Disclaimer: Alanna isn't mine, I am merely borrowing her.
Alanna - Price of Glory: I spent my childhood dreaming of heroic deeds, of the glory that warriors know. I knew I wanted it, and swore that somehow I'd get it. So I switched places with my brother, and I went to the palace as a young boy called Alan. For eight years I hid who I was from everyone, except for Jon and George - not that I planned on telling them, but the way things happened, I had no choice in the matter.
But when I fought Duke Roger, my identity was revealed to all, and I left Court, running from the outcome of my duel, but knowing also that if I hadn't left on my own, King Roald would have found some way to tuck me away in some corner where no one saw me. I spent my time with the Bazhir, becoming the first female shaman and helping Ali Mukhtab survive long enough to make Jonathan the Voice of the Tribes. I lost one love in the desert and found another, one I'd had all along but had ignored. My time with the Bloody Hawk led me to the Dominion Jewel map.
I traveled, as I'd always dreamed. I met Liam on the road; I'm not sure, even now, exactly what he was to me. I know I cared for him, but in a way both similar top and different from the love I felt for Jonathan, or the again different love for George. I fought a being as old as the world itself, and even played amateur matchmaker for my first love, Jonathan, and my companion and new friend Thayet.
For years, I've been the King's Champion, the famed Lioness, with the Goddess' hand on me. I've achieved the glory I always dreamed of. But war isn't glory. It's messy and painful, and sickening. What we humans do to each other is horrific, if you stop to think about it. I never knew that. But more, I never knew that glory has a price. Not long ago, I stood in a tent, reeling from Jonathan's telling me that Aly, my only daughter, my youngest by a few minutes, was missing. I couldn't find her by magic, and I couldn't go looking. I'm too visible. Never will I be able to go anywhere unknown.
This is the price of glory. It's leaving my family behind when all I want is to cleave to them, because I've sworn to do my duty and I won't go back on my word. It's being helpless when what is required is a quiet maneuver, because I draw attention. It's looking at my pregnant daughter next to me and realizing I never really knew her, and now she's grown up and grown away. My eldest son is following in the footsteps of an uncle he was named for but never knew, and the little boy who gave me a mirror with painted flowers is lost in the scholar he's become. And Alan is a squire, older than most, but driven by something I recognize, a desire to prove himself worthy. I see sometimes the way he watches a young woman with black hair and blue eyes, a girl named for the Queen I knew in my years of training, a young princess who may or may not be beyond him, and I wonder if history always repeats itself. I look at my husband and wish we spent more time together and wonder how either of us stands it. I know he worries about me when I do my duty as Champion, but I worry about him, when he goes into the field as the Whisper Man. Is this all glory brings? The loss of your children before you know them, fear for the ones you love? I don't know, but I wonder what the girl I was would have done had she known that the glory she yearned for came with such a high price.
A/N: Well, I did get to Alanna, I said I would. Not sure how I feel about this one, because she might be OOC. But I think stuff like this is sometimes out of usual character, because it's inner thoughts. So maybe it's OK. R&R!