And thus I return with sort of a vengeance, a meager amount of free time, and lots more agenda doodles.

Let's see the statistics, shall we? If you all recall, you were to vote on the meaning of the signature on Vaati's guitar.

Vaati gets flicked off (for the clueless): 2 votes

Edward Elric signed the guitar (for FMA fans): 1 vote

Guy named Ed (Elric) flicks Vaati off: 1 vote (by an FMA fan with some actual sense)

I'll let you guys have one more chapter to confirm the results.

Link: And let me guess…my almost-demise is here, right?

Yup. And Mario. PHEAR TEH TEMPLE O' DROPLETS!

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So, yes. The famed Temple of Droplets. Why famed? It just is…I don't know why, but it is. And Ezlo and Link had entered.

"Goddesses, why is it so damned cold!" panted Link, his breath steaming before him, rising up in elegant curls to be inhaled by Ezlo and give said Minish nausea.

And then, from the shadows came a figure…in overalls and tap-dancing shoes.

"So…It's-a you, Link!"

"Gaspeth!" cried Ezlo.

Link's eyes widened, then narrowed into a glare so chilling the place would've frozen if it wasn't already. "MARIO!"

"Yes! It's-a me!" Mario started tap dancing in triumph. "And I've-a got the Big Key-a!"

"So what do you want for it?"

"Why was I-a here in the original fanfic-a?"

Link scratched his chin. "Hmmm…because you hate me and want to get on my nerves?"

"No-a…but that's-a why I so readily took-a the job-a."

"To corrupt this story with your vile plumbing?"

"No-a…close-a, but no cigar-a."

"I don't want a deities-forsaken CIGAR!" Link roared. "I WANT THE BIG KEY!"

Ezlo sighed. "The authoress Mullenium Master requested it."

Mario froze, then glared. "Damn-a you hat-a!" With that, he promptly vanished in the same poof of smoke as the monsters, leaving the Big Key behind.

Skipping through the famed yet unimportant dungeon….

"GWARGH" gwargh'd the Big Octorock before sucking up the Water Element, which had since thawed out, and thundered away.

Ezlo sighed. "Before you ask, Link, that is part of the GAME, not one of Num's crazy ideas."

"Gulp," Link gulped.

So they proceeded into the lair of the thing. Thing. That's dramatic, no? It isn't? Oh, okay, then moving on…

The beast growled from deep in its throat, its breath like a smoke signal flaring in the cold. It hunkered down and prepared to spit a rock the moment Link entered.

"Shit, move ya twit!" Ezlo squawked as Link rolled out of the path of the deadly projectile, sliding across the floor. And the battle roared on…or about as close to roaring you can get with an octorock and a Minish-sized hero. But still, everything was going swimmingly…until, with a mighty breath, Link was inhaled and spit out against an icicle jutting out of the wall.

Ezlo squeezed his eyes tight, and when he opened them and looked around, the first thing he noticed was Link…skewered upon the cruel shaft of ice, which was starting to turn pinkish after being washed in his blood….

The hat let loose one cry to the ceiling… "SHIIIIIIIIT!"

"Holy-" Num began, cut off by a roar of triumph from the Octorock, which she promptly threw a shoe at. "Dammit, Muse, why the hell…"

Link was too unconscious to care about or even hear the Authoress' half-assed rant.

"Ezlo, take his shield and lantern and fight the blasted thing," Num finished at last.

The hat stared at her like she had just sprouted a Vaati-purple rhinoceros horn out of her knee. "What? I can't-"

"Oh, you can and you will." With that, she promptly tossed the hat and equipment into the frozen arena below and began to tend Link's wounds best she could.

The Octorock towered over him, its eyes leering with a cold fire, and insatiable hunger. It let loose a mighty bellow and charged headlong at the defenseless cap which cowered behind the shield.

Wait a damned minute, how is he holding it up?

Ezlo thought it was definitely the end. He was stuck in a freezing, somehow famed for something temple, there was a giant octorock charging at him, Link was skewered like a shish kabob, and he himself was holding up a shield. It was the end, and he was going to die a horrible, icy, trampled death.

Suddenly, there was a strange sound…like the angels of heaven had their harps stolen, broken, and danced carelessly upon by beige-colored demons cosplaying as Marth and Roy…

It was Link. And he was singing.

"This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles," he cried, sounding tone-deaf for all the world.

Numdenu promptly snatched the Minish portals from the fight with Mazaal and stuck them over her ears, before hovering contentedly, watching the octorock's confusion as it banged into walls aimlessly.

"LINK!" Ezlo screeched. "What the HELL are you-"

And the Big Octo exploded in a shower of purple smoke.

Num grinned and pulled the Minish portals off her ears. "Like in the original. Link had to sing to kill the boss…DON'T DIE FRANZ!"

Ezlo gave her a quizzical look. "Franz?"

"Err…LINK! DON'T DIIIEEEEE!"

Link gave no heed, as he was unconscious once more and couldn't hear them.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" came the collective cries of Num, Ezlo, a random Minish, a Nintendo DS, Princess Zelda, the Elric bros, some chocolate malt balls, Shigeru Miyamoto, Marth and Roy.

---HYRULE CASTLE---

"YES!" Vaati leaped up and punched the air gleefully. "The Hero is Dead! The Hero is Dead!" He pranced around the castle, waving a flag with a picture of chocolate cake on it, and an eyeball-shaped Christmas tree ornament was hanging off his right ear. "Hear that, Princess? The Hero is Dead!"

Zelda sighed. "Naïve fool. You should know what happens next."

Vaati continued his celebrations. "734 43r0 8 63a6!" he cried in almost perfect 1337.

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OMFG! DRAMA!

Al: Now that was unexpected.

You just didn't read the original, my good trashcan.

Now remember…WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THE SIGNATURE ON VAATI'S GUITAR?

And review as always. I'll be waiting!