On Severus's third day back teaching, he was already sick of it. But when you're a former death eater, you really can't complain about the job they pick out for you.

It was a lovely sunny morning (haha, oxymoron) and Severus was standing outside the door to the staff bathroom, waiting for Flitwick to finish-which was taking forever. He imagined it must be hard for him because he was so small, but still, he wasn't getting any younger out there.

Just as Severus was about to make the decision to hold it in and live in discomfort for his first class, Flitwick came trotting out.

"Oh. Hello Severus," he squeaked in his squeakyish voice.

"What did you do, make a pile of books to get up to the toilet?" Severus sneered, "Any longer and I would have grown a beard."

Flitwick's smile faded quickly, and he quickened his pace going to his classroom, looking angry. It took awhile for Severus to realize he had even spoken, and then he reached into the sleeve of his robe and gave himself two snaps of the rubber band hanging loosely on his wrist. "Ouch. Ouch!" he muttered, "Who wants to bet I won't be able to move my wrist by the end of the week?"

Severus rushed out of the bathroom a few minutes later. He was going to be really late for his first class of the day. And late was not his style. While he was going down the stairs into the dungeons, he thought of how they really needed to install a heating system down there. Someday they were going to come down to the dungeons and find him dead, frozen in bed. He was also thinking about how he would arrive in his class and not look too stupid. He stopped in the hall to take out his schedule, and saw that the class inside waiting for him was made up of Slytherin and Gryffindor first years. The house of Potter-the-new-and-strange and...his own house. So much for setting an example.

In the end, Severus decided to just go for it and hope for the best. Striding into his dungeon classroom with his robes billowing behind him, he tried to keep an intimidating look on his face the whole time. He almost cheered upon reaching his desk. No one had laughed and he was only four minutes late after all! Severus's worst fear was having people laugh at him. He had had bad experiences with laughter.

Severus decided to start the class by taking roll call. Sipping a cup of apple tea that some house elf had kindly left on his desk for him, he began to call the names. When he came to Potter-who-was-in-his-class-right-now, he stopped and made a witty comment ("Ah, yes. Mr. Potter, our new--- celebrity") that made the pointy-faced brat and two other rather fat Slytherins start guffawing noisily, thinking they were being discreet. Since Severus didn't feel like taking points off of his own house (plus he thought he was a pretty funny guy as well) at the beginning of the class, he ignored their chuckles and decided to start with an excellent speech about the beauty of potion-making. He used the same speech with all the new first years, but they didn't need to know that, did they?

...if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach" Severus finished. He liked his speech very much, and the dunderhead part was a new addition. Clearly Potter-the-not-so-polite-as-he-appears did not share Severus's love of potions or the speech about them, because he and the Weasley were looking at each other with their eyebrows raised. Which made Severus a little bit miffed. How rude can you get? No one raises their eyebrows at a teacher! Severus decided not to stand for this. In fact, he decided, on the spur of the moment, as always, to confuse the hell out of that guy and make him look stupid in front of his carrot top friend.

"Potter! What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood!" Severus asked him, making sure to say it really fast in case he did know. But...he didn't.

Severus said something to the extent of that fame wasn't everything, and advised him to remember that, before firing off another question about a bezoar. The Bush Hair girl he had seen the other night raised her hand up way high. He ignored her.

"I don't know sir," said the four eyes boy he was growing to dislike, pretending politeness. Severus knew he was really getting mad at him, which made him ask another question. That was when Potter-the-now-extremely-rude mouthed off to him about 'how about if he called on the bush-hair?'

That made Severus real steamed, so he told the class to write everything down as he explained to Potter-the-unbearably-rude everything he had claimed not to know. Then he noticed that the Bush Hair was still standing up with her hand raised. He snapped at her to sit down (he was right, she was way too eager) Then he took a point off of Gryffindor, but only one, which he thought was rather generous for all their tomfoolery. What was tomfoolery anyways?

Severus realized he had a class to teach and snapped out of it. He walked around putting people into pairs. He saw a boy that he didn't remember from the ceremony. He was in Gryffindor and was round and pinkish. Severus bet he could beat him up, which was a big thought, because the only other people Severus could beat up were a small supply of girls, which he wouldn't do anyways, and little kids probably, but that was even sicker to think about. He matched the one he could probably beat up with a guy who looked...the nearest? Then he came to Potter-the-wrath-incurring-boy, who he matched up with the Weasley who he guessed must be his lackey. He came to the two fat Slytherins, who looked extremely stupid, and decided that putting them together would waste only one set of supplies. There was an odd number, so he let the Pointy-Face Brat work by himself.

After that was done, he went around making sure they all did it right, and no one got too seriously maimed...all that good stuff. He suddenly recognized the Pointy-Face Brat as the son of a death eater he knew and didn't like, but had to put up with if he treasured his internal organs. This made a shiver pass through Severus, and he found himself glad he hadn't said anything when the Pointy-Face Brat had interrupted the class by laughing earlier. That's when he realized that the Pointy-Face Brat was looking at him. Severus didn't know what to do, so he quick walked over there, not knowing what he was doing, but knowing that he had to keep the kid from staring at him any longer. "Look at how great...(hmmm, what was his stupid name? Hadn't Lucius jabbered to him about his son for like an hour? Draco, that was it!) "Look at how great Draco is stewing those horned slugs," he told the class. They all turned towards the Pointy-Face Brat and looked at the mutilated slugs in front of him with puzzled expressions on their faces. Severus was about to tell them not to do theirs the same way, when he heard an explosion from somewhere in the classroom. Never mind. Two sets of supplies wasted. First years were great-if you had a death wish.

Severus ran over to the exploded cauldron, which now had potion seeping out of it onto the floor, and found the boy he could probably beat up covered in boils. And the potion had been an easy one too. Would wonders never cease? Plus, the idiot boy had wrecked his partner's cauldron. Severus gave him a piece of his mind and told the other guy to take him to the hospital wing. Then he cleaned up the mess with his wand.

That was when he decided to get Potter-the-not-so-great back for mouthing off, so Severus made up that Potter-the-Great's son had not told the boy-Longbottom was his name-that he was doing it wrong because he wanted to make himself look good. Then he took another point off of Gryffindor and sat contentedly behind his desk.

Severus felt like he liked teaching again. There were so many fun ingredients in potions, and so many drawers in his desk to put things, as well as to open and close at random for his own private amusement. Severus took out his black notebook and began to write things like:

"The Weasley's head is large but emptyish. I bet it's wider than a foot."

"Potter's favorite hobbies are picking his nose and glaring in my general direction." AND

"Do Granger's parents hate her? If I were her parents, I would hate her."

At the end of class, Severus dismissed everyone. Crabbe, one of the fat guys in Slytherin, whose whole life seemed to be focused on snorting and picking at wedgies, remained seated, staring blankly into space. Severus had to wave his hand in front of his face and remind him that class was over.

After everyone had gone, Severus sat back down again, and was having fun opening and closing all the drawers in his desk, which by the way he would never do when anyone else was around, when he realized that he still had two more classes to teach that day. He promptly fell to the ground and had a seizure.

a/n: thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! For everyone else...please do so!! It's really helpful to know what you think :)