One moment McGee was walking into the bathroom, the next his face was pressed hard against the urinal wall and someone was frisking him. He desperately tried to keep his mouth from touching the wall assuring himself no one ever aimed that high. Unfortunately, his memory kept replaying an image of Tony writing his name in a public toilet underlining just how high he dotted that "I" in DiNozzo.

"It's him, boss."

An enormous hand spun him 180 degrees and he found himself looking into an equally enormous face. Two USB keys dangled just inside his peripheral vision.

"Lieutenant Michael Flanagan: navy snitch? You're supposed to be dead," the man informed him.

"Ah, sorry," he apologised sincerely, hoping it was the right thing to do.

"Easily rectified." He pulled out possibly the largest handgun McGee had ever set eyes on and pressed its cold metal tip against his forehead. "Unless there is another miraculous resurrection, your contact won't be able to make it tonight."

McGee squeezed his eyes shut, breathing hard. He knew Gibbs and Ziva had heard the conversation and they would have relayed it to Tony; all he needed to do was stall for time. He opened his mouth, willing his brain to come up with the goods.

Suddenly there was a gunshot next to his ear and his heart relocated to his throat. Slowly, he realised he was still standing and the gun was now extended at the end of an arm. The door of the men's room was swinging gently like a saloon door, a bullet lodged near the handle.

"That'll scare it out of him," one of the minder's quipped.

Inside McGee was celebrating: he had just gained a few precious extra seconds. The now searing hot gun returned to his forehead and his skin sizzled as it received its new brand. At least Abby would have a nice forensic shape to match to the gun. Assuming, of course, his head was still intact. The smell of cooking flesh filled the room and he was disturbed to find he was salivating.

"Now where were we?" McGee stood perfectly still, eyes open wide, transfixed by the weapon at his head. His breathing, once panicky, diminished to almost nothing.

Then the gun disappeared. A split second later, the sound of a single gunshot reverberated around the bathroom. McGee turned slowly to see Tony with his gun levelled. It took a second for the adrenaline to kick in, then he dived for the dislodged gun and brought it up between the two sidekicks. Tony stalked around the bathroom towards him, his sig tracking the leader of the pack.

The door crashed open and Gibbs and Ziva stormed in with guns waving wildly. Assessing the situation, Gibbs holstered his weapon. "Not bad, DiNozzo," he said laconically, drawing out his handcuffs.

"You took your time," Tony admonished.

"There's a huge crowd of people out there," said Ziva.

"Gunshots in a men's room will do that," said Sacks from the doorway. "I think these might be mine."

A swarm of FBI agents swept through the tiny bathroom like a plague, gathering all felons in their path and hustling them out the door.

When they had left, Tony turned his attention to Sacks. "What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"Saving your hairy, swaggering butt."

Tony stood stunned. A grin spread across Sacks' face but it was Ziva who cracked first. "Oh, it was fantastic. Tony, McGee: you are going to be the new stars of YouTube."

"That's not legal with your warrant," Tony warned.

"No but my copy has been destroyed. Unfortunately, an illegal copy was made and that has disappeared…"

Tony turned accusingly to McGee. "What about that stuff about the steam and the blinding?"

McGee's jaw wobbled up and down a bit but no words came out.

"Oh, don't blame McGee," said Ziva lightly. "The picture was horrible but we gave it to Abby and she assures us she can bring out your inner beauty."

Tony smiled suddenly but before he could speak Gibbs' cell went off. "Abbs?"

The tirade from the cell echoed around the tiny bathroom with Gibbs trying to stem the flow with the occasional "Abs…Abby…listen….I….Abby."

"Here Boss," Tony offered taking the cell. Walking casually across the bathroom, Tony placed the phone gently to his ear. He took a deep breath and yelled: "Abs! It's OK, he's safe. He's with me." The noise ceased. Tony smiled smugly and continued: "I think we both know what you have to do."

There was more rapid fire yelling from Abby before Tony spoke again. "Well, if you do that, I might just have to mail you his ear." He smiled mischievously at McGee who was looking thoroughly confused. "Then his little nose," Tony continued. McGee's expression morphed seemlessly from confused to downright worried.

As Abby's talking reached fever pitch, Tony's voice hardened: "Then I will just have to send you his little farting tummy." McGee's eyebrows shot up as Abby's voice faded. Tony smiled victoriously. "Then we have an understanding? Good." He flipped the phone shut and tossed it to Gibbs.

"You kidnapped Bert?" there was grudging admiration in Gibbs' voice.

"Well I figured someone was going to try and take compromising photos and when they did, they were going to have to get Abby's help at some point down the line. So I took out some insurance."

"She destroyed the footage?"

Tony smiled sweetly: "Oh yeah." He turned his serene gaze to Ziva. "That's game, set and match."

Ziva huffed and turned on her heels to leave.

"C'mon you two," said Gibbs following, her out.

Tony turned to McGee as they reached the bathroom door. "Hey, can I finish off that tic-tac-toe game on your head?"

"Very funny."

Tony grinned and prodded the blistered circle with his index finger.

The sudden stab of pain in his forehead sparked off a chain reaction in McGee's mind causing him to enact what he had expected to be the final scene of his life. An icy shower washed down his body, the world spun, his knees buckled and he plummeted to the floor. Dazed and disoriented he heard Tony mutter: "Must have been the 'off' button."

Tony wormed one arm under his legs, the other under his armpits and heaved to a stand. McGee's heavy head hung awkwardly and he felt Tony pause, brace and then roll one shoulder inward shifting his head to rest against Tony's warm chest. "I've got you," the quiet voice said in his ear.

As they ploughed through the last of the dispersing crowd, McGee was vaguely aware the men parting before them had started singing a song of some kind. He wished Tony could tell him what it was. Then he realised he knew it: the theme from 'An Officer and a Gentleman'.

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