Well, thank you all for your wonderful reviews!
Red: One.
As you may have noticed, Blue and Purple/Vio don't exist yet. They will when Link gets the other elements. But…I feel like goofing around! With the villain's head, mainly!
Vaati: I'm right here, y'know….
Red: EEP!
So, to keep Link occupied while we stalk Mr. Eggnog, I hired a legion of the finest orcs of Mordor!
Orcs: GRAAAWH!
Zelda: Wait, Mr. Eggnog? Why eggnog? IT'S THE FOURTH OF JULY!
(-Num hands eggnog to Vaati; Vaati drinks and gets wasted-)
It does that to him. THANKS FERRET!
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Alright, we left off sheer seconds before an epic battle…if two Moblins killed before Vaati can teleport off is epic. Mebbe it'll qualify in Slo-Mo….
Vaati, most definitely pissed at the utter anihalation of his minions before he could escape, pulled another "Jenna."
"Ha! Whatchya gonna do now?" Link taunted.
Vaati smirked. "I have another trick up my sleeve. ORCS OF MORDOR! TO ME!"
Nothing happened.
"Errr…" Vaati resorted to using a Deku nut. When the smoke cleared, the Orcs of Mordor were just then rushing out late as Vaati slipped away.
We do not watch the epic battle, though. Instead we follow…read the friggin' summery meathead.
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"Army of Jello? Too squishy. Army of turkeys? Too Thanksgiving-y." Vaati rambled to himself as he entered Hyrule Castle's throne room, which was currently unoccupied other than the Zelda statue. "Army of tuna? Too fishy."
A voice came out of nowhere… "Army? What the hell?"
Vaati jumped and turned around. "Who's there?"
"Ummmm…it's me." The voice sounded strangely like Princess Zelda.
Vaati raised an eyebrow. "Wait a minute…Zelda?"
"How about that? You're not an idiot!"
"Say WHAT!"
"You heard me," Zelda scoffed.
Vaati looked rather irritated. "I kinda wish I wasn't hearing you."
"Well…you have no idea what's right under your feet!" the princess giggled.
"Ummm…what are you talking about?" Vaati looked down to see he was standing on a well concealed trap door. "When did that get there?"
Zelda sounded worried. "Oh shit, it really is there…don't open it!"
"Uhhh…why not?"
"Th-there's nothing in it!"
"Do you know something I don't?" Vaati questioned.
"Ummm…maybe…but don't open it."
"Princess…." Vaati said in a singsong voice. "Need I remind you, you are at my mercy?"
"Hmph! I'm a statue! Try to hurt me!" Zelda would have stuck her nose in the air if she wasn't stone.
"True, so true, now tell me what's under the door," Vaati replied coolly.
Zelda would have spat if she could have. "Like I would tell you!"
"Ummm, Princess Zelda? I feel I ought to tell you that…I know your lullaby." Vaati smirked evilly.
"EEEEEEEK!" Zelda shrieked.
"It's okay Princess, just tell me what's under the trapdoor and all will be fine."
Zelda sighed in defeat. "The greatest relics in Hyrule."
Vaati raised another eyebrow. "That's it?"
"YES THAT'S FRIGGIN IT!" Zelda screeched.
"Tch, we'll see how great these relics are," said Vaati, opening the trapdoor.
Inside was:
The Ocarina of Time
The Windwaker
The Wooden Sword
The Moon Pearl
The Lampshade of No Real Importance
The Triforce of Courage
The Fierce Deity Mask
Vaati looked at every item. "Boring, boring, boring…" he looked at the Triforce of Courage. "Might want to keep that in mind…hello, what's this?" he said holding up the Fierce Deity Mask.
Zelda offered an explanation: "It's the Fierce Deity Mask. The child Hero of Time wore that, among other masks, in his struggle to save Termina from an evil moon that was to crash into it."
"An evil moon?"
"Yes, an evil moon! Or at least that's what the legends say."
Vaati pondered. "So what do these masks do, exactly?"
"Well," explained Zelda, "That one makes you all-powerful and godlike." An evil grin spread across Vaati's face. "It's also part of my inheritance, so I'll take it back, thank you. Besides, it might turn you into Link."
"Just try to take it back, statue!" Vaati scoffed, then did a doubletake. "Wait a minute. Turn me into him?"
"Yes him. Now give it back!"
Vaati was thinking Zelda torture thoughts then…and promptly stuck the mask on Zelda.
Boom. Fierce Deity Statue Zelda. No Link in sight. Vaati was rather annoyed it didn't work, but surprised by the change.
"Ha! I am a goddess now! BOW DOWN TO ME!"
Vaati said nothing, only took the mask off of Zelda. "Ow! That hurt!"
"Well, at least you're no longer a goddess." Vaati grinned.
And then there was a knock….
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"Who is it?" Vaati peeked out of the ajar door.
The town's mailman stood there. "Sir! I have a letter for you from a pirate who was really scary and threatening!" The postman handed Vaati the letter and jogged off.
"What kind of pirate would write to me?" Vaati pondered as he opened the letter.
After he finished reading the letter, the sorcerer's eyes widened and he turned beet red.
"Well? Who was it from?" Zelda pestered.
"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"
"Sheesh, touchy." Zelda sighed.
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Hmmm…who could the mystery pirate be?
Red: Num would like to thank Silver Ferret for playing an excellent Vaati.
Zelda: Link's name only appeared twice in the actual chapter…wow. That's a record.
This chapter has been most fun to do. Now, we wait for the reviews of Violet, Lord of Pastries, and Uber Spoonz.
Fun Fact: I thought up Blue's wing on…whoops…wrong chapter.