Disclaimer: Still not JK, still don't own a damn thing
A/N: Well, this is the rewritten version of what used to be the first chapter of Just Good Friends. I think re-writing it turned out harder than writing any of the other chapters first time around. Thanks to all the reviewers – and there's been quite a few people who've added Story Alerts but not left a review – I'd love you forever if you would let me know what you think (flutters eyelashes)
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November had been mild so far, with more sun than rain and only one brief, overnight snowfall that barely lay on the ground long enough for the students to see it the next morning. Even so, at this early hour there was a bite in the air that said winter was well on the way. Remus hugged his knees to his chest and stared out across the lake, thinking. The early morning sunshine glittered off the still surface of the water and his breath steamed in the air before him. He knew he ought to go in before his friends came looking for him, but they would be eating breakfast right now, and he didn't think he could stand the smell of food. He would just sit here in the peace and quiet for a little while longer, trying to make sense of. . . everything. He only wished he could keep his mind as still as the lake; in truth sense seemed hard to come by amongst the thoughts spinning through his head. The morning after a full moon always felt calm to him, no matter how bad the physical pain, but he'd even lost that, today.
It wasn't just the cold of the morning that made him tremble slightly. He ached all over; this was as far from the Shrieking Shack as he ever made it before he had to rest. There was nowhere else to stop between here and the castle, and he would be in a much worse state by the time he got there.
"Ah, I thought I'd find you here." He didn't need to look up to recognise Sirius' voice. He sat next to him, lounging on the grass with effortless grace that Remus couldn't help but envy, just a little. "How're you feeling?"
He shrugged. There was no point in cataloguing every ache and pain; Sirius knew well enough how he felt the day after a full moon. "The same as ever," he replied, his voice slightly hoarse. A gust of wind blew past them off the lake and made Remus shiver. It was really quite cold out here; he had been too lost in thought to notice it before.
Sirius noticed the shiver and frowned at him. "How long have you been out here?"
"Oh... fifteen minutes or so." Remus kept his voice casual; he had been sitting here for a good half hour, but didn't think Sirius would be very impressed with that.
Sirius spotted the lie for what it was, and frowned some more. It was unlike him, thought Remus, to have such a surly face. Usually his smile was irrepressible; just like him. He laid the back of his hand against Remus' arm. "You're like a block of ice, Moony, you idiot! Come here." He pulled Remus roughly into a warm hug. Remus froze for a second and had to force himself to relax as Sirius rubbed at his arms in a vain attempt to warm him up.
A few moments ago he had felt he had too many thoughts to possibly contain them all in his head. Now they all seemed to have deserted him, leaving only the distracting feel of Sirius' hands on his arms, Sirius' breath against the back of his neck.
He shivered again, his breath catching in the back of his throat, grateful that Sirius would attribute both to the cold. He had realised a bit less than three years ago, that boys could make him react like this when girls did not. Of course he had tried to deny it, and that was mainly how the Lily thing had happened. And then a few months after he and Lily had broken up, he had changed his mind again. One particular boy made him react like this.
It was Sirius' own fault; he always had been so damn good looking.
He had been careful not to let his friends guess, protecting this secret even more carefully than his other. Until yesterday, when he had let his guard slip. It was too much to hope that Sirius hadn't noticed, not when he had practically fallen over himself to run away afterwards. The only thing he could hope was that Sirius was too embarrassed by it to tell James and Peter. At least he wasn't avoiding him. It seemed so unfair; surely it was a hard enough test of friendship that he was a werewolf, without adding this.
Sirius' efforts had made him a little warmer. At least he was no longer shivering. But Sirius didn't take away his arms; if anything he pulled Remus slightly closer. Don't read anything into it, he warned himself. Just don't. If yesterday stays a one-off, we can both pretend it never happened, and not get awkward.
"Moony. . ." Sirius said, his voice hesitant. Another rarity, for probably the most confident boy in the school. "Remus. . ."
Remus twisted to look up at his friend. There was the oddest look on Sirius' face.
"What's wrong?"
For a moment, Sirius just gazed at him, not answering. Remus met his eyes, puzzled, before he could think better of it. The same something that he had thought he had seen yesterday was lurking there. It vanished before he could even be sure he hadn't imagined it, but this time instead of panicking and running away, Sirius leaned forwards and kissed him full on the mouth.
He was so shocked that he forgot to respond, and when it was over, all too quickly, couldn't think of a single thing to say. His astonished stare seemed to be unsettling Sirius, who bit his lip, slowly turning red. Remus was sure that he was bright red as well; he could feel his cheeks burning.
"S. . . sorry." Sirius hurriedly released Remus and slid away a few inches. The tension decreased to an almost manageable level. "I. . . I thought. . . I didn't. . ."
Remus didn't think he had ever heard Sirius stammer before. As Sirius looked away, mortified, he suddenly found his voice. "No, Sirius. . ." He reached out and grabbed Sirius' arm as he tried to inch away further, and Sirius turned back, giving him such an intense look that he felt himself going red again.
Another silence stretched between them. "I think I made a bit of a mess of that," he said eventually. He couldn't quite make himself look at Sirius; the best he could manage turned out to be staring determinedly at his knee. "I don't suppose I could have another go?" He chanced a glance up. All the confusion and embarrassment on Sirius' face was melting away, leaving a flirtatious grin and smouldering eyes. He'd seen that expression often, though he'd never thought to find it directed at him.
They both lurched forward at the same time, both stopped short to avoid knocking into each other and laughed awkwardly, so close together that Remus could feel Sirius smile. As Sirius pulled him across that last tiny gap, his thoughts deserted him once again. And then there was nothing but warm lips and tongues and breathlessness; a tangle of his fingers in Sirius' hair and robes; surprisingly soft hands either side of his face. Sirius pulled away, tracing a finger gently down his cheek.
"Don't stop now; I think I'm getting the hang of this," Remus said, amazed that he could find the capacity to speak at all, let alone to joke.
"I'll say!" Sirius laughed, his breath warm on Remus' cheek. He looked rather dishevelled; unable to help himself Remus reached up to smooth down the hair he had just crumpled. Sirius smiled and kissed him once more, firmly, then moved away just enough to drag Remus back into the hug that had been interrupted. He was tall enough to rest his chin on Remus' head even when they were both sitting. "But I sent Prongs to check for you in the hospital wing, and he'll be along here soon enough when he realises you're not there. I'd rather not have him catch us in a compromising position; I don't know if he'd ever recover."
For a few moments they sat in comfortable silence, Remus trying to adjust to the sudden change in everything he thought he had known. "You know," he remarked, "I thought this was one secret I had managed to keep." It had not taken them long to figure out what his monthly disappearances meant, but then that was slightly more obvious than the issue of his crush on Sirius.
Sirius chuckled. "Oh, Prongs and Wormtail don't know – at least, I don't think they do – but then I have an advantage on them in this. Insider knowledge, you might say."
"I had no idea. About you, I mean."
"Well, Moony, if you will walk around with your head in the clouds. Obviously, I would never expect you to be quite as quick on the uptake as I am. . ."
"Oh, of course not. How could I ever dream of matching the almighty Padfoot?"
"Glad to see you acknowledge my brilliance." If he had worried that this new situation might lead to awkwardness, the teasing was welcome proof that Sirius was still Sirius, that they were still best of friends as well as anything else they might be. "Anyway, I wasn't exactly going to be flaunting myself, was I?
"What about all those girls?"
"Oh, well. . . I just felt like I should have a girlfriend, you know?"
"Or ten girlfriends? Or twenty?"
"Huh. You're just jealous." The response was automatic but then as Remus laughed he paused and considered it. "Or maybe not," he admitted with good humour. "I guess it took me a while to figure out why it never worked out with any of them."
Remus considered telling Sirius that he had been jealous, if not in quite the way Sirius had meant, but before he could say anything he heard footsteps approaching behind them and then James' voice.
"Hello there. . . not interrupting anything, am I?"
"Stupid fool's been sitting here for hours," replied Sirius quickly, without a trace of embarrassment in his voice. Remus was grateful for his quick thinking. Though, he realised belatedly, probably James was only referring to yesterday's unfortunate joke. Sirius reached down and squeezed Remus' hand. "You're still frozen solid! Prongs, you didn't bring a cloak or anything, did you?"
The gesture had largely been for James' benefit, but there was a message there for Remus, too. They would have to decide between themselves what to tell James and Peter – if anything – but in the meantime Sirius was letting him know that he did not regret a thing.
James crouched beside them and felt Remus' arm. "Ah, he's right. Moony, you are an idiot sometimes. Come on, we'll get you inside." They took an arm each and hauled him to his feet.
"You know, Prongs," said Remus as they propelled him forwards between them, "I won't deny that I can be a little foolish at times. . ." He ignored James' snort. "But I object to being called an idiot by someone who thought it would be fun to play Quidditch in the Great Hall when the snow was too deep to get to the pitch. . ."
"But it was fun."
". . .and that it would be a good idea to bewitch McGonagall's blackboard to write dirty limericks instead of the instructions for the class."
"Ah, but did you see the look on her face," James said with a look of dreamy reminiscence.
"Yes. Right before she worked out who was responsible and put us all in detention for a week."
Sirius laughed. "He has you there, Prongs." James relinquished his hold on his arm now that he was moving under his own steam. Sirius followed suite; he wasn't sure whether to be sorry or not.
"Oh, but it was worth it!"
"Even the part where the detentions made it impossible for us to finish our homework and we got another one from Professor Sprout for that?" James and Sirius both grimaced. They had spent several hours shovelling dragon dung, and the smell had lingered for days, no matter how many baths and showers they took.
"Okay, point taken. If you're an idiot, then so am I."
Remus and Sirius snorted; the admission was worth little, since they and Lily frequently reminded him how stupid he was and he rarely troubled to deny it.