AUTHOR'S NOTE: I still don't own Zelda, and this applies to all chapters. Thanks for the feedback!Everyone enjoy the new chapter and the new plot!

Baron Hausenpheffer: Thanks! (And "Riana" was shortened from "Mariana," so technically she is using one of her own names.)

Georgianna:You're not the only one who wants to kill the Sue.Trust me.

eternalnemesis: I hate all that stuff too. I never knew writing a basher could be this much fun.

Lizai: Well, I'm not sure what "Skydream" is supposed to mean; I just liked the way it sounds. Does that count?

Ri2: I'd cry if she was my sister.

TigerTank: Um... thanks, I think. Glad you like it.

Chapter five… The Beginning of a Plot

Ganondorf strolled happily through the Market.

He hadn't been in such a good mood in a long time. The sky was blue, the air was crisp and clean, the Market was filled with music and the laughter of the people, and he had just kicked two puppies and a cucco. Life was good.

Now if he could just think of something evil to do, life would be even better. He took a look around him, searching for an opportunity.

An old lady stood to his right, trying to keep all her purchases from falling while struggling to close a sizable rupee pouch.

On his left was a boy, perhaps six years old, fondly admiring the giant yellow balloon tied loosely to his wrist and licking an enormous swirly lollipop.

A group of teenaged girls walked in front of him, fawning over a long, delicate string of pearls that hung around the leader's neck. Ganondorf caught part of what she was saying as they passed: "…finally convinced her to let me wear it, but if anything happens to it she's going to kill me…"

Decisions, decisions.

The King of Evil settled on the merchant just behind him, a scrawny-looking man wearing a sandwich sign that read DESTROY YOUR ENEMIES WITH THIS REALLY POWERFUL BOMB! FREE TO GOOD HOME!

The salesman's downcast face brightened as Ganondorf approached. "Maybe you'll be interested, sir?" he asked perkily. "You seem like the evil dictator type. Would you like to see—"

Ganondorf punched him in the stomach as hard as he could, knocking him unconscious and leaving a gaping hole in the sign.

He dusted off his hands and continued on his way.

Yes, life was very good.

And then he stopped as something occurred to him.

DESTROY YOUR ENEMIES? REALLY POWERFUL BOMB? FREE?

That sounded deliciously evil. How perfect could life get?

"You're my what?" Zelda shrieks, and Riana smiles happily.

"Yes, dear Zelda, I am your long-lost twin sister! We were separated at birth—you were raised by the King of Hyrule, and I was sent to be raised by the Zoras!" she announces with the air of someone who is sharing good news.

"If we're really twin sisters, why were you sent away?" Zelda shoots back at her.

Riana's joyful face grows somber, although her perfect azure eyes still sparkle. "It was the will of the goddesses," she says seriously. "I was kidnapped by Ganondorf when we were less than a month old and left for dead, for he realized that I was the princess foretold in the many prophecies, the one destined to destroy him—"

"Why didn't he just kill you then and there and not risk you being rescued?" Zelda interrupts, feeling irritated that Ganondorf let such a golden opportunity slip through his fingers.

"The Divine Three bestowed their protection upon me, for I needed to survive in order to rid the land of the King of the Gerudo," Riana answers, not recognizing the maliciousness in Zelda's tone. "And very soon, I shall fulfill my destiny… and then, dear sister, I can come back to the castle and reign here, and you can be my second-in-command!" A girlish squeal escapes her full, ruby-colored lips, and she breaks away from Link to take Zelda's hands in her own. "I can hardly wait! We can get to know each other and talk about boys and do each other's hair! We're going to have so much fun together—it will be like a sleepover party every night! Oh, dear sister, I am so very glad that I have found you at last!"

A wave of nausea threatens to send the contents of Zelda's stomach on an unpleasant journey upwards. Desperately, she feigns surprise and points to the door.

"Oh no!" she shouts. "There's—um—something evil outside this room!"

Riana gives a merry, harplike chuckle. "Oh, silly, the goddesses have given me the ability to sense evil, and there is nothing to fear for now. Maybe your senses have gotten fuzzy?"

Zelda tries again. "Look! Free hot male main characters from other games and anime series!"

"Where?" Riana's head snaps around, and Zelda shoves her out the door, slams it shut and locks it. She leaned against it with a sigh of relief.

As if he'd suddenly woken from a deep sleep, Link shook his head and looked around. "Why did it suddenly go back to past tense?" He paused, then added, "And why is my face all wet?"

"Oh, for heaven's sake," Zelda muttered, "that little wench is going to change the tense every time she shows up."

Link hesitated, then sniffed at the front of his tunic. "Why do I smell like fresh rain and roses?"

"It's because something terrible has just happened," Zelda answered miserably. "This fic stars a Mary Sue."

Link sharply turned to stare at her in horror. "No," he whispered, aghast.

Zelda nodded. "What with this and Ganondorf on the loose… Hyrule just very well may be doomed."