Disclaimer: All bow down to JK Rowling and repeat after me: I do not own Harry Potter or anything related to it.

Rating: PG-ish

A/N: I had a lot of trouble with this chapter, especially the ending, even now that I've re-written it, so I apologise if it's a bit off. Sirius gets all maudlin here – bless him – but the next chapter should be fun again.

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Sirius and Remus lay on their backs by the side of the lake, staring up at the sky. A few feathery clouds were drifting slowly across the bright blue; for the end of November it was excellent weather. Shouts drifted faintly towards them from the Quidditch pitch; James was in the middle of a practice session, and although Peter had wavered slightly he had chosen to stay and watch.

Sirius could not stand to watch them practice, knowing he should be there and knowing full well that he deserved his punishment. He had been removed from the team after the prank gone wrong that had nearly resulted in James and Snape's deaths and his and Remus' expulsion. As much as he missed Quidditch, he counted himself lucky – with hindsight – that it was all he had lost. If James had been killed he would never have forgiven himself, and Remus would have been perfectly justified in never speaking to him again.

He sighed and glanced across at Remus, who for once was completely peaceful, his hands linked behind his head and a tiny smile hovering around his mouth. Remus was the only one of his friends he could do this with. James fidgeted and grumbled and laughed at him. Peter fidgeted just as much, except on the one occasion when he had actually fallen asleep.

"You all right, Padfoot?" Remus asked, hearing the sigh.

Sirius grunted. He could not bring himself to say what was actually on his mind. He had not even spoken of it to James, who knew everything –everything else – about him.

A girl's head suddenly imposed itself on his vision, red hair hanging down around her face.

"What are you two doing?" asked Lily Evans.

"Nothing," replied Remus. Whenever Sirius said that, it sounded guilty. When Remus said it, it sounded like what it was; the truth. Perhaps he was just a less suspicious person than Sirius.

"I can see that," retorted Lily impatiently. "But why?"

"Why not? Just... relaxing. We've been working hard, I'll have you know."

"Working hard? You? Remus, maybe, but you? I'll believe that when I see it."

Choosing to ignore the slur on his character – well, all right, choosing to ignore Lily's very accurate summation of his character – Sirius sighed again.

"If you're looking for Prongs, he's playing Quidditch."

"I know that." Lily smiled as her eyes flicked momentarily towards the Quidditch pitch and her absent boyfriend. "And Peter's watching him. I would have thought you would be, too."

"Sirius never watches them practice," replied Remus. "I'm just keeping him company."

"We like the peace and quiet here," said Sirius pointedly.

"Sirius, I have never known anyone less likely than you to enjoy peace and quiet," said Lily, sounding irritated. "But, I can tell when I'm not wanted. See you around, Remus."

She wandered off. Remus was sure she was heading in the direction of the Quidditch pitch and James, but did not comment. They lay in silence, watching the clouds.

"You ever been in love, Moony?" said Sirius suddenly after five minutes or so.

"What?" For a moment Remus was so surprised that he could not think of any answer, let alone a sensible one. "You are joking, aren't you?"

Remus had been on one date in his life – apart from the time he had been kind of seeing Lily, which all of them had resolved never to mention ever again on pain of very painful death – and that had been an unqualified disaster. He had never been able to decide which had been worse; having to try and explain the numerous scars on his arms to a girl who seemed far too interested, or the fact that he had panicked when she tried to kiss him goodnight and frozen completely. He was lucky she had kept that to herself, or the Slytherins would have had something new to torment him with. It had been hard enough putting up with James and Sirius' taunts.

He had told himself that a werewolf had no business dating, no right to ever consider settling down. He did happen to believe it, and it had allowed him to pretend for a few months longer. The Lily thing – not that there had been a Lily thing, of course – had further blurred the boundaries. But eventually he had not been able to avoid the truth any more, and had admitted, if only to himself, that he had never really wanted a girlfriend, and probably never would.

Sirius muttered something that might have been an apology.

"How about you?" Remus asked, trying to deflect attention from himself before Sirius asked any questions that were even more awkward.

Sirius gave a bark of a laugh. "Me? The school slut?" He sounded very bitter and Remus winced.

"You aren't a slut. But I guess it was a stupid question."

"Ah, my fault. I brought it up." Between them they made a fine pair.

Sirius thought of letting the subject drop. He normally would have done, but for some reason it was bothering him. Perhaps it was Lily. She had not fooled him in the slightest; she had gone to join Peter watching the Quidditch. Or, in her case, watching James; she had never been terribly interested in the sport.

Anyone would have laughed if they knew Sirius was jealous of his best friend. Not that he liked Lily, not like that, anyway. But James was making more of a success of this relationship than any of Sirius' had been.

Anyone would have laughed except, perhaps, Remus. Sirius turned to look at his friend again. Remus had obviously decided that Sirius had had enough of that conversation; he was staring upwards again, his previous peaceful look replaced by a slight frown. But he had always been more considerate than the others. If he realised Sirius meant what he was saying, he would not tease.

"Do you think there's someone out there for us?" he asked.

Remus looked at him, the frown deepening and a strange look in his dark eyes. Sirius wondered briefly if he had miscalculated. He had thought Remus was the one person he could discuss this with.

"I'm sure there's someone out there for you," Remus replied eventually, looking away again. Sirius could not miss the flat tone of his voice.

"After all," he continued, "You could have anyone you want, as you're always reminding us. When you meet the right girl, she'll probably fall straight into your arms." He sounded more cheerful now, but Sirius knew him too well to be fooled.

"Moony?" he asked. Remus did not reply, or look at him. He thought carefully about what Remus had just said. "What about you?" he asked quietly.

"Who would want to get involved with a werewolf?" The silence that followed his question was complete. With a slight grimace, he tried to lighten the mood. "Besides, you know what happened last time." He had not even meant to tell them, but they could tell it had not gone well, and had kept asking until the truth had just come out.

"That was ages ago."

"Not long enough," replied Remus, only half joking.

Sirius was not sure what to say to that. Was there anything he could say?

"Ah, well," he sighed, trying to shake off the tension billowing from his friend. "Maybe we should make one of those pacts. You know; if we're not married by the time we're thirty..."

Remus' laugh was a bit forced, but at least it was a laugh. "You're a prat, Padfoot, you know that?"

"You've been telling me for long enough," he pointed out, turning his head. Remus was smiling again, which was all he had been after. "I'm sorry, Moony. You're right; I am a prat. A thoughtless prat. Forgive me?"

Remus raised an eyebrow. That expression was pure Remus; whenever Sirius thought of him that was how he pictured him. He did nothing more than raise that one eyebrow, but somehow it demanded an explanation, and Sirius was helpless against it.

"Really, Moony, I'm sorry. Please, please, please, please forgive me? Pretty please? With sugar on top?"

"Idiot." He was laughing again, properly this time. "You're forgiven, when you let me get a word in edgeways." He shook his head in amused exasperation and look back up at the sky.

Satisfied that all was well again, Sirius did the same.

James, Peter and Lily, when they returned from Quidditch practice to find Sirius and Remus in the common room, one reading and one staring listlessly around at the crowded tables, seemed not to notice the melancholy mood that had taken their friends. Though Sirius had shaken the worst of it, once silence had fallen again they had each been lost in their thoughts and he had been quick to agree when Remus suggested they should head back inside.

Gossiping ten to the dozen about anything and everything, James and Peter plonked themselves unceremoniously on the chairs opposite. Lily waved a cheerful goodbye as she rejoined her own friends. James drew Sirius easily into their conversation, though from the tone of his voice Remus thought that perhaps Sirius' heart wasn't in it. Or perhaps he was just reading too much into it, because of what had gone before. He himself was in no mood to join in, but his book was a good enough cover for that; they all knew by now not to count on getting a response out of him while he was reading. He was careful to turn the pages every now and again so they wouldn't realise he was just staring, blankly, at them.

Such an odd subject for Sirius to raise; out of character, really. He knew what had brought it on; the oddly content look on Lily's face when she contemplated the Quidditch pitch, the fact that she would happily watch a sport she didn't understand just because James was playing it. He felt almost guilty to have been so surprised that Sirius had ever thought about it in such terms; he knew more than most that Sirius' tough, carefree façade was just that, a front.

"Hey, Moony," said Peter, breaking his train of thought. He looked up from his book. "Did you read that chapter Professor Tabblesworth set last lesson?"

"About Patronuses? Yes. Did you."

"Yeah, but. . ." he blushed a little and looked down. "Didn't really understand it," he muttered. James and Sirius rolled their eyes, but didn't comment. In years past they would have done, perhaps they really were growing up.

"Well, it's very advanced magic," he said, his heart sinking. Was he really up to explaining this one to Peter? It was only with their coaching that he had got a good enough grade to taken Defence at NEWT, and now that he had got in he was relying more and more on their help. Which meant his, truthfully, because however good James and Sirius' intentions were, they lacked the patience to be as much help as Peter needed.

"Do you understand it?"

"Well, I think I do. But I've tried it a few times, and I've never managed to produce a proper one, so I can't really be sure. . ." Peter looked crestfallen, and Remus suppressed a sigh. Was it too much to hope that there would be a day when Peter didn't need his help? He felt guilty as soon as he'd thought it, because really, when he thought of the lengths Peter had gone to for him, how could he begrudge him a little tutoring? "I'm sure Tabby won't expect everyone to get the hang of it first lesson," he said. "If I do manage one I'll try and show you how afterwards." Peter gave him a tremulous smile, and his guilt only increased. Peter sometimes seemed oblivious to the harshest of insults, and yet at other times to know how much of a burden he was to his friends. Remus knew that feeling, every month, and he hated to think he had contributed to Peter feeling it too.

"You'll get it, Wormtail," he said, as convincingly as he could. "You've got everything else we've done in Defence, haven't you?" Peter smiled a bit more, and nodded, and Remus thought that it was probably the best he could do for now.