Chapter 2

All thoughts of the case they were here so late working on left both their minds as they sat in companionable silence. At least for a time.

Late night became early morning as Timothy McGee sat, once again, having no idea what he should do next. He had been sitting on Abby's futon, holding her close to his side, for at least forty minutes now. Neither had spoken. He had felt over the passing of time the tension in her shoulders begin to ease, and her breathing become more relaxed. He wondered if maybe this was all she would ever need from him. The thought saddened him, but gave him encouragement nonetheless. At least this was something he could give her.

Sensing his apprehension, Abby finally broke the silence. "Sometimes I think I could really love you, Tim."

He forced himself to breathe. He knew she didn't mean it. Not really. Not like he did. "Like a puppy, I know," came his soft reply.

Abby shifted out of his arms and plopped down Indian-style on the futon, this time facing him. "Tim, look at me," she said as he raised his eyes to meet hers. "I am so sorry. Throughout the course of our friendship, I have taken advantage of you. I knew your feelings for me and that I didn't reciprocate, but I continued to hold on to you for my own selfish purposes even though I knew I didn't want you forever. I want you to know I'm not proud of myself for it."

Tim smiled halfway, his eyes gleaming mischievously, "If that's your idea of taking advantage of me, I have no problem with it. I knew what you were about from the beginning. You never led me to believe otherwise. I've not exactly been faithful to you and pining after you."

"True. And just because I don't want the fairy tale, doesn't mean I don't have feelings or get jealous, McGee."

He smiled; a full one this time. "But I do love you, Abby." The sincerity in his voice touched her deeply.

Abby shook her head, and forced away the tears that were threatening to show themselves. "No you don't."

"Yes, I do. I love you. I will always love you. You are more than my best friend. You are…"

"Tim, shut up! Just be quiet! You don't know what you're talking about," Abby said as she rose to her feet and began to pace around the lab. Her arms automatically reached for Bert and she pulled him tightly to her, filling the lab with the sound of his special song.

Tim watched her pace and wondered for the hundredth time what was truly bothering her. He remained silent, refusing to withdraw his words. Because he had meant them. Truly and completely.

She spun to face him, the unwanted tears now betraying her and spilling from her eyes. "I believe that you think you love me. But the truth is, you don't know me. Not really. No one does," she said softly.

"I'd like to," he answered simply. "Please? Can you let me in?"

His request was simple and to the point. And she knew he was sincere. Since her time at NCIS, she had never shared anything about her traumatic past to her coworkers. Gibbs knew. When you share a certain kind of pain and loss, you know it. They had a bond she didn't share with the others. But he knew no details and she had never spoken of it with him. Now for the first time she really wanted to tell her story. She felt compelled to bring this man who had been her dearest friend into her confidence. But she was frightened.

"Timmy," she said hesitantly, her voice barely audible, "I want to. But I'm afraid." Tears were now flowing down her cheeks, each one hurting him as he wanted to see her happy and never sad.

"I will never hurt you, Abby."

"I know," she answered with confidence. "I'm afraid of what you'll think of me if I tell you. I'm afraid you'll feel the need to share the information with someone else. Because my story is not a pleasant one and it's a difficult secret to live with. I'm afraid you'll want to talk with me about it later, and I am not prepared to do that. I'm afraid you'll regret ever being with me. I'm afraid…"

Having risen to stand behind her while she was talking, he gently pulled her into his arms as he interrupted her litany of fears. "There is nothing you could tell me that could change how I feel for you. There is definitely nothing that will make me regret having been with you."

Abby chuckled. Tim was nothing if not consistent. That was part of what drew her so strongly to him. He was exactly the kind of man she had come to know she could count on and not fear. He was the kind of man who, though selfish in many ways, would never intentionally harm her. She squeezed him tightly, relishing the feel of his strong arms supporting her, and then pulled away from his embrace.

"Come with me," she said.

Tim took her outreached hand and she led him from the lab. Abby sighed and wondered if she were making the right decision. She certainly hoped so.

---

She led him to a secluded corner of a rarely-used stairwell. She sat on the nearest step and pulled him down beside her. She faced forward, not looking at him. She took a deep breath, preparing herself for the inevitable. She knew she could still change her mind. No one was forcing her to take this step. But she had willed it to be, and so it would.

Tim forced himself to keep his mind focused on Abby and his mouth shut. He knew from her expression that this was going to be difficult for her to say, and probably difficult for him to hear. He began to wonder if he should have left well enough alone. Perhaps he was better off not knowing Abby's deepest secrets. But when presented the opportunity, he knew he would never turn away a chance to understand her better; this woman who was a walking contradiction and had so completely captured first his interest and then his heart.

---

"You know I grew up in Louisiana. I have a brother. My parents are deaf. That's all true. My mom's family is from northern Minnesota. Because of the bitter winters they are notorious for, we always visited in the summer. Except for one year. One year, when I was thirteen, we went to visit for the Christmas holidays. There was a huge storm and we were there until after the New Year. Her family is large. I have so many cousins, all of which I wanted to know better. But I didn't get to hang out with the other kids. Like so many children of deaf adults, I got to hang with them and interpret for Mom and Dad."

"Most of the time I didn't mind. I love my parents. And besides, it was fun being privy to information the other kids didn't have. Of course, I grew up pretty fast as a result. After a little time and a few drinks, they forget there's a kid in the room. You wouldn't believe some of the things they would talk about. Anyhow, I digress."

"One evening, two nights before Christmas, I was particularly resentful of the task I had been given. All the other kids were playing a game and I wanted to play so badly. But some of my Mom's childhood friends had come over for the evening and wanted to reminisce of times long past. So I pouted and sulked and eventually resigned myself to my fate. One of my Mom's dearest childhood friend's was Jeff. Jeff had a look about him that I didn't like, and I spent the entire evening trying NOT to look at him. But it was so difficult. Every time I looked he was staring at me."

"The next day several of us were supposed to do some last-minute shopping at the mall. I know – the mall on Christmas Eve is never a good idea. My mom had told me I couldn't go, and then relented at the last minute. I rushed outside only to find they had just pulled out of the driveway. I was heartbroken. Jeff was there, and offered to drive me to the mall. I didn't want to go with him. I didn't trust him. I was young, but didn't consider myself stupid. But at the same time, it was early evening and we were right in front of my Grandmother's house."

Tim set his jaw to keep from speaking as he tried unsuccessfully to his breathing even and his heart from racing as she continued her story. Tears of his own went unnoticed as Abby told of what Jeff had done to her right under the nose of her family, and of how she had never given away the identity of her attacker. He was filled with righteous indignation and wanted more than anything to hunt the man down and kill himself.

Just as he was about to give her a comforting hug, he realized she wasn't finished. Surely this incredible woman hadn't had to overcome more than the terrible story he had just heard. He wanted to tell her to stop. He didn't think he could hear the whole story. He didn't want to know. No, it didn't make him care less for her. If anything, it made him treasure who she had become in spite of circumstances that much more. He almost broke listening to her convey the events. He couldn't imagine her having had to actually experience them, especially at such a tender age.

But this was Abby's story and he was her friend. He would listen. He had to.