Wandering Hysteria Inducers
Universe: Rurouni Kenshin
Chapter: 3 – Elaborate Cuisines
Author: TakoRanko
Rating: T
Warnings: Randomness and OOC Enishi (most probably, but he's not a freakin' psycho now, eh?)
Pairings: … oo
Disclaimer: Woo wah wah woo.
Word Count: 1982
Status: In-Progress.
Started: 20/10/06, Friday.
Finished: -
Summary: Semi-crackish Series of oneshots or drabbles depicting Yukishiro Enishi and Soujirou Seta in different situations, different ages and different times. Don't you love imagination?
A/N: Holiday me no likey. I had to bathe in cold water. ICE COLD! Yargh. :F
Thank you to the four reviewers! Yet again, Chaos Valkyrie – also to TrisakAminawn, Timmy Khan.
And to the lovely Evee-chan at the back, Enishi will be a proficient cook; I will make sure of it! 8D
(I went totally insane on the second half of the chapter. Forgive me for that, but I'm being attacked by chicken pox for the SECOND TIME and it's meddling with my brain. :D)
BTW, I have nothing against Pokemon. :D
This is set during Soujirou's current wandering journey and after he met Enishi for a while. (For story purposes, pretend that they knew each other for a while already, and that our little white-haired boy is following Soujirou around like a widdle lost puppy AW.)
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3 – Elaborate Cuisines
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"Hmm, oh yes! Please do," Soujirou said kindly to the girl. She blushed somewhat predictably before jotting down the order and going off. Enishi was opposite him, tapping the table surface with his fingernails.
"At least we don't have to cook again. Well, maybe only me – it's a universally acknowledged truth that you'll burn anything within a five mile radius given a stove." When Soujirou's smile didn't waver, Enishi growled internally. His eyes scanned the other customers of the Nekozawa Restaurant – peculliar name, but it seemed to be popular in this town. They were sitting at the far corner of the place, to prevent any unpleasant situations. "But why'd you have to order fish? I'm getting real sick of the thing, and I'm sure you are too, after eating it for so long. To make matters worse, you just had to order a giant, steamed one."
"The steamed fish will have many small bones in it. Take care when eating, Enishi-san," the black-haired boy replied, not really answering the question.
Enishi scoffed. "I ordered other foodstuff for a reason."
"Oh."
When the food arrived, Soujirou did the customary 'Itadakimasu', while Enishi didn't.
"Enishi-san, we should be grateful for the food that we have – especially for that almost insane amount that you have. Say itadakimasu."
"…Oh yeah." At Soujirou's incredulous look, Enishi shrugged. "I told you, try living in China. I'm more used to the customs over there than in Japan."
"Yes, well… Even until you forgot about this simple gesture?"
"Hey, I almost forgot about the Japanese language altogether. Give me a break."
"Ah."
Enishi shrugged, and looked down at his first plate, before pausing. He looked at the noodles with a strange look in his eyes… And poked it with his chopsticks.
"…Wow. It almost looks like chow mein."
"Chau-mii-what?"
"Chow mein, Chinese stir-fried noodles. Or mian. I can never decide on Cantonese or Mandarin. Heh, I guess I'm closer to home than I thought." Nodding to himself, Enishi mumbled something before digging in, holding up the chopsticks with his left hand. "You don't mind, do you?" Not waiting for a response, Enishi started eating, ignoring the questioning look from Soujirou in favor of his noodles.
"Mind what?"
"Mmumphin'."
"What? …Never mind."
Soujirou looked at his own steamed fish before smiling and proceeding to consume it properly. A long silence ensued between the two wanderers, with only the idle chatter of the customers and the slurping of noodles to fill the background. Enishi ate his orders with astonishing speed, and he even finished his large set of meals before Soujirou did. The plates stacked on the table like a tower. He started on his next meal, the yakisoba…
"Hey, Happy Boy," Enishi started, looking up. "Do you think it's weird that –"
Clack.
Soujirou made a sucking noise, before taking out the offending matter with his chopsticks and putting it aside. He looked curiously at Enishi's expression, and at the fallen eating utensils.
"Yes, Enishi-san?"
…I didn't see that. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't and for the last time I didn't.
Enishi's smile was extremely strained. "Nothin'. Must be a trick of the light." Yeah. That must be it. I know Happy Boy is weird, but I also know that he wouldn't do that. Right? Right. He can't suck on …
Soujirou, oblivious to his companion's current freaked-out status, carefully placed his chopsticks to pop out the other fish's eyeball. Holding it up, he promptly popped it into his mouth.
Fish eyeballs…
Enishi's jaw met with the table.
In fact, his jaw probably loves the table now. It probably wants to elope with the table and marry the wooden thing. Certainly, they will have babies. Jaw-table babies. Enishi would be left all alone without a freakin' jaw and with a CREEP THAT SUCKS ON EYEBALLS!
Oh the horror.
"Okay, who are you and what have you done with the all perfect Soujirou Seta who I know wouldn't suck on fish eyeballs as if they were candy!?" Enishi rambled, pointing at the black-haired boy - his words stabbing on him like bullets. At least, that's what he'd like to think… Maybe Soujirou's face is all smiley-smiles when he's being shot?
Hmm. He should try it soon. Break in into a weapons store (if there was even one in this era) and promptly shoot the kid down… Yep. That'll work. Maybe that'll also confirm his theory that Soujirou is a masochist, if he's still smiling.
Inner-Enishi plotted. Fu fu fu.
"Enishi-san!" Soujirou exclaimed, surprised. (But maybe he's not. You could never know, only that mummy-freak Shishio could tell properly, and from what Enishi heard, the guy spontaneously combusted with his lady.) "You mean to say that you aren't familiar with this?"
The older male's expression didn't change one bit.
"Ah."
"That's all you can say!? Ah!?" The gawking morphed into incredulous gawking. Even though there's little difference, because it's still gawking anyway – Argh, focus, man! This is a situation here! You don't want to be left alone with this guy without your jaw, do ya!? Enishi looked down at the table, and could imagine it being alive.
"I will elope with Jaw-sie-poo! O-HOHOHOHOHOHO! Take that, you worthless piece of person who will be left alone with this fish-eyeball-sucking creep!"
His left eye twitched. This is totally out of the topic, but in Enishi's twisted mind, it MADE SENSE!
OH MY GAWD!
IT CAN'T HAPPEN!
THIS IS ILLOGICAL!
"But Enishi-san!" Soujirou said, in a somewhat whiny tone. OHEMGEE lyksht. Soujirou's whining – this is not good. Not good, men! CODE RED! LA LA LA! "This is perfectly normal! In fact, one of my subordinates has said that sucking on the fish eyeball is a practiced custom. A very prominent one, in fact, from where she came from."
"You have got to be kidding me, Happy Boy."
"Enishi-san, don't be so close minded."
"I am not." He made an 'x' sign with his two arms. "It's like you're sucking on people's eyeballs, you creep!"
"This is fish!" Soujirou said, almost unbelievingly. How Enishi got into this stage was beyond him. "Fish do not look remarkably like humans! Or even a tad bit, for that matter." He suddenly got an image of a man with a fish face.
Eee.
"Of course, you dolt! I was talking about the eyeball!"
"The eyeball of the fish is more luminescent than that of a human's. There's a difference, Enishi-san."
"No, there isn't! Sure that it's more lumi-sen-ti-whatever –"
"You mean luminescent."
"Shut it! But it's still an organ of sight! You can't just go around sucking on people's eyeballs -"
"This is fish."
"I said shut it!" Enishi barked. He held up a bowl of rice, and pointed at it. "See this?"
"A bowl of rice?"
"Stop smartassing and listen! Jeez. There's a reason why we have bowls of rice."
"Yes, to eat."
"I said stop smartassing and listen, Fish Boy. Anyway, the reason is that it's normal food, and people eat normal food. Fish eyeballs, especially icky, steamed ones, are not. Normal. Got. It?" Enishi said slowly, as if he was speaking to a child.
Soujirou looked at him as if he was the child, and quirked an eyebrow.
"Don't give me that look!"
"Enishi-san, you're being completely irrational about this. It's just fish eyeballs. In fact, I've heard that Chinese people eat frogs as a delicacy."
"They're frogs. It's natural."
Soujirou's eyebrows flew up instantly. "See! Normal people, as you call it – if they can eat frogs, why can't I eat fish eyeballs!?"
"Eyeballs are eyeballs. That's why. Frogs are just like any other animal."
"That doesn't make sense."
"You cook animals, thus you cook frogs. It's really simple."
"Enishi-san, I have never seen anyone just pick up a frog and place it in a frying pan as if it were chicken!"
"It does taste like chicken."
Now, Soujirou's jaw was the one to dislocate from its position. Oh dear – the table has two lovers now? Who will it pick then? This is a very serious dilemma.
"And what'd you mean we just place it in a frying pan? Of course there are the guts to take care of -"
"…Ah." Unwilling to be a participant in this highly peculliar conversation, Soujirou turned away from Enishi and placed his chopsticks horizontally on the plate to signify the end of the meal. "Gochisousama."
"- not to mention how difficult it is to catch a frog in the first place. But after the slaughter, it's all good! And whatever style you'd like to serve it in! Deep-fried! Frog legs with vegetable heart! Fermented soya beans! Bamboo shoots! Braised! Legs with ham! Cutlets! Ceyenne pepper! Ginger! STEAMED!"
"…Enishi-san. I never knew you were so passionate about frogs."
Enishi looked at him as if he was an idiot. "It's the base for all cooks – you have to know which style you want to cook your food in. Duh."
"Well then, it'll be easier if we worked in a restaurant. We're almost out of money – I'll be the waiter and you'll be the cook. How's that, Enishi-san?" Soujirou asked politely, reaching into his pack for said wallet. He blinked. "I… Where's the pouch?"
"What pouch?"
"The… Pouch…"
"… You don't mean to tell me that you've lost our money pouch, do you." Enishi was serious. He didn't even want to think of the humiliation of a former overlord of the Chinese underworld being a lowly cook in a restaurant called Nekozawa. Although he had no dislike of the culinary arts, this is ridiculous. "Fish Boy…"
"I…" Soujirou blinked again, and again. Slowly and backwards. But then, he shrugged and smiled. "Ah! It seems that we'll have to work, after all! Ha ha ha ha…"
Enishi hit his head against the table.
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End of three.
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A/N: I tried to be as accurate as I can possibly get, but considering that I don't live in China or Japan, LOL, it's a small hope. But still.
My dad did it before, and I was a bit creeped out. I debated with myself on who to pick for this – but since Enishi would've been the more comical one, so ya. :D But not to worry! Enishi's better than Soujirou in many things too, as you will see in the next chapter. Stay tuned.
When Enishi asked if Soujirou minded or not, he was talking about the chopsticks – he was holding them with his left hand, and generally people handle them with their right hand, right-handed or otherwise. Just a fact.
Review please and I will LUVE YOU END. :3