no," one boy muttered under his breath, beginning to take a few trembling steps away from the arch. "I did not sign up for this shit."
Bellamy ignored the fleeing boy and took a calculated step closer to the arch.
"You're sure this is where the trail leads?" He levelled his gaze on Finn, who had been appointed as their tracker and was crouched low to the ground, his index finger tracing a footprint imbedded deep into the damp soil.
Finn nodded his confirmation, his eyes filled with apprehension as he stared at the skeleton hanging nearest to him, but there was also a spark of excitement in his heart. He lived for adventure, and for a little bit of danger. Though he was smart enough to know when he couldn't handle a situation. He just hoped that this wasn't one of those times.
He liked Octavia; he thought that she was pretty when he first met her, though his mind was still with Raven. It wasn't until he met Clarke that he forgot about Raven. It was only a moment of forgetfulness, but it was enough to make him stop and think. He loved Raven, and he knew that a part of him always would. She was his family, his best friend, but the more time he spent with Clarke, the more he kissed her and held her, the more he realised that he was beginning to fall in love with her. His love for Clarke was so distinctly different from his love for Raven, that it confused his heart. He never intended to hurt either of them, but he found it hard to stay away from Clarke. He had reasoned with himself that it was unlikely he would ever see Raven again – what with Bellamy forcing everyone to remove their wristbands and break any chance of communication with The Ark – yet a part of him hoped he would be reunited with her again, so he had kept his band firmly fastened to his wrist until it broke. That made the guilt worse. He didn't regret sleeping with Clarke the night the wristbands broke, but he did regret that he had only waited a few days before giving up on Raven.
Raven was smart; he knew that she had caught him giving Clarke lingering looks. He had hesitated to respond to Raven's whispered "I love you", and hated the flash of hurt that had blossomed in her eyes. He had never wanted to hurt her.
"How sure are you?" Bellamy's voice broke Finn out of his stupor.
"About eighty-five per cent."
"That's good enough."
"You're kidding right?" A boy squeaked behind Mara.
She whipped her head around to eye the boy, who could be no more than fourteen years old. The boy was quite literally quaking in his boots, and beads of anxious sweat dripped from his hairline.
"You want us to go in there! No way man!"
The boy began to back away, a few of the others in the search party joining him.
Mara couldn't blame them. She would be lying if she said that a part of her didn't want to run back to camp, tuck herself into bed and pretend that she had never seen the hanging skeletons, but a greater part of her was saying that if she went missing she would hope that people would look for her. She really hated the part of her that would lead her into certain danger.
"My sister, my responsibility," Bellamy muttered deeply, the sound rumbling in his chest.
Mara locked eyes with Nathan as he moved to stand beside her. He nodded his head at her, and Mara returned the gesture. They would walk into hell together, safe in the knowledge that they would have each other's backs.
The wind whipped her hair across her face, the cold air biting her cheeks as they flushed a deep pink color.
She couldn't say how long they walked for, or for how long her leg muscles had been aching, all she knew was that her very bones were beginning to grow cold. Nathan's constant presence by her side brought her immeasurable comfort as the sun dawned in a scarlet sky.
The tension in Bellamy's shoulders seemed to increase the deeper the group marched into Grounder territory. Mara's eyes bore holes into Bellamy's back. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop glaring at him. She knew that he could not have known that throwing Raven's radio in the river would have brought about the culling. She knew it deep down in her heart, but she couldn't stop herself from beginning to hate him.
She laughed bitterly to herself.
Guess I'm an orphan now, she thought.
Her parents had been taken from her because of the reckless actions of others. She had learned to forgive Finn, but she was unsure if she could forgive Bellamy too.
Though it had not been confirmed, she instinctively knew that her father had been one of the victims of the culling. She couldn't get the image of the white lights in the sky out of her head. She wondered which one her father had been. More importantly, she wondered how he had died. Thousands of scenarios flashed through her mind. Had it been a quick death? A lethal injection maybe? Had the three hundred people been killed separately, or as a group? Had their deaths been delivered by floating, or by some other means? She hoped that her father hadn't been alone when he died. Had he had someone there to comfort him? She wondered if she would ever know the truth.
Nathan watched her intently as they slipped through the darkness covering the forest. She looked like she was coping, but he could see the storm that was brewing under her skin. Her eyes had only left Bellamy's back for a few moments after they had seen the bodies falling from the Ark. Nathan would have been surprised if Bellamy couldn't feel her watching him.
Nathan had to admit that he was worried about her. After her mother's death, Mara had completely lost control and had been almost inconsolable. Now however, she was being far too still. Nathan found her uncomfortable to watch, yet he couldn't tear his eyes away from her. He was waiting for the moment she broke; he just hoped that it wasn't during their rescue mission.
He reached out and squeezed Mara's hand with his, and noted with alarm just how cold she was. He felt her squeeze back but the gesture was empty, almost like it was a knee jerk reaction. For the third time on Earth, Nathan felt scared.
Nathan had always been a quiet boy; he supposed it was bred from watching his father performing his duties as a guard. Nathan was much more like his father than he cared to admit. Both men internalised their feelings, and only ever let what they were feeling slip when in the company of those they cared about the most. For Nathan, Mara was the person he let in; the person he let see how was really feeling.
In the space of nine days, Nathan had felt scared a total of three times. Each time could be attributed to Mara. The first time he felt real fear was after she confronted Finn and had disappeared for the whole day. He had wanted to rip his hair out with worry when the sun had begun to set and she hadn't returned to camp. When she finally appeared, he had been blown away by the enormity of his relief at seeing her unharmed. He had held her in his arms without a second thought. It was one of the few times he didn't care about revealing his emotions.
The second time had occurred during their first encounter with the acidic fog that burned his lungs. He had spent the night alone in a dark cave, praying that Mara had escaped unharmed. He barely noticed the throbbing pain in his twisted ankle as he lay in the dark, sleep evading him.
Watching Mara's uneasy stillness as their group of thirteen marched in search of Octavia was the third time Nathan felt scared. She hadn't uttered a single word since they saw the lights. He could usually tell what she was thinking by the look on her face, but she was entirely void of expression and he couldn't form a single idea as to what she was going on in her head. It terrified Nathan Miller more than anything else.
Unaware of the fear gripping Nathan's heart, Mara took a headcount of the small group around her. Only thirteen of the original search party remained. Some had lines of determination engraved in their faces; others looked like they were barely keeping their fear under the surface. Drew, however, was another matter entirely. Much to Bellamy's annoyance and Mara's amusement, the boy grew more animated with each story he told, his arms flailing around and his voice increasing in pitch, wobbling on occasion as his nerves poured out in waves.
"Seriously Drew! I am going to steal Mara's thread and sew your mouth shut if you don't stop talking," Sterling whispered angrily and nudged Drew's shoulder.
Drew looked absolutely scandalised, and moved to reply, but was immediately stopped short by Bellamy.
"Enough, Drew," Bellamy growled under his breath as he barged in front of the two boys.
"Hey," Mara bumped her hip lightly into Drew's as she whispered conspiratorially, "I like your stories."
Drew's eyes lightened and his lips quirked into a soft smile.
Nathan sighed in relief; maybe she was okay after all. He squeezed her hand again, and this time when she squeezed back, he knew that she was doing it consciously.
Mara counted the number of people in the group again.
One...two…three...
She had been doing this obsessively since the first streak of red sunlight broke through the wilting tree tops.
Four…five…six…
Drew's incessant chatter had seized; she was unsure of how long he had been silent for.
Seven…eight…nine…
Nathan moved closer to her. She could feel the heat from his body pressing into her back. His shoulder bumped hers.
"I got nothing," Finn groaned, scanning the forest floor for any sign of Octavia. "We've lost the trail."
"Keep looking," Bellamy ordered, refusing to give up on his sister.
Ten…eleven…
"Wandering around aimlessly isn't going to find your sister," Finn tried to reason. "We should backtrack."
Diggs' red hair – one of the boys in the group – flashed in the glowing sun. Mara slipped her hand into her pocket, gripping her knife tightly.
Twelve…
The forest was too quiet, even the footfalls produced by Mara's heavy boots seemed to be muted.
"I'm not going back," Bellamy's voice was filled with thinly veiled desperation.
Where's number thirteen? Where was the boy whose nose she had once nearly broken?
"How many of us went through that arch?" Mara asked, squeezing Nathan's hand tightly.
"Thirteen," he paused, his eyes flashing in the sun as he gazed down at her in confusion. "Why?"
"Someone's missing."
She released Nathan's hand and jogged to catch up with Bellamy and Finn. The former glanced at her, surprise flashing in his deep eyes before he controlled his features. He didn't really want to listen to whatever it was she had to say. He knew that it wouldn't be pleasant and he was already beating himself up for his actions, and for not realising that his sister was missing sooner. He dreaded to think of what his mother would have said if she had been alive.
Mara surprised him however, when she looked at him with concern. He had thought he would see anger in her eyes, and yes there was a hint of it but nowhere near the amount he had been expecting. Every time he thought he had her pegged, and thought he knew how she would react, she would turn around and surprise him.
"We're missing someone," Mara whispered to the two boys. "We started with thirteen people, and now there's only twelve."
"Hey, where's John?" Roma spoke at the same time, breaking the silence of the rest of the group.
"I just saw him a second ago," Jasper replied, turning on the spot as if expecting John to be hiding behind his back.
"Spread out." Bellamy commanded. "He couldn't have gotten that far."
Something wasn't right, why would John have wandered off on his own without telling anyone where he was going? John Mbege had been one of Murphy's followers, one of his friends, and had chased Charlotte to the cliff. He had attacked Mara for Murphy and she had nearly broken his nose. Yet, she hoped nothing had happened to him and that he had simply wandered off and gotten lost. She knew in her gut that she was wrong.
A loud thud jerked her out of her musings and she twirled around searching for the source of the noise. What she found made her heart skip a beat.
A scream tore from her mouth unbidden, and she clamped a hand over her parted lips to stop herself from screaming again.
John Mbege lay at her feet, his vacant eyes staring at the sky above. His limbs jutted out at unnatural angles and his shirt was saturated with crimson blood. His throat was slit in a harsh line; blood had splattered onto his face from the wound.
Mara's legs gave out from underneath her. She crumpled to the ground by his head, her hands reaching out shakily towards him. Her fingers danced over the wound in his throat. She didn't know what to do; she just knew that she had to do something. Eventually she found his pulse point and pressed two fingers to it delicately. She didn't know what she was expecting to find as she knew that he wouldn't have a pulse. There was no new blood spilling from his wound and his eyes had taken on a glassy appearance, there was no way that his heart was still beating. Yet, a small part of her hoped that he would be alive. She didn't think she could handle seeing another dead body.
There was no pulse.
She felt another part of herself break, and she was left wondering how much of her was still intact. Earth had taken so much out of her. She was not cut out for this life; it was all becoming too much.
Her fingers were coated in sticky blood. Atom lingered on the tips of fingers, Charlotte stained her skin and now John had wrapped himself around her knuckles. She wondered if she'd ever be able to wash them off.
"They're using the trees," Finn whispered behind her, bursting with dread.
"We shouldn't have crossed the boundary," Diggs moaned, frantically searching through the trees for any sign of the Grounders who had taken John's life.
"Now can we go back?" Roma tried to sound confident but there was an obvious quivering to her voice.
They sounded like they were at the end of a very long tunnel. When did they get so far away? Mara wondered, but couldn't seem to stop staring at John. She couldn't understand why the world kept throwing death onto her lap so carelessly.
There was the snapping of twigs that had the group looking frantically through the trees, but Mara couldn't stop staring at the dead boy before her.
"There," Jasper whispered frantically, pointing through a gap in the trees where a lone figure could just about be seen.
Why hasn't anyone closed his eyes? Mara thought as she leaned forward, her hair dipping into the congealed blood surrounding her.
"There's another one!" Diggs failed to hide his growing fear as he spotted a second Grounder darting through the trees.
Someone should close his eyes. Mara thought with finality, nodding her head to herself. Yes, someone should close them.
"There's another one," Drew cried, clutching his knife close to his chest.
Mara leaned forward, sweeping her hand over John's eyelids. That's better, she sighed.
"We should run," Finn said lowly, earning nods of agreement from the rest of the group.
"Up!" Suddenly Bellamy was at her elbow. Where did he come from? Mara frowned in confusion. "Up! Come on, you need to get up." He was tugging at her, forcing her to move.
Suddenly she was running, but she couldn't remember telling her legs to move. Bellamy's hand was fastened round her elbow as he propelled her forward. His grip was beginning to hurt and she had no idea why they were all running so fast. All she knew was that she had been with John's body one minute and in the next she was careening through the forest, leaping over fallen logs and jumping over tree roots. At some point, Bellamy had removed his hatchet from his belt. He was gripping it so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.
Why does he need that? She asked herself. Why have we left John? We took Atom back to camp; surely we should take John too.
Bellamy stopped abruptly, yanking Mara back when she kept running forward. She stumbled backwards, caught off guard, and slammed into him. His hands gripped her waist to steady her.
"Shit," she heard him curse.
What's going o- Mara's thoughts cut off bluntly. Standing thirty feet away from the panting group was a Grounder, dressed entirely in black and gripping a long knife in one hand. The sun glinted off of the weapon, and a light seemed to go off in Mara's head.
They were being hunted.
"Shit," Mara repeated Bellamy's curse. Grabbing his elbow this time, she pulled him into a sprint in the opposite direction of the Grounder.
Mara glanced around wildly for Nathan and sighed in relief at finding him right beside her. Wasn't he always?
She felt like she was being pulled from underwater and the more she ran, the closer she got to land. A dark part of her found it exhilarating.
Drew stumbled over a protruding root. Nathan fell behind to help the boy back up.
Mara and Bellamy maintained their position at the front of the group, but she knew that she wasn't going to be able to hold it for long. Her legs were beginning to ache dully, and her lungs felt like they were about to burst. She couldn't remember how long it had been since she had last eaten or drank anything, she was beginning to regret joining the search party.
"Dammit!" Bellamy slid to a stop, throwing his arms out to try and keep his balance.
Roma collided with Mara's back, sending them both crashing to the ground in a tangle of limbs.
There was another Grounder ahead of them blocking their path, a mask covering their face. This one was a little shorter and leaner, but the dangerous looking spear being clutched by their side showed that they were not to be underestimated.
"This way!" Finn called as he began running in a new direction.
Mara and Roma untangled themselves, both scrambling to their feet and chasing after Finn. Neither girl dared to look back.
They were blocked by Grounders at every turn, and even had to double back on themselves a few times. Mara could feel herself growing tired. Her legs were beginning to shake from exertion and her head was throbbing painfully, she just needed to get more air into her lungs.
She knew that she was slowing down, but she couldn't help it. She was only slightly ahead of Jasper. His wheezing and the pounding of her heart were the only things she could hear.
"Keep going!" Nathan called when he spotted Mara and Jasper lagging behind.
Her brief exhilaration had faded to nothing when she noticed the hill Nathan wanted them all to run up.
"What are we gonna do?" Diggs shouted. If Mara had been less exhausted she would have been amazed that he didn't sound tired at all. "They keep heading us off!"
"Just keep running!"
Jasper groaned beside her. He was bent over at the waist but was still trying to run. His breath was coming out in short wheezing bursts and his face was scrunched up in pain. His hand clutched at where he had been speared by a Grounder on his first day on Earth.
"Come on," Mara muttered, grabbing his arm and looping it round her shoulders. "We can't stop now."
She staggered under the additional weight but kept pushing herself harder, faster. Her body was screaming at her to stop but she commanded her legs to keep moving.
"I can't…I can't…" Jasper was muttering. "I can't run much further!" He shouted to the rest of the group. He began to slow down even more, and reached out to support himself against a tree.
"I'm not stopping for him!" Diggs cried in indignation as he sprinted past Bellamy and Finn who were jogging to a stop.
"I'm sick of running," Bellamy growled, flexing his fingers round the handle of his hatchet.
"What are you doing?" Finn grabbed Bellamy's arm trying to pull him back into a run.
"They know where Octavia is," Bellamy jerked his arm from Finn's grasp, his face set with determination.
Mara and Jasper finally caught up to the rest of the group. Nathan reached out and pulled Mara forward for the last few steps. She smiled up at him gratefully, though she was sure that it came out as more of a grimace than anything.
"They'll kill us if we stop!" Finn pulled at his arm again, but Bellamy shook him off once more.
Mara heaved as much oxygen into her lungs as she could. Her muscles cried in protest just at the thought of running again, but she knew that she would if she had to.
"Listen," Bellamy rounded on Finn but was interrupted by Roma sprinting away from the group.
"Diggs!" She called, dashing to catch up with her friend. "Where are you?"
Mara counted at least five Grounders in the trees surrounding them; she couldn't see a single way they could escape.
"Roma!" They heard Diggs shouting back.
One of the Grounders split away from the rest and began chasing after Roma and Diggs. Mara groaned when she noticed how easily the Grounder was moving through the forest. They had the home advantage.
"Dammit," Mara cursed under her breath. She steeled all of the resolve she could muster as she joined the remaining group running after Diggs and Roma.
A horrifying scream split through the air causing Mara to flinch. She knew the sound had come from Roma. Her suspicions where confirmed when they rounded a group of trees and saw Roma sprinting away from them.
"Wait!" Mara called but the sound died in her throat when she saw what Roma was running from.
Diggs had been caught in a trap. He dangled a few inches off of the ground, his stomach having been impaled by four sharp spears attached to a tree branch. Blood was seeping from the wounds, and was beginning to pool beneath his feet. His eyes stared unseeing, and a small line of blood slipped from the corner of his mouth.
Mara wanted to be sick.
"Roma! There could be more!" Finn shouted, but the girl in question was nowhere to be seen.
Mara crouched low to the ground, her elbows on her knees and her fingers steepled over her mouth. She tried to breathe through her nose but the metallic smell of blood was too intense. She quickly removed her hands from over her mouth, only then remembering that they were coated in John Mbege's blood. She couldn't seem to escape it.
"They're leading us here," Jasper panted. "It was the only direction we could run in."
Mara struggled to her feet, leaning on Drew for support. She couldn't give up yet. Nathan reached out to her and she gladly accepted his offered hand, squeezing it lightly.
He tilted his head to the side slightly, his eyebrows knitting together. Are you alright? He seemed to say.
She squeezed his hand again and pursed her lips together. I'm fine, don't worry about me.
Then everything stilled and the Grounders had vanished, and Mara trusted Nathan so much that it began to hurt.
The Grounders had vanished.
Mara paused, her hand falling from Nathan's as she slowly turned on the spot, but she couldn't see any Grounders in the trees. She cast her eyes above her, half expecting to find them hidden amongst the branches, but the tree tops were empty.
"Guys," she choked on her own voice, and she had to clear her throat before continuing. "Where are the Grounders?"
The rest of the group began to look around them and Mara caught sight of Monroe out of the corner of her eye. In that moment, Mara wished that she was more like Monroe, because she looked so calm and collected and oh so confident in the face of danger. Mara thought that she looked like a quivering mess in comparison.
"Why'd they leave?" Finn asked. "Where'd they go?"
A sharp scream cut through the air.
"Roma," Bellamy breathed, bursting into a run in the direction Roma had headed.
Mara's feet carried her of their own accord as she chased after Bellamy. She could hear the rest of the group thudding beside her, sending partially wet dirt soaring through the air. Her arms pumped by her side, but the aching in her limbs remained. She felt her lips beginning to strangely stick together, and she knew that her body was crying out for water.
"Roma!" Monroe called as she slid to a stop.
The edge of Roma's shoulder could just be seen sticking out from behind a tree, but the girl wasn't moving. Roma gave no indication that she had heard Monroe.
"Roma?" Monroe shakily questioned.
Bellamy and Monroe took charge of the group as they all crept closer to Roma. There was a silent acceptance amongst them all that Roma was standing far too still. There was no rise or fall to her shoulders to signify that she was breathing, and her body gave nothing away that she had heard her name being called.
The group bowed their heads in silent reverence as they rounded the tree and took in the sight before them.
Roma's face was frozen in an expression of shock, her lips parted slightly as if she were in mid gasp. Her pink lips were stained with blood, her arms hung limply by her sides with blood imbedded in her nails. A thick wooden spear protruded from her stomach, impaling her to the tree. She never saw it coming.
Bellamy stared at the dead girl with an unreadable expression. His eyes flittered closed and his head dipped towards his chest; his lips formed private words no one else could hear. He raised his hand and reverently closed Roma's eyes.
"No." Though the brief drop of composure had slipped passed Monroe's lips, she never abandoned her strong stoicism and her expression became unreadable once more.
Mara felt like her life had turned into a sick joke, some sinister Groundhog Day. Wake up, watch someone die, go to sleep. Wake up, watch someone die, go to sleep. She was suddenly overwhelmingly exhausted. Then a tsunami of disgust washed over her. She hated that she was making the situation about herself. Three people had died, and all she could think about was how bad it was making her feel. She had never been more ashamed of herself.
She could see Nathan reaching out to her. She moved away from him until she was out of reach, ignoring the brief hurt that flashed in his eyes. She didn't deserve to be comforted.
"They're playing with us," Finn whispered after an acceptable moment of silence had passed. "They can kill us whenever they want."
"Then they should get it over with!" Jasper erupted, startling Mara out of her pit of self-pity. A small part of her couldn't help but agree with him. "Come on!" He screamed again, desperation pouring out of him.
"Jasper! Stop!" Finn rushed at the younger boy and pushed him backwards.
Jasper continued to shout despite Finn's attempts to calm him down. His eyes had taken on a glint of aggression and fear that both terrified and thrilled Mara. She too wanted the day to be over; she had never seen so much death before, and her adrenaline was quickly fading away. Then she heard a voice that pulled her from her thoughts. It was a quiet voice, that was more of a murmur than anything else, but the sadness in it was unbearable.
"In peace, may you leave this shore," Drew whispered. It was the quietest Mara had ever heard him. "In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey to the ground." Jasper stopped screaming, his face red with rage. The group had turned to stare at Drew who, in turn, kept his gaze fixed on Roma's feet. "May we meet again."
"May we meet again," they echoed back to him, heads bowed in reverence.
Bellamy clapped Drew on his back, his hand lingering for a moment as if lost in thought. He opened his mouth to speak, his gaze uncertain and his shoulders tensed. Mara couldn't imagine what was going on in his head. For a brief moment, she forgot about the three hundred culled on the Ark and allowed herself to feel genuine connection to him. He had never looked so young and vulnerable; he was a little boy starring as a soldier in a play that had no script.
She caught his eye and offered him a sad smile; all pursed lips and furrowed eyebrows.
"Incoming!" Monroe shouted, interrupting whatever Bellamy was going to say.
The group swarmed together, without thinking, and pressed their backs together to form a tight circle. In their brief moment of grief, they had become surrounded on all sides by the Grounders. The Grounders darted through the trees, seeming to taunt the huddled group with their agility and speed. With no chance of outrunning them, the group clutched their weapons tighter.
The handle of Mara's knife dug painfully into her palm. The knife was simply a piece of broken metal and, though it had been wrapped in cloth, the blunt edge threatened to slice into her skin. She had never thought that she would find herself familiar with the weight of a knife in her hand, let alone seek comfort in its presence. Yet, she found herself welcoming the feeling of the steel shard clenched in her fist.
It was remarkable, really, how much she had changed since her arrest. She hated to think of what her parents would say if they could see her preparing to wield a weapon she had no idea how to use.
She took a shaky breath, seeking comfort in her knife and the weight of her necklace on her chest. The boy beside her was shaking; his free hand would bump into hers with every tremor. She wished she knew his name.
The Grounders were getting closer.
The group took a collective breath as they prepared to fight a battle they had no hope of winning.
Drew's words vibrated round Mara's head like a prayer. Her grip tightened on her knife.
She sought Nathan out, as she did in most times of crisis, and found him stationed beside her. She straightened her back as she caught his eye, readying herself for a fight she wanted no part of. He offered her no smile of comfort, both knowing it would have never reached his eyes, nor did he offer any words of encouragement. He simply cocked an eyebrow and titled his head minutely as if to say: it was nice knowing you.
She shook her head in response and rolled her eyes: shut up, don't be an idiot.
The Grounders were a mere thirty feet away from them now, their weapons glinting dangerously in the sunlight.
Sterling was muttering a pep talk to himself from beside Monroe, and Drew had fallen into an uncharacteristic silence. Jasper built himself up with barely contained aggression. Bellamy and Finn clutched their weapons closer to their bodies, their faces lined with determination. They would not go down without a fight.
Then the bizarre occurred.
A loud horn blared repeatedly through the forest like a warning.
The Grounders stilled abruptly, frozen like statues. Some had cocked their heads to the side as they listened to the horn.
Sterling's pep talk seized.
All at once the Grounders scrambled away in fear from the group as if they had been burned.
"They're leaving," Bellamy said with a voice drenched in confusion.
"That horn," Jasper spoke, turning in a slow circle to watch the Grounders retreating, "what does it mean?"
"Acid fog."
Finn's words hung in the air like a terminal diagnosis. Atom's burned and bloody face flashed before Mara's eyes and his dying breath filled her ears. For a moment she wished that the Grounders would return and finish them off if it meant they would escape the fog. Don't be so stupid, all we have to do is run and find shelter, she shook herself out of her dark thoughts.
"We should run," Monroe stated as if she had read Mara's mind.
"Yeah," Mara agreed, "I second that."
"There's no time," Finn argued, removing his backpack and pulling reams of material from its depths.
"What do you mean there's no-" Mara stopped abruptly as Finn flourished the large amount of parachute material he had somehow thought to bring along. "Why did you bring that?"
He simply shrugged his shoulders in response as he smoothed the parachute out over the rocky ground.
"Everyone get under," he ordered.
No one had to be told twice as they scrambled to cover themselves with the flimsy material. Atom's face kept darting before Mara's eyes, she could see his skin beginning to peel away from the bone; she could almost taste the metal of his blood on her tongue. She doubted the acid fog could be stopped by a little bit of plastic if it found no trouble in ripping apart Atom's body.
It was a tight squeeze under the parachute as everyone held down a section of the fabric in tense silence; silence which was only ever broken on occasion by Drew and Sterling muttering to each other. Mara half expected them to be fighting again, but was pleasantly surprised when she tilted her head to get to hear what they were saying.
"Sorry, man, for…for all of the…" Sterling's tongue twisted on the words he wanted to say, refusing to meet Drew's eyes, "you know, for being a right dick to you."
"It's okay, I do talk too much."
"No, man, listen. You keep us distracted from over thinking things, and…you know, listening to you is better than panicking."
Mara swore she saw a blush spread up Drew's neck and onto his cheeks. The blonde boy averted his eyes from Sterling but his mouth quirked into a secret smile. Mara nudged Drew's shoulder and sent him a suggestive wink, to which the boy blushed so fiercely that he began to resemble a tomato. She began to chuckle at the boy, but the sound quickly died in her throat when she made eye contact with Bellamy.
He was sandwiched in between Sterling and Finn, a pensive look upon his face. A thousand thoughts seemed to be whirling around his head. His eyes never left hers, though Mara got the distinct impression that he was looking at her without seeing. She averted her gaze swiftly, her cheeks flushing in embarrassment. She didn't know why she felt embarrassed; she only knew that looking at him assaulted her with too many different emotions for her to properly pin down. She didn't know if she would ever be able to look at him again the way she once did. It was clear that she could never go back to regarding him as a hot-headed self-appointed leader; no, she had seen too many different sides of him to be able to do that. In truth, she had no idea what to make of him anymore, nor did she think that she would be able to forgive him for his actions. Not for a while at least.
Before she could stop, she found herself trying to decipher the vacant look in his eyes which had never been so dark. Behind the emptiness, desperation lingered fatally; it was a carefully applied façade that she saw straight through. She knew that he wasn't as tough as he made out to be.
"Do you think the fog's cleared?" Monroe whispered.
Bellamy seemed to rip himself out of whatever trance he had fallen into. Yet, the expression in his eyes was worse than before. Where his eyes had once been empty, they now became filled with lifelessness.
"One way to find out."
Before anyone could so much as blink, Bellamy had lifted his section up and broke the protective seal that the parachute provided.
"What are you doing?" Finn exclaimed as he desperately tried to seal the parachute closed again.
"There never was any fog," Bellamy explained as he shimmied out from under the parachute.
Strangely, Bellamy had been correct. The air was just as pure as it always had been and no yellow cloud could be seen anywhere waiting to steal their lives.
"Do you think it was a trick?" Nathan questioned, dusting some leaves from his jacket.
"A false alarm?" Finn staggered to his feet, the rest of the group following suit.
Nathan and Finn huddled around Bellamy as the three began to discuss their next move, Mara, however, was distracted by something in the trees. In the distance, she could just about make out a lone figure moving slowly from tree to tree, so slow in fact, that if she hadn't been watching she would have missed it entirely.
"Give me a break," she groaned when she realised that the figure was a Grounder. She didn't know if she even wanted to fight anymore or if she wanted to just stand where she was and let the Grounder's kill her.
Bellamy glanced at her after hearing her voice and quickly followed her line of sight. "They're coming back," he steeled himself.
"I…I think he's alone," Jasper whispered, as he and the rest of the group failed to see anyone else amongst the trees.
"Can we run now?"
Mutters of agreement rang from the group.
"He doesn't see us," Bellamy said, "I'm going after him."
"Then do what? Kill him?"
"No," Bellamy tracked the Grounder's movements with his eyes, "catch him, make him tell me where Octavia is, then kill him."
With astute finality, Bellamy rose from his crouch and began to march after the Grounder. Mara would have admired his determination if she weren't so exhausted with everything that was going on around her. She briefly wished that she and Roma could swap places.
She inhaled sharply at the horrific thought that had just entered her head; she was beginning to scare herself.
"How do we know that this isn't just another trap?" Jasper and Sterling questioned simultaneously.
"We don't."
"Great, just great!" Drew exclaimed throwing his hands up in surrender. His weapon swinging dangerously close to Sterling's head and the taller boy had to jump out of the way to avoid being injured.
"Cheer up, Drew. A bit of exercise never killed anybody," Sterling nudged Drew as he began following after Bellamy who was quickly putting a fair amount of distance between himself and everyone else.
"Oh, I can think of a few people who would disagree," Drew muttered darkly, but rushed to catch up with Sterling nonetheless.
Monroe shook her head good naturedly at the boys as she dashed to catch up with them, a grin splattered across her face as she momentarily forgot about the horrors they had all just experienced.
Finn and Jasper were the next to begin following Bellamy, muttering amongst themselves. The remaining two followed after, leaving Nathan and Mara behind.
"We shouldn't lag too far behind," Nathan looked at her expectantly.
"Do you think it will ever end?"
"What will?"
"All of this?" She gestured around herself, the dried blood on her hands standing out brightly amongst the greenery around them.
"It has to, doesn't it?" He reached for her and pulled her from her crouch, brushing a few strands of grass from her shoulder. "It's just the way life is, isn't it?"
"What do you mean?"
The two began to follow after the rest, both keeping one cautious eye on the trees around them and the other on the trail Bellamy was leading.
"Well, life isn't always going to be all bad or all good is it? There has to be a middle ground somewhere."
"But everything's been so bad for so long."
"It won't always be," Nathan assured as they caught up with Jasper and Finn, "you just have to trust that the good is right around the corner."
"I don't know if I can anymore," she hated how defeated she felt.
"Sure you can," Drew spoke up, turning to walk backwards so he could look at Mara. "My mom used to say 'Drew, when life gets tough, ye just gotta push through cause everythin' has tae come tae an end at some point'," he finished his impression of his mother, the faint Scottish accent he had adopted faded away.
"So we push through," Sterling turned round to copy Drew as they walked backwards together, "we find Octavia, kick some ass, take names, and go home."
Mara couldn't help but smile at the two, wishing that she could take everything as lightly as they seemed to. She didn't want her head to be filled with such dark thoughts. She remembered a time when she only saw goodness in the world, but it seemed so long ago that she could barely remember what she had ever been happy about.
"Just push through," she muttered, willing herself to push the darkness in her head back to the corner.
"Hold up!" Finn ordered, noticing that Bellamy had suddenly stopped walking.
"The Grounder has just gone into what appears to be an entrance to an underground cave," Bellamy informed them as he strode back towards the group. He seemed to inflate with confidence now that he actually had a plan in motion. "Turner, Alves, Sterling, and" he paused, his eyes lingering on Mara for a moment as he seemed to struggle with some internal debate. "No, just Turner, Alves, and Sterling, I want you to hide and watch the entrance. Whistle if anyone approaches. Drew, and Monroe, I want you to stay at the back and guard us from behind. The rest will follow me. I'll lead. Everyone got that?"
They all nodded in agreement. Turner, Alves, and Sterling moved to hide amongst a thicker cluster of trees, disappearing from sight behind the foliage. The remaining seven moved into sloppy formation with Bellamy at their head, and Mara found herself wedged in the middle.
"Wait for my signal." Bellamy entered first, the entrance to the cave being too small to enter in any form other than single file.
It felt like an eternity before Bellamy whispered for the group to join him, and it took even longer for them all to reach him. When they did, Mara was surprised to find that the cave wasn't as dank and dark as she had been expecting it to be.
They were stood in what appeared to be a long hallway with only one room – closed off by a tattered curtain – at the end of it. Multiple shelves had been carved into the stone along one wall of the cave – various knickknacks were scattered across the surfaces. Mara could make out a few books and notebooks occupying the upper shelves, a pair of boots and cloths took up the majority of the space on the lower shelves, while what appeared to be a vast collection of vials containing a range of dried plants and odd coloured liquids occupied the middle shelves. Mara also noticed that the cave wasn't very cold at all, in fact, it seemed rather warm without there being any evidence of a fireplace or a form of heating system.
"Let's move," the homely appearance of the cave seemed to be lost entirely on Bellamy as he stealthily marched them towards the room at the end of the hall.
The closer they got to the curtain, the tenser they all became. They could hear rustling – like metal chains – coming from behind the curtain, but no other noise could be heard.
Mara tried to focus on what potentially lay behind the curtain, but a part of her attention kept diverting to what was happening outside. She didn't want to miss a warning of someone approaching.
They finally reached the tattered curtain that may have once been blue but had faded in colour and was stained with varying brown marks. It was certainly well worn, with multiple holes lingering in the lower left corner and a large rip on the top right, and Mara wondered how long the Grounder had lived in the cave.
Bellamy hesitated for a moment, before shaking his head and squaring his shoulders. He seemed to brace himself for what lay in the next room and adjusted his grip on his hatchet. He raised his left arm above his head and slowly began lowering his fingers one by one in a silent countdown.
Three…
They all braced themselves, everyone taking a steadying silent breath.
Two…
Mara shifted the knife in her hand, testing its weight against her palm. She knew that she wasn't ready, but no matter how much time she was given she would never be fully prepared. She just had to push through.
One…
Bellamy ripped back the curtain.
They stormed inside, weapons raised and fierce scowls plastered across their faces. They expected to find a group of Grounders ready for them, looking for a fight (an easy kill if Mara was honest with herself); instead they found something that shocked them all.
A Grounder lay in a crumpled heap before them, face down and sprawled across the floor. A small trickle of blood dripped down the side of his face. Octavia sat chained to the wall behind the Grounder, a small but heavy rock clutched in her hand and her chest heaving in exertion.
"Bellamy," she gasped, dropping the rock she was holding.
"Octavia," Bellamy breathed a sigh of relief, the tension in his body seeming to instantly ease and his lips stretched into an undeniable smile. He deftly jumped over the unconscious Grounder and rushed to his sister's side, taking her face in his hands and inspecting her for injuries.
"Get the key," Octavia ordered, obviously desperate to be released from her shackles.
As Bellamy scrambled to find the key that the Grounder had dropped on the ground, Mara looked away, feeling as if she were intruding on some personal moment.
Mara began to inspect the cave further and certainly couldn't deny that it was homely: a bed occupied one wall, a long spear propped up beside it; various furs covered a thin mattress and pillow. Along the wall closest to her a large workbench covered most of the space. Three different pestle and mortars were scattered across it, each containing different types of crushed plants. Behind them was another collection of vials – some were empty, others half full, and the rest looking like they were about to spill over. A cacophony of smells rose from the vials to assault Mara's senses.
"What are you looking at?" Nathan whispered to her, moving from Bellamy and Octavia to join her.
"What do you think all of these are?" She whispered stretching her hand out to touch one of the vials but thinking better of it at the last minute. She didn't know what any of the contents were and didn't particularly like the idea of taking an allergic reaction to something.
"Who cares?" Nathan shrugged, turning his back to the assortment.
Mara drifted towards a pile of books stacked next to the bed, the titles of which were all faded. She wanted to think that the books were new and that there were still authors in the world. It was something so completely ordinary that it made her smile.
"We should leave before he wakes up," Octavia's shaky voice grabbed Mara's attention.
Finn crouched down beside the Grounder, and began inspecting his clothes and the various objects he had attached to his belt.
Bellamy stood over the Grounder, staring down at him with an intensely dark look, "he's not going to wake up."
"No," Mara surprised herself by speaking up, "just leave him. There's been enough bloodshed today, there doesn't have to be any more."
Bellamy glared at her for defying him once again, but she couldn't bring herself to care. She would take all of the glares he could throw at her if it meant the she never had to see another dead body.
"Mara's right, Bellamy," Octavia agreed. "Let's just go. He didn't hurt me," she tried to pull her brother away from the Grounder but Bellamy refused to budge.
"No, they started it," Bellamy growled, crossing over to the bed and grabbing the spear, "now I'm going to finish it."
"Bellamy, no!" Octavia pleaded, trying to stand in between her brother and the Grounder, but only succeeding in being pushed out of the way.
"Come on, Bellamy, let's think rationally about this!" Mara tried, pushing herself from the workbench and standing opposite Bellamy, with the grounder and Finn between them.
"I am."
"Are you sure about that? 'Cause being rational really isn't your strongest suit."
It was a low blow, and she knew it, but she also knew that it was likely to be the only way to get his attention.
"Don't start," her plan worked as he growled at her, his eyes finally leaving the Grounder to bore into hers.
"No, I think I will start," she stepped closer towards the Grounder, ignoring Nathan and Monroe's warnings to be careful. "You haven't been acting rational at all! You managed to settle down for a couple of days, but you're worse than ever now!"
"Give it a rest!" Bellamy growled, steam practically coming out of his ears. "Finn, move!"
Everything happened so quickly that Mara almost missed it entirely. One minute she was standing over the Grounder in a screaming match with Bellamy, the next she was flat on her back with the wind knocked out of her. She righted herself just in time to realise that the Grounder had awoken, knocked her back, and sank a knife deep into Finn's chest in one fell swoop. Mara and Finn locked eyes in shock as the knife embedded itself deeper into his chest with an awful squelch. Simultaneously, they looked at the weapon and it was only then that Finn seemed to register pain.
The Grounder leapt to his feet, knocking Mara back once more, as he lunged at Bellamy. The two men fell to the ground, wrestling over the spear that Bellamy still clutched.
Mara scrambled over the space the Grounder had just vacated as she rushed to Finn's side. The Spacewalker was gasping in shock, his lungs struggling to take in ragged breaths. Octavia dropped to his other side, and the two girls shared a look of utter horror.
"What do we do?" Octavia gasped, her attention rapidly moving between Finn and the wrestling men and back again.
"I don't…I don't know!" Mara tried not to panic as she too shifted her attention back and forth between the two points of chaos.
The once quiet cave had suddenly become filled with noise as Finn struggled for breath and the Grounder and Bellamy fought.
For a moment, Mara thought that Bellamy had the upper hand, but her hopes were instantly shattered when the Grounder flipped Bellamy over and grabbed the spear. The Grounder slammed the spear down, but Bellamy managed to stop it just before it ripped through his throat. The two struggled for dominance and all Mara could do was watch in horror.
She may have been angry at Bellamy, but she did not want him to die. The thought alone was enough to rip her heart.
"Stop! That's my brother!" Octavia cried, abandoning Finn in fear for Bellamy.
"Bellamy!" Nathan roared and began to charge at the Grounder.
Mara wanted to call out for him to stop – she didn't want him to get hurt too – but the words caught in her throat and began choking her. She couldn't lose Nathan too, but as quickly as it began, the fight was over.
Jasper snuck up behind the Grounder and, using the same rock Octavia had, struck the Grounder across the back of the head and knocked him unconscious. The Grounder slumped over Bellamy's body.
"What the fuck just happened?" Monroe exclaimed as she and Nathan rushed to roll the Grounder off of Bellamy.
Bellamy shrugged his concerned soldiers off, stretching his neck and scowling at the unconscious Grounder.
Mara, on the other hand, was focused solely on Finn. She gathered him into her arms, making sure not to jostle the knife, and smoothed his hair back from his face. The setting was far too familiar.
Atom, Charlotte, John, Diggs, Roma.
She desperately hoped that she wouldn't have to add Finn's name to the list of deaths she had seen.
"It's okay. You're going to be okay," she dipped her head to whisper lowly in his ear but what she heard, or rather what she didn't hear, frightened her far more than the jagged knife ever could. "Guys!" She called out, but her voice cracked and she went unheard.
Finn's eyes were closed, his lips clamped shut; his arms were limp. She rocked his body slowly, brushing his hair over and over away from his face.
This can't happen again, this can't happen again! She screamed inside her head.
"Guys!" She erupted, finally grabbing their attention.
"What?" Bellamy growled at her again but she could not care less.
"Finn isn't breathing!"
This can't happen again, this can't happen again, this can't happen again…
Hey everyone,
There are a few things I want to say, so this will be a long note but I hope you stick with it to the end.
First of all, I can't tell you how sorry I am that it has taken me this long to upload this chapter. I never intended to be away for so long, but some things have been going on in my personal life that have taken all of my attention. I want you to know that I haven't given up on Amateurs at War and I have many plans for the rest of this story.
Second, I wanted to thank each and every one of you who has read this story. To all of you have reviewed, followed, favourited, and to all of the casual readers, and to all of the new readers: thank you so much for your support and enthusiasm. It really means to world to me that you are enjoying my writing. The first scene I ever created of Amateurs at War was a little moment between Mara (before she even had a name and was affectionately referred to as * in the word document) and Bellamy after the events of the next chapter. I never dreamed that that moment would inspire eleven chapters – and to have such wonderful readers is simply mind-blowing.
Side note: Mara's love of the stars actually comes from the fact that I used to use an asterisk to refer to her.
Review Response
EisForElephant: thanks for reviewing again (love your name by the way)! There are definitely going to be some issues between them now. I've got plans for how this can sort of be resolved (mainly on Bellamy's part), and I've already planned out the conversation. It's not going to appear for another couple of chapters, but I can't wait to see everyone's reaction to it!
Guest [1] (guest review): aw, sorry I made you cry, but I will admit that I cried while writing this! Thanks for the review!
Guest [2] (guest review): thanks for the review, and I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to update.
Hannah (guest review): wow, thanks for the review! Aw, don't worry; I'm not ashamed to admit that I did tear up while I was writing the moments on the Ark. Everything is a bit tough and heavy going at the moment (and unfortunately, given the nature of the show, this is going to continue for a while. I do intend, however, to have a few lighter moments in between the heavier moments – particularly between Nathan and Mara). I think Bellamy and Mara were both quite nasty to each other, and it's going to take a little bit for them to get over it. I hope it comes through in chapter eleven that they are trying to be decent to each other though Mara is a little bit lost in her own head. Everything that the world is throwing at her is becoming a bit much so she's beginning to internalise everything (which really isn't very healthy). But I hope you enjoy the update anyway.
paintedbywords: I'm so sorry about the really long wait, but here it is, and I hope you enjoyed it!
Vanesabeb1: sorry for the delay, but here's the new chapter so I hope you enjoy it!
Wow, that was a long note, but if you're still with me: I wanted to say again how sorry I am that it has taken me this long to update and I sincerely hope that it never happens again. I'm just as annoyed with myself as you must be with me. I've not given up on this story; I still love Mara very much and have so many different plans for the rest of her journey. I hope that you keep reading and enjoying Amateurs at War. Thank you again for all of the support!
Until next time,
Jarmrcc1