Okay, this is my first Rachel//Tobias, and it sucked I know it did. It doesn't have to do with me though, so don't be thinking I'm suicidal. I'm just depressed, and I felt like writing a depressing story. If you think about it, this is kinda an anagram of my life. Of course, not really, but it's like, write happy when you are happy, and sad when you are sad.
Dedicated to the members of RAF and AFFL. In particular –
- Sinister Shadow (sorry)
- PowerPen (sorry)
- Kharina (thanks)
- Ember Nickel
- Ellimist (cu soon, hopefully (if Richard lets me back on))
- VoodooQueen (sorry)
- Esplin 9466 (sorry)
I have written this story, as well as the rest related to it, in memory of Sinister Shadow's father, who passed away not too long ago after suffering from Croms disease. I find it tragic that she had to loose someone so close, when she was still so young. I offer Sin my deepest apologies and regret.
Rachel was trapped. She knew that she was going to die. At yet, while she looked at her own death straight in the face, she only felt regret. She never got to say goodbye to Tobias, nor did she get to apologize to the other animorphs.
She also felt ashamed. Ever since the battle with the yeerks began, she had been obsessed with killing. She may have been the most gung-ho animorph, but she was also filled with the most war-mongering. Oh, yes, it gave her pleasure to see her enemies die. She knew she shouldn't, but she couldn't deny her darker side.
It would have been so much better, she reasoned, if she had just been more peaceful. It was cruelty that got her into this situation. She heard thought-speak voices reverberate in her mind.
(Rachel,) Jake screamed at her in thought-speak, (Get out of their! You have Hork-Bajir coming!)
She thought for a moment. But she didn't move. She knew that she was going to die.
She turned around, away from the exit, and with her nearsighted bear eyes located the doorway, and began lumbering towards it. If she was a human, tears would be forming in her eyes.
But she deserved it. She knew that she did. What had she ever done? She had transformed the animiorphs into a band of, well, monsters. Literal monsters and figurative monsters. It was always her who pressed on, and wanted them to fight. Cassie was a wonderful person; she brought reason to the animorphs.
But Rachel was dead weight.
So, with no regret, Rachel lumbered through the think, ramonite doors, into the yeerk pool, to meet what she knew would be her death.
Then, right as the doors closed behind her, holding her in, she finally heard a voice of doubt. Or, she actually didn't hear it. She heard it, but in her brain.
(Rachel,) she heard a voice exlaim, (What are you doing?)
It took her a moment to recognize it. Suddenly, she identified it.
(Tobias,) she yelped in though-speak.
(What are you doing,) he repeated.
Rachel paused a moment. But she knew she couldn't turn back now. Her fate was decided.
(I am, I'm killing Visser Three,) she explained hastily.
Now it was Tobias's turn to be shocked.
(What,) he screamed, (You can't do that! Not in that condition! You at least need to demorph. You are practically missing a paw.)
Rachel looked down. It was true; her paw was dangling on her stump of a leg by a thread like strip of muscle.
Suddenly, she was suspicious.
(Tobias, how did you …) she began. Then it dawned on her.
(You didn't,) she exclaimed.
She heard no answer.
(Tobias?) she called out, uncertain.
(You need to demorph,) he replied firmly.
(I … I can't,) Rachel responded ackwardly.
(What do you mean, you can't,) Tobias replied.
(You know why. Better than anyone else, too,) Rachel replied.
(Oh, no! Rachel!) he cried out. She could imagine his shock.
(I'm going to kill Visser Three,) she said, (You go away. I'm going to die today. I never deserved to be an animorph. I don't deserve to stay an animorph.)
(You, you aren't serious, right,) Tobias replied.
(Of course I'm serious,) she replied, (Why wouldn't I be? Nobody likes me anymore. You guys don't like me. I have no friends.)
(Since when did you not have friends,) Tobias replied, (I love you!)
(No you don't!) Rachel shot back, (And what do you mean by friends? I'm a stupid, ugly girl. Nobody is my friend at school. And certainly not out of school.)
(What about those two yeerks?) asked Tobias, (The yeerks in the peace movement?)
(Setirnis 1343 of the AFFLAT TERAN pool?)
(And drarich of the RAFEN TARN pool.)
(Not anymore. Setirnis and I had a bit of a misunderstanding. I got really mad at him. I thought he was a bad yeerk, like one serving Visser Three, and I attacked him in my fury. I feel really bad now. Worst of all, all the piece movement members hate me. The worst is that they keep on saying these horrible things about me, and I really didn't mean to hurt him! I was just in that, well, killing fury. I wish that they would stop. I feel sick to my stomach when I think about what happened, and when I see what they say about me, I want to throw up. I'm so repulsed by myself, and I wished I could just have just stopped and thought for a moment.)
(What about drarich?)
(What? I don't know about him. I think Setirnis warned him not to be my friend. I wish he didn't. I hoped Drarich could be m friend.)
Rachel came to rest at the edge of the cliff that ran down to the yeerk pool.
(You don't have to kill youself,) Tobias said.
(It's to late,) Rachel replied, and leaped forward.