Oh God, she looked so small and so vulnerable and I don't like it. This was not my Kerry, not the women I know, I'd never seen her like this before.
- Honey, what've you does? I mumbled quiet and tried to hold the tears back.
I sat down in a chair next to the bed and I took her hand, so warm and so weak, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breathes.
Now I must stay positive for her, I know she can fix it and I know she's going to be alright. I feel the tears on my cheek, positive Kim, positive!
- Kim? It was Elisabeth, are you alright?
- Yes, its okay, just a kind of egoism.
- Not egoism, feelings Kim, I'm in the lounge if you want something, okay?
- Yeah, thanks.
She left the room and I looked at the clock, almost six.
For this time, normally, we should be home, wake up and be together, happy. This time yesterday, we had talked about the baby, about the future, and now…everything was upside down, nothing was like we had planned.
We had been so happy for the baby when we found out that she was pregnant three months earlier, and yesterday evening, when I saw her in the ER before I went home, she had felt the baby moving for the first time, and was so happy, and when I felt it and it had been so wonderful.
If I'm feeling like this, I thought, how is Kerry going to feel when she wakes up? I heard a little voice in my head who says: If she wakes up…
Shut up, I said to the little voice, shut up! Shut up!
- Kerry, if you can hear me…you must wake up baby, please, I love you so much, don't do this baby, don't, please honey...I stroke her over the hair and continue to tell her how much I love her.