All songs are from The Mikado (with notable changes)
Scene 6
BIG CHEESE'S mansion- interior. BIG CHEESE enters with NINJA CROWS
BIG CHEESE (handing list to NINJA CROW #1):
Invite the guests on this list. (To NINJA CROW #2) You, find me 20 of the best cooks in Little Tokyo.
NINJA CROW #2:
Yes, Sir I will hire the best, the ones who can willingly eat their own dishes in front of me!
BIG CHEESE:
How can that prove anything?
NINJA CROW #2
Oh, Big Cheese, it's a well-known culinary fact that a well-breed and well taught chef can willingly eat his own creations easily if someone asks him to! Therefore if a chef can't eat his own creation, he can't go with me!
BIG CHEESE:
Brilliant! That's excellent thinking, remind me to give you a raise after I gert back from my Honeymoon!
NINJA CROW #2:
Give me a raise after your Honeymoon!
BIG CHEESE:
Be off with you! Hurry, hurry or we won't be prepared for this great day! (NINJA CROWS exit as JERRU ATRIC enters. POLLY, now dressed in a pink kimono with her hair styled up follows behind him)
JERRY ATRIC:
Here is your betrothed, Sir.
BIG CHEESE (to POLLY as he takes her hand and kisses it):
Happily met, my Lady and my Wife!
POLLY (looking around):
Oh, really? Where?
BIG CHEESE:
Funny, very funny. (to rest of NINJA CROWS) She is not only beautiful but has a great sense of humor as well. (To POLLY) You know perfectly well my wife you WILL be, Darling, next Thursday!
POLLY (sarcastically):
And I'm SOOOOOO looking forward to it!
BIG CHEESE:
I know you have, you came, didn't you?
POLLY:
Like I had much of a choice.
BIG CHEES:
NOW you're finally understanding! Com now, see what you're going to receive from me next week. Look around, I'll have Jerry give you a tour. All these gorgeous rooms with golden floors, all the jewels you want, all the clothes you can deesire! Look at the garden outside, all the lovely flowers all for you to enjoy! And all I ask is that you say you love me.
POLLY:
If I did it would be worth saying to your back than your face.
BIG CHEESE:
Your face is mine now, don't slander it.
POLLY (gtting irritated):
Is there a REASON you called me here OTHER than to give me a tour?!
BIG CHEESE:
In fact, there is! (to NINJA CROWS):
I want to show you all once and for all why I chose her as my wife. She is not only beautiful and funny but talented as well. (to POLLY) you DO have your flute, right?
POLLY (taking it out):
I don't go anywhere without it. (sadly) it was a special gift. Speedy gave this to me when we were little kittens..
BIG CHEESE:
Ah, forget him! (takes out money) Here, buy another. Buy a DOZEN others! Haa,haa. But for now, my love, wil you not entertain us? Com, play something for us! Use that wonderful talent you have! (sees POLLY'S face as she gives money back) What? Don';t want another? After our wedding I'll buy you one of gold! But for now, play! Play like you can't hel yourself …(threatngly) cause you CAN'T! Now, Play! (POLLY gives him filthy look…but she starts to play. The melody is haunting and sad and they are all crying at the end of it. BIG CHEESE sobs) What did I tell you? What did I tell you all, huh?! So gorgeous, so special, and so talented! Oh my Dear, what a gift you have! For that I'll give you a personal tour of the land! Jerry Atric! (JERRY ATRIC comes forward) Come, give my wife to be the grand tour of the ansion! (to OLLY) Till we see eeach other again, my love, farewell. And accept this loving kiss! (kisses her. POLLY looks at the audiencce disgustedly and wipes her mouth angrily when BIG CHEESE turns his back. Exit POLLY and JERRY ATRIC) Ah, this beautiful day! Could my life get any better! Saved from Prisoner's Island, a new job, and now engaged to the most beautiful cat in Little Tokyo! (enter SPEEDY)
SPEEDY (angrily):
Big Cheese! (BIG CHEESE turns around angrily) A word.
BIG CHEESE:
What may I do for you?
SPEEDY:
I can tell you one thing….cancel this wedding to Polly!
BIG CHEESE:
Why should I do that, huh? I'm the Lord High Executioner, and as such I can have any girl I want!!
SPEEDY:
But you can't have Polly!
BIG CHEESE:
Pray tell why not?
SPEEDY:
I love her!
BIG CHEESE:
And I thought we'd have nothing in common! I too love her!
SPEEDY:
Not like I do! I've loved her since we were little kittens! She's my best friend, she's my partner, she's everything in the world to me!
BIG CHEESE:
Now touching, but it's funny how she's still single..that is, until next Thursday!
SPEEDY:
But she doesn't love you, Big Cheese, and she never will!
BIG CHEESE:
What makes you so sure she loves YOU?! I can give her a whole lot more! Look around, open your eyes, look what I have! (gestures around his mansion) I can giv her riches, jewels, gold to her heart;s desire!
SPEEDY:
You don';t know her at all! She won't accept that. She's not into that sort of stuff.
BIG CHEESE:
Than I'll give her weapons, stars, brand new armor, anything she wants. Facee it. You're out, and I'm IN!
SPEEDY (pulls out his sword):
Not if I can help it!
BIG CHEESE:
You DARE to raise a sword to me?! You do realise who you're dealing with, I'm the Lord High Excutioner, I ca have you obliterated with one stroke of my axe and it would b perfectly legal!
SPEEDY:
Imagine that, so can I!
BIG CHEESE (smugly):
Oh, how bad your memory is! But try to attack ME, Cerveche, and you'll be sent one way to Prisoner's Island! Remember, I'm of MUCH higher post than you! We must be a good Samurai and remember the rules! (SPEEDY drops his sword, knowing he's licked) Very wise, I must say. Now be off with you! (BIG CHEESE eexits. POLLY enters from the right)
POLLY:
Speedy!
SPEEDY (looks up):
Polly! (she runs into his arms and they kiss tenderly)
POLLY:
Speedy, what are you doing here?
SPEEDY (sadly):
Trying to talk some sense into Big Cheese.
POLLY:
Dare I ask how that went?
SPEEDY:
As well as can be expected. He reminded me that no matter what we feel about each other, his law forbids us to be together now.
POLLY:
Jerry Atrick reminded me also that no matter how mad I make him now, I have to control myself and can't even say anything. Damn this law!!! DAMN HIM!! I love you, Speedy!
SPEEDY (embracing POLLY as music starts):
I love you too, Polly.
(SingsJ
Were you not to Big Cheese plighted, I would say in tender tone, "Loved one, let us be united — Let us be each other's own!" I would merge all rank and station, Worldly sneers are nought to us, And, to mark my admiration, I would kiss you fondly thus —
[Kisses her
Both
I/He would kiss you/me fondly thus —
[Kiss
POLLY:
But as I'm engaged to Big Cheese, To embrace you thus, con fuoco, Would distinctly be no gioco, And for that I should get toco —
SPEEDY:
So, In spite of all temptation, Such a theme I'll not discuss, And on no consideration Will I kiss you fondly thus — Will I kiss you fondly thus —
[Kissing her
Let me make it clear to you, This is what I'll never do! This, oh, this, [kiss Oh, this, [kiss Oh, this, — [kiss This is what I'll never, never do!
Both
This, oh, this — Oh, this — Oh, this — This, oh, this — Oh, this — Oh, this — This, This is what I'll never do! He'll never do!
I'll never do!
He'll never do!
Oh, this —
This is what he'll never, never do! This is what I'll never, never do!
(they kiss again, but the kiss gets deeper and more passionate. GUIDO come sin then and sees this)
GUIDO:
Psst, psst, hey, you two, are you nuts!! Stop that before Big Cheese sees you and decapitates you!!!\
SPEEDY (sadly):
Go ahead, let him, I don';t even care anymore! (embraces POLLY) I love you. (kisses hr gentily…then slowly lets her go. and walks off)