a/n: thanks so much to my reviewers for the encouragement, and I feel the need to focus on a question someone asked

Unsocial Butterfly: "has Sevvy ever been kissed?" I don't know obviously, but it brings tears to my eyes to think that he never has, which, let's face it, is the most likely answer. Poor Sev. Though if I went to Hogwarts with him, it'd be a different story… wink wink sry, got carried away in my musings!

Severus woke up the next morning and still had a headache. He reached for the advil and accidentally turned on his radio, which hollered that they would be having a chance of showers. Severus swiped his radio off of the bedstand in efforts to get at the advil, and it broke on the floor. Plus the advil got pushed farther away from his grasp. Severus gritted his teeth and his nose made a sound that he believed was vented frustration. He wondered whether he should just get up, but then decided on some random whim to pretend he was a cripple that couldn't ever leave his bed. He reached again for the advil and held his breath. This time he got it. Only his piggy bank fell off and broke on the floor. Lucius Malfoy had given it to him. The pig had fangs and it said "Purebloods rock!" on the side. Severus had almost puked receiving that thing.

Heading to breakfast after having no music to get dressed to, Severus felt extra-special grumpy. He wouldn't be able to listen to his favorite wizarding soap opera tonight. And Pebbles Johnson had been planning to convince Libya not to commit suicide. Since no water fountains had been installed in the dungeons, Severus stepped out of his office with an advil in his hand, planning to have it with breakfast. It was a nippy morning he thought. Severus went up the stairs, and down a hall where there was some graffiti that claimed he had farted. Only he hadn't. Severus planned to report that to the headmaster.

Severus kept walking until he came to a wall and then realized that he had missed the great hall and turned around. A couple of nearby first years giggled so he looked at them real scary and they parked their tongues, or whatever that saying was.

In the great hall, Severus swept down between the Slytherin and Ravenclaw tables, and stopped when he got to the staff table. The only empty seat was between Professors Sprout and McGonagall. Professor Sprout tried to stuff the chair under the table while stretching her arm over, trying to hide the space. Severus was no fool to her tricks though. He went to stand in a patient fashion behind her, clearing his throat every once in a while until she gave up and let him sit.

The students and staff were buzzing with excitement about a Quidditch game today, so loudly that Severus ripped his napkin in half and was thinking of sticking it in his ears when he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was Professor McGonagall.

"You're on, Severus," she honked at him.

Severus made a I-have-no-idea-what-you're-talking-about-so-please-do-shut-up face and crammed some toast in his mouth. McGonagall didn't pick up the clue.

"You pay me four galleons if Gryffindor wins this morning and I'll pay you four if Slytherin wins."

Severus commenced to dice his sausage up into little bits.

"Severus, I know you hear me…"

Severus started sorting the sausage pieces into piles depending upon size.

"SEVERUS!" Half of the staff table looked up. Severus wished she would keep it to a dull roar. He looked at her with his eyebrows raised. "Did you wish to speak to me, Minerva?" he asked. Minerva was such a dumb name.

"So do we have a deal?" she asked. "I mean, your team squashed mine last time so it can't be that much of a risk." She had something tricky in her eyes, and Severus was about to say that he didn't think that was a fair bet, but Dumbledore was also looking at him, so he felt peer pressure inside of him.

"Alright," he said, thinking how Professor McGonagall's team had always been a bunch of creampuffs, which comforted him.

"Severus, Minerva?" Professor Sprout butted in. "How do you like my new hat? It's for working in the greenhouses."

"It's rather nice," Professor McGonagall said.

"What do you think Severus?"

Severus looked. The hat was dark green and squashy. Severus said he thought it looked like roadkill.

Professor Sprout's eyes widened and she turned away to talk to Professor Trelawney. "Only I wish you hadn't asked me," he said to her back, which wasn't responding. Severus sighed and snapped himself twice with his rubber band. He made a wincing face.

"Don't expect us to feel sorry for you now because your leg hurts," squawked doesn't-know-anything Professor McGonagall, giving him a mad look. Severus had a strong urge to flick a piece of sausage at her. Instead he turned back to his plate and found that his advil had been knocked off by Professor Sprout and was on the floor. Scowling, he reached for it with his foot, but someone passed the table and stepped on it. And so that was the end of that.

At 11 o' clock, Severus found himself sitting out on the teacher's stands, getting ready for the Quidditch game to start. He almost had a row all to himself, except that Trelawney was sitting shyly on the very end. She looked so close to the edge that she might fall off. Severus seriously wondered if he had cooties. Circle circle dot dot, he thought stupidly, waiting for everyone to get seated. Quirrell sat behind him and began to gnaw on a stiff bagel, which Severus found a bit of an annoyance to his ultraviolet ears. Didn't ultraviolet mean light? He heard a rustle next to him and saw Filch sit down.

"'lo, 'Gus," Severus said blankly.

"Argus," Filch muttered in such a rumbly way that Severus feared the guy might hurl. And he did not happen to have a barf bucket at hand. The game was starting, and Severus looked out into the stands to see a sign that said "POTTER FOR PRESIDENT" Only he couldn't think why, so he ignored that bit of info.

When his field of extra-sensory vision directed itself back onto the field, Severus saw that the players were coming out. He watched the Gryffindor captain, who went by the name of Branch or something treeish as he argued with Flint. Flint was Severus's team's captain, and was not his favorite cheese on the trolley, so to speak. He didn't even know the guy's first name. Severus bet it was Brutus. He also seriously wondered if Flint had a dental plan, because that boy's face was just screaming for braces.

The Quidditch players filed out onto the field in what Severus believed was called raw spaghetti style. He saw Potter-the-vastly-annoying in the midst of them. Captain Twig was talking to him. That was when Madame Hooch informed them that the quaffle was released and the game had begun. Only Severus didn't need a rocket scientist to tell him that.

A chaser from Gryffindor got the quaffle first. Then another Gryffindor. Then Flint, who Severus suddenly decided he liked a little bit more. Flint startedto make a goal but Captain Log of the Gryffindors stopped him. Severus zoned out for a while, and when he looked again a Gryffindor named Katie Bell had the quaffle. Severus thought she was one hot potato. He often stared at her when giving homework assignments. He was still staring at her when she got hit by a bludger in the back of the head on Flint's orders. Severus decided that Flint was the ugliest person he had ever seen.

Gryffindor scored a while later, and Severus heard McGonagall chuckle with hearty laughter a few rows above him. He turned to her

"Please do tune it down," he said, turning around to look at her.

"Y-you're j-j-just j-jealous because Sl-Slytherin isn't w-w-winning," said Quirrell-who-he-didn't-remember-inviting-into-the-conversation.

Before Severus could give Quirrell his two cents so to speak, something happened. Potter-the-pretty-good-Quidditch-player spotted the snitch. Severus remembered how his father Potter-the-Great had acted around snitches, and wondered if his son went about catching them the same way. If so, they would need someone out and ready to do the Heimlich maneuver on the side of the field.

Then the fishiest thing ever happened. Potter-who-dances-with-snitches had jerked to a halt. Soon his broom started bucking wildly out of control. Severus knew what it was immediately. He had had much experience with broom jinxes before. Most of the time he was on the receiving end of them, which was why he had been recently diagnosed with Broomophobia.

After about a minute of watching Potter-in-trouble bucking up and down on that broom, Severus realized that everyone on the field was really really stupid. Because obviously they did not know a broom jinx when they saw one. So once again, it was up to Severus.

Severus scanned the seats around him, looking for the mysterious traitor in their midst, but it was hard to concentrate with Professors Sprout and Flitwick yelping at him to 'stop giving the Slytherins signals to do unfair moves because we know you are'. Severus gave them a what-the-hell look and took a notebook out of his robes. He started writing down the suspects the Nancy Drew way.

Professor McGonagall leaned over his shoulder to try and look at the paper, and Severus kept having to move it out of the way.

"I know you're writing instructions to give to Flint to win the game," she said in an annoyed tone. She wouldn't stop looking over his shoulder, so Severus flipped the pad to another piece of paper and put it in plain view. He started drawing the setup for hangman. Finally McGonagall was satisfied that he wasn't cheating and stopped looking.

Severus turned around and looked behind him to where his key suspect lay. Quirrell was sure enough staring at Potter-in-serious-trouble-now and mouthing a jinx. He took note of which broom jinx Quirrell was using and where he was in it, and then began to mutter the countercurse.

"I knew it!" shrieked Professor Sprout from behind him, "you're telling them what to do!"

Severus painstakingly tried to ignore her as he continued to say the countercurse.

He was about halfway through it, and Potter-in-slightly-less-trouble-now was looking like he might have a chance, when Severus felt heat near his feet. Severus was just thinking how maybe they had installed heaters in the Quidditch stands, when Professor Trelawney yelled

"You're on fire!"

Severus sat in shock for a minute, forgetting about the countercurse. That lady never yelled. Severus turned around and looked at the people behind him, wondering who Professor Trelawney had been talking to. McGonagall, Sprout, Quirrell, and Flitwick were all staring at the bottom of his robes. He looked there too and saw bright blue flames.

Severus let out a strangled yelp, got up, and started stomping on the bottom of his robes. That was when he realized that they were the robes he had gotten for 60 off at a spring blowout sale at Madame Malkin's. The only problem was, they were highly flammable.

Meanwhile, Gryffindor had won the match. As Severus had predicted, Potter-who-has-a-death-wish had swallowed the snitch. He spit it out and yelled like a banshee that he had caught it, which was pretty duh if you asked Severus. Looking down at his burnt, ruined robes with a doomed expression on his face, Severus realized that he only had two other sets. "Okay, four galleons to me, Severus!" honked Professor McGonagall with her loud mouth. Severus looked in the pocket of his ruined robes. He only had two, which he thrust at her. "Severus- "Shut it," he grumped, and left the Quidditch pitch.