DISCLAIMER: Nope… still don't own Zelda.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: There is some mild Zelda bashing from here on out, just 'cause I don't like her very much, but I'll keep it at a minimum. Besides, Sue-bashing is just so much more fun.

AncientDirgeDragon: I hope chapter two lives up to your expectations, and I hope you'll stick around at least long enough to meet the Sue. Thanks for reading in more than one genre.

TigerTank: YES, IT WILL BE MORE THAN TWO CHAPTERS. As of right now, I have chapter five completed.Also, yes, the Mary Sue is going to be steeped in cliches. And if you think you're guilty of Sueism, the shock of some of my early Zelda OC fics would probably kill you.

Ian Gainsborough: Aw, thanks! I'm glad that you're enjoying this!

Chapter two… Enter the Bad Guy

Link, the Hero of Time, the only man in Hyrule who could wear tights and a skirt on a daily basis and still look hot, was known also for being able to keep the same stoic expression on his face, no matter how he was feeling at the moment.

Now, however, he was on the verge of showing an uncharacteristic display of irritation.

He was fed up—no, not just fed up, he was sick and tired of Ganondorf. But here he was, in all his Gerudo King glory, kicking back in one of the royal La-Z-Boys, trying and failing to figure out how to pull the footrest out.

Princess Zelda, as stereotypical a princess as humanly possible, sat across from him, sitting so straight and proper that it looked painful. Unlike the struggling Ganondorf, she had absolutely no interest in the footrest on her recliner.

"I will ask you one more time," she said through gritted teeth. "How did you get out of the Sacred Realm?"

Ganondorf gave one last fruitless tug at the little wooden lever wedged in between the armrest and the cushion before giving up and resigning himself to the interrogation.

"For the last time, I don't know."

"Well, you got out somehow," Link said. "And since none of us let you out, you had to have done it yourself. So that means you know how you got out." He coolly yanked on his own footrest lever, and the recliner snapped into place, raising his feet.

The Gerudo glared at him. "Look, maybe the author just needed a bad guy, and I was the most convenient," he snapped in his deep voice. "This is fanfiction, after all."

Link looked down at his La-Z-Boy. "So it is. That explains these."

Zelda cast a quick, longing glance at the way the two men were slouching, but regained her stereotypical-princess air almost immediately.

"Well, even if that was the case, that means we'll still have to figure out how to send him back to the Sacred Realm," she said to Link.

"Shouldn't be too difficult," the sort-of-Kokiri answered. "I've had tons of practice."

"Practice?"

"You know, every time I beat him, destroy him, seal him away…"

"Hello?" came Ganondorf's rather annoyed baritone. "I'm still here, you know."

"But he keeps coming back," Zelda said to Link, who shrugged. "That's what the next installment of each game is for," he answered.

"I can hear every word you're saying," Ganondorf reminded them loudly.

"The Oracle games," Zelda disagreed. "Twilight Princess. Heck, you can even count Smash Brothers and Soul Caliber 2. He's not in any of those."

"No, he's in Melee," Link corrected after thinking for a second. "And he has a cameo appearance in the Oracles. And how do you know about Twilight Princess? It hasn't been released yet!"

Ganondorf stood up. "Well, if you're not in any need of me," he boomed, stretching in the most obvious manner he could manage, "I think I'll just be on my way now…"

"Oh, for Nayru's sake," Zelda snapped at Link, "haven't you read any of the gaming magazines recently?"

"Not since Animerica got replaced by Shoujo Beat," the Hero of Time grunted, rolling his eyes.

Ganondorf began to inch towards the door.

"That isn't a gaming magazine!" Zelda said. "Honestly, for a huge Nintendo icon like yourself, I'm surprised you don't keep tabs on things like this—"

"Keep tabs on my own publicity? How shallow do you think I am?" Link shot at her. "Sheeze, it's a good thing the author hates Zelink pairings, 'cause you'd drive me crazy if I got stuck with you!"

Ganondorf reached his goal, eased it open, and slipped away to freedom.

"What did you just say to me?" Zelda fumed.

"Look, for a stereotypical princess, you're very nice," Link sighed, "but you're just not my type."

"You are horrible," the princess muttered under her breath. Then, louder, "Ganondorf, tell him he's horrible!"

The La-Z-Boy held no desert man to affirm Zelda's conclusion about Link.

"He's gone!" the two of them yelled at the same time, then looked at each other.

"JINX!" Link yelled after a second.

And there's chapter two. Thanks for reviewing, and please continue to do so! Chapter three will be up shortly… in which Mary Sue is introduced. (thunder, lightning and other special effects here) Mwahahahahaha!