AN: So I see that Shigure has been writing notes on the bottom of my Author's notes. Well that stops here. You, the readers of my fan fiction are witnesses to the fact that if she writes another note on MY fan fiction I will never share my softfruits with her again!!! Thank you that is all.

Present me: This is no longer relavent to my readers of the present but it's kinder cool to have too different me's on the same page, what do you mean you don't think so?!?!

Chapter Four: Jasper's despair

Rosalie was stuck. Not Emmett-stuck but stuck all the same. She wrenched at the floor of the vent with her bum but to no avail.

"Why did you have a tube of super glue in your back pocket anyway?" said Jasper as he watched her pulling at her skirt in a desperate attempt to be free (Well as free as being trapped in a vent allows).

"I was gluing the bumper of Edward's car back on!" she screamed at him and Jasper cowered against the shiny surface of the vent.

"Erm . . . Rose why were you . . . em . . . doing that?" he stuttered.

"That lamppost wasn't there yesterday okay?" she shouted still tugging but with a little less vigor. The Biology class below looked up from their half masticated frogs to stare at the perfectly ordinary, white ceiling.

"Okay. Calm down Rosalie, why don't you just tear the skirt off the vent and we can be on our way." Jasper said carefully.

Rosalie looked at him with a look of utter disgust. "This is a Visace, one off original."

He looked at her blankly. "The point is the tearing of the skirt thing. . ." she beckoned to him to come closer and he bended in obediently. "NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!!!!" she bellowed into his perfectly shape ear and he scrabbled back slamming into the wall.

"Look Rosalie. . ." he tried to find the words and she raised her eyebrows. "Why don't you take the skirt off for now and then later we'll come back to get it and melt the glue with Emmett's blowtorch."

"That's a good plan Jasper!" she said in a bright tone, too bright. "Only one flaw. WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA WEAR?" Jasper flinched and mumbled something. "What?" said Rosalie.

"You . . . wear . . . trousers." he mumbled again.

"What? I can't hear you Jasper." said Rosalie.

"YOU COULD WEAR MY TROUSERS!" he yelled at her.

She looked at him disbelievingly. "And what are you going to wear smartass?" he looked at his shoes. "Yeah thought so." said Rosalie.

"Look we have to go so please take the skirt off Rosalie, I won't look!" he looked at her pleadingly.

"Oh alright face that wall." Rosalie ordered and Jasper obeyed. After much scrabbling Rosalie wiggled out of the skirt and silently, fell head first down a deep shaft sporting, on her bottom half, only a pair of red, lace knickers and black high heals.

Jasper looked round five minutes later, sick of waiting, to find an empty vent stretching for miles in front of him. He let out a long wail nearly crying real tears. "I am stuck in a vent, everyone has abandoned me, my wife is lost, probably for forever." He listed miserably and added for dramatic affect. "MY LIFE IS OVER!" as if from a dream he heard from far, far away "YOUR LIFE WAS OVER TWO HUNDRED YEARS AGO!" he let out another melancholy sob and slumped against the vent wall.