Hey all! Sorry about the lateness, but I typed as fast as I could. Paige Halliwell-Matthews: If you check the first chapter when Harry comes running in, wand at the ready, you'll be able to tell who his wife is. Sparkling Cherries: The U is just to stay in character, but I call my mom that every chance I get! If you enjoy my states-bashing, you'll love this chappy! Enough blather! Here it is!

August 7th 2014

Paris, France

In my and Theresa's hotel room

Dear Diary,

Notice the brand spanky new date and place neatly written in the upperleft hand corner (just like McGonagall's always reminding us to do). I believe to properly record my fabulous adventures in the City of Love, I need to write the where and when.

In fact, I am so overflowing with inspiration right now, I will continue to do so and maybe even name my diary entries! This one should be called: ME AND MY BIG MOUTH!

Ha, I fooled you into thinking I was in a good mood. Well, I'm so not. Today is our first day of vaca in Paris, but I have already learned that the City of Love is NOT on my side.

Theresa and I were sitting our room chatting when she brought up Marshall. She did not know about my love for him that burns with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns, so naturally I thought she suspected something and was going to question me. How wrong was I.

Theresa: (brushing her hair) So, what do you think of Marshall?

Me: (heart beats faster, am muy nerviosa) How do you mean?

Theresa: Well, do you like him?

Me: (heart is pounding against ribcage, methinks it shall breaketh) Of course. He's a great friend.

Theresa: Just a friend?

Me: (here's the moment that will haunt me for the rest of my life) Yeah. Just a friend.

Theresa: So it's okay with you if I-

Me: Oh, definitely. He's all yours.

Theresa: Great! Thanks Lila.

I HATE THE WORLD! I HATE PARIS! AND I WISH I COULD HATE THERESA, BUT IT'S NOT EVEN HER FAULT!

It's mine. And I hate myself for it. My best friend has left the room to ask out the man I love. Stupid big fat mouth.

August 7th 2014

Still in my and Theresa's room, only now have stopped crying and am simply brooding and moping

Dear Diary,

I have been praying for the past hour that Marshall will say no to Theresa, run up here, and snog me senseless.

Praying sucks.

And now praying sucks even more, as I have proof that it doesn't work. Someone did come running up. Theresa. Excited. Happy.

Marshall said yes.

And now I must stop writing as I've decided to change my religion to Buddhism and must go buy a statue of the chubby bald one I shall be praying to from now on.

August 8th 2014

In hotel room worshipping stupid fat statue

Dear Diary,

Have now officially become a Buddhist. Have been staring at statue for hours and praying for Marshall to forget my cousin and SNOG ME SENSELESS. Hasn't happened. Am thinking it never will. Am also thinking of chucking the little bugger out the window.

Uh-oh. Have heard knock on door.

Oh, Merlin's beard. It's my parents.

August 8th 2014

Where the heck do you think I am?

Dear Diary,

Am back.

'Kay, 'nuff with the formalities. Parents and I conversed. Here it is:

Mum: Sweetie, can we come in?

Me: Lila is not in at the moment. Leave a message after the beep. Beep. (funny, huh? It's used on something called an answering machine; at least I think that's what Aunt Hermione said)

Dad: Lila, open the bloody door.

Me: (loud, exasperated sigh) Fine. (I go and open the bloody door, then go right back to laying on bed and staring at ceiling)

Mum: Lila, is something wrong?

Me: (monotone) No.

Dad: Are you sure?

Me: Yes.

Mum: Do you want to talk?

Me: No.

Dad: Want to roll in fertilizer 'til grass grows out your head?

Me: Ye- No!

Dad: (chuckles) Got you that time. But seriously. I (Mum elbows him), uh, we want you to know that if you ever do want to talk, we're all ears.

Me: (monotone again) Fine. (they leave, but when Dad is about to close the door…) Dad? (he stops and looks at me) Thanks.

I know, what was I thinking? Touchy-feely moment? If Phae (Hogwarts friend) knew, she would probably say something like, "Fluff! Must escape the fluff! The toilet will know…" which, I assure you, is completely normal for her.

The gesture made Dad smile, though.

It was kind of nice.

August 8th 2014

In room wearing smug expression

Dear Diary,

Have chucked the statue out the window. It hit Jamie on the head. I laughed. He told me to go to a very bad place. I then dropped three Chocolate Frogs and a box of Dragon's Breath on his head. He freaked out and came into the building. Now, I believe I hear him storming up the stairs. And he's knocking on my door. Must go, he is shouting some rather nasty curses through the door…

August 8th 2014

In room, just talked to my brother, am rather shocked

Dear Diary,

I let Jamesy in, and he was still spouting off curse words. After he calmed down, he asked me if I was all right. Question: am I that obvious? Anyway, here's the rest of it:

Me: No. (I know: could I be any more blunt?)

Jamie: What's wrong?

Me: You wouldn't understand.

(pause)

Jamie: Is there anything I can do?

Me: Not unless you can rewind time.

Jamie: Hey, if I could get you a Time Turner, I would. But I am sorry, whatever it is. I'm here for you.

Me: Really?

Jamie: Well duh! I'm your brother. No, I'm your twin. That's a really powerful connection.

Me: I haven't noticed.

Jamie: Like hell you haven't.

Me: Give me an example.

Jamie: Now, for instance. I can feel something is really wrong.

Me: (sigh) Give me a different one.

Jamie: (thinks) Oh, do you remember when those dementors attacked you and Marshall in Diagon Alley? I could almost hear you thinking "Oh SPLEE!"

(we laugh)

Me: I guess I do know what you mean. I can sort of feel that you're worried about me. (pause) I don't want you to worry. I can make it through on my own. Just talk to me like this more often.

Jamie: Like what?

Me: Like a friend.

We then hugged, believe it or not. It's weird. It's like now, when I really do need them for the first time in my life, my family's there for me. It's nice to know.

Anyway, since I chucked my statue, I am obviously no longer Buddhist. Maybe I'll try Hinduism or Judaism.

Or maybe I'll just be an atheist.

August 9th 2014

In room, aching with grief

Dear Diary,

Today is Theresa's date with Marshall. Someone may have to die to ease my pain.

Perhaps the desk clerk, as he was quite cheeky with me just now, and told me off yesterday for dropping things on Jamie's head, as he made a lot of commotion storming up the stairs.

Incidentally, our nine-year-old neighbor has learned some very colorful new words. Her parents are not pleased.

Anyway, am struggling to overcome the crushing heartache. My best friend's going on a date with my would-be boyfriend. Am thinking of dying her hair pink and blaming it on her little brother Josh. He does things like that, to Aunt Hermione's horror. He is a lot like my uncles Fred and George, something his mother shall never admit. She is fervently hoping it is just a stage.

But I'm getting off topic again. Point being, I am NOT happy, and probably never will be again. LIFE SUCKS!

Hang on, have heard knock on door.

OMG! AM NOW MUCH HAPPIER!

It was a guy.

Me: (I hear knock) Just a second! (I open the door and am face-to-face with a God!)

Heath: Hi, my name's Heath. (I numbly shake his hand)

Me: My name's Lila. So, Heath, what can I do for you?

Heath: Well, I met your brother a while ago. He told me that if I had nothing to do I should come up here and meet you because you "definitely aren't busy."

Me: Yeah, ha ha, that's my brother. Jamie is a tad mental, and sometimes forgets to take his pills.

(we laugh)

Heath: Anyway, if you're not busy, do you want to hang out?

Me: Sure. Come on in. (he comes in) So where are you from? Not Europe, I'm guessing.

Heath: Nope. Montgomery, Alabama, I'm afraid.

Me: I take you're not in love with the place.

Heath: Don't get me wrong: Alabama is great. It's the country I hate. I swear, if I see one more Spork, I'll throw it at someone's head and boycott fast food restaurants everywhere.

Me: You hate Sporks? Me too!

Heath: Awesome! You know, none of my friends back home feel as strongly about it as I do.

Well, we talked for hours, so I can't remember everything, but diary, I forgot about Marshall and Theresa the whole time. I didn't even care about their date. I just cared about staring into Heath's deep blue eyes... I may have drooled at some point. Then Heath left and Theresa came back.

All in smiles.

She and Marshall are officially boyfriend and girlfriend.

I'll kill her.

Except, I think I like Heath.

I'm not sure how much. As much as Marshall, maybe even more.

Oh, Merlin, I need help.

OH SPLEE! I JUST REALIZED: HEATH'S A MUGGLE!

Great. Just perfect

Stupid men.