This idea came to me in the shower, and im pretty proud of it. It's about how Johnny is feeling before/during/after the events in the Outsiders. Sorry if it's a bit confusing, but it made sense at the time I wrote it, which was also 12 at night, so i'm not sure how it really is.
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It Was All Worth It
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I'm tired and I'm scared
Of how much I actually said
When I finally shared
I'm worried I said too much
But it seemed like I hadn't said enough
I had so much on my mind
And the memories I lost, I couldn't find
Memories of better days
When I wasn't bruised, but praised
Those times are gone, and in their place
Stood horrible rage I had to face
I had to deal with the pain, I had to be brave
And I was surprised I didn't cave
I took it all still standing tall
And I was amazed that I didn't have to crawl
No one knew I was this strong
But inside, I just wanted to belong
Every time I was pushed, and every time I was shoved
I wondered if I would ever again be loved
I wanted them to see
That I needed them so much
But instead, I saw they were repulsed by my touch
My saving grace, my only light
Was one where I didn't have to fight
They were better than a family
Someone finally cared
None of them had to struggle to understand my cares
But I never really got over being scared
When I had finally reached my high
I had to be taken down
They all wanted to hurt me again
And then they left me lying on the ground
And I had never been able to find out why
Everyone was so intent on making me cry
I wished now
That I hadn't thought about it more
That I hadn't tried to get up from the floor
I should have stopped trying right then
It was easy to see, no one wanted me again
But I did get up
With the help of my friends
And once again, I felt like I belonged with them
They became what I needed
I depended on them
But I never forgot the way I was treated
I tried to be tough on the outside
But I still wondered about what would have been
If my parents had loved me
I couldn't banish that thought from within
But it doesn't matter anymore
It's finally all over
It doesn't matter now, that I had been so poor
They say I died a hero
But it really doesn't matter
All that did was that I had gotten up off that floor.
If I had given up then, if I hadn't even tried
I never would have been able to hear those kids cry
As long as they are loved, like I never was
It was all worth it, all of it was.
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