Title: Three for Tea

Series Title: Green lace

Author: FabledFigment

Disclaimer: Nothing here belongs to me.

Rating: R (For camping out in Jayne's filthy mind)

Jayne wasn't one for inactivity. Before long boredom chased him back out to the cargo bay and his weight bench. He did extra sets at lower weight when he couldn't find a proper spotter, so he could count on his workout taking up a good portion of his day.

There was Zen in a good workout. Breathing and counting and just being there. Half the time he didn't bother to get all spiritual about it, easier to just think on women.

Today, the only face he saw was her, the only body… Today needed to be a Zen day.

Jayne concentrated on his breathing, pushing aside thoughts of the distracting crazy girl.

For a while it worked, then his skin started itching like he was being watched. He could tell without looking that it was River.

Jayne stubbornly finished his set before looking for her.

She was sitting at the bottom of the aft steps, watching him. He scowled at her. She smiled back.

She stood gracefully, not breaking their eye contact.

Jayne was afraid she would come close and start touching him again. He stood and hefted the barbell to start his next set.

River eyed him curiously. "Tactics." She nodded as if they had just had some sort of full conversation.

Then she started dancing. Girl could dance. At first it was innocent, like a child at play, then Jayne started noticing the enticing bits thrown in.

After just a short time there was nothing at all innocent about her motion. She turned and shimmied and her hands traced patterns along her body. The only thing that didn't happen was she didn't take off any clothes. Otherwise, Jayne was forcibly reminded of all the strippers he'd ever seen dance.

Jayne noticed that he couldn't remember to lift the barbell around, much less count his reps, so he set the weight down and sat heavily on the bench.

This seriously had to stop.

River ended her dance, stopping right next to him.

She reached a hand out to cup his cheek. He couldn't find the strength to move. Her thumb ran over his lower lip and he shivered.

Had to stop now.

Jayne stood. He knew exactly how to end this. He just needed a little help.

Jayne grabbed her by the arm and half dragged her along. She came more willing than not, but she tried to pry his hand off when he stopped at the door to Inara's shuttle and started pounding.

"Is Mal here?" Jayne growled when the hatch opened. He was ignoring the kicking River was doing to his shins.

"No…" Inara's eyes were wide. "I think he's in his bunk."

"Good." Jayne pushed the moonbrain in first and followed, slamming the door. "'Cause we gotta talk to you and he'd be in the way."

Jayne angrily shoved River towards the couch and she landed on it, glaring up at him. Too bad.

"Jayne!" Inara looked angry too. "What is the meaning of this?"

"The meaning is that she needs to stop teasing and enticing or she's gonna get more than she bargained for and I'm gonna get dead." Jayne crossed his arms and glared down at the baggage on the couch.

"Oh my." Inara said weakly, "What kind of teasing? No, wait. Let me make us some tea. Sit down, Jayne."

Jayne sat as far from the moonbrain as he could, still glaring.

Inara brought a tray and began preparing to serve them tea. She brought out a packet of sweet biscuits too, and offered them around.

"So, Jayne, exactly what kind of teasing are you talking about?" Inara asked as she poured tea into those tiny cups of hers.

Jayne swallowed. "Turning flips in those little dresses to show off her nethers on purpose. Dancing, touching herself like a girl in a bar would." He demonstrated jerkily on his own chest. "And coming real close and touching me when there ain't nobody else around and…" He glared at River again. "She's been in my bunk when I wasn't there." He wasn't about to mention the panties in his pocket.

Inara blinked, and Jayne had the sinking feeling she might chalk it up to his imagination. He'd been right before, nobody was gonna believe this.

"Sometimes she says things teasing-like too. She's just daring me to touch her so she can go complain." Jayne snapped his mouth shut, figuring he'd said enough.

Inara glanced over at River, who was looking more and more sullen the more Jayne talked. In fact, she looked rather like an average teenager who knows she's about to get in trouble for something she'd done, but still wasn't sorry she'd done it.

" Mei mei " Inara said quietly. "Is any of this true?"

River nodded once, chin set.

Jayne blew out a breath, at least she admitted to her teasing ways. He didn't have any other kind of proof.

"What were you intending?" Inara asked very slowly.

River sighed and rolled her eyes. "Seduction," She enunciated the word carefully. "I'm not very good at it."

"Oh, she's good," Jayne glared at the girl. "That's why we're here, 'Nara. You gotta make her stop before she gets me spaced."

"River?" Inara said, waving Jayne quiet. "You're trying to seduce Jayne?"

River curled her legs up onto the couch and tucked her skirt around them. She looked down at the biscuit in her hand and frowned.

"River?" Inara asked again, gently.

She nodded again. "He resists." She looked right into Jayne's eyes. "Why do you resist?"

Jayne shifted and looked down at the tiny cup in his hands, refusing to give an answer.

River looked at Inara. "His mouth says no, but his eyes follow me and his mind yearns to touch. Why does he resist?"

They were all quiet for a long moment, Inara looking from one to the other.

River broke the silence first. "The princess in the tower is lonely. The prince is too long in his journey. She wishes to seek him out, but the tower is too high and she cannot escape."

"I ain't no gorram prince." Jayne growled.

River frowned and curled inward again, mumbling.

Inara let out a funny sounding breath that was almost a laugh.

"He has a point, River, Jayne is…well…" Inara's voice trained off, but Jayne could easily finish that sentence for her. Crude, mean…

"Heat, two bodies meeting in the dark. I thought he would be easier to convince." River said petulantly.

"Are you sure you want your first to be Jayne?" Inara asked kindly. "I could easily arrange for a colleague to initiate your sexual experience."

Seemed sensible to Jayne. A boy-whore companion would be just the thing. Break her in nice and gentle so she could stop harassing him. His hand stole to his pocket. Still not giving them back.

"The buds of May…" River shook her head and spoke very slowly. "Teenage boys on border moons are easier to seduce than crusty mercenaries." She paused letting that sink in. "There is more than proximity in my philosophy."

"Ah…" Inara said.

Jayne saw red. It was one thing to let her find a nice whore, but some border moon yahoo had been messing with his moonbrain? He took a deep breath and set his jaw, not his business anyway.

"I think what we need here is a matriarchal council." Inara said slowly. "Jayne, would you please go ask Zoë and Kaylee to come here? No need to explain the details, just ask them to come."

Jayne, seeing his escape, jumped up, setting his full cup of tea on the table. "Yeah, sure. They'll be right here."

"Wait, Jayne," Inara stopped him before the door. "Would you be interested? In River, I mean."

Jayne felt his jaw drop, he closed it and licked his lips. He opened his mouth again as if to say something, but there were no words so he snapped it shut again.

His hand sought out that scrap of lace again.

"Well, that wasn't a no, that's something." Inara said. "Go on, Jayne."

He opened the door and slammed it behind him as well as he was able.

Mal was on the catwalk, headed for the shuttle. He looked most unhappy to see Jayne coming out.

"I wouldn't go in there." Jayne warned. "River is there. They just sent me for Zoë and Kaylee. I don't think they want the men about. Some sort of ladies only council, I think."

Mal looked apprehensively at the door. "Yeah," He said, "So, I was really going to the bridge." He clattered down the stairs and crossed the bay, heading for the other stairs.

"You see the girls, send them on to Inara." Jayne called.

Jayne found Kaylee mucking about the engine and saw Mal speaking to Zoë, so he went back to his weights, hoping to find some peace. Hoping to avoid the hopeful thoughts he'd been starting to almost believe might maybe…

One…Breathe…Two…Breathe…

A/N: There you go, weightlifting as a religious experience. Easily as valid as knitting, or throwing pots or…Whatever else physical and repetitive you could designate as a prayer.