--
They were having coffee in the cafeteria when Burke came to get them.
"News on the baby?" Addison asked.
He nodded. "Thought I'd give you the heads-up before we tell the family."
"That doesn't sound promising."
"You were right, Addison. The heart, it's a congenital defect. No fix. He'll code on the table."
"Then we aren't doing the shunt?"
"That's your call. But you know what it means."
"He'll stroke out."
"Eventually, yes."
"So those are my choices? Kill him slowly, or do it right away?"
"Addison." He picked up her hand, sandwiched it between his bigger ones, squeezed gently. "Look at me."
"They're such nice people."
"They are. And they have a very, very sick baby."
"He never had a chance. I need you to tell me, he never had a chance."
He sighed. "Nobody ever finds cases like this easy."
"Say it, Preston."
"Addison. He never had a chance. There is nothing you could have done. There is nothing you can do. There is no choice you can make, now or later, that will let this boy have anything remotely resembling a normal life. There is nothing you can do. There is no chance."
She nodded, blinking rapidly, willing back tears. "Yeah. I needed you to say it."
"We all need that sometimes."
"Let's tell them."
Callie and Miranda watched her walk off, in Preston Burke's capable company. "Now that," Callie said. "Is a man who knows how to handle things."
"He did good," Miranda agreed. "Should I go with?"
"Let her stand on her own for a bit. We've got time."
--
Another bounce from the ER occupied Miranda for the rest of her shift. When she finally caught up with Callie, it was almost 9 pm.
"Hey, Miranda."
"Hey, Callie."
"I haven't eaten in seven hours."
"I haven't eaten in four."
"You up for wings?"
"Hour's grace, baby. Where's Addison?"
"Yeah. About that."
"Oh?"
"Yang? She whines like you wouldn't believe, but she's not a bad spy. Said the meeting with Burke and the parents was rough. Said Addison spent the rest of the shift in uber-snippy Bitch mode."
"Lovely."
"Then she said she had 'paperwork' and that she'd be here all night. Sprung Cristina early."
"Oh dear."
"I suppose we'd better find out what's the what, shouldn't we?"
Miranda sighed. "I suppose we'd better."
They found her curled up in a darkened on-call room just off the NICU, twiddling the buttons on a grubby ipod.
"You take this one," Miranda said.
Callie nodded, sat down on the cot beside Addison. "Hey."
Addison looked up, eyes blank and watery. "Hey."
"Watcha listening to?"
"Some kind of post-punk goth metal. I borrowed it from Karev. Thought all the screaming would make me feel better."
"Did it?"
"No."
Unlike Miranda, Callie didn't push, and Addison kept talking. "I'm sorry. I know I've been a bit of a…project…"
"That's what friends are for, babe. You'll pay it back sometime."
"It's getting under my skin, this one. I feel it getting under my skin."
"We all get ones like that."
"They want to let him stroke out."
"Who, hon?"
"The parents. They have this religious thing where if he dies before he's had the…the bris, they called it…he doesn't get a name. And if he doesn't get a name, he doesn't get a grave, or a funeral, or a….anything. He just ends. Anonymous grave. Just disappears, like he never was there in the first place. They don't count him, if he doesn't get a name."
"Oh, Addie…"
"If he dies on the table, it's over. But if he strokes out…he's on a ventilator. He's on a pacemaker. We can keep him technically alive indefinitely."
"He won't come out of it. Do they understand he won't come out of it that way?"
"They don't need him to come out of it. They just need him to last six more days, until they're allowed to have the ceremony. Then they can name him, and they can count him, and they can have a grave. They don't want to pretend he never happened, Callie. They want him to get a name. He exists!"
"Yeah, he does."
"It'll be over soon, we all know it will. But they want to be able to remember. He happened. They are a family, and it's real, and it's there, and they don't want to just forget that it ever happened…"
She sniffled noisily. "It's getting under my skin. I don't know why."
It seemed obvious, didn't it? Miranda was still learning the girl stuff, but even she could figure this one out.
Callie gently rubbed Addison's shoulder. "Okay. You want to go out for a bit? Try to put it away for awhile?"
"Yeah. Lets. I have my pager. If he…"
"Yeah. Let's go, hon. Come on."
--
They went to the bar in the hotel again, and it was crowded. "Open Mic Night," Callie said. "Every Friday. Nothing clears the head like bad karaoke."
They got a corner table, ordered wings and beer.
"I sing," Miranda mentioned, as they worked through their pitcher.
Addison's eyes widened. "What?"
"That's my secret. Like Callie said, you tell, you die."
"I want to hear it," Addison said.
She shrugged. "Eh."
"Miranda, come on! You can just take out a gun like that and not pull the trigger!"
"Oh, all right! 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' or 'I Will Survive?'"
They cheered her on, and she ripped through Gloria Gaynor to raucous applause. Then, Callie said "Maybe I'll sing too."
"Open Mic Night. They aren't paying you."
"That's not the only reason I do it."
Addison pushed aside the last of her wings. "Well, I don't sing. So if one of us is going to put an end to a night of bad Whitney Houston and even worse Britney Spears, it'll have to be you."
"Something quiet," Miranda said. "We all need bed soon."
Callie winked. "I know just the thing."
Miranda, feeling contemplative, gave Addison the once over. "I'm sorry you're hurting."
"I'll get over it."
"Yeah. It's okay to miss him, Addison."
"Uh huh."
"He was part of your life. That doesn't go away. And it hasn't for him, either."
"Please, can we just not talk right now? I just want to not talk."
She reached for her friend's hand. Addison pulled back for a second. Then, she let her take it.
--
"This is going out to a special little fighter, and his guardian angels at Seattle Grace Hospital," Callie said, taking the podium. "The song is Irish Heartbeat. Van Morrison. Here's hoping this little guy, and his, find peace together."
Oh
won't you stay,
Stay a
while, with your own ones.
Don't
ever stray,
Stray
so far from your own ones.
'Cause
the world is so cold,
Don't
care nothing for your soul,
That
you share, with your own ones
Addison smiled. "She has a beautiful voice."
"Yeah. She does."
Don't
rush away,
Rush
away, from your own ones.
Just
one more day,
One
more day with your own ones.
'Cause
the world is so cold,
Don't
care nothing 'bout your soul,
That
you share, with your own ones
"Miranda?"
"Hmmm?"
"People like you…like Yang…how do you not get involved?"
"Oh, Addie…"
"I mean, does it make it easier? It seems like it would make it easier…"
"May seem. But it isn't. I do get involved, but I lean. I got lucky. I have a great husband, and he gets me. I lean on him."
"I don't have a husband." Addison said.
"No. But you still have people you can lean on. I get you. Callie gets you. Heck, from what I saw today, even Preston Burke gets a thing or two…"
There's
a stranger,
And he's standing at your door.
Might be your
best friend, might be your brother,
You may never know…
"Miranda?"
"Hmmm?
"I miss leaning."
"Yeah?"
"I don't know if I can do it again. When I fall apart, I just…I…"
"Yeah. Let it out, Addison. Why on god's green earth will you not just let it out already?"
They all leaned, in their own way. Maybe this singing business was Callie's way. Addison had Derek, and she didn't have him now. She had to find a way to lean again.
'Cause
the world is so cold,
It
don't care nothing for your soul,
That
you share, with your own ones
--