Disclaimer: I don't own it.

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Chapter Twelve: Journals and Letters

Harry sat on his bed the next day, trying to finish the last entries of Hope's journal. He had made it to the end of May before the attack at the burrow, and then just hadn't had time to read it. What he was reading made him understand more and more why Hope was a different person than she was before.

July 8, 1997

I can't sleep. I can't even think about sleeping. I close my eyes and I see Voldemort standing over me. Or I see him torturing Harry. I've put him through so much. He's still after me. I feel like I'm back where I started. All the emotions I worked so hard to block after last time I was in that cell are rushing back. I don't know what to do. Every time someone touches me, my mind reverts back to when he would hit me. No touch is good. I can't sleep for fear of waking up back in that cell. I close my eyes and water surrounds me. What am I supposed to do?

Reading the raw emotions that were portrayed through her journal made Harry's heart break into two. He knew she was feeling an array of emotions during this time, but he had no clue how to deal with them. Now that he did, it was too late. He turned the page and read the next couple entries before coming onto one about a day that he remembered all too well.

July 29, 1997

I just made the worst mistake in history. I broke up with Harry. I knew we were drifting apart because of everything that happened, but I actually broke up with him. I don't know what to do. Harry was the person I leaned on for everything, and I decided to be stupid and in the blink of an eye, the person I trusted with everything is gone. Who do I turn to now? It's different with everyone else. They didn't know me before I was kidnapped. They didn't know who I was before. Harry did, but I blew it. I saw the look in his eyes. There is no way I'll be able to fix this.

Harry saw that this was the last entry in the journal. When he turned the page however, there was a folded page of midnight blue parchment. He unfolded it and saw a letter written in a light blue ink of Hope's beautiful handwriting.

Dear Harry,


I hope that this helped you understand what is going on better. I know you have been left out of the loop with what has happened to me over the past year. Now you're ahead of the game. I've not even trusted Severus with the raw emotions that are portrayed through this journal. It's been my secret for the past year, and now I'm entrusting its secrets to you.

I know a lot of the time, I talked about you. The times I spent with you were the ones I could look back on and feel true joy. You were able to let me forget the war and just live. I wasn't trying to impress anyone, or having to defend myself against an ultimate evil. I was just being me.

I know I've made mistakes, and I hope that you are able to forgive me for not finding some way to clue you in sooner. This was hard for me to do, still is hard, but I need my friend back. Even if that's all that we can ever be, I have to be able to trust you.

So, to prove my trust to you, I let you see a part of my life that nobody else has ever seen. Take as long as you need to look over what you've just read, Harry. I trust you. I know that you and I will be able to defeat Voldemort together when the time comes. Until then, I'll treasure the moments I have to spend with you just being Hope.

Harry reached up and wiped away tears that were escaping from his eyes as he reread the letter. Smiling to himself, he took out a piece of parchment, grabbed a quill, and went and knocked on Draco's door.

"Come in."
Harry opened the door and saw Draco sitting in his bed, organizing his wizard's cards. Harry laughed and walked over, holding out the parchment and quill.

"Good job, Harry. You found a roll of parchment and a quill; now go write your summer essay."

Harry rolled his eyes. "I need you to show me the charm to change its color."

Draco rolled his eyes and brandished his wand. "What color?"

"The parchment needs to be an emerald green, the ink a lighter green."

Draco waved his wand and Harry watched in amazement as the parchment switched colors right before his eyes.

"Wow," Harry said in awe.

"Yeah, it's impressive. Now go."

Harry shook his head as he was pushed out of the room, and made his way back into his own. After sitting for three hours, he finally came up with the perfect reply to Hope's letter.

Harry folded the parchment and slipped it into the journal so that when it was picked up, the parchment would fall out. He stood up and made his way down the hall where Hope's room was. He gently knocked, and when he received no reply, he pushed open the door. He smiled at the sight of Hope sound asleep on her bed. He walked over and gently set the journal down on her table, on top of her current one. He walked back over to the bed and wiped a few strands of hair out of her face.

Walking back to the doorway, he paused and just watched her sleep with a small smile on his face.

Hope slept on and off for a week following the healing. She was the one it drained the most. Severus would wake her up three times a day to eat, but usually she would fall asleep directly afterwards.

So a week later, when she made her way downstairs, everyone turned and looked at her. She grinned at everyone, showing off how she could walk without crutches and ignored the jokes made about sleeping beauties. She looked across the table and locked eyes with Harry. There was something about his eyes that was different. The way he looked at her. She shrugged it off until later.

"So what is going on in the wizarding world today?" Hope asked as she started in on the breakfast Molly had made.

"Basically, everybody has lost all hope they had in winning the war," Draco said from his seat.

"What are you talking about?" Hope asked, with a sharp glance at her father.

Severus sighed. "Hope, Voldemort has become active again, and more so than last time. He's attacking two muggle villages a night. Two nights ago, he attacked Hogsmeade. The people are a little concerned because the death count of innocent people keeps going up, yet we've not caught any death eaters."

Hope narrowed her eyes as she took the paper Draco offered her. She glanced through it before looking back up at everyone.

"We have to do something. We can't let him get away with all this."

Severus smiled at the girl. "You're right, we have to do something. But we'll do it after school starts. For the rest of the summer, you need to relax and plan your ball."

Hope smiled at her father. "Before I plan any ball, I have to go upstairs and get ready for a shopping day. You promised you'd take Hermione and I shopping, remember?"

Severus laughed. He shooed her off to go upstairs before looking at her plate. Sighing to himself, he promised that he would get the girl to eat at least one full meal before the summer was over.

Hope was upstairs while Hermione was doing her hair and describing the past week as it had happened around the manor. A few times, Hope glanced around her room, feeling like something was different, but always ended up finding nothing out of place.

Hermione finished with Hope's hair and went to go get a clip to make it perfect, but stopped at the black book on her desk. She held it up. "I thought you were giving this to Harry?"

Hope eyed the black book curiously. "I did. I wonder how it ended up back in here?" Hope took the book from Hermione's hand and saw the green parchment fall to the floor. She took it and unfolded the parchment, with tears filling her eyes as she read the letter three times.

Hope,

After reading your journal, I realize that everything I said to you, and everything I did to you, was only making the situation worse. I never really thought you would have survived a month under Voldemort's torture, and since I never had a timeline to compare it to, I chose to assume what I thought, rather than ask you what it was like. This led to me being rude and uncaring towards you.

I am so sorry for how I acted around you. I messed up badly and know that it is too late to fix it. I can fix one thing though, Hope. You are not at fault for us breaking up. That was completely my responsibility. I put you on the spot and made it seem like you didn't have any choice. I take back what I said though, you were everything that a guy could want in a girlfriend.

I truly miss the relationship that we had. I will always love you, Hope, no matter where we stand. I would never betray you, and I will trust you with my life, very soon when we go up against Voldemort. I hope that by then, you and I will be in a much better place in our relationship than we are now.

Until then, you have all my love and always will. You will always be my hope in whatever time has in store.

Hope looked up at Hermione and let her best friend read the letter. She watched as her best friend's eyes traveled over the paper several times before a slow smile stretched across her face.

Hope shook her head at her friend, more confused than ever. "I don't understand. He says he still loves me, yet a week ago he was kissing another girl."

Hermione laughed and pulled her best friend up from the bed. "I think it's time you heard the true story of what happened in his bedroom. But first, we'll go shopping!"

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A/N: To all my lovely readers this story is drawing to a close. There is only eight more chapters left in this part, and then there will be the final part of the series, Living With Hope. I'm starting on it this week, so feel free to send me any suggestions. Actually, please do! Because it's going to be an exciting school year for our friends and I can use several tips.
Just so you all know, I am still going to post on Fridays, but I am going out of town on a church trip to go paintballing this weekend, and I didn't want to leave you guys hanging for another week. So I posted a day early.
Please review, ;P

Love ya'll,
Kayla