Maureen's New Job
By: Ethiwen
Disclaimer: Still don't own RENT or the characters of said show. It all belongs to the late (and great!) Jonathon Larson. Twelfth Night belongs to Shakespeare.
Summary: Tales of Maureen's new endeavor into Shakespeare.
Ships: MoJo
Warnings: Lesbians--If you have a problem with it your reading the wrong fanfiction…actually, you'd be in the wrong fandom. It's canon!
Spoilers: Maureen loves Joanne, Joanne loves Maureen. Not a rocky relationship fic. Probably won't mention any other characters at all.
Author's Notes: It has been -entirely- too long since I have updated this. I know it, and I apologize. It's one of those things where I had this great inspiration all of a sudden, and just as suddenly it vanished. So now that I've finished Tango Lessons, I'm going to devote my energy to finishing this piece…though I have no idea where I was originally going with this. So we begin another journey to reclaim a plot… (I seem to do that a lot :P) even if it is a menial one. I think this shall be complete after the next chapter. So, three chapters total I think.
For the record, this is also an educational fic. You see, most people mispronounce the simple word 'doth'. No, the 'o' is not pronounced as in 'blonde' or 'long' but rather an 'o' sound as in 'shove' or 'continue'. To see and hear the correct pronunciation go to this website:
go out to the Maureen to my Joanne, Amanda, who inspired this fic.
And thanks to all of the people who have continued to review this and check for updates. I'm sorry it has been dormant for so long.
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Chapter 2: Joanne Plays The Fool
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"Pookie! Are you home?" Maureen called throughout the apartment. "Poooooooooookiiiiiiie!"
"I'm in the kitchen, Maureen. I'm baking something for the office party this weekend," Joanne called back.
The diva bounced into the kitchen, full of excitement. "I want to lick the spoon!"
Joanne arched her eyebrow and smiled. "I take it your first rehearsal went well?"
"The best! The director said I have an -excellent- voice for Shakespeare, and the girl that plays Viola is so nice, and The Fool has such a great voice," Maureen gushed.
Joanne laughed warmly. "That's wonderful, Honeybear. I'm so happy for you."
"The -only- problem is we have to have our lines for Act One memorized by next week! It's Shakespearean and they expect us to learn it in a week!" Maureen frowned. "I don't know if I'll be able to do it."
"Of course you will," Joanne smiled. "And whenever I'm not working, I'll help you if you'd like."
"You will?!"
"Yeah. I was a real Shakespeare buff in high school and I took lots of classes on his works in college. I'm sure I'll be able to help if you need it."
"That would be wonderful, Joanne." And the diva bounced out of the room, only to return a minute later, holding a blue binder in her hand.
Joanne placed the cookies she was baking in the oven, before returning her attention to Maureen.
"Maureen, what is that?"
"It's my script," she said flipping through the pages. "You said you'd help. I don't come in until scene five in Act One, though."
"Mo, I didn't-- I said I'd help when I wasn't bus--"she looked at the pout on her lover's face and caved. "Oh…alright."
"Yay! You can play the fool, and we'll start from my first line."
"Maureen, you just got this today, how am I going to help you with your lines? You can't possibly know them yet."
"I don't," she said simply. "We're just going to read it together. I thought I'd read my lines, and you could read everyone else."
Joanne sighed. There was absolutely no point in this, but if it would make Maureen happy…she'd do just about anything.
"Alright. Where do I start?" she asked.
"Oh you don't," Maureen answered. "I do. See here? I say 'Take the fool away' first, then you follow. Okay?"
"Okay."
((Olivia/Maureen))
"Take the fool away."
((Fool/Joanne))
"Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady."
((Olivia/Maureen))
"Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more of you:
besides, you grow dishonest."
((Fool/Joanne))
"Two faults, Madonna, that drink and good counsel
will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is
the fool not dry: bid the dishonest man mend
himself; if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if
he cannot, let the botcher mend him. Any thing
that's mended is but patched: virtue that
transgresses is but patched with sin; and sin that
amends is but patched with virtue. If that this
simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not,
what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but
calamity, so beauty's a flower. The lady bade take
away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away."
((Olivia/Maureen))
"Sir, I bade them take away you."
((Fool/Joanne))
"Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus non
facit monachum; that's as much to say as I wear not
motley in my brain. Good Madonna, give me leave to
prove you a fool."
((Olivia/Maureen))
"Can you do it?"
((Fool/Joanne))
"Dexterously, good Madonna."
((Olivia/Maureen))
Make your proof.
((Fool/Joanne))
"I must catechize you for it, Madonna: good my mouse
of virtue, answer me."
((Olivia/Maureen))
"Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll bide your proof."
((Fool/Joanne))
"Good Madonna, why mournest thou?"
((Olivia/Maureen))
"Good fool, for my brother's death."
((Fool/Joanne))
"I think his soul is in hell, Madonna."
((Olivia/Maureen))
"I know his soul is in heaven, fool."
((Fool/Joanne))
"The more fool, Madonna, to mourn for your brother's
soul being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen."
((Olivia/Maureen))
"What think you of this fool, Malvolio? Dahth he not mend?"
"Doth," Joanne interjected.
"Don't interrupt me while I'm in character, I need to stay focused!" Maureen whined.
"What think you of this fool, Malvolio? Dahth he not mend?" she repeated.
"Doth."
"What are you saying Joanne? I am in the middle of a scene here!"
"It's doth. You pronounce it like there's an 'uh' sound in it. D-uh-th."
"Joanne, who is the actress here? I know how to say my lines. D-ah-th is the correct way.
"No, it isn't. Maureen, I know what I'm talking about! The mispronunciation of that word has always been an annoyance for me. Doth is not that difficult of a word…but people insist to say dah…dahh…"she gulped before whispering "dahth." Joanne cleared her throat. "Honeybear, Trust me, alright. The word is doth."
"Joanne, I think I know more than you in this case. You may have taken classes, but I got the part. The word is dahth."
"Doth."
"Dahth."
"Doth."
"Dahth."
"Doth."
"Dahth."
"DOTH!" Joanne shouted, red-faced and fuming. "For crying out loud, Maureen! The effing word is DOTH!"
"I'm going to prove to you I know what I'm talking about, Joanne. Until my production opens, I am going to speak in Old English; until you cede that I am correct in my pronunciation."
"Because, that is going to solve our problem? You speaking in Old English is just going to make it worse. Especially if you pronounce other words as incorrectly as you pronounce 'doth'."
"I have done with thee; do not make speak with me."
"Make speak with you? Maureen, that isn't correct either. Shakespeare isn't all that different from modern Eng--"
I did tell-eth thee not to make speak with me. Hie you hence."
"Maureen, really! This is not the way to go abo--"
"HIE YOU HENCE! Your presence dahth grow tedious."
"Fuck."
And to top it off, during this chaos, Joanne had burnt her cookies.
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A/N:
So, a new direction with this, but hopefully you enjoy it. Reviews are marvelous, so please make that little periwinkle button your (and my) best friend. Thanks!