AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm having a great time with this fic, and I hope everyone is having as much fun reading it as I'm having writing it! Thanks also for the reviews. Hope they keep on a-comin'. Also, please remember that I am not poking fun at any one specific Sue, especially not yours.
Millie Foster: Thanks!
Lizai: Yes, cherries jubilee is a dessert. Did you get that from the Enchanted Forest Chronicles? "Jubilee" means celebration, and the "year of jubilee" was a (kind of) festival in the Old Testament that rolled around once every fifty years. I just like saying "jubilee". It's a fun word. Jubilee!
Silhouette the Hedgehog: Good. This chick is supposed to be painful.
Ri2: Yes! She's here! (thunder and lightning) Zelda didn't tell anyone Ganon got away because she is extremely embarrassed that she let him escape while she was distracted. Sorry, I didn't realize that was so unclear.
TigerTank: I'm glad you liked it! Her name took me forever because I had so many "pretty" words I wanted to use--it was hard to restrict myself to just two lines. Dot is the best. And you'll see what Ganon's up to in chapter five. I tend to stay away from M-rated stuff; I'm sure your parody is great, but swearing and Kita don't mix well. Sorry. (deep bow) I'm glad you're keeping up with my MS basher, though. Thanks.
Baron Hausenpheffer: (mock fury) I am appalled! In no way does this Mary Sue represent me! I couldn't care less what condition my nails are in! So there! (breaks down laughing) Oh man, I am so excited you're here. I hope my humble scribbling is enough to keep you around.
Chapter four… A Bit of a Long Story, Abridged
Riana's beauty is incomparable and irresistible, and try as hard as he might, Link cannot focus on much else. Fuzzy, half-formed thoughts chase each other around his brain, but he ignores them and just concentrates on the fresh-rain-and-roses scent of her silken hair, the way she fits perfectly in his arms, the warmth of her cheek on his shoulder. He hopes his body is remembering to breathe for him, because he isn't paying attention to little, trivial things like air.
Princess Zelda, on the other hand, feels herself growing wild with jealous rage.
Her mind has never felt clearer. She knows instinctively even before this so-called "Princess Mariana Susana Starlight Bell Skydream Amethyst Phoenix Sonatina Jubilee" begins her story that it's going to be a good story, a story chock-full of drama, tragedy, lost love, danger, and the courage and strength to rise above it all and still have never had a hair out of place.
Riana gives a light little sigh, looking as if she's drawing strength from the nearness of Link.
The urge to kill has never been stronger inside the Princess of Hyrule.
"My tale is long," Riana says softly, "but if you have the patience, I will tell it. It begins with the king of the Zora people, who was childless at the time. It pained his heart that he did not have a successor to the throne—and then one day, a young baby girl was found, abandoned and quite alone, but sleeping peacefully, lulled by the music of the waterfalls. He was overjoyed, of course, and immediately took her in as his own. That baby was me. Ruto," she adds as an afterthought, "was born not too long after, but I was always the king's favorite, he always told us so.
"When I was eleven, I grew restless with the desire for adventure and to know who my birth parents were. I embarked on a great journey—"
"Stop," Zelda snaps suddenly, "just stop. I don't have the patience to hear the story of your life. Give us the short version, then tell us what you're doing in my castle."
Riana blinks in surprise, obviously unused to being treated as less than deity.
"My dear Zelda," she says cautiously, "this story affects the lives of all who hear it…"
"Short version," Zelda demands again.
Riana looks scandalized, but continues, "I embarked on a great journey which was ordained for me by the goddesses, thus earning me the title 'Avat—'"
"That doesn't sound like a short version," Zelda says sharply. "How about this—I'll tell your story for you, and you tell me if I'm right or not."
Riana opens her lovely mouth to protest, but Zelda speaks right over her: "You were abandoned as a baby and raised as the princess of the Zora. Then you were hand-selected by the goddesses to defeat some random great evil in the world, so you somehow ended up in all the major areas of the world map and became an adopted princess or something because the leaders of all those places took a liking to you and wanted to help you on your quest. You fell in love with a dashing young man who was slowly turning to the ways of evil, and your goodness showed him the light, but just as you thought you'd be together forever, he was brutally killed. You swore to avenge his death and fulfill your destiny to save Hyrule, so you became skilled with every weapon Link carries and more. Your hand-to-hand combat skills are second to none. You can ride a horse better than Malon could ever hope to. You're also quite the accomplished ocarina player. For about two years now, you've been having prophetic dreams that showed you Link, who looks rather like the man you loved, and how he would be the key to defeating this random great evil." Zelda takes a deep breath, then asks, "Am I right?"
"Well—yes," Riana stutters, "but there is one other little thing. This is the last major area on the world map I need to visit and discover old ties to, so you must know what that means…"
Zelda is afraid to ask, but Riana is more than willing to volunteer that information: "I'm your long-lost twin sister!"