What really Happened in FMA chp. 7: Food Time
(pre-FMA)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: anything written inside of is a subtitle. This fic was written after I saw the second episode of Panda-Z, hopefully some of you will understand the reference.
Envy sat across from Dante at a table. In front of him was a steaming bowl of philosopher's stones.
DO NOT EXPOSE PHILOSEPHER STONES TO HEAT
"Now Envy I want you to be a good homunculus and finish your stones."
DO NOT EAT PHILOSEPHER'S STONES
Envy picked up his fork and tried to pick one of the stones up, but they just scattered whenever he stabbed his plate.
An anime-style 'mad' mark appeared on his head, and then he proceeded to toss the table.
PHILOSEPHER STONES ARE NOT FOOD
This time, Envy tried using chopsticks, but it just didn't work…
Two anime-style 'mad' marks appeared on his head, and then he proceeded to toss the table.
PHILOSEPHER STONES ARE NOT A BEVERAGE EITHER
This time Envy had a bendy straw, after about two minutes he realized it wasn't working…
So, three anime-style 'mad' marks appeared on his head, and then he proceeded to toss the table.
PHILOSEPHER'S STONES ARE HAZARDOUS
Envy was now attempting to pick them up with toothpicks
DO NOT EAT THEM
Four anime-style 'mad' marks appeared on his head, and then he proceeded to toss the table.
USE STONES WITHOUT CUTTING THEM
Envy was trying to put them in half with a saw, but all that happened was the saw snapped…
Five anime-style 'mad' marks appeared on his head, and then he proceeded to toss the table.
DO NOT SMASH PHILOSEPHER STONES
Envy had a mallet and was trying to crush them, but that didn't work…
Then Dante said to Envy, "Why don't you try using a spoon?"
Envy took the spoon, and it was just inches away from his mouth when...
PHILOSEPHER STONES CAN'T BE EATEN
It fell off his spoon.
Then multiple anime-style anger marks appeared on his head and he proceeded to destroy a nearby village.
REMEMBER KIDS, USE PHILOSEPHER STONES CORRECTLY
I'm aware that this fic was stupid and pointless, but the whole batteries thing in table manner was just so cute I couldn't help parodying it.