Why It Had to Be How it Was

SpottedFireSand

Firestar lay outside the leader's den. It had been just a few moons since he and Sandstorm had returned from their faithful quest. (AN: Firestar's Quest. There will be no spoilers and I think we already know they made it back alive or else they wouldn't have been in TNP.) Still, it bothered him about what he now knew. It was hard to know that Spottedleaf was still jealous of Sandstorm no matter how hard she tried to hide it. Every dream with her Firestar had he could just sense it, the way she said Sandstorm's name with pain, the way she looked when Firestar brought up the ginger she-cat. There was no doubt that things were going to be different now that Sandstorm was expecting kits. Firestar had never really thought of her as a queen and that's how he liked her. Strong, tough, and rarely ever afraid or defenseless; all these qualities separated Sandstorm from the rest of the she-cats in FireClan, even Spottedleaf.

"Firestar? Patrols?"

"Yes, yes, tell Dustpelt to lead a hunting one and let Brambleclaw lead his first patrol today. Thanks, Graystripe."

Firestar watched as his best friend dipped his head and ran over to the warriors' den, calling the orders Firestar had given him. Graystripe... and Spottedleaf. Firestar remembered it all too well.

Flashback

Firepaw was crouched outside Spottedleaf's den yet again. Little did any cat know he was there. Tense, the small orange tom listened intently.

"Spottedleaf... can I talk with you?" came the farmiliar but hesitant voice of Graypaw. there was a rustle of leaves and the smell of herbs as the pretty tortoiseshell pushed her way over to Graypaw.

"Can I help you Graypaw?" mewed Spottedleaf quickly, her ears pricked, her nose sniffing for blood or infection. "Snagged a claw? Strained a leg-?"

Graypaw shuffled his paws. "N-no, not that, Spottedleaf. It's about... well... Firepaw."

The orange tabby from the bushes gasped. He saw Spottedleaf stiffen but her eyes didn't falter. She kept staring at Graypaw though her breaths were more shallow.

"What is it about that... erm, kittypet?" Spottedleaf mewed, trying and failing to address Firepaw as one lower than her and of no value.

Graypaw shook his head. "Spottedleaf, I think Firepaw likes you. I think you should tell him that medicine cats can't have mates... you know, get it all straight with him. You guys can only be friends."

"Are you questioning your medicine cat's loyalty?" hissed Spottedleaf sharply, her voice unusually high-pitched. Then her fur lay flat as well as Firepaw's when she saw Graypaw flinch. "No, Graypaw, you're right. I'm sorry. I just lost... I mean, F-Firepaw knows that we can never be mates. He's never considered me as more than a friend." Graypaw raised his tail. Spottedleaf ducked her head. "I can promise you I won't fall in love with him like I almost did... Nevermind. I can promise you I don't ever consider him more than a friend. But I just can't tell him off. I enjoy the company and all..."
You enjoy the attention, realized Firepaw. So this was the downside to being a medicine cat. Love.

"I understand," mewed Graypaw quickly, shuffling his paws. "I just wanted to make sure... you know... for Firepaw's sake... Well, okay." ((AN: Little does poor Graypaw know that's he's going to be breaking the warrior code with Silverstream!!))

Firepaw felt sick inside as he watched Graypaw slip away from the medicine cat's den. He was absolutly astounded. There was no way he could face Spottedleaf again.

"Firepaw!" came a rude voice from behind him. "Get over here! Whitestorm wants you on a patrol now, kittypet. Or are you too tired? Maybe we need to send you back to your twolegs! Hmph!" Sandpaw!

End Flashback

Firestar drew in a long breath. Yes, he had witnessed than soon before Spottedleaf's death. Even memories of that brought him sickness and pain. And Sandpaw. Firestar wandered so much how she ever grew out of that state where she and Dustpaw teased him all the time. The rusty tom just managed to smile at that one.

"Hey, Firestar..." A quiet voice echoed from around him. He snapped back into the present, lifting his head. Sandstorm!

"Yes, Sandstorm?" he mewed quietly, watching the ginger she-cat struggle over to him, lost for words.

"I... I was wondering..." she mewed quietly. She shuffled her paws. "D-doyouthinkIcanbeagoodmother?" She looked at Firestar expectantly and when he didn't answer and cocked his head in confusion, she began to panic. "Firestar!" she screeched.

Firestar stroked his tail along her back in alarm. "Sandstorm, talk slower, what is it? Is something wrong?" Sandstorm took a big breath of gasping air.

"Do..." she began calmly, looking straight into Firestar's eyes. "Do you think... that I can be a good mother?"

Firestar let out a long purr and sighed. "Sandstorm, if you can battle a pack of rats with me, help the clan chase of dogs, defeat BloodClan, and show yourself loyal to the clan every singal day, then I think you can handle kits. You'll be a wonderful mother. As long as the kits don't behave as bad as you did when you were an apprentice."

But Sandstorm looked almost stung as she whispered bitterly, "As good as Spottedleaf?"

Firestar paused, hesitantly. Spottedleaf was of course a touchy subject with Sandstorm, he knew only too well. He watched Sandstorm's eyes gain doubt with ever moment he kept her waiting.

Firestar only had once answer for that. He could feel Spottedleaf's spirit at his pelt and he silently told her that he had to tell the truth to Sandstorm. His only answer was his true one though. "You will never be as good as Spottedleaf," he mewed quietly. Sandstorm recoiled and Firestar smiled. He touched his tail on her shoulder, gave her ear a gentle lick, and breathed, "No... you'll be better."

I can just see brave, strong, warrior-Sandstorm all afraid to have kits, afraid she's not the motherly type. I was really struggling at the ending... you'll be better. Is that right? I dunno. I did my best. REVIEWS please, flames are ok as long as they help me improve my writing. And as long as they are reasonable. Thanks so much for the reviews again; it's helping me along. I'm not sure of what I should do next... suggestions please! Some choices but please, yours are probably better.

GoldenTigerSasha (this would be hard because it would be from Tigerstar's POV. but I like challenging if somebody would like me to do it)

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