Title: Trapped
Author: Kelly (jjsoapchat AT yahoo DOT com, xlivvielockex)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 432
Characters/Pairings: Cordelia
Summary: Written for josslas, round 7 challenge 1. Cordelia's headspace during S4.
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: LJ. Probably the C/A sites. Any place that wants it can have it, just credit of course.
A/N: And a huge thanks to Sarah (boynamedsusie) for being a fabulous beta. This was posted for competition on 6/9/07. That challenge is over so I am posting it here.
I screamed.
I screamed when I first woke up. I screamed when I realized what was going on. I didn't know before but now I did. I came back blank and I wish I would have stayed that way.
I screamed until my throat would have been red and raw. Until I would have no voice left. It didn't matter because I had no voice. I was robbed of it.
I was trapped. A prisoner in my own body. It was a bad dream from which I wasn't waking up.
I used to love this body. The curves that drove the boys wild. Looking like an adult in high school. Getting into any club and getting served in L.A. Soft. Feminine. Mine. It was mine, damn it!
Not anymore. It was my cell. I hated my body. Now I know how every girl looking at fashion models felt. That. Isn't. Me.
I hate this thing. This thing that took over. Took my life. Little henchman toadie Skip tricked me into this. I know that now. It spoke with my voice, but it didn't sound like me. The language was all wrong. It saw with my eyes, MY hazel eyes. But there was a coldness there I could see in my own reflection. It used my body and dressed me like a whore. Not even a fashionable whore. There is a line here, people. It wasn't me.
Why couldn't anyone see that?
Under a spell. They had to be under a spell. If I screamed, loud enough, long enough, maybe I could break through. Or at least give this thing one hell of a migraine. I hoped I could break through for just a moment to tell someone what was going on. I'VE BEEN BODY-JACKED!
It was torture. I could still see through my eyes. I could see it hurting my friends. I could see it turning them against each other. I knew that it knew Angelus was still loose. I tried to warn them. I railed against the invisible walls of my cell.
Help! I wanted to help. Help my friends, help my family, help me. It was destroying it all. With each and every act that I was witness too. The lies, the deceit, the…wrongness. And then…then it used my body and…that is so wrong, I don't even want to think about it!
Somebody kill me. Release me from this hell. Angel? Wesley? Gunn? Fred? Lorne? Someone? I'd take a Xander Harris patented stumbling rescue at this point. Even Buffy.
And so I scream because it is all I can do.