It was Halloween night, and the whole school was at a feast. Severus had taken time to organize his papers at his desk (which he did about ten times), before he felt satisfied that enough time had passed, and then made his way into the great hall.

The only open chair at the staff table was the one next to Professor Sprout, who was glaring so hard at him that he was almost afraid to sit there. She must still remember the staff meeting rather well. When Severus sat down, she moved her chair over, which was fine by him.

Dumbledore had gone overload with the décor, Severus noticed. He just hoped he didn't end up like McGonagall, and have a live bat swoop into his baked potato. All the food looked really good, and Severus had just started to cut himself a piece of pumpkin pie ('you're cutting it wrong!' said the now -exasperated-and-needing –to- blame- someone McGonagall), when the door to that lovely banquet burst open, and Quirrell came rushing in to freak everyone out.

"Troll, in the dungeons!" he said to Dumbledore. Severus thought his face looked panicked for other reasons than a troll. Then Quirrell muttered something else and fainted.

Of course after hearing this dreadful news of a troll in the dungeons, everyone was too freaked out to pay attention to anything else but freaking out. Except Severus, who knew to remain calm in the stickiest situations. So, instead of freaking out like everyone else, Severus stared at the fainted Quirrell with fake interest.

That's when he noticed that Quirrell was not really fainted. In the midst of the confusion, Quirrell got up, straightened his foolhardy turban, and snuck out the back of the hall. Severus knew where that led. He waited a couple of seconds before using his ultra-super spy skills to attempt to track-and-slay Quirrell all in one easy moment. Because now Severus knew what that phony guy was all about.

Severus began to track Quirrell, then paused long enough to tell the far and few readers of his tale what exactly he was doing. "I am tracking this guy because he is possessed by an evil guy that I prefer to call the Dark Lord, who used to be my boss and he wants this stone with cool powers and so now I have to do some guard duty over that rock. Except it's not even my turn." Severus said all this in one quiet breath, spun around, and continued to track Quirrell

Quirrell went up lots of stairs, and down a corridor with lots of pictures, where he paused a moment to look at one. Severus looked too, but he didn't see what was so fascinating about it. Actually, Severus got spaced on that picture, so when Quirrell moved on, he didn't notice until a few seconds later.

They got to a certain point in the castle, and Quirrell didn't seem to remember which way to take. He seemed to be talking to no one again, and while he did that, Severus caught up to him again, and watched as Quirrell went up some stairs, and pulled a piccolo out of his pocket. Severus watched from behind some armor, which creaked annoyingly. Suddenly Severus thought how he should probably jump out and interfere at this point, but it was too late. Quirrell opened a door and you could hear snarls from behind it. That's Hagrid's dog Fluffy Severus thought dumbly. Hagrid was a giant who didn't like to have any pets unless they were either really revolting, or had the ability to rip your head off or mutilate you. But he was a great guy. Yeah. Only Severus probably wouldn't bet a galleon on that. Aaaanyways…

Now the growling had calmed down, and he could hear music coming from behind the door. It was an awful tune. Severus guessed that Fluffy must not be picky about it's lullabies, because there was no way jose that he would have fallen asleep to that.

When the three-head dog had calmed down sufficiently, Severus went over to the door quickly and opened it. Quirrell was kneeling by the trapdoor in the floor and trying to push Fluffy's paw off of it without waking it. He was doing a pretty good job too, until Severus strode over to him and hollered, "SO! THIS IS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO ALL THE TIME IS IT? WELL, YOU HAVEN'T GOT ME FOOLED!"

"S-S-S-Severus, listen t-to m-m-me…it's n-not wha-wha-what y-you th-th-think it is." Wow, did he sound stupid when he stuttered like that.

"YES IT IS! IT'S EXACTLY WHAT I THINK IT IS AND YOU KNOW IT!" Spit was flying from his mouth as he yelled. He saw some of it hit Quirrell. Yes! " IT WON'T BE VERY LONG BEFORE YOU ARE FORCED TO LEAVE THIS SCHOOL AND-AND

And I'll take your job

"And…your music sucks," he finished lamely.

Quirrell looked very very worried. Which Severus thought was very very nice of him. Because even he did not think he looked that scary when he screamed. Of course he didn't have a mirror around when he did it either. But then he realized that it wasn't him Quirrell was scared of. But by then it was too late. Funny how quiet dogs can be.

Before he could turn around, Severus found himself picked up by his leg, and the whole room went blurry as he was swung back and forth. O god this can not be happening! Please don't let this be happening! I'm too young to die! I'll tell McGonagall her hair looks nice, I'll let Trelawney ask me out, I'll bake a pie for Potter-the-second, I'll give the boy-Longbottom-I'll give him extra lessons! Just please don't let me be maimed by this thing!

And surprisingly, Severus was dropped, and he felt an awful pain in his leg. He decided it might be maimed enough to make his desperate promises void. Apparently, Quirrell had tried once again to open the trap door, and the three-head dog had turned its attention on him. Quirrell was now standing in dumb fright, as the thing closed in on him. Severus decided that he had better get out of there while the getting was good. He grabbed the wall and hoisted himself up. Sickish pain seared through his leg, which couldn't be having too great a day. Severus looked down and saw that it was mangled and bloody. Fortunately, he had seen a lot of gross things in his time, and didn't spend too much time staring at it. Clutching the wall for extra support, he booked it out of there. He made sure to close the door behind him, so that Quirrell and the monster dog could work it out in peace without disturbing anyone.

That was when Severus heard a bunch of loud noises coming from the lower region of the castle. He made a pained face, hoping Quirrell's dumb troll hadn't chosen his classroom to have a temper tantrum in. He hobbled downstairs, as quick as he could go, then had a random thought of peg legs, and gave a hoot of strangled laughter. He felt his legs get weak, so he shut up and pressed on.

It wasn't long before Severus heard footsteps behind him, and turned to see a really jumpy looking Quirrell following him. Severus gave him a flabbergasted look and Quirrell said nervously, "I h-h-had d-dog t-t-treats w-with m-m-me."

Severus felt a very disappointed feeling, and got a strong urge to haul off and hit the guy, then figured it wouldn't look good on his record and cooled it. Severus continued to walk down the stairs toward the noise, and Quirrell followed him, sputtering. "S-S-Severus, it's n-not, wha-what y-y-y-y-you th-think it is."

"Haven't you said that already?" asked Severus, doing a premium sneer which made his lips feel tight.

"I-I-I w-was j-just m-m-making sh-sure th-that the c-curses were ef-f-fective and th-the st-st-stone was s-safe." Quirrell was looking desperate."

"Were you?" snapped Severus, not interested. Quirrell was about to try again when they came to the source of the noise. Severus felt rather relieved. It was coming from the girl's bathroom. Professor McGonagall was walking a bit up ahead of him, about to enter. Severus followed her in, and the ever persistent Quirrell followed him.

Severus stared. Many stalls and sinks were smashed and squirting water, and the bathroom was a regular mess. Severus was glad he was not Filch. In the center of the floor was a fainted troll, and standing next to it, his wand dripping with snot, was Potter-who-shows-up-in-weird-places. Next to him was the Weasley. From behind him, Severus heard Quirrell make a whimper, then he went around the troll and sat on a toilet, looking wussy. And he was supposed to be Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Severus went closer to the troll and bent over it for a closer look. It looked like it might come awake soon. He was about to tell McGonagall this, but she was too busy lecturing Potter-the-defeater-of-trolls and the Weasley. To look like he was doing something, Severus gave those two a glanding look and nodded at whatever McGonagall was saying.

That was when someone stepped out of the shadows. It was the Bush-Hair. Only for once she didn't look too eager. She began to talk about how she thought she could handle trolls on her own because some book told her, and that Potter-the-courageous and the Weasley had saved her from near and certain death. Severus got the feeling that she was telling a whopper, but McGonagall seemed to believe it. Gullible.

McGonagall called the Bush-Hair foolish. Severus wondered why she could get away with name-calling without having her students hate her guts. Then she took five points from Gryffindor, which Severus thought was a-okay. Then she gave five each to Potter-the-brave-but-not-so-swift and the Weasley. Severus didn't care. What he cared about was that everyone would just hurry up and get out of the bathroom, so that he could lock Quirrell in there with the troll on the way out.

Finally, his wish was granted. The students left, but McGonagall stayed a little bit longer, to confer with Severus, who wished he could be a student at the moment.

"Severus!" honked McGonagall, "are you paying attention to me?"

That's when Severus's leg started hurting most painfully. "See you tomorrow," he mumbled incoherently, and limped down toward the dungeons before she could question him any.

When Severus got down to his classroom, he checked it for troll footprints before going into his office and locking the door behind him. His office had lots of pickled things in potions in jars sitting on the shelves. He didn't know why he kept them, because he would probably never use them, but they were at least good for creeping students out that came for detention. They even creeped him out sometimes.

Severus sat down at his desk and took out a paper. He was going to write either a lesson plan for next week or a beware note to slip onto Quirrell's desk next morning. He decided on the latter, and started to work on it, but he kept getting distracted by a pickled rabbit liver in a purple potion. After glancing at it for about the 50th time, he decided this would not do. Getting up, Severus took it down from the shelf and hid it behind a chair. He went back to his desk and finished the note, then went into his private chambers which were connected to his office. He stuck the note under his pillow so he wouldn't forget it, put a makeshift bandage on his leg, and fell asleep with his robes still on. When you've almost been killed by a three-head dog, you tend to get a tad bit exhausted.