Another stupid boring chapter. This story is stupid and boring actually. Except the beginning and the end. It's like a Harry Potter book! I'll get rich some day.

Sorry it's boring. Hold out for the end. It's my favorite part. :3

Actually, the part with Zolo is kinda funny...disregard my little Sanji Zolo hate-relationship love...I love them as bitter rivals, yet as secret friends. Like, guy friends. Not gay friends. Guy friends.

Shut up, wenches.

Mixing Kool-Aid in your pool,

---Ken

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CHAPTER 6: ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER

(--Chapter title is a small tribute to VirgoMaiden's story, of the same name; and I've just liked the phrase always, and semi-stole it; if you mind, I'll change it--)

The crew was assembled in the galley the following morning. Without breakfast. Breakfast hadn't been served for a while, and everyone secretly missed it. But no one said a word. And no one did anything about it.

Nami had awoken with several pulled muscles and an aching mouth: she had held her jaw in one place throughout the night, involuntarily. Her brain still wasn't thinking, even as she pulled on a clean shirt, clean pants. The thicker jacket. Boots. She thought she had put on socks but realized she had forgotten as her sweaty toes currently rubbed disgustingly against the synthetic material of her boots. She hated that feeling.

She had met up with Usopp and Luffy, who lumbered onto the main deck from the men's quarters. They looked at her with expressionless faces, which bothered her. She usually had no trouble reading them. Chopper had probably told them of her reaction to the news, how she had snapped at the little reindeer. He'd be dinner.

Now, she stared blankly at the swordsman, who stood looking incredulously at all of them, as silent and confused as she was, but not about the same things.

"Why do you people act all out of it when anything happens? Like when we left Alabasta. Man, if I were you guys, I'd have thrown myself overboard whatever ship I was on years ago." He shuffled his fingers through his green hair. "Now, once again, I'll ask: what are we going to do about this?"

"Yeah, I miss meat," Luffy sighed, tracing an invisible chicken leg on the galley table. He had eaten the last piece of meat two days prior.

"That's not what he means Luffy..." Usopp muttered, trying to think clearly. He hadn't been himself without a decent meal either. He was becoming depressed with a tangerine for breakfast, a tangerine for lunch, and some tangerine juice with a tangerine on the side for dinner. There was bread, but he wouldn't touch it: potato bread was something from childhood. He ate potato bread while his mother had been ill, and loved it then, but only then. He let the taste die with his mother.

They wouldn't be able to port for three days' time, and Nami was trying to conserve food in case of an emergency. There were plenty of tangerines to ration out, but even she got bored with tangerines for all meals. The taste was putrid in her mouth now. More putrid, not that they'd indirectly ruined her.

Chopper presently entered the room. "Okay, this is how it has to be. Sanji is basically an infant. I cared for him yesterday, just to monitor his behavior some more. Turns out we'll have to treat him as if he were a baby." Nami thought of babies again. "He needs fed from a bottle, he needs a diaper, and he needs to be lulled to sleep. I really don't know how long this will last, if it even has a chance of breaking at all. He still hasn't opened his eyes for me. I decided that it would be best, since none of us really has experience with babies, if we each take on a responsibility to care for Sanji." The room continued to be silent. "I also think it's best if we all try to choose something that we can do well and with at least some interest to keep this going smoothly. I will bathe him at this point---"

"Ewwwwwwwwwww," Luffy moaned, distorting his face hideously. "You're interested in bathing Saaaaaaaaaaanji?"

"---ONLY because I know you would all react in that way..." Chopper grumbled, a sarcastic look on his face. "I'm a doctor. I at least have the maturity to handle these things. Now, I want each of you to decide on what you want to do."

"I can feed him!"

"Alright, Luffy for feeding...but you have to vow to actually give Sanji all of the food instead of eating it yourself."

"Got it (But I'm still taking bites...)!"

"I need to write this all down...ah yes, here's some paper, a pen...okay, Luffy for feeding."

Usopp rubbed his knuckles. "I can build a musical device to keep him content at night."

"Okay...Usopp has night duty..."

"I can just help throughout the day, watching over him, making the bottles, getting him dressed, and stuff like that," Nami said, wondering if she'd made the right choice; she had been watching over him before when she started daydreaming dangerous thoughts. Chopper wrote on his paper and then stood smiling at Zolo from a lower height.

"We have one more major task. Zolo...?"

"I'm not cleaning any shit off of that damned chef's ass," he growled, crossing his arms. "I don't want anything to do with him. You ever hear of those countries where unfit children are left to the elements?"

Nami kicked him in the shins. "You've got your head far enough up your own ass to appreciate shit, don't you think?" She glared daggers as he rubbed his legs violently, trying to alleviate some of the pain. "Just do the job. And stop making me cuss."

"What do you care, you hate the guy! And you choose what comes out of your mouth, you little--"

Another swift kick to his hands, still trying to remove the pain from the previous kick.

Zolo had never liked Sanji: there was nothing to describe about it, nothing to elaborate or expound upon. From the moment his eyes and ears were forced to meet with the sight and moaning of the chef while at Baratie, his suited reed-like body swooning over the navigator across the table from him, he hated him. Several times he wondered at the best time to kill him. But that only triggered the development of the best ways to torture a man.

'I would be the master of torture.'

It wasn't best to do anything quickly. It had to start slow, a bit dull. And finally end with pure irritation and insane pain. He decided that it wouldn't take much brute force to torture someone, which contrasted greatly with his impressions on his opponents. Hadn't he always used force to defeat? But for prisoners, he decided, merely nicking the 'captured' one's joints with the edge of his sword, every few minutes, letting the blood seep, dry, and then break them all open again, adding more and more each time until the whole body was covered in seeping and hardened scabs, all dry and painful against the air. And the person couldn't use his hands or anything to stop the pain or irritation. He'd lay there, be driven mad by his own body's reaction to minor irritations to the top layer of the skin. This was in addition to thumb tacking to the floor. Literal thumb tacking.

But in case they could tolerate that, he'd rip their nails off. Each and every one. Or stick wads of cotton down his prisoner's throat. No choking, just irritation enough to drive a man nuts. He'd probably want to scratch his throat out, he thought, smiling. He wouldn't let his thoughts wander too far from his small plans of torture. He knew that he would scare himself. Never admitting.

The Demon Man.

He tried to gain solace by sleeping.

Chopper observed Zolo over one diaper changing---Zolo holding his nose with one hand, his eyes closed tightly---and decided that he would have to do it himself. Zolo was assigned to merely stay away.

"Okay, one, I didn't think he actually had a penis..."

"What the heck made you think that?" Chopper growled, wiping urine from the floorboards. Sanji had decided to christen Zolo unceremoniously as the swordsman tried to replace the old diaper with a new one.

"The guy's a frickin' faggot. And two, you expect me to wipe him with ANYTHING? You trying to convert me to his lifestyle? Prince of Sodom and Gomorrah? Forget it." He breathed in deeply to try and settle his current state of mind. He had jumped backwards and bashed his head into the wall in fright after feeling liquid splash against his face, unsuspecting yet fully aware, oddly enough, of what it was. He cussed out every person and thing in the room before being able to talk rationally.

Zolo was allowed more afternoon naps.

Luffy surprisingly assisted with the feeding responsibly. The rest of the crew had stared for over half an hour as the captain successfully, first try, fed Sanji through a bottle, no problems. Zolo left the room, shaking his head, as Usopp laughed.

"Unbelievable, how you can learn to take up some duties just by having this situation come along!" he chuckled, rubbing his long nose. "One would think you were a pro at this!"

"You'd think other things on this journey would have made him learn responsibility sooner..." Nami grumbled, taking the empty bottle.

Luffy smiled, propping Sanji up to burp him. "Sanji's my crew member, and I'm gonna help him! Burp, Sanji!" He slammed his fist into the chef's back, causing Nami to jump up and immediately punch Luffy in the face, sending him flying backwards. The navigator took Sanji into her arms as he started to whimper.

"You can't hit him like that! He's like a baby! And you can't let his head droop either."

"He's still strong ol' Sanji, Nami," Usopp said, forehead creased with raised eyebrows.

"No, he's not. He's very sensitive now. We have to be careful with him." She gently began patting his back, letting Sanji lay heavily against her body; he was enormous in comparison with her petite figure. Usopp shrugged and left for the deck, Luffy following with a loud raspberry towards Nami.

"Meanie!"

Nami smiled, allowing herself to enjoy the chef's strong arms draped around her shoulders, down her back, even if they weren't held there purposefully by Sanji himself. He burped softly. "Good job, that's good. Now you shouldn't have an upset stomach." She hugged him close, scratching his back. "You're so sweet when you aren't prancing around, blurting out things. I almost like you better this way..."

'But I kinda miss talking to you, too, I'll admit that much...'

She rested him gently against the cot, with newly cleaned sheets, and stroked his face. His bruises were yellowing, but had lightened up drastically with the medicine Chopper had given him.

"I just wish you'd open your eyes a bit. And I miss your smile."

Chopper entered the room and waddled over.

"Doing well?"

"Yes. He ate, and burped." Nami said, standing up, starting to leave.

"Good, good. Well, I might as well give him his bath now, it's getting late."

Nodding, she left the room.

Nights on the ship had come sooner and sooner as the sun set earlier. November weather threatened to bring some snow their way, but always dispersed. Nami smiled, gazing out at the black ocean. She could barely make out the white crests of the waves. The ocean was definitely a different place at night.

She buried her nose into her shoulder, trying to get Sanji's scent into her nostrils. He always smelled so good, even just after a bath. Did all men have a specific odor, all their own?

Another thing she took for granted.