Disclaimer: I don't remember whether I did one of these before, so here goes… I don't own ANYTHING! ANYTHING, you hear me??? I don't own Snape (shame…) Not even some of what Snape says, like in the tree confrontation in this chapter…I'm just a loser with no money so don't sue me. On to better things :)
A couple of days later, close to what is known to most as Christmas break, Severus awoke with a start, feeling something cold near him. Colder than the usual air, that was. He sat up in bed and blinked stupidly, looking for that mystery of a cold source.
That's when Severus saw it. In the corner of his room was a weird apparition that looked in the shape of a short, chubby witch. There was a lot of smoke around her. Severus was going to pinch himself but stopped when he thought about how that was just too cliché! Then he thought how that was a really dumb thought. Then he thought about badgers in mushroom houses…then he glared at the narrator, who is not supposed to be centering on his private thoughts.
Back to the shape, which just kinda…sat there. Severus stared at it some more, wondering if there was some dry ice in the room, because that smoke just kept coming. Then an eerie voice drifted out of the smoke.
"I am the ghost of Christmas past!" it said.
Severus leaped out of his bed and ran over to his wand, which had fallen into a crack behind his bedside table. He tried to reach down and get it, but alas, his arm was just not doing its job. Severus frowned. He did not remember being a shortarm. Feeling that there was nothing left to do, he turned to the shape.
"Why are you here?" he asked it in an annoyed voice. He wondered if you could be annoyed at ghosts and get away with it. Apparently you could, because the ghost just said, "I am here to show you a time back when you were-agh!"
The ghost had been moving towards Severus when it tripped on his smashed piggy bank from the last chapter. It sprawled stupidly across the ground, revealing it's true identity.
Severus just stared awhile at Professor Sprout, who stared back at him. That's when Severus noticed two things
Professor Sprout badly needed a tissue
he was in a nightshirt
This second thought caused Severus a wee bit of panic, so to speak. Crossing the room in a dash, he locked himself in his private restroom and sat on the toilet moping about how his reputation was now in shambles and all that jazz. Then Severus remembered that he didn't have a reputation to begin with. Then he wondered whether he should be happy about that or not.
After about ten minutes, Severus realized he had a class to teach right after breakfast. Which would be right now since he had slept right through breakfast. Opening the bathroom door cautiously, Severus stuck his head out. There was no sign of Professor Sprout anywhere. Which was good, Severus thought, since he knew the cruciatus curse real well. Then he felt guilty about that thought, since he had called her hat roadkill a few days before. Then he wished that the narrator would stop invading his privacy. Eh hem…
After he got dressed in one of his two other pairs of robes that hadn't been set on fire, Severus went to the small basket of fruit on his table and selected an apple. It was a Granny Smith. Severus thought those were too sour for his liking, but all the Gulden Delicious kinds were eaten. Cutting the apple in half with his cheap Betty Crocker knife, Severus placed one half in a glad bag to save it for later, and found that, dun dun dun…he wasn't really mad or glad, and so those muggles were cheap people.
Deciding that he had had enough of doing things without magic, Severus went over to his bedside table once more to get his wand from the crack. Only he still couldn't reach. That's when Severus started to feel really pissy. Storming over to the door, he wrenched it open, ("hey there!" said a nearby picture angrily), tore through his office, and out into his classroom.
Apparently Professor Sprout had forgotten to close the door again on her way out, because Severus had no other way to explain the sea of first year faces staring apprehensively at him as he clutched a bag with half an apple inside of it and breathed heavily.
Well, if you thought the situation couldn't get any worse, you would be wrong. Because just then, Severus had a revelation, and dropped his apple to the floor with a thud. Because seated at the back of the classroom on one side was Potter-who-he-had-so-recently-saved AND on the other side was The Pointy Face Brat. This will be a fun class Severus thought with Sarcasm. Sarcasm was a great friend of Severus's. You could say that it had got him through a lot.
"Today we will be brewing the Draught of Invisibility," Severus murmured in a I-just-got-out-of-bed-but-I'm-trying-to-sound-scary voice. Then he said the first random threat that came to his head and directed it the boy he bet he could beat up, who looked mighty shaky as always. Severus thought about Richter scales for a second before he realized that he did not have a wand on him to write the instructions for the potion.
Storming over to his desk drawer, he selected a pale blue piece of chalk and started to write furiously on the board. Halfway through, he heard a snap and the chalk broke. Severus heard a laugh from behind him and gave the laugh a detention. It shut up.
Luckily, the rest of the class passed by okay. The Pointy Face Brat didn't stir up any fights for once, and obviously didn't know that it was Severus who had saved Potter-who-he-had-saved-a-while-ago-now. After going around checking cauldrons, giving the boy he bet he could beat up a zero for the day, and struggling to come up with another undeserved compliment to give the Pointy Face Brat, who looked expectant, Severus made his way back to his seat under the glare of Potter-who-was-so-not-worth-saving. He took out his black book and, after scanning the classroom, wrote how the Bush-Hair had an unlucky habit of eating her quills slowly but surely. Severus used to have that habit, but he had conquered it when his quill had been replaced by a dung-encrusted hippogriff feather one lovely morn.
At the end of class, Severus flapped his jaw some more and told everyone they would have to write an essay on this potion and how to mix it properly. Potter-who-never-sent-him-a-thank-you-note glared at him some more. Severus seriously wondered why, since he was one of the dumb nuggets who hadn't done it right in the first place. He also wondered whether Dumbledore would raise his wages if he left a box of lemon drops on his desk as bait.
As everyone crowded out of the dungeon door, Severus remembered that it was his turn to check on Fluffy today. Getting behind a boy with brown hair that smelled like he had forgot his antiperspirant, Severus followed everyone out, closing the door behind him. He then paved his way through the crowd and walked quickly down the corrider towards the stairs, thinking how they should install a lighting system down here instead of torches, which made him feel like a crypt keeper. Which made him feel old. He kept having to remind himself that he was only 31 and not over the hill yet.
As Severus approached the stairs, he noticed that they were blocked by a tree. Yes, a tree. Severus wondered how many times he had told Hagrid to bring them in the other way. Apparently, half-giants had short term memories.
Then Severus noticed something else. Potter-the-snitch-swallower and his sidekick The Weasley were standing on the stairs near Hagrid and the tree, bickering their heads off with who else but the Pointy Face Brat, who of course was stirring up a fight. Severus thought he must have been stupid to think a day could pass without that gelatinous boy pissing someone off. Wait-didn't gelatinous have to do with pudding or something?
That's when Severus saw The Weasley dive at the Pointy Face Brat, all violent-like.
"WEASLEY!" he hollered, coming up the stairs. The Weasley let go of the Pointy Face Brat's robes quick-like.
"He was provoked, Professor Snape," said Hagrid, then blubbered about The Pointy Face Brat insulting The Weasley's family. Severus gave him a there's-no-proof-except-for-the-fact-that-its-obvious-that's-what-happened look.
"Be that as it may, fighting is against Hogwarts rules, Hagrid," he said, trying not to look at The Pointy Face Brat's smirk. He didn't even screw up the side of his face correctly. Severus took 5 points off Gryffindor, and told everyone to 'move along', and received a near death threat from The Weasley, who was a bad whisperer.
Severus then commenced to check on Fluffy, which resulted in a lot of stale air, a brush with death, and a headache.
Go figure.
a/n: to all people who have reviewed this: you do not know how thankful I am for you…you folks rock, you're my fuel to keep it goin'! I realize this story took a while to update, and thanks for not getting too impatient and launching toothbrushes or something else foul and unimaginable at me. Hope you liked this chappie, but regardless of whether you did or you didn't you should..REVIEW! mwahahahaha! gets locked up in her padded room