Link: OHMYGODIREMEMBEREDTHISFIC!!!!!
Al: Hel-lo…
Ezlo: Hell no.
Link: …Okay, so I'm still possessing him. And? Fic time!
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Outside the Temple of Droplets, Link/Num and Ezlo were confronted with a floating figure….
"Guten Tag, kleine Verbindung. Ich heisse Gustaf. Ich muss mitt Sie sprechen. Sie musse—"
"B button," the possessed Link said nonchalantly. The dialogue promptly closed and the spirit disappeared. "Sometimes, the game mechanics can be very good indeed."
Ezlo blinked. "So…we're heading for—"
"The graveyard in Royal Valley." Link strode off…and fell in the water pitifully. "Dangit! Wish I could still float…."
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"He's…not dead."
"Nope."
Vaati's face fell. "I'm flicked off by a guitar, then a midget, then the reviewers go wild over it, and Link didn't even die!"
"Nope," Zelda confirmed.
"What else could go wrong?"
"I don't know, but this is the first update in over four months…."
"Shut up. Just SHUT UP!"
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Passing through North Hyrule Field, our hero(es) encountered something very…strange. Thirteen figures in black cloaks were stooped, and appeared to be…cutting the grass?
Ezlo stared. "Who the heck are these weirdoes?"
The next instant he was stuck to a tree by a kunai. "WEIRDOS?! Excuse me, but YOU'RE the weirdo here!" One of the figures in black—due to her body shape, she was probably the only female—had risen and thrown the kunai at the hat. "Hmph! What nerve!"
Another figure stood, holding what looked like two lightsabers in his hands. "Twelve. Get back to work. This is the spot. You are certain of this plan, Seven?"
A third stood. "Yes, Superior. If it is the same as in all other Zelda games, a heart should eventually appear if we cut enough grass."
"Yes…." The apparent Superior turned away and rubbed his hands together, plotting. "Hearts. With them, Organization Twelve and a Half will be WHOLE!"
Yet another figure stood and sighed, holding what looked like two giant keys. "THIRTEEN. We are Organization THIRTEEN."
"Silence, traitor!" The Superior turned on the one with the giant keys. "YOU are not supposed to be here!"
"Well, YOU'RE all supposed to be dead!"
"I can't take it no mores!" Another cried from across the field, and formed two chakrams in his hands in a burst of flame. He spun them around, then tossed them into the air. "BURN, BABY!"
Link/Num sighed. "Idiot. If you burn all the grass, you won't get any loot!"
But it was too late; the fire was spreading fast. "…Oh, shit."
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"MY CASTLE!" Vaati shrieked. "MY BEAUTIFUL CASTLE! IT'S BURNIIIING!!!"
"It's MY castle, not yours," Zelda scoffed.
"I told you to SHUT UP!"
"NEVAR!"
"O RLY?"
"YA RLY!"
"…TURNIP!"
"CHEESECAKE!"
"NAZGUL!"
"ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!"
"WE'RE ABUSING CAPS LOCK!"
The fire was so scared of the weird purple guy yelling at the statue, it put itself out.
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"…Well, that was weird." The possessed Link commented. "The fire put itself out after destroying the field."
"Oh, great going Axel." Seven turned on the chakram wielder. "NOW how are we going to get those hearts? All the grass is gone!"
Link/Num seemed to be in thought. "Well…there are other fields, and other places. You can also get hearts from rocks, skulls, pots, and defeating enemies."
"See, Saïx? We're not screwed!" Axel said jubilantly.
"We were close, though."
"Aww, lighten up. We'll all get hearts soon enough."
The Superior jumped on the opportunity to butt in. "And with hearts, Organization Twelve and a Half—"
"THIRTEEN!" Roxas shrieked. "We are Organization XIII! THIRTEEN!"
"Silence, traitor!" The Superior turned on the youth wielding the two giant keys. "Not only for betrayal have you been demoted, but you are the Nobody of…HIM!" At his last word, all other members of the Organization not involved in this conversation recoiled.
"…Oh, come on. Is his name really all that bad?" Link/Num asked. "I mean, it's just So—"
"THE NAME WILL NOT BE SPOKEN!" Next thing, the Superior's lightsaber-type weapons met with the back of the possessed Hylian's head.
The good news was Num came flying out.
The even better news (or bad news, depending on who you are) was that Link was out cold.
"…Sora. He's Sora's Nobody. Live with it." Num harrumphed and turned away, oblivious to all members of the Organization, save Roxas, writhing in pain. Roxas, on the other hand, was just plain gone.
"…What happened to the kid with the big-ass key things?" asked Ezlo, the only one who noticed.
"Oh, he's got a cameo coming up in the Sacred Stones parody, next chapter." Num shrugged. "Now, what do we do with this lug nut?"
"…Throw him in the moat?"
"No, Ezlo. He can't swim while out cold, and we can't kill him."
"…How about now?"
"NO!"
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"Aww! But why not?" Vaati whined. "I want him to die!"
"Wow…cameos. So many…." Zelda was recoiling in shock.
"Ah, shaddup!"
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…Yeah. Real short and stupid, but hey. Review.