Disclaimer: I don't own it.

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Chapter Four: Birthdays

Two days later, Hope and Harry still weren't talking to each other. Everyone noticed the sad look in both of their eyes and wanted to lock them in a room together until they worked it out.

But they couldn't. Today was Harry's birthday, and everyone was preparing for Harry's birthday party. Everyone except Hope.

Hermione came downstairs to see Hope curled up in a chair, reading a bound black book.

"What is that?" She asked.

"My journal," Hope responded quietly. "Tomorrow will be a year since Severus gave it to me."

Hermione gave the girl a sad smile. "How hard is tonight going to be on you?"

"Honestly, be glad that you're not going to be sharing a room with me. I'm going to ask Severus if I can put a silencing charm on my room tonight."

"And I'm going to say no," Severus said, entering the room.

Hermione laughed. "You sure you don't want me to stay another night?"

"No Hermione. I floo call tomorrow, okay?"

Hermione looked skeptical but nodded.

Draco came downstairs with Harry behind him. "So, how's it feel to be seventeen, mate?"

Harry just pushed Draco, causing everyone except for Hope to laugh. Hope wordlessly handed the black book to Severus. She walked over to the two boys and gave Draco a hug.

"Have fun, and Happy Birthday, Harry," she said, continuing up the stairs.

Harry looked at everyone else in the room. "She's not coming?" He asked, hurt.

"She doesn't feel like she would be welcomed," Severus commented.

Harry closed his eyes. "You guys go ahead. I'll be there in a minute." He turned and took the stairs two at a time. He walked down the hallway and knocked on Hope's door.

"Come in."

Harry opened the door and saw shock register on her face.

"Harry. Hi. I expected Severus or Draco."

"Sorry, they went ahead. Hope, come to the party."

Hope looked away. "Can you honestly say you want me there?"

Harry went forward and took her hands in his. "Hope, I know how hard tonight is going to be on you. Don't spend the hours leading up to it by yourself. I want you there."

Hope let him pull her to her feet. "Can we be civil, Harry?" She asked quietly. "I don't want to fight anymore."

Harry pulled her into a hug. "We'll be friends, Hope."

Hope pulled away from the hug and let Harry lead her downstairs. He flood through and after a few minutes she followed.

She prepared herself to tumble through the floor like normal, but before that could happen, strong arms encircled her. She blushed.

"Thanks, Harry."

The dark-haired boy smiled. "No problem."

The party started and Hope tried to join in on the celebration. Two hours into it, Hope was talking politely with one of Ron's older brothers when Severus came up to them. Bill excused himself, leaving the two alone.

"Doing okay?" He asked.

"Remembering what happened, trying to get rid of the nervousness, and fighting to keep the emotions down until later." Hope sighed. "I really don't know, Severus. A week ago, I expected to be able to throw all this on Harry. For him to be able to pull me close and tell me it would all be okay. Now I'm not sure what to lean on."

"Your family, perhaps?" He said, as if it was obvious.

"That's okay up to a point, but you didn't know me until after it all happened. Harry did."

Severus nodded. "I'm sure he'd still be willing to help."

Hope shrugged, looking to where Harry and his friends were joking around. "I'll manage. It's his birthday, and he doesn't need the extra burden."

Severus eyed the girl warily before shaking his head and walking away.

Hope looked around for Hermione and saw her talking enthusiastically with Ginny.

"Hey!" Hermione exclaimed, seeing Hope.

Hope slowly walked over to them. "Hey guys."

"Hope, you have to help us!" Ginny exclaimed. "We're trying to find a way into talking Professor Dumbledore into throwing another ball this year. Any ideas?"

Hope laughed. "Hermione, why don't you just ask Severus if we can throw one at the manor? It'd be easier than convincing Dumbledore after the last one."

Hermione looked thoughtful for a minute before grabbing Hope and Ginny's hand's and pulling them toward the potion's master, who was deep in discussion with the Headmaster.

"Excuse me, Professor. Hope, Ginny, and I were, well wondering if maybe, perhaps you might, maybe, allow us to…" Hermione trailed off.

Hope laughed. "Severus, can we throw a back to school ball at the manor?"

Severus raised an eyebrow at the three girls. "Will you allow your brother to invite his friends?" Hope nodded. "Very well, plan it for the night before school starts."

Hermione and Ginny squealed excitedly and dragged Hope off to plan.

About an hour later, everyone gathered around to watch Harry open presents. He opened each present after telling everyone who it was from.

"This one is from…" Harry trailed off and made eye contact with a pair of midnight blue eyes. "Hope," he said quietly. Harry carefully opened it and gasped.

"Hope, I can't accept these. They must have cost a fortune."

Hope smiled. "Take them. I thought you deserved a broom that matched your skill."

Harry smiled and continued opening the rest of his presents. Hope turned around and quietly made her exit into the Weasley's back yard. She walked to the edge of the property, to the same place she had been at Christmas when Harry found her.

Tears welled up in her eyes. "Mum…dad…I miss you," she whispered, letting the tears fall. "Nothing is right. You should be here, and Harry and I should still be together. Nothing is fair."

Hope sat down on the ground and let her tears keep falling. Emotions were catching up with her and she had nowhere to turn to. She was in the middle of a birthday party for the one person that she thought would never betray her.

An hour later, Hope wiped her tears and made her way back inside. Everyone except a few people had left, and Severus was looking slightly worried. He looked around and saw Hope, and the relief on his face was clearly noticeable on the usually stoic man.

"Hope, what's wrong?" He asked her, taking in her puffy eyes and tear-tracked cheeks.

Hope shook her head. "Not here," she muttered. She went and helped Mrs. Weasley begin cleaning up, noticing her father's eyes on her the entire time. After some time, her brother also began to watch her worriedly.

Around seven o'clock, everyone left and returned to the manor. Draco had carried Harry's presents through so they didn't topple and break when Harry came through.

Severus and Draco went upstairs to continue research on some potion, leaving Hope and Harry alone. Severus handed Hope something with a pointed look before heading upstairs.

"I can help you put everything away, if you want."

Harry nodded and picked the box up before leading the way up to his room. They spent an hour putting things away before happily banishing the box.

"Hope, I didn't really get to talk to you much at the party, but I saw you were pretty upset. You need to know that if you want to talk, I'm still here."

Hope nodded. "Thanks."

They sat in silence for a couple minutes. Finally Hope fidgeted. "Harry, I have something else for you…"

"What else? You already gotten me more than I expected," he asked, shocked.

Hope sighed. "This isn't costing me any money, just a lot of pride." She pulled something out of her robe and hesitated, before handing it to Harry.

"Hope…" Harry was shocked.

"You need to understand," she said, with tears falling. "This way you will. Severus got me a new one, so don't rush through it."

Harry nodded numbly. "Hope you don't have to do this."

"I do, Harry. I have to, because if I don't, then you and I won't ever fully fix this. I can't be selfish anymore. I love you, Harry, and I have to let you see what happened or I'm screwing up everything. Not only us, but the entire light side." Hope stopped, furiously wiping at her tears. "You have to love me unconditionally for us to beat Voldemort. This will help you achieve that. But more importantly, maybe with this, we can finally work things out. I miss you, and…" Hope trailed off and turned and ran out of the room, ignoring Harry when he called her name.

Harry sighed and looked at the book in his hands. Closing the door, he sat down and began to read.

August 1st 1996

I'm really not sure how this is going to help. Severus said that this would be easier because he couldn't be here all the time, and I would need some way that I could let things out. He charmed this so nobody with evil intentions could see it. I'm glad, at least I don't have to worry about keeping it hidden from them.

The death eaters are vicious. Severus has told me many of their names, but since I never see their faces, it doesn't matter. They throw curses at me, and some continually kick me. I feel the broken bones throughout my body, and can barely move. It's horrible. I want to go home so badly. Severus says he's trying to get me out of here, but how hard can it be for him to get me out? He knows where I am. I'm not sure I can trust him.

I just want to go back to Little Whinging, so I can see my parents, and John, and Harry again. I don't know what to do, but I know I won't be able to take many days like this.

Harry closed his eyes and felt horrible. At least with him, they didn't physically hit him.

"It's bad isn't it? Different from what you thought."

Harry turned and locked eyes with Severus. "They were ruthless to her. How often were you unable to heal her?"

Severus sighed, looking guilty. "The majority of the time. She became petrified of wands, and eventually they forced potions down her throat, so she refused those as well. Remember her reaction in the hospital wing? Usually, it would be four or five times worse. Except she wouldn't use accidental magic. The times where she was unconscious when I got there, I was ordered not to do anything. There were five times total she was healed the entire time she was there."

Harry shook his head. "I already regret everything I said and it's only the first entry. I read my name and feel how lost and confused she was and I wish that I could have stopped them."

"It was a year ago, Harry. Move past it and help her. She's going to want to push everyone away now. Stand firm, even when she says hurtful things. We all have to show her she can't push us away."

Harry nodded. Severus left and Harry closed the notebook before getting a shower and getting ready for bed. He fell asleep thinking about Hope and all the horrible things that awaited him in that book.

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A/N: Sorry about not posting earlier you guys. This past week has been extremely stressful and tiring, and I'm managing maybe two or three hours of sleep a night so I'm a few days behind
Thanks to the reviewers and to my wonderful beta.
Please leave me a review to let me know what you think of the story.
Kayla